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It must be strange indeed to live inside the head of Paul Elam, founder of Men’s Rights garbage site A Voice for Men. What must it be like to be so filled with hatred of women — and flowers, and candy — that you find yourself writing a 1300-word denunciation of Valentine’s Day, not on the holiday itself, but six months early?
In a recent post with the lovely title “Time for a National Whore’s Day or something,” Elam warns us of the impending approach (some six months from now) of the dreaded holiday, which he describes as “another manufactured binge of male shame-spending on women who claim to love them.”
And he’s just getting started.
There are many aspects to The Big Day financially. Candy, flowers, jewelry, fine dining, champagne, romantic getaways and a lot of other things that mandate men to empty their wallets. That’s so the women in their lives can be reminded of their speshulness and maybe give a little poon in return.
It is fair and accurate to say that offering up the poon is about the only expectation of women on this day of “romance.”
Apparently on some terrible Valentine’s day in the distant past Elam sprung for a half-dozen wilted roses and a deluxe Whitman’s Sampler and his, er, beloved refused to “offer up” the obligatory “poon.” And he’s been furious about it ever since.
Elam cites an unnamed survey claiming that
over half of women surveyed said they would end a relationship if they were not given something on Valentine’s Day – which is to say that 53% of the women surveyed are whores, and just like more garden variety whores, they will take a hike when they aren’t being paid.
This alleged statistic is the prime bit of “evidence” for Elam’s “argument” that women are a bunch of flower-obsessed “whores.”
So where did he get it? Elam cites a dubious site called “Statistics Brain,” which claims to have gotten it from a 2015 survey conducted for the “Retail Advertising and Marketing Associatio [sic].”
I tracked down the group’s 2015 survey, and the numbers on “Statistics Brain” don’t match the numbers in the original. Nor is there any mention of what percentage of women would leave their partners if they didn’t get V-Day presents.
Doing a bit of Googling, I found multiple references to this 53%, sometimes attributed to Statistics Brain, but without any hint as to where it actually originated. An article earlier this year in the New York Daily News claimed it came from a survey by WalletHub, but that “survey” turned out to be nothing more than an infographic, which didn’t give sources for any of its specific figures, attributing the bunch of them to a variety of sources including “news reports.”
So am I saying that Mr. Elam grabbed onto a questionable stat of uncertain provenance because it matched his misogyistic preconceptions, without bothering to check where it came from?
Survey says … yes!
Naturally, Elam returns to this dubious factoid later in his post.
What happens to roses after you shell out some hard-earned cash so you can give them to a woman who will kick you to the curb if you don’t cough up her petals? That’s right, they look and smell good for a very short period of time. Then they become useless discards, like the majority of relationships and at least 53% of surveyed vaginas.
Nice. And again:
If the woman who “loves” you hinges that love on whether you shower her with frivolous, wasteful presents; if she will leave you if she doesn’t get them, then just stick a C-note in her whorish little bra, show her the door, and find yourself another whore who is a lot more honest about how she does business.
And if the man who “loves” you writes 1300 word rants about Valentine’s Day … in AUGUST, run like the wind.
I’ve never actually been a big fan of Valentine’s Day myself, but the fact that it makes Elam this pig-biting mad makes me feel a bit warmer about it, I have to say.
Valentines schmalentines. It’s one of those ‘holidays’ that always feels like retailers trying to extend their most profitable season, to me.
OT update: My dog is probably plotting revenge after I gave her a bath, an activity she has great dislike towards.
I’d be ambivalent about Valentines, except that it’s another excuse for sweets and a nice dinner, and who doesn’t like those? What bugs me is the Misogyny that it engenders. Like, it’s literally one day a year in which it is culturally expected that you do something nice for your significant other. But apparently one day a year is one too many days in which a lady can expect some nice things. One day a year of being given treats and presents clearly makes a woman spoiled and entitled and a terrible gold-digger…
Which is such an over-reaction that it would be funny if it wasn’t so terrible?
Kind of like how guys like this complain they want “White History Month” or “White Entertainment Television” or “Men’s History Month”.
They screech that they want special stuff too, and them not getting it isn’t “equality”, without realizing that they get to be special literally everywhere else at all other times. Society as a whole caters to them and their every want and need, but it’s still not enough. They see the things queer people/women/PoC/poor people get as perks, not as ways to bring awareness and to aid those who need it.
The sad thing is, there’s really no way to truly make them understand. It would take an Act of God or some Freaky Friday style shit to get them to really understand.
Agreed. If your partner suddenly decides to not get you anything for a holiday where it’s traditional to give gifts (no matter how small), and doesn’t tell you or talk to you about it, it feels kind of shitty. Especially if you went out and got them something nice.
I mean, if they at least said “Hey, I don’t think I want to get you anything for Valentine’s Day”, you could sit down and talk about it, or ask them why, and agree to not get each other presents.
In fact, a significant other refusing to treat you at all when you have some special occasion is a bad sign. He’s on a power trip about disrespecting you. And that really is grounds for a breakup.
Maybe he’s actually six months late for Valentine’s Day 2015? I mean, surely it takes time to put together such a well though out, insightful missive. |:-P
@reimalebario – Yup, he’ll have to apologize to his significant other and say, “I’m sorry my Valentine’s Day rant was so late this year,” giving her an apologetic kiss on the cheek. Then he’ll have to buy her flowers and some fancy champagne.
But seriously, isn’t it time people like him realized how ridiculous “men spend money, so women give sex” is as a relationship paradigm?
I’ve heard this argument many times, and it always makes me wonder: how would Elam react if you turned it around, even using his own terms? “Hey, Hypothetical Guy, if you are only with me for the sex, you are treating me like a whore, and you are being a john, and that’s insulting. How about you love me selflessly, without EVER expecting me to do ANYTHING to make you feel good, special, loved or appreciated? Just be there for me, fulfill my needs, negate your own, and that way you can maybe prove that you are virtuous and you really love me.” Because that would be the equivalent of what MRA’s demand of women.
@Amused:
Elam would blow a gasket because you’re asking men to do something for nothing, and MAYUNLY MANS don’t do such things unless they’re expecting to get sex.
And then there’s the flip-side of Valentine’s Day, which holds that people not in romantic relationships are losers and unloved, as they tend to be shut out from all the fun on that day. Unless they buy themselves that wine, steak, candy, etc. Which is still playing into the shameless commercial aspect of it all…not to mention especially bad for uncoupled women, as it reminds us that we haven’t “fulfilled our purpose in life”, which is of course supplying sex and housekeeping on demand, being all selfless, and poopin’ out babies. BARF.
What really pisses me off about it, aside from all that, is that some bozos have declared the day a month AFTER Valentine’s day to be “Steak and a Blowjob Day”. Guess who gets the steak and the blowie? Yup…NOT WOMEN. They’re supposed to supply both, in “return” for guys putting up with their frilly fembo nonsense the month before and buying them all kinds of commercial VD shit. All I can say to that is HANDS OFF MY PI DAY, AND HANDS OFF MY PIE!!!
@ Bina
You celebrate Pi? That’s irrational. 😉
Celebrating me isn’t irrational. I daresay if more people celebrated me the world would be a better place. 😀
https://youtu.be/3GwjfUFyY6M