So @benschoen, the putatively feminist co-founder of feminspire and the former co-host of a popular Harry Potter podcast, is having a bit of a meltdown on Twitter at the moment.
Well, more than a bit of a meltdown. He’s flying apart like the washing machine in the video above, announcing and quickly canceling online “press conferences,” lashing out at critics with bizarre “jokes” and weird threats, and generally acting like a giant ass.
For example:
https://twitter.com/benschoen/status/633325425272451072
https://twitter.com/benschoen/status/633712589265088512
https://twitter.com/benschoen/status/633715930883846144
https://twitter.com/benschoen/status/633468512250535940
https://twitter.com/benschoen/status/633461383309475840
https://twitter.com/benschoen/status/633422642805084162
https://twitter.com/benschoen/status/633398579042865154
https://twitter.com/benschoen/status/633322695397142528
https://twitter.com/benschoen/status/633715165054267393
https://twitter.com/benschoen/status/633382676746121216
In addition to joking about menstruation and comparing himself to woman-beating pro football player Ray Rice, he’s also made some super-funny jokes about committing suicide:
https://twitter.com/benschoen/status/633322086551953408
https://twitter.com/benschoen/status/633342393815842820
https://twitter.com/benschoen/status/633382587113820160
Oh, and for some reason he keeps mentioning Hitler.
https://twitter.com/benschoen/status/633716053026205696
https://twitter.com/benschoen/status/633397429820354560
https://twitter.com/benschoen/status/633390461143654400
The whole thing started yesterday when Buzzfeed writer Grace Spelman posted screenshots of some Tweets and messages Schoen had sent her — first hitting on her in an exceedingly creepy manner and then reacting with fury and additional creepiness when she politely told him she had a boyfriend.
After Spelman posted her screenshots, other women came forward who said they’d had their own weird experiences with Schoen, including the co-founder of feminspire and a former writer for the site, both of whom evidently left the site because they couldn’t deal with Schoen’s creepy ass any more.
You can read more of the details over on NYmag.com, or on Jezebel, or on Spelman’s Twitter timeline. Or watch the continuing horrorshow live on Twitter.
Are there any lessons to be learned from all this? Why, yes, there are. Here are 8 Ways to Not Be a Male Feminist Creep, inspired by Schoen’s meltdown.
1) If you’ve never spoken to a woman before and the only reason she knows who you are is because she was a fan of a podcast you were on eight years ago, don’t be surprised if she doesn’t respond to a completely out-of-the-blue tweet to her.
2) And for god’s sake don’t try to force her to respond by going all stalkery on her.
3) And if she doesn’t respond to your stalkerish Tweets, don’t write her an even creepier Facebook message, I mean what the fuck were you even hoping to accomplish with this, dude?
4) And if she actually responds politely to all this creepiness and gently suggests you move on (see above), don’t send her a series of angry, insulting Tweets.
5) And then don’t write her a furious 1500 word diatribe that you don’t send, then write an, er, “apology” that you do send that starts off by mentioning the furious 1500 word diatribe you didn’t send.
6) When the woman you’ve thoroughly creeped out with all of this shit posts screenshots to Twitter, don’t dig your hole deeper with an endless stream of awful Tweets (see above).
7) And when your meltdown becomes so spectacular that it actually attracts press coverage, don’t send a message to one press outlet declaring that
I have done more for the cause of advancing women’s rights than any of the people who are criticizing me.
Because, dude, you haven’t.
And even if you had, it still wouldn’t justify any of this.
But, you know what, you don’t need to remember all of these rules if you can just remember the following:
8) If you send a message to a woman you’ve never spoken to before in your life and she doesn’t respond, just move the fuck on.
How hard is that?
I’ve experienced it being directed against:
– Atheist activism
– Environmental activism
– Left-wing economic activism
– Pro-Palestinian activism
– Pacifist activism
There are probably other fields it gets used against too, but I haven’t had first hand experience there.
On topic:
What follows is my opinion only.
If you see feminism as being uniquely a matter of dealing with issues that women face, then men should identify as allies.
If you see feminism as being about struggling against patriarchy, in which women’s rights, men’s rights and LGBTQA rights are merely facets of the same larger issue, then men should identify as feminists.
I believe the latter, and therefore identify as a feminist. This is not to say that I believe I should be in charge or have a speaking role when we are discussing issues that affect women, of course; but I have suffered personally at the hands of patriarchy and so when we are discussing issues where patriarchy affects men, I will not be told that I am an ally when I should be a participant.
I’ve noted the opinion that being a feminist also involves a concern about other social justice issues, and that feminism should address these issues too.
I’m not so sure about that.
I can understand that someone who cares about oppression of women may also care about other forms of oppression too. I’m sure there are many feminists whose activism also encompasses anti-fascism, equal rights for gay people etc. I see that however as something separate from their feminism.
