An open thread for personal stuff. As always with open threads, no trolls, no MRAs, etc.
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Open Thread for Personal Stuff: Mid-August 2015 Big Shoes Edition
We Hunted The MammothBucking the Backlash
We Hunted The MammothAn open thread for personal stuff. As always with open threads, no trolls, no MRAs, etc.
I just had to justify calling MRAs a slimepit on FB. The guy agreed once we sorted out definitions, but I’m left sobbing hysterically, and I really want to cut myself. Why coulsn’t I just not have made the comment?
(Hi, this is me 14 days into the new meds…)
Also, don’t worry, I won’t cut myself. It’s just been almost a decade since I wanted to so much.
@gilshalos:
The rest of the world is going to have to work hard this week to find something more badass than your refusal to be silenced. Assholes will always leap on people who dare to speak up, and your ability to do it anyway is inspiring.
Many, many hugs.
@catgirl
Hugs if you would like them 🙂 I’m glad you have support from friends, and I hope you find a partner who is worth your effort and affection and returns it in kind. I’m sorry that jackass pretended to be a decent person and hurt you. Good on you for recognizing him for what he is and that you deserve better treatment. And all the luck for your move and the new job 🙂
@gilshalos
No one has to justify calling MRAs a slimepit. They are a slimepit. That guy is probably defensive because he agrees with their slimepit views. Call him a stupid jerk and don’t check the replies. I’m lucky in that regard–I can’t check replies to FB page threads on mobile, and I don’t have anything else right now. So I just insult bigots and skip merrily on my way. They can bluster to themselves all they want, and I just see who “likes” my post 😉
Do you have anyone you can go to when you feel like cutting? It helps me to talk to my sister or my partner, both of whom have been there for previous cutting episodes. Just telling someone that I’m in that amount of pain keeps me from following through. Do what you have to do to get through the next few weeks. I don’t know if this helps, but I was still pretty suicidal a couple weeks or so into my new meds. Things evened out, and I’m not in that place anymore. It took distracting myself with everything I possibly could during the weeks I was waiting for the meds to kick in, but I’m through it. It’s definitely normal to still be in the same place early on in a new regimen, though.
Thoughts and strength to you. And all the rest of my hugs.
Thank you all. I’m feeling better already, new meds being all Bohemian Rhapsody-like (ok big high, big,low) Trouble is the person that most understands my wish to cut is also a cutter, and we came to an agreement NOT to discuss it cos it didn’t lead to the one wanting to cut stopping, but the one not wanting to starting 🙂
Appointment with doc to discuss new meds tomorrow…still not sure what I am going to say. Appointment with psych who recc’d new meds 11 days later…maybe I’ll have worked out what to say by then
I would suggest just telling the doc honestly how the new meds are working so far. They can either reassure you or give the regimen a temporary tweak to help you through to your other appointment. I’ve had to have new meds bolstered by a low dosage of an antidepressant until they kick in. I have Bipolar I, so antidepressants aren’t good in the long run, but they’re sure useful in small amounts sometimes.
Anyway, I’m glad you’re at least feeling a little bit better. Do you know anyone you trust enough to talk about cutting with who wouldn’t be triggered? They won’t completely understand, but that doesn’t exclude them from being able to help.
My current issue is…well..not bi-polar. Cos I am assured that bi-polar means maybe 3 mood switches in a year. The reason I am being psych-reassessed is that I was switching beween manic and my normal low 2-3 times a week. New drug is a mood stabiliser (though my doc assures me has also been licensed for anti-D) I think the current situation is best desc’d as ‘experimental all round’
Am I more stable than before I started this drug ? Yes. So I go from stable to screaming hysterical tears and well..screams..? Yes.
Also, met up with someone quitting the same anti-D as me. Cept he is American and it was cos it cos him 40 $ a month. Me…just it was less useful after a decade of use.
… hope the new drug starts working well for you.
I’m home. Cuddling with my pups. Bailey doesn’t put much weight on his foreleg, but he was happy to see me! And Gussie-Goober was a wiggle-dog. Even the cat came over and was cuddly… until he figured out I wasn’t going to give him an extra meal. Then he skulked off to sulk. He might be cuddly again soon. 🙂
It’s been a while since I’ve commented on here. Hope everyone has been doing as well as possible. 🙂
I just had to write a bit of a warning/recommendation (a weird combo, I know) for Antony Beevor’s “The Second World War”. I’ve been reading it for three weeks now. It’s a great read, and a very broad look at the event between 1939-1945. However, the whole book requires a huge trigger warning. Seriously, the book is less than 1000 pages long, but it has taken me this long to read simply because I have to put the book down every few pages just to keep my remaining sanity intact. There are chapters in the book that took me three or four days to read due to the constant pauses. Still, it’s a very informative book, so if you think you can handle the bad parts, it’s definitely the best book on the subject that’s out there.
Sorry for being off-topic in a way, I just needed somewhere to write about this.
