Forget the reported suicides and all the ruined lives; the real tragedy of Ashley Madison is that men had to use the site in order to find women to cheat with, when all women have to do to get laid is to exist.
At least that’s the consensus of Men’s Rights Redditors in a recent thread.
The Reddit post in question links to an article in The Week asking “Why are we denying that women used Ashley Madison?” But the assembled MRAs are much more interested in discussing what they see as the real issue: how unfair it is that men have to sign up for dating sites to get laid while women, allegedly, can just fall into bed with whatever random dude is nearest to them.
The male tears flow freely as the Redditors set forth their case.
It’s MISANDRY, I tells ya!
![Globalization101 9 points 6 hours ago This is the real story that no one is touching. It's the WOW effect, women are wonderful men are duchebags. Most of all the women I've slept with in my adult life where almost all married or in a relationship. They didn't need to use this service to get what they wanted. permalinkembedsaveparentreportgive goldreply [–]jb_trp 9 points 5 hours ago It's the WOW effect, women are wonderful men are douchebags When a woman discusses the horrible things that men can do society calls it "insight, empowerment, and a step towards equality." When a man discusses the horrible things that women can do society calls it "sexism, misogyny, and mansplaining" (i.e. "shut up you whiny fucking loser!"). Men eventually got the message: Society doesn't care about your feelings. Hence, the women are wonderful and men are douchebags trope. permalinkembedsaveparentreportgive goldreply [–]BigOldNerd 1 point an hour ago Can confirm that my ex-wife didn't need a service. She hit the jackpot on her 1st outing.](https://i0.wp.com/www.wehuntedthemammoth.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/08/realstory.png?resize=492%2C495&ssl=1)
As Palidin327 sees it, women not only don’t have to sign up for Ashley Madison; they can have sex delivered right to the door for free — without even bothering to order it in the first place.
If this is true, why aren’t horny men lining up around the block for jobs as mailmen and poolboys?
Meanwhile, Spolio repeats a familiar talking point:
Dudes, here’s the thing: YOU are also the gatekeepers of sex. You can also say no! Just because your standards are lower, or because you have standards you’re unaware of because you only really notice the women that you do want to have sex with and not those you dismiss as fatties and uggoes, doesn’t mean that (heterosexual) sex is always the woman’s choice, not the man’s.
You’re also forgetting that women don’t only screen guys for attractiveness, compatibility, or lack of ear hair; they screen for safety because, you know, men are afraid women will laugh at them, and women are afraid that men will kill them.
If women don’t want to sleep with you, maybe it’s because you’re a creepy, whiny, entitled Men’s Rights Activist.
Speaking of Finnish folklore, see what fanfic Tolkien wrote in his youth:
http://www.rawstory.com/2015/08/j-r-r-tolkiens-retelling-of-finnish-epic-the-kalevala-to-be-published/
The Kalevala (which is available in English) is really a large collection of folklore stock narratives, edited together by 19th century Finnish scholar Elias Lönnrot. Several of those stock narratives involve a wizard spirit-traveling to Land of Dead.
Kalevala and Finnish language allegedly influenced Tolkien’s Middle Earth universe, along with Germanic languages and folklore.
Dear Tim: No, of COURSE women don’t have to exist, silly. I mean, all we do is bring assholes like you into the world, right? And I bet that’s what’s really eating you: The scary, dirty thought that you came out of a woman’s vagina, that your entire existence hinges on the fact that a woman was necessary to bring you into this world, and there was not a damn thing you could do about it!
And there’s the obvious fact that you still crave vaginas, and want to crawl into one any chance you get, but in order to get anywhere near one, you have to interact with its owner like she’s a real, living person, with a heart and mind of her own, and that if you don’t pass muster, you don’t get any of that sweet, sweet poontang. That’s what’s REALLY bugging you, isn’t it? The fact that your repulsive, woman-hating behavior isn’t getting you any of that one female body part you crave. The one you came into this world through, and had no say in the matter.
Well, Tim, fear not. There is the Fleshlight. True, it’s only a tube full of rubbery stuff that vaguely resembles a vagina, and is not an actual one (though its manufacturer claims it’s lifelike). But you can certainly “use it in a hand-like way”, as you said. In fact, it is meant to be hand-held. Real vaginas don’t work anywhere near that way, so I guess you really tipped your hand there about how close you’ve been to the actual thing, ol’ son. If you want to go through life attached at the groin to that, please do. And spare actual, flesh-and-blood women the “pleasure” (note the quotes, there for a reason) of having to interact with you. It’s not their fault that you’re a walking, talking dick.
Toodles, snookums.
@skiriki and Arctic Ape
Thank you! Etymology is always fascinating.
I knew Tolkien had taken some influence from the Finnish language but I didn’t realize he had written anything about it.
@EJ (The Other One)
I agree with Switzerland not being Hell. I mean, I met two Swiss tourists the other day and they were really smart and charismatic and when we were saying goodbye, they told me not to worry because they were sure I would end up going to Switzerland later. …in retrospect, I probably should invest in crosses and holy water.
(Apologies to any Swiss people reading this. In all seriousness, the tourists in question were very courteous and pleasant to talk to.)
@Bina: You know, the process they go through to make fleshlights is actually kind of fascinating, especially when they want to make one of a specific adult star or something.
And Japan even has one that’s literally carved out of a block of stone. (Though I think that’s just a joke thing, and not suitable for a fleshy, tender penis. D: )
EDIT: Actually, I did some Googling, and it’s actually just made to look like a brick because it’s related to machismo anime dudes. XD
My mum lived in Switzerland for a few years (just outside Zurich) and it was not hell at all. I could see the Alps from the bedroom, and the air smelled like chocolate and chestnuts, and everyone held hands and danced down the street in the morning. I may be romanticizing a little.
Seriously though – supermarket cashiers were allowed to sit on stools, and things like mayonnaise came in a tube. It was expensive and a bit rules-troll-y*, but clean and sensible everywhere. One of the best meals of my life was at the Geneva airport (wild boar! free!).
*My mum did laundry in her building on a day she apparently wasn’t supposed to, and someone called her boss. It was weird.
@Timmy Tim Tim: do you want women to not exist, or to only exist for your evidently extremely dull, uninspired sex sessions? Which?
A hand vagina would be awesome.
Switzerland is emphatically not hell. It is lovely and the water is really good, which is rare in Europe.
@ Tracey
Sorry couldn’t resist 🙂