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5 Untrue Things I Learned from AVFM’s 8th Post Defending Bill Cosby

Cotton Mather: He came in liketh a wrecking ball
Cotton Mather: He cameth in like a wrecking ball

When you have nothing to say, say it about Cosby.

Yesterday, Men’s Rights garbage site A Voice for Men doubled tripled quadrupled quintupled sextupled septupled octupled-down on its Bill Cosby apologia with an overwrought, overwritten, often barely comprehensible 3000 word opus titled “Why I despise Mass Media and love The Coz” by self-described “libertarian/market anarchist” B.R. Merrick.

Merrick’s basic thesis, as far as I can figure it out, is that Americans have become convinced that Bill Cosby is a rapist because basically they’re a bunch of Puritans witch-hunters at heart who are mad that Cosby went around having probably perfectly legal sex with assorted women who weren’t his wife while playing a stern-but-lovable father figure on TV and in real life.

This is a cultural father figure, successfully married for decades and lecturing black Americans on getting their own affairs in order, who is cutting Quaaludes in half, getting his penis out, and paying young women to keep things quiet and go to college. ….

No amount of colorful sweaters and silly dance moves will hide the fact from a country so zig-zagged in its sexual mores that the actor was merely acting as if Claire Huxtable was the only woman in his bed.

You see what I mean about the incomprehensibility? It took me several tries before I figured out what he was trying to say in that second paragraph there.

Merrick’s post is one that is definitely worth not reading, but it does contain a few rough gems that I’d like to share with you all.

So here are 5 Weird and Untrue Things I Learned from AVFM’s 8th Post Defending Bill Cosby

1) If Americans keep making a big deal about men doing improper things with their penises, the Chinese will take over the world

If you’re as disgusted with the zeitgeist as I am, you can do little else but watch as America reacts with heavily emotional upset every time a penis is seen, and quietly remind yourself as I do on a regular basis that empires cannot exist without first and foremost regulating the men, even as they blame them for anything and everything they can. The more upset your friends and neighbors become, the more the American Empire dies, while the rising Chinese Empire slowly usurps control of the world’s economy.

2) Miley Cyrus’ breasts were caused by Puritanism

Cyrus’s twerks and tits are a direct product, a pendulum swing if you will, of Puritanical thought and practice. She is, after all, following the example of the far more successful, prolific, and long-lasting godmother of sexual rebellion, Madonna, whose life’s work is based on trashing the lessons of Catholicism she has spent her entire career trying to dissolve.

The idea that taboo-breaking is the flip side of repression is hardly new — after all, you can’t break taboos if there are no taboos to break. But I’m pretty sure breast development has more to do with hormones than with Cotton Mather.

3) Roman Polanski already served his time in jail for rape, so why is everybody being so mean to him?

[Cosby] enjoyed sex too much in the wrong way with the wrong people. We know that much from the deposition; and in a culture where millions still want to go after Roman Polanski’s hide, in spite of the fact that he confessed, served his time in jail, and will die a victim of double jeopardy, that’s all that’s necessary.

Well, no, he didn’t. He spent 42 days in jail under psychiatric observation, as part of a plea deal, but fled the country before his sentencing hearing in order to avoid the possibility of, you know, serving his time in jail for the crime he had confessed to. Another ace factchecking job, AVFM!

4) Having sex with women today is like having sex with Susan B. Anthony, who was basically a Puritan, and isn’t it cute that women have the right to vote?

At least that’s what I think Merrick is trying to say here. You figure it out.

The realization that a man needs to have now, especially after the destruction of a comedy icon, is that sex with a woman can at any time and in numerous ways be directly influenced by the detritus left from the religious persecutions of old. The male reader would do well to remember that early feminists were like Susan B. Anthony, an unmarried woman of highly progressive ideals such as temperance, women’s suffrage, and abolitionism. … [T]he modern Progressive movement … bears a direct link to the Puritanical idea of saving humanity from itself. There would have been no 18th Amendment without Progressives, America’s adorable little schoolmarms.

5) Rape victims who “go back for more” are as bad as rapists, if you think about it

I thoroughly enjoyed Cosby’s efforts for decades. I enjoyed his stand-up, his sitcoms, and his public persona. I couldn’t care less about his peccadilloes. I would be sadder still if it were all true, but mindful of the fact that a rape victim, whether male or female, who apparently goes back for more has about as much honor as the perpetrator, and a lot less of my empathy and interest.

A Voice for Men, you really are terrible, aren’t you?

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Alan Robertshaw
Alan Robertshaw
5 years ago

Rape apologists say the funniest things.

rugbyyogi
5 years ago

Wow, why can’t they just stick to the praises of yeast?

