So @benschoen, the putatively feminist co-founder of feminspire and the former co-host of a popular Harry Potter podcast, is having a bit of a meltdown on Twitter at the moment.
Well, more than a bit of a meltdown. He’s flying apart like the washing machine in the video above, announcing and quickly canceling online “press conferences,” lashing out at critics with bizarre “jokes” and weird threats, and generally acting like a giant ass.
For example:
https://twitter.com/benschoen/status/633325425272451072
https://twitter.com/benschoen/status/633712589265088512
https://twitter.com/benschoen/status/633715930883846144
https://twitter.com/benschoen/status/633468512250535940
https://twitter.com/benschoen/status/633461383309475840
https://twitter.com/benschoen/status/633422642805084162
https://twitter.com/benschoen/status/633398579042865154
https://twitter.com/benschoen/status/633322695397142528
https://twitter.com/benschoen/status/633715165054267393
https://twitter.com/benschoen/status/633382676746121216
In addition to joking about menstruation and comparing himself to woman-beating pro football player Ray Rice, he’s also made some super-funny jokes about committing suicide:
https://twitter.com/benschoen/status/633322086551953408
https://twitter.com/benschoen/status/633342393815842820
https://twitter.com/benschoen/status/633382587113820160
Oh, and for some reason he keeps mentioning Hitler.
https://twitter.com/benschoen/status/633716053026205696
https://twitter.com/benschoen/status/633397429820354560
https://twitter.com/benschoen/status/633390461143654400
The whole thing started yesterday when Buzzfeed writer Grace Spelman posted screenshots of some Tweets and messages Schoen had sent her — first hitting on her in an exceedingly creepy manner and then reacting with fury and additional creepiness when she politely told him she had a boyfriend.
After Spelman posted her screenshots, other women came forward who said they’d had their own weird experiences with Schoen, including the co-founder of feminspire and a former writer for the site, both of whom evidently left the site because they couldn’t deal with Schoen’s creepy ass any more.
You can read more of the details over on NYmag.com, or on Jezebel, or on Spelman’s Twitter timeline. Or watch the continuing horrorshow live on Twitter.
Are there any lessons to be learned from all this? Why, yes, there are. Here are 8 Ways to Not Be a Male Feminist Creep, inspired by Schoen’s meltdown.
1) If you’ve never spoken to a woman before and the only reason she knows who you are is because she was a fan of a podcast you were on eight years ago, don’t be surprised if she doesn’t respond to a completely out-of-the-blue tweet to her.
2) And for god’s sake don’t try to force her to respond by going all stalkery on her.
3) And if she doesn’t respond to your stalkerish Tweets, don’t write her an even creepier Facebook message, I mean what the fuck were you even hoping to accomplish with this, dude?
4) And if she actually responds politely to all this creepiness and gently suggests you move on (see above), don’t send her a series of angry, insulting Tweets.
5) And then don’t write her a furious 1500 word diatribe that you don’t send, then write an, er, “apology” that you do send that starts off by mentioning the furious 1500 word diatribe you didn’t send.
6) When the woman you’ve thoroughly creeped out with all of this shit posts screenshots to Twitter, don’t dig your hole deeper with an endless stream of awful Tweets (see above).
7) And when your meltdown becomes so spectacular that it actually attracts press coverage, don’t send a message to one press outlet declaring that
I have done more for the cause of advancing women’s rights than any of the people who are criticizing me.
Because, dude, you haven’t.
And even if you had, it still wouldn’t justify any of this.
But, you know what, you don’t need to remember all of these rules if you can just remember the following:
8) If you send a message to a woman you’ve never spoken to before in your life and she doesn’t respond, just move the fuck on.
How hard is that?
Generally, I’m pretty supportive of men who are feminists (i.e. who both talk the talk and walk the walk) using the label. It helps to destigmatize both the label and the ideology. In my experience, usually men who go so far as to adopt the label are actually supportive of women’s rights. Only occasionally have I seen major flame outs like this of men who are self-proclaimed feminists (one that immediately comes to mind is Jian Ghomeshi who campaigned for years in support of Henry Morgentaler and abortion rights and then turned out to be a sexual predator and asshole).
@Ibis,
I think that there’s a difference between guys who will own the label (whether it’s “feminist” or “feminist ally”) to de-stigmatize it and defend it and guys who use it to make themselves seem more special.
This guy reminds me precisely of this hilarious moment I had at a nightclub once. Which went, much to my astonishment, exactly like this:
Me: *dancing at goth club*
Dude: *grabs me, puts his hand on my ass while grabbing me*
Me: *pulls away* Uh, I’m just here to dance, I’m not interested, sorry.
Dude: FRIGID BITCH! YOU’RE UGLY!
The reaction he had was just like that – I can remember it clearly because it was just so over the top. It went from zero to screaming rage in seconds.
Because I was in a goth club, my gut reaction was to laugh hysterically rather than anything else.
But ‘ghosted’. Man. I didn’t even know that was a thing. How self-centered do you have to be to assume everything is about you? How self-centered do you have to be to get gently let down and respond with anger instantly? It’s just amazing.
How do these people function day to day? Their reliance on hierarchy is bizarre.
