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It must be strange indeed to live inside the head of Paul Elam, founder of Men’s Rights garbage site A Voice for Men. What must it be like to be so filled with hatred of women — and flowers, and candy — that you find yourself writing a 1300-word denunciation of Valentine’s Day, not on the holiday itself, but six months early?
In a recent post with the lovely title “Time for a National Whore’s Day or something,” Elam warns us of the impending approach (some six months from now) of the dreaded holiday, which he describes as “another manufactured binge of male shame-spending on women who claim to love them.”
And he’s just getting started.
There are many aspects to The Big Day financially. Candy, flowers, jewelry, fine dining, champagne, romantic getaways and a lot of other things that mandate men to empty their wallets. That’s so the women in their lives can be reminded of their speshulness and maybe give a little poon in return.
It is fair and accurate to say that offering up the poon is about the only expectation of women on this day of “romance.”
Apparently on some terrible Valentine’s day in the distant past Elam sprung for a half-dozen wilted roses and a deluxe Whitman’s Sampler and his, er, beloved refused to “offer up” the obligatory “poon.” And he’s been furious about it ever since.
Elam cites an unnamed survey claiming that
over half of women surveyed said they would end a relationship if they were not given something on Valentine’s Day – which is to say that 53% of the women surveyed are whores, and just like more garden variety whores, they will take a hike when they aren’t being paid.
This alleged statistic is the prime bit of “evidence” for Elam’s “argument” that women are a bunch of flower-obsessed “whores.”
So where did he get it? Elam cites a dubious site called “Statistics Brain,” which claims to have gotten it from a 2015 survey conducted for the “Retail Advertising and Marketing Associatio [sic].”
I tracked down the group’s 2015 survey, and the numbers on “Statistics Brain” don’t match the numbers in the original. Nor is there any mention of what percentage of women would leave their partners if they didn’t get V-Day presents.
Doing a bit of Googling, I found multiple references to this 53%, sometimes attributed to Statistics Brain, but without any hint as to where it actually originated. An article earlier this year in the New York Daily News claimed it came from a survey by WalletHub, but that “survey” turned out to be nothing more than an infographic, which didn’t give sources for any of its specific figures, attributing the bunch of them to a variety of sources including “news reports.”
So am I saying that Mr. Elam grabbed onto a questionable stat of uncertain provenance because it matched his misogyistic preconceptions, without bothering to check where it came from?
Survey says … yes!
Naturally, Elam returns to this dubious factoid later in his post.
What happens to roses after you shell out some hard-earned cash so you can give them to a woman who will kick you to the curb if you don’t cough up her petals? That’s right, they look and smell good for a very short period of time. Then they become useless discards, like the majority of relationships and at least 53% of surveyed vaginas.
Nice. And again:
If the woman who “loves” you hinges that love on whether you shower her with frivolous, wasteful presents; if she will leave you if she doesn’t get them, then just stick a C-note in her whorish little bra, show her the door, and find yourself another whore who is a lot more honest about how she does business.
And if the man who “loves” you writes 1300 word rants about Valentine’s Day … in AUGUST, run like the wind.
I’ve never actually been a big fan of Valentine’s Day myself, but the fact that it makes Elam this pig-biting mad makes me feel a bit warmer about it, I have to say.
“If the woman who “loves” [rambling incoherent hateful screed] is a lot more honest about how she does business.”
If the man who “loves” you hinges that love on whether you put out the “poon” maybe he shouldn’t be giving advice on a holiday six months away.
Also fairly certain Elam could have just made this post about Christmas and it could have still applied, especially in his bizzaro world.
Wow. Men’s Rights Christmas gets earlier every year.
New plan: to thank all of my male friends for being willing to orbit within my friendzone.
Aren’t women expected to remember their boyfriend or husband, and treat them to a gift, too? That’s what I’ve always thought.
Roscoe (fun fact: the name of a cat near me!) – clearly you’re doing it wrong.
In Elams world Valentines Day is only for the hetero’s.
I don’t like VD myself (ha! see what I did there?) – it is just another capitalist money waste – like certain types of weddings, and Halloween (I’d love to see Elam find something misandrous about Halloween), and all those other Special Days, but I find it really hard to give a shit. I just don’t participate – I don’t spend money, it is really fucking easy Paulie!
he must have a new girlfriend
Enjoy.
Well aren’t you a precious little shit bubble?
Funny, I don’t give a crap about Valentines day. My progressive leaning friends don’t either. You know who does care? Those traditional minded women misogynists pretend to love so much.
I’ve never liked Valentine’s Day, though I’ve definitely had boyfriends who did. I’m still reeling from the embarrassment of the boyfriend who had one of the campus a cappella groups serenade me in the hallway outside my Spanish class. My very grumpy professor, as I walked in said to me “Nada mas musica?” Eeep! Yes!
I did have one boyfriend who celebrated with me in a way I appreciated, we’d make ourselves a super nice dinner and stay in (excuse to eat lobster!) That was a good one.
Are we having a war on Valentine’s Day now? I don’t like the holiday, myself, but I don’t even have anything to wear for the fuckin’ War on Christmas.