WickedWitchOfWhatever
WickedWitchOfWhatever
5 years ago

I’m baffled about the rape victims “coming back for more” line. Unless he means that Cosby raping more than one woman means that women, the interchangeable drones of the female hivemind, were part of some collective whole that should have learnt to avoid him from its joint experiences. I guess it doesn’t have to make sense as long as rape is justified and women are to blame.

Scented Fucking Hard Chairs
Scented Fucking Hard Chairs
5 years ago

@WickedWitch

WE ARE THE FEMBORG. ALL MEN WILL BE ASSIMILATED.

EJ (The Other One)
EJ (The Other One)
5 years ago

The rising Chinese Empire? That must be great. Everyone knows that Chinese women are all meek submissive HB8s, so the sooner the Chinese take over the better. Right?

pkayden
5 years ago

Cosby is on record admitting that he drugged at least one woman and had sex with her while she was unconscious. How this is not rape is beyond me. Where was her consent to any sexual act he subjected her to while she was blacked out? It’s a shame that he cannot be held criminally responsible for his conduct. Anyone supporting him is scum.

Paradoxical Intention
5 years ago

☑ Racism

☑ Victim Blaming

☑ Rape apologia

Must be another AVfM post!

Oh, and I want to point out that Miley Cyrus has recently come out as genderfluid, just for the curious. °˖✧◝(⁰▿⁰)◜✧˖°

delphi_ote
delphi_ote
5 years ago

“empires cannot exist without first and foremost regulating the men”

Empire BAD! Freedom for market anarchist!!! Liberate mens! Release penises from regulation. Going Galt! FREEEEEEEEEEDOOOOOOOOOOM!

“the more the American Empire dies”

American empire GOOD! Eagles. Guns. Apple pie! Protect our land from bad feminists!

Ugh. Head hurts. Dizzy. Is empire good or is empire bad? Too hard. Who be angry at?

“rising Chinese Empire”

Ah… FOREIGNERS! HATE YOOOOU! Feel better now.

AAAtheist
5 years ago

Cotton Mather:

Word salad … incomprehensible gobbledygook … xenophobia … rape culture … slut-shaming in reverse (bashing the choice not to have sex) … celebrity worship … she was asking for it … poor, deprived, persecuted men (for being called out on shit they do, yet avoiding any legal and ethical ramifications for their depraved actions) … I love rapists (even though I’ll do everything in my power to defend their transgressions as consent from superficial, two-faced man manipulators) … Roman Polcosby!

What the ever-loving fuck?

brian
5 years ago

wtf? I thought Polanski was FAMOUS for fleeing the country to avoid prison time? it’s like the one and only thing I know about him. how does someone get the opposite in their head?

Moggie
Moggie
5 years ago

So… Chinese penises are less regulated than American penises? And this is why China is becoming positively tumescent, while America wilts?

Zeb Berryman
Zeb Berryman
5 years ago

I actually find this one way less anger inducing than a lot of the shit that gets posted here. Admittedly this may be because I have no idea what the fuck he’s trying to say.

sunnysombrera
5 years ago

@Zeb
I think it can be boiled down to: Cosby wasn’t raping anyone he was just having sex, people are mean prudes for picking on him, and America will fall if menz aren’t allowed to rape have sex like Cosby did.

Tara the Antisocial Social Worker
Tara the Antisocial Social Worker
5 years ago

“The male reader would do well to remember that early feminists were like Susan B. Anthony, an unmarried woman…”

The HORROR!

“… of highly progressive ideals such as temperance, women’s suffrage, and abolitionism. …”

Um, does he understand that abolitionism meant abolishing SLAVERY? Because it sounds like he’s saying abolitionism was a bad thing.

Scented Fucking Hard Chairs
Scented Fucking Hard Chairs
5 years ago

@Tara

Considering AVFM’s history with literal Holocaust denial, I’m positive he knew exactly what he was saying.

katz
katz
5 years ago

Empire BAD! Freedom for market anarchist!!! Liberate mens! Release penises from regulation. Going Galt! FREEEEEEEEEEDOOOOOOOOOOM!

Empires are like this.

weirwoodtreehugger
5 years ago

Cosby] enjoyed sex too much in the wrong way with the wrong people.

Technically it’s true that rape is having sex in the wrong way with the wrong people. But that’s an appallingly mild way to put it.

We know that much from the deposition; and in a culture where millions still want to go after Roman Polanski’s hide, in spite of the fact that he confessed, served his time in jail, and will die a victim of double jeopardy, that’s all that’s necessary.

Add double jeopardy to the growing list of terms that don’t mean what the MRAs think they do.