To say feminism but take on *all* forms of oppression smacks too much to me of the “So really a better word is Egalitarian” argument.
I don’t see anything wrong with women having a particular focus on addressing the oppression of women in order to make things better for women.
Men may get a collateral benefit from feminism, but feminism is under no obligation to fight on behalf of men.
Just my $0.02 of course; other opinions are available.
^This has been exactly my reasoning as well.
I’ve encountered plenty of asshatery from self-identified “pro-feminist” men. Choice of label is meh. Posers find it no challenge to stay on top of those particular trends.
Apparently he gave an “interview” to Chuck Johnson about it, and tells a story about how he peed on two girls back in the HP podcast days: http://www.themarysue.com/ben-schoen-grace-spelman/#comment-2201587102
Personally, I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t give myself any sort of label in the first place. I’m not any good at doing any actual activisting and I don’t have the patience to smack down nonsense on the internet. Feminism stands for a lot of incredibly important things that I support, but I can’t really in good conscience say that I’m an “ally” when the most I’ll do is mock and laugh at misogynist creeps and try and fail to get websites I frequent to ban them.
Er, sorry if there were any untoward implications with the “actual activisting” part of that last comment in conjunction with everything else. It’s important to shine lights on and push back against the creeps on the internet, too, and this is all another reason why I’m really bad at this kind of stuff and leave it to the people who actually know what they’re doing and talking about.
Believe it or not, Schoen’s meltdown is still going:
https://twitter.com/benschoen
We need male Feminist/Feminist allies….but guys like this Schoen weirdo are only making that harder. We should accept allies but we should nonetheless be aware of fakers, fanatics & interlopers. Same with any other Social Justice activism. There should be some sort of test or warning signs or something. This is nuts!
Also, we should start using “trilby” instead of “fedora” to describe the “Omega Guys” (I refuse to dignify them with the term ‘Men’s Right’s Activist’) fave hat style. The hat in question is always a trilby and I hate to see the stylish awesomeness of Indiana Jones’/Film Noir Detectives chapeaus be dragged into this.
Is this story in any way significant?
I knew a self-proclaimed “male feminist” that… wasn’t purposedly evil, but was so oblivious the result was all the same. He had the same tendency in his support for unions and socialism, he had a mental theoretical edifice that had no doors for reality. In the end he was a quite terrible socialist and unionist as well, but his weird notions about feminism affected how he treated women, and being interacted with based on a theoretical model instead of as an individual goes from awkward to dangerous.
He once nearly killed a woman by failure to assist because he thought offering a ride to a woman would be patriarchal paternalism. She had found herself stranded out of town in -20 weather, and he was the first person with a car she found. He thought helping her out, even if she was begging and pleading she might die of exposure, would be doing her harm in the long run. He told his female friends later (that’s how I heard of it) sincerely expecting approval.
(the news didn’t talk about anybody dying in that area the next days, so I assume she found other help or a place to get warm)
[insert that gross Scanners .gif here]
WHAAAAAAAAAAA.
O_____________O
It’s like how a male feminist would act in an MRA fantasy, where the feminist gets her comeuppance for wanting to have autonomy and financial independence.
I’m assuming he didn’t have female friends after that stunt…
@Dodom
I…you’re kidding, right? No one is…that’s just cartoonish. That is literal cartoon character logic. What. What. What.
@Dodom: Oh god. He sounds absolutely horrible. This is why I don’t like it when people develop absolutist moral codes and don’t allow reality to effect them.
“I was about to offer you a job.” Yeah, because she would really want a job working for the ANGRY STALKER JERK who’s been harassing her. Also, cool lie, bro.
@ Potterchik
One of my friends has just had an almost identical experience. A refusal to follow up on a date has lead to public announcements of career ruin from someone with “powerful friends in the fashion industry”.
[We’re assuming he means Stella McCartney. Not many people know but she can bench press 500kgs]
How did Mark end up being able to post again? Wasn’t he banned after the thread in which he went on and on about how women should dress in ways that he disapproves of?
Because apparently showing cleavage is mean but harassing a woman is a-ok.
Oops, Mark posted with a new IP and I didn’t realize he’d been previously banned.
Oh, it’s the same Mark? I can never tell, it seems like every second MRA is named Mark…
I remembered that he had that particular geometric avatar thing for some reason. Cripes. If you’re going to sock, at least use a different name.
On #5, if he had just sent the 3rd, 4th, 7th and 8th paragraphs, it would have been a really good, sincere apology. Then he ruined it.
Holy crud, it’s been two days and the meltdown is still going on. He’s ranting about journalists who reported on the kerfluffle (but only female ones), continuing to attack the poor woman he’s fixated on, and declaring victory every couple of hours. Hugo is trying to talk him down. It’s stunning.