I also have something that I need to write about and don’t know where else. I suppose I could try one of the crisis lines but it doesn’t exactly feel like a crisis.
TW for details on an oddly specific suicidal impulse:
I feel like backstory is needed. I have a fun history of suicidal impulses. We were discussing what was going on at age 12 in the Jared thread; I remember 12 as the year I thought about hanging myself in the closet. I haven’t done anything about them and don’t plan to do anything about them but I’ll still get sudden images of stepping out into incoming traffic or jumping off the balcony, etc.
Last night I was out for dinner with my boyfriend at one of our favourite restaurants. The restrooms are down a steep flight of stairs. And I had a very clear vision of “slipping” on the stairs. Down I go with a crash and a bang and everyone comes running and 911 is called and I’ll have someone there who cares about me who hopefully won’t suspect a thing.
The whole thing played out in my head but I can’t say I really considered it. Too many variables, for one thing. And I have people who I love who love me too and I want to keep being around them. And the world, though baffling and terrifying, is also really beautiful. So I stick around because who knows what’s going to happen.
But that one really concerned me. I think because it was one of the first times I thought about faking my own accidental death.
(I’m on meds, just on a waiting list for a new doctor. Though do I tell a psychiatrist about something like this?)
I would, if you feel comfortable enough to do so. This does sound like something that should be addressed.
Dawn, hugs if you want.
I’d say this would probably be a good thing to tell a doc.
I am in a negative thought spiral. Does anyone have suggestions for getting out of one?
@ Katz
Pick a subject that you’re interested in and you enjoy chatting about. I’ll chip in with some comments and then SFHC can correct all my mistakes.
Aw, you are nice. Ummm…I’m enjoying Tales from the Borderlands. Are there other new games that people are enjoying/looking forward to?
You know how there’s nothing worse than when blokes just dominate conversations and don’t let women get a word in edgeways. I think it’s important to just shut up and listen to women; be interested in what *they* have to say, rather than be all ‘me, me, me’.
Easy in this case, as I don’t have a clue about computer games; I’m afraid I don’t play them.
Notwithstanding that I suppose I’m obligated as a man to say “Hey, stop oppressing me by invading a male space!!!”
…I like minesweeper?
Not much of a gamer, but minesweeper is a good old friend.
My usual downward spiral counter is either finding a fuzzy critter to hug or playing hamster dance remixes on repeat, with the occasional Bananaphone mixed in…
…success with method 2 varies.
Misread that at first and thought that was your minesweeper strategy. Not that Bananaphone wouldn’t help.
@ Katz
If unsolicited admiration from a stranger on the internet helps, I can say I really love your blog. I had a trawl there to see if there were any subjects I could comment on.
You write very well. One thing I’ve noticed is that when someone knows about a subject and raises interesting points then even someone with no knowledge or previous interest in that subject gets drawn in. So even your pop culture articles got me thinking. I particularly liked the Black Widow stuff. It’s a bit of a running joke with some of my friends that she’s my perfect woman for various reasons; but I’ve only seen a couple of the films and not read any of the comics. At least now I have something to retort with!
@ Katz
My fave article so far is the one about gender in fantasy. It actually inspired me to try writing a story; but I’m stymied by the fact I don’t know a huge amount about Zulus, or indeed dragons.
I suppose the ‘why is everything modelled on medieval Europe?’ answer may be that, for many writers, that’s their historical context. Even if they grew up in the US, history teaching probably has a European bias. Like you say, a lot of the ‘understanding’ owes more to cliché and myth than reality.
I wonder why writers are so reluctant to take advantage of the freedom world building from scratch presents. I can see an argument that the reader needs some frame of reference to identify with; but it’s not even like we’re asking for people to tell a story from a completely alien point of view (although for one would like that).
Would people really find the idea of a society where women were just as likely to be warriors or scientists or leaders as men *that* implausible?
If the answer is ‘yes’ then that says a lot about society. If the answer is ‘no’, yet we still don’t have those stories, then that says a lot about society too; possibly the same thing.
You know, they really will! Like I was working on a culture once where societal roles were determined by birth order and all second-born children join the army, and I had people swearing up and down that society would fall if every second-born girl was in the army, because of birthrates. Same kind of people who insist that Game of Thrones absolutely has to be violent and sexist because realism.
Glad you are enjoying my blog; it is mostly just random thoughts.
@ Katz
Gawd, now you’ve got me doing maths!
Can’t figure out why that would lead to the downfall of society. What were their arguments? Does it imply that everyone who joins the army will be killed? Or is the theory that people in the armed forces won’t ever have kids anyway?
Every woman in Israel (just about) joins the army for at least two years, and there are plenty of Israelis.
Even if all the women went ‘career’ and for whatever reason didn’t have kids, you’d have to assume that no families ever had more than two kids. Is that right? I’m rubbish at stuff like this.
Random thoughts or no, I still like the stuff. The women in combat thing is one of my fave topics. I’m a big fan in reality and I’d love to see stories where this was explored.