Lewis Muirhead - WCWFromTheBeginning

@ Brian: Damned if I know. If it was any other site, I’d maybe wonder if they got confused by his temporary detention in 2009 in Switzerland where he almost got deported, but it’s AVfM so it’s much more likely to be lies or laziness.

Paradoxical Intention
5 years ago

Zeb Berryman | August 19, 2015 at 4:57 pm
I actually find this one way less anger inducing than a lot of the shit that gets posted here. Admittedly this may be because I have no idea what the fuck he’s trying to say.

It’s like our confusion is over-riding our anger, or the fact that this is so par for the course over at AVfM it’s not even surprising, and I know the anger is pointless because these chucklefucks will never change, ever.

Alan Robertshaw
Alan Robertshaw
5 years ago

Re: Polanski

I’m in full legal nerd mode tonight so here’s something you may find interesting (for a certain value of ‘interesting’).

Polanski wanted to sue a magazine for defamation. He wanted to sue in England, but he didn’t want to attend court in person as we’d deport him back to the US for sentencing. So he applied to give evidence by video link from his bolt hole. The magazine argued that a convicted rapist shouldn’t be able to do that. Why should he be allowed his day in court when he claimed to be a victim but refuse to face the court when he was the perpetrator?

I won’t spoil the result:

http://www.5rb.com/case/polanski-v-conde-nast-publications-ltd-hl/

History Nerd
5 years ago

Well, Cotton Mather wasn’t really a Puritan. He was more of a transitional figure between post-Restoration Puritanism and 18th century American evangelicalism. Puritans, strictly speaking, were people who wanted to reform elements of the Church of England’s liturgy and polity to eliminate Catholic-like elements. The Puritans weren’t really all that similar to what became American Protestantism anyway. Not that I’d expect MRA’s to know that.

Lady Mondegreen
5 years ago

quietly remind yourself as I do on a regular basis that empires cannot exist without first and foremost regulating the men, even as they blame them for anything and everything they can. The more upset your friends and neighbors become, the more the American Empire dies…

Wait. If empires cannot exist without first and foremost regulating the men (premise), the persecution of poor poor innocent Bill Cosby is being persecuted for having Unregulated Sex (premise) should be good for the American Empire. QE-fuckin’-D.

I hate it when pseudointellectuals can’t keep their own bafflegarb straight.

Lady Mondegreen
5 years ago

Should be a “who” before the “is” in my comment.

Chaos-Engineer
Chaos-Engineer
5 years ago

highly progressive ideals such as temperance, women’s suffrage, and abolitionism.

One of these things is not like the others…

… [T]he modern Progressive movement

What does the modern Progressive movement have to do with issues that were resolved (in the US) in 1933, 1920, and 1865 respectively? All three of them were resolved by Constitutional Amendments and no one is talking about changing any of them.

leftwingfox
5 years ago

For a moment I thought I saw the word “Factchoker” in your article. I’ll be using that in the future.

alaisvex
alaisvex
5 years ago
History Nerd
5 years ago

Wouldn’t Polanski have difficulties collecting any damages in a UK civil suit because he’s considered a fugitive from justice in the UK?

History Nerd
5 years ago

E.g., wouldn’t the government freeze any domestic bank accounts the judgment money was deposited in?

Alan Robertshaw
Alan Robertshaw
5 years ago

@ History Nerd

Apparently not, going by that judgment.

bekabot
5 years ago

Why I despise Mass Media and love The Coz

Yeah, ‘cuz the Coz and Mass Media never had anything to do with each other. Ya doof.

ColeYote
ColeYote
5 years ago

Apparently the modern progressive movement is responsible for a constitutional amendment from 1919. And is opposed to sexual liberation, which is why so many northern states teach abstinence-only sex-ed.

Prios
Prios
5 years ago

This essay is some kind of gift.

If you somehow ignore the fact that the coherent statements are ghastly or side-splittingly counterfactual or both, and that the incoherent statements lie scattered all over the place like debris after an explosion, this piece is still beautifully convoluted and awful in terms of overwrought writing alone.

I like when he says “The male reader would do well to…” because just saying “Men should…” wouldn’t be far enough up its own ass.

Leum
Leum
5 years ago

highly progressive ideals such as temperance, women’s suffrage, and abolitionism.

One of these things is not like the others…

Temperance was popular among progressives and suffragists (idk about abolitionists) as it was seen as a way of curbing domestic violence. The nineteenth-century progressive movement was not really analogous to the modern liberal movement in terms of its views on private vs. public rights.

Tessa
5 years ago

Tara:

“The male reader would do well to remember that early feminists were like Susan B. Anthony, an unmarried woman…”

The HORROR!