Let’s see if this works
https://youtu.be/xN1WN0YMWZU
Ok, if you can see the video (doing this on my phone so not sure if I’ve made it work) this sort of encapsulates why I don’t use ‘feminist’ myself and not even ‘ally’. It just doesn’t seem right to me, it’s like co-opting someone else’s struggle and achievements.
My position is that I can support the team but I’m not on the team, if that makes sense.
I think I found the winning response in this stoush though:
You pass the test.
http://33.media.tumblr.com/7b364646d555c5ffdec859c92d29edd4/tumblr_nqn7bmMcAP1qghu71o2_500.gif
Congrats. You are 100% Feminist Approved.
(I meant to use my Sera gif. Oh well.)
No, wait, this is impossible. There are too many good responses:
Oh, wait, the last one was his.
…carry on, anyway!
Yup. And to this day I have people insist that the only reason I support women is to get laid, it’s all a trick. I just calmly say, “no, that’s not it” but I can’t really blame them because it has been shown time and time again that there are lots of people who are doing just that.
Alais,
I made almost the exact same comment in my Gawker thread before refreshing here. Great minds!
Another favorite was the guy who called me a fembitch (whatever that is) for daring to point out that we live in a culture that is harmful to girls and then he said he’d be horrified if anyone ever sexualizes his daughter. Because it’s okay to be a misogynist to other women, but it’s not okay to be a misogynist to your woman! I told him that by dismissing women’s experiences with misogyny, he was enabling some other guy to treat his daughter like a sex object later on. I hope it sinks in.
Uh…. look who’s giving Ben advice now.
https://twitter.com/hugoschwyzer/status/633825878116450305
https://twitter.com/hugoschwyzer/status/633827632396632064
And it’s not even bad advice, really.
Ben: When Hugo Schwyzer is a voice of reason in your life, you’ve really really really fucked up.
@WWTH,
I hope that that sinks in too, but it probably won’t, either because his daughter is special and unique or because he’ll teach her to dress so that guys can’t treat her like a sex object.
Who is Hugo Schwyzer?
Warnings: Some of it’s triggering. Includes sexualized descriptions of rape.
http://hellnohugo.tumblr.com
cupisnique, where to even start? Maybe these?
http://www.lamag.com/longform/the-hugo-problem/
http://www.theatlantic.com/national/archive/2012/02/exile-in-gal-ville-how-a-male-feminist-alienated-his-supporters/252915/
cupinesque: Wikipedia’s entry on him is pretty complete, please note the Controversies section, with appropriate trigger warnings for violence against women and abuse of power.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hugo_Schwyzer#Controversies
You know whats kind of funny? There were a bunch of white people telling various black activists that Bernie Sanders has done more for blacks than they ever will!!!!one@#!@# Like..word for word the same as this guy’s meltdown. Amazing.
What is it with privileged “allies” thinking they are so fucking major in every movement? When shit hits the fan, or actually when they are inconvenienced even a little, they do a great job showing that they don’t give a shit at all.
Also, you think this guy is auditioning for a spot in the men’s right bowel movement? He could use the whole “I was one of them, so listen to this crap I just made up about their secret cabal meetings” type thing. MRAs would eat that shit up.
I’ve always adhered to a fairly simple formula to determine whether or not one is a feminist.
You are a feminist if:
1) You recognize that discrimination based on gender, sexual orientation, gender identity, age, race, physical ability/disability, socioeconomic background, etc. (all intersectional oppression) exists;
2) You believe that that discrimination is wrong; and
3) You believe that YOU personally have a responsibility to combat and eradicate that discrimination AND you actually act on that belief in a sincere and consistent manner.
As someone who has been deeply involved in grassroots feminist/reproductive justice/queer rights/anti-racism/anti-poverty/social justice organizing for the past three decades, I’ve come across A LOT of insincere, opportunistic douches claiming to be feminists (and other varieties social justice advocates). And they’re not all straight dudes.
Thanks guys!
He is quite the piece of shit, isn’t he?….
@Paradoxical Intention
I couldn’t remember his name at the time I commented, but it was Hugo Schwyzer I was thinking of, & I obviously wasn’t the only one here thinking the same thing. 🙂
So, I knew who Schwyzer was and, generally, what he did. I still read through some of those links on him, and was dumbfounded that his college let him write the policy on sleeping with students – apparently as some kind of full circle thing, or something?
Like, in some cases, being the expert disqualifies you, guys.
When I read the title I had no idea of what the context was and figured someone had drank and posted online, gotten into an argument about something dumb they said and gone totally “on tilt”.
Then I read the post. This is not that. This is the mask not just slipping but falling off and shattering into a million pieces.
Your contribution is duly noted.
Personally, I don’t feel Dave is trying to take up space and crowd us out with his manly whiteness. He’s providing a valuable service to those of us who want to keep abreast of doings in the misogynosphere but who haven’t the time/stomach to trawl through it ourselves. (I don’t recall him ever referring to himself as a “male feminist” either, but I could be wrong.)
So, yeah, noted.
@scalyllama,
I’m a bit confused at to whom you’re replying to. Is there a troll in the comments that I’m missing?