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Read legal etchings before you knead kegel stretchings: MRAs fight false accusations with baffling new condom-wrapper taglines

Condoms(1)

So Men’s Rights creeper Sage Gerard (aka Victor Zen) has decided to fight against the alleged epidemic of false rape accusations by giving out and/or selling condoms with really stupid slogans on them.

He recently popped up in the Men’s Rights subreddit to publicize his campaign and to ask for advice on which of six stupid slogans he should use. You can see them all in the graphic above. Yes, those are his real slogans.

I sort of think that we here at WHTM can do better. Feel free to suggest improved slogans below. Or make your own graphics!

Here’s one I came up with:

mrasnosex

H/T — r/againstmensrights

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Buttercup Q. Skullpants
Buttercup Q. Skullpants
9 years ago

Keep your briefs legal!

Today’s fellatio
Is tomorrow’s debellatio.

greydawnbreaking
greydawnbreaking
9 years ago

I bet the Dallas Stars would have something to say about that A Game one…

Bina
Bina
9 years ago

An MRA erection could lead to a bad infection!

There’s no worse hex than MRA sex!

Don’t let this junk anywhere near your trunk!

Et cetera.

katz
katz
9 years ago

Keep your briefs legal!

This is my favorite so far. It’s so concise.

Orion
Orion
9 years ago

debellatio? I don’t get it.

loganbacon
loganbacon
9 years ago

Can an actual lawyer inject an opinion here? Nobody’s going to jail for recording someone consent without first getting consent to record it. Those laws are wiretap laws. Criminal prosecutions are only pursued for recordings that have much more nefarious purposes. It would, as reymohammed mentioned, make the recording inadmissible in court.

But these morons have created such a bugaboo in their own minds of the “false rape allegation” that they are never gonna get laid anyway, so it’s really a moot point.

Fruitloopsie
Fruitloopsie
9 years ago

I can’t think of anything everyone else thought of really good ones. And about recording it still wouldn’t work because the guy can wait until it’s done to start raping.

Buttercup Q. Skullpants
Buttercup Q. Skullpants
9 years ago

@Orion – Debellatio is the act of conquering or subduing another nation in war so completely that they cease to exist. MRAs seem to be under the impression that if they have sex with a woman, this is what the legal system will do to them.

I think we should heartily encourage them to continue believing that.

cupisnique
9 years ago

Reading the actual reddit page makes my eyes bulge out of my head. I wonder if a lot of them say they avoid sex because it’s not worth the potential rape allegations just to sooth over their bruised egos because they aren’t getting laid.

booburry
9 years ago

Never in a zillion years would I let someone record me admitting to a one night stand with a scuzzy guy like this. Plus, these are the kinds if guys (in my experience and from reading MRA’s own words) that will ask a woman for sex 599 times until they just say FINE because you just want them to stfu so their “recorded consent” would mean absolutely jack shit to me.

Nathan, a new commentor
Nathan, a new commentor
9 years ago

I haven’t read all the replies so somebody might have pointed it out already, but “Read legal etchings before you knead kegel stretchings” sounds like nothing so much as one of Marcel Duchamp’s punning Dada sayings, for instance,

“Rrose Selavy et moi esquivons les ecchymoses des esquimaux aux mots exquis,”

or

“Avez-vous déjà mis la moëlle de l’épée dans le poêle de l’aimée?”

I think we can conclude that “Read legal etchings . . .” must be no mere solecism, but instead brilliant evidence that the MRA movement is itself a piece of performance art.

Also, I for one would love to see real Duchampian nonsense printed on condom wrappers.

frances
frances
9 years ago

I actually kind of like the “read legal etchings” one. It’s like a tongue twister.

Leisha Young
Leisha Young
9 years ago

Oh, I love these ones

CCD
CCD
9 years ago

Good for them. Now they just have to wait until the opportunity for sex actual presents itself.

*crickets*

*crickets*

*criiiiiiiiickets*

I’d stock the pantry, gentlemen… it could be awhile.

Nequam
Nequam
9 years ago

it’s that you can’t just distill the MRA mindset into one catchy slogan!

WOMEN: YOU ARE OUR FUCKTOYS AND HOW DARE YOU THINK OTHERWISE.

Okay, so it’s not that catchy but I only wasted about 3 minutes on thinking of it.

Shaenon
9 years ago

One guy on the subreddit said he actually records consent, even warning women he’s doing it, and explaining why.

The guy saying that is Gerard himself. Who totally gets laid with tons of ladies with stretched pelvic floors, so there.

I can’t believe that woman he hit on at the AVFM conference wasn’t impressed by his poetry.

Viscaria
Viscaria
9 years ago

Before you thrust her? Someone has seriously chosen to refer to sex as “thrusting” her? A whole world of ew is not enough.

ljy2008
9 years ago

Okay, I give up.

Can someone please tell me how to embed an image into the comments section?

Tessa
Tessa
9 years ago

I wonder if the “read legal etchings” is supposed to be a reference to the old “want to come up and see my etchings?” cliche.

But wow, those are horrible. It’s scary how much energy they put into being afraid of false accusations. I know much better ways they can avoid it.
1) He should take care not to dress like a rapist.
2) When out drinking, look for red flags she might be a false rape accuser before he go anywhere alone with her.
3) He shouldn’t drink, he might look like an easy mark to falsely accuse.
4) If he didn’t go out, he’d never be accused.

These guys need to take responsibility for their own actions if they’re falsely accused. They just want a life free of consequences.

ljy2008
9 years ago

Well, anyway, here’s my contribution:

https://imgflip.com/i/qrpor

ljy2008
9 years ago

Okay, one more:

https://imgflip.com/i/qrsie

Viscaria
Viscaria
9 years ago

“Knead The l stretchings” has to be one of the least erotic phrases in the English language.

Viscaria
Viscaria
9 years ago

I swear there was no typo in that until I was just about to hit post comment and then my autocorrect flipped out.

EJ (The Other One)
EJ (The Other One)
9 years ago

“The pen is in your hand.”

We have a winner.

skiriki
9 years ago

“Fuck a bagel, it is legal. Pastriarchy forever.”