“… of highly progressive ideals such as temperance, women’s suffrage, and abolitionism. …”

Um, does he understand that abolitionism meant abolishing SLAVERY? Because it sounds like he’s saying abolitionism was a bad thing.

My interpretation of this was that the early feminists were being praised by him. they were the good real feminists valuing progessive ideas, while the modern ones are puritans with regressive ideas. It always comes to puritans. I really loathe that because it shows how little they understand what we’re saying. They look at it very shallowly… Basically “I like boobies! Feminists don’t want me to see boobies! Puritans didn’t want people seeing boobies! Feminists are puritans!”

katz
katz
5 years ago

Tessa: But then he’d be saying that temperance was good, which seems unlikely.

Tessa
5 years ago

Katz:
Sure they think it’s good… for women. How often do they blame rape on women for drinking too much? Or think women who like sex a lot have less value? They want women to practice temperance because then it’ll be more of an accomplishment to sleep with them. Or they’re the ones to marry. Or whatever reasons they have for women to feel bad about sex.

katz
katz
5 years ago

Even for women, it seems like they’d rather them get drunk and “easy.”

sunnysombrera
5 years ago

@Alan
Ugh. I’ve felt for a long time that English courts are too god damn soft and that judgement doesn’t help.

@alais
Bill Gothard…*shudder*

Pandapool -- The Species that Endangers YOU (aka Banana Jackie Cake, for those who still want to call me "Banana", "Jackie" or whatever)
Pandapool -- The Species that Endangers YOU (aka Banana Jackie Cake, for those who still want to call me "Banana", "Jackie" or whatever)
5 years ago
Tessa
5 years ago

Pandapool: I remember that. Man, what a horrible pouch of douches that guy was.

Scented Fucking Hard Chairs
Scented Fucking Hard Chairs
5 years ago

They look at it very shallowly… Basically “I like boobies! Feminists don’t want me to see boobies! Puritans didn’t want people seeing boobies! Feminists are puritans!”

And even that super-ultra-simplification doesn’t work, because they don’t care that feminists don’t want them seeing nonconsensual boobies (consensual boobies are fine!) while Puritans didn’t want them seeing any boobies.

Moocow
Moocow
5 years ago

@Pandapool @Tessa

OMG, One of my partners at the time showed that to me when it happened. We were in an open relationship and laughed our collective asses off. XD

Wilson
Wilson
5 years ago

I think AVFM should stick to covering the yeast revolution. I was so eager to see more hard hitting journalism on that topic.

@Alan Robertshaw – that’s incredible. I just don’t understand how people are prioritizing certain principles to come to that conclusion – like, I can see they could make the argument they did, but it certainly doesn’t seem to be based on prioritizing what most people would understand as justice.

And the comment, about how they are ‘recognising that there may be cases where the affront to the public conscience is so great that an order of this kind should be refused.’ Maybe they mean it just depends on how big a deal the media make out of something, or how embarrassing it is to them?

spacelawn
5 years ago

Could this merrick dude try harder to sound intellectual, i wonder how long it took for him to google those words, along the way forgetting how to write, well, anything. It’s hard to comment on this because a lot of it makes no sense.

Zeb Berryman
Zeb Berryman
5 years ago

Re: Temperance. This one is odd because even if you consider it a good trait for women only the movement wasn’t trying to enforce it on women only. The primary reason they wanted temperance was to curb domestic violence (some also wanted it enforced for religious reasons. They cared more about the men not drinking than the women.(not that it ended up working in ether case.)

Tracy
Tracy
5 years ago

@Pandapool – I hadn’t seen that before. OMG, it’s wonderful.

katz
katz
5 years ago

I think the best part is how fucking Redditors unanimously think he’s an asshole.

Crip Dyke
Crip Dyke
5 years ago

Hey, David:

Generally I love your work and I hate to have to critique something, BUT…

You’re completely off-base with the 18th amendment thing. Here’s wikipedia on the 18th.

The takeaway, however, if you don’t wanna read wikipedia, is that the 18th amendment was alcohol prohibition.

The 19th amendment, ratified in 1920, granted women the right to vote.

The 18th amendment, ratified in 1919, took away the right of Cosby to get his drunken freak on.

Rant about legal details over. Carry on with your brilliant work!

Ellesar
Ellesar
5 years ago

He is a LITTLE bit right when he mentions early 20th century feminists and the temperance movement. A lot of them were behind it – for the very valid reason that excessive alcohol consumption increased violence – particularly men’s violence to women and children. It may sound Puritanical to modern readers, but it was based in common sense.

Ellesar
Ellesar
5 years ago

Sorry, didn’t check comments and Zeb beat me to it.