OT: Here’s something awesome I found on my Tumblr dash today.
The Egalitarian In The Lunchroom (a parable)
“There are many aspects to The Big Day financially. Candy, flowers, jewelry, fine dining, champagne, romantic getaways and a lot of other things that mandate men to empty their wallets. That’s so the women in their lives can be reminded of their speshulness and maybe give a little poon in return. It is fair and accurate to say that offering up the poon is about the only expectation of women on this day of “romance.”
Manosperian logic:
Complain about women “stealing” mens’ jobs and killing chilvary then later complain why women don’t buy men expensive gifts.
Plus Elam you suck at romance, Romance isn’t about expensive presents and sex its what comes from the heart, enjoying the expressions on your lover’s face when you enjoy something together (ex. Going to Disney world) it’s about making memories and not some contest to see who did more for one another. When you truly love someone nothing else matters.
I don’t care about Valentine’s Day everyday is supposed to be Valentine’s Day for your waifu/hubby/girlfriend/boyfriend/snookums or whoever.
Speaking of August and just having a conversation does anyone have a birthday in August? Happy birthday to anyone. I had mine on the 6th just turned 21, I had a screwdriver (orange juice and vodka) and a magarita they were both nasty. I think I’ll just stick to wine in cooking.
Holy shit panda, that’s amazing.
On topic:
Elam:
> Ignores the women who buy the men in their lives presents
> Ignores the fact that asexual people and queer people exist
> Ignores the fact that some people don’t celebrate Valentine’s day
> Ignores the fact that some people make gifts for their loved ones
> Ignores the fact that if you do something nice for someone with the expectation of getting something in return, you’re not a nice person
> Ignores the fact that his statistics are pulled out of someone’s ass and he’s willing to buy into them hook, line, and sinker
> Ignores the fact that it’s fucking August.
And I thought people who put up Christmas decor November 1st were insufferable.
@Pandapool:
Am I… missing something painfully obvious, or does the initial metaphor with the person with a vegetable garden and the person with apple trees make no sense?
Why would the person with a vegetable garden be upset with the person who has apple trees? The have a freaking vegetable garden. You can make all sorts of sandwiches with vegetables with bread, whereas the person with the apple tree can only make apple sandwiches.
Like… what is this metaphor even supposed to mean? Or does the person not actually have a vegetable garden, it’s just the case that the person with the apple trees has more than bread? In which case it wouldn’t be unreasonable to ask for more than just bread, because man does not live by bread alone, but by other food groups as well.
@OP:
MRAs would find much more solidarity with feminists that oppose Valentines Day if they didn’t feel obligated to call women wh*res in the process.
@Pandapool
Okay, that was awesome.
@kirby
Your confusion is appropriate considering it’s egalitarian logic.
Yeah, that’s where I felt that Egalitarian Man’s argument fell apart as well.
Or, it’s just him projecting that us feeemales already have everything we could ever possibly want (and more!), and we’re just whining that we’re not getting his stuff too.
Pandapool
Awesome
Paradoxical Intention
Well logic is misandry.
That was my first thought as well. He seems to be outright saying “Our proposed solution fails to take into account what’s actually going on and is therefore not only ineffective but ludicrous from the perspective of the people it’s trying to help.”
Maybe the should make a sequel to Being John malkovich, Being Paul Elam. That would be something alright.
@fruitloopsie: Turned 45 on August 11th. Spent a day in San Francisco, mostly to avail myself of the interesting art supplies at Flax Arts (but I do wish they were further east!). As for booze– eh, it ain’t all that for me either, though I’ve found that I am rather partial to gin cocktails (the gimlet is nice and simple). Also absinthe, probably as much for all the fussy little hardware and ritual as anything. But you have to like black licorice or you won’t like the stuff at all.
Back on topic: my husband and I are very relaxed about Valentine’s. Sometimes we go out for a fancy dinner on the 13th or 15th (much easier to get reservations!), sometimes I use a couple of heart-shaped ramekins to make tasty little individual custards for us, sometimes I fill one of the ramekins (Le Creuset ones– and in black, though I don’t think they come in that color any more) with the tasty little chewy tart hearts from Jelly Belly and proclaim my black and sour heart to be his. And sometimes we do none of these things and just see if there’s any interesting post-Valentine’s goodie discounts (chocolate of course, but the syrup-preserved hibiscus blossoms were much more interesting)…
Source: http://www.buzzfeed.com/adamserwer/how-mens-rights-leader-paul-elam-turned-being-a-deadbeat-dad#.hoG08jwVB8
@Fruitloopsie: Happy birthday! And thank you, mine was on the 19th, I just turned 39. I was on call, so in addition to being called in to an emergency case in the OR, I didn’t sleep so well because I was worried that there was another one coming along the way that I thought would be about 3 in the morning (it didn’t happen, but I was thinking about it all night!). I couldn’t have any alcohol because I was on call, but I did have a steak dinner–which wasn’t too bad. I recommend staying away from mixed drinks, because most are yucky (except for mojitos, those are yummy).
@ellesar: of course there’s misandry all throughout Halloween. Ya know, slutty costumes and all…because women’s bodies (particularly, our bums) are oppressing men.