An open thread for personal stuff. As always with open threads, no trolls, no MRAs, etc.
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Open Thread for Personal Stuff: Mid-August 2015 Big Shoes Edition
We Hunted The MammothBucking the Backlash
We Hunted The MammothAn open thread for personal stuff. As always with open threads, no trolls, no MRAs, etc.
Long workweek of longness is 5/8ths complete. Yay me! Also, now that I have more than the time on the elliptical during job sanctioned workout time to actually read…
@catgirl,
Seconding what everyone after me said about this dude. All the red flags. All of them.
You do get to make your own decisions, but I highly, highly recommend running away from dude, not giving him any additional contact information, and blocking his number on your phone/blocking him on social media.
He’s scary.
I don’t like him, and I haven’t even met him. I’ve met a couple of his sort, though, and they are scary.
If it helps, one thing I did with my StalkerMcStalker was collected all correspondence, jotted down what I remembered my feelings were at the time, and what I feel in hindsight looking them over, and emailed that collection to a few friends (2 women, 1 man) whose judgement I trusted (because I didn’t trust my own at the time).
Their reactions helped me figure things out, and helped me feel a little more secure.
If you need internet hugs or kitten gifs, just ask and ye shall receive.
Thanks Wanda and EJ. 😀
Wanda, I don’t know what they want either, I am not sure THEY know what they want exactly, either. I am sure they go for confidence, but how much confidence do they want us to have? Confidence is great, but there is such thing as being a cocky arsehole. I know they want personality, but how much? There is also such thing as having too much personality. Employers seem to focus on these two things at the expense of experience, qualifications and skills, especially confidence. They seem to think more about who is ‘going to be a good fit for the company’ than their actual ability to do the job. I got turned down for several jobs just because I was nervous in the interview. I answered every question well and even asked a few appropriate questions of my own. And I wasn’t that nervous, just got slightly tongue tied sometimes. I got turned down for another job because ‘my personality did not shine through until near the end of the interview’. *eye roll*. I was just a little nervous and it took me a little while to loosen up. That is all. It is annoying. Employers worry too much about interviews and how confident the person is. I mean who gives a shit if a potential employee got nervous and a bit tongue tied during the interview? As long as they are qualified, experienced and provided great answers to the questions, who gives a fuck? Employers need to get their priorities sorted out.
“Also, when I do get the interview, I somehow dick it up because I get nervous and stutter a lot, and my vocabulary goes out the window. I honestly just called someone today just to set up an interview and it took me at least five tries to get out “I noticed you’re looking to fill an opening I saw in the paper”. Yeesh. I’m a mess.”
No you’re not! *hugs*
It is normal for people to get nervous and stammer a little. Practice interviews help, but they are not nearly as good (or bad) as the real thing. My employment agency made us have mock interview sessions with total strangers. It was a little nerve racking, but it still did not compare to the real thing. Getting real interview experience helps. The first few interviews I had were real doozes. LOL. But I got better with experience and you will too. 😀 As for getting more interviews, using your initials instead of you full name like EJ suggested would help.
“It’s weird. I like to think there’s nothing wrong with me– just something inherently wrong with the system. It’s nice at least to know that I’m not alone in this.”
Yep, it’s not you, the system is messed up. And it is nice knowing that I am not alone, too! *hugs*
EJ-Thank EJ. 😀 I can imagine that it would have been demeaning! O.O I hope you have found something better.
Even though I find my current job mind numbing and intellect sapping, I am very grateful for it. It is a step in the right direction and it is a sign (I hope) that things are changing for the better. Well, I see it as a positive sign, at least. Especially after a long, dark period of unemployment.
“In my opinion, our society puts a lot of emphasis on the idea that you need to go into the graduate intake of any company directly from university, and be whisked straight into the starting level of the career you plan on developing. Like most social archetypes, it does happen in some cases but exists mostly as a way of making everybody else feel bad about themselves and so work harder to catch up. The ranks of white collar workers, in my experience, are full of people who came to their posts via long and weird entry paths.”
True, that. There were no internships for criminology (which would have helped), but there was an emphasis on the whole graduate intake thing. Such as signing up for a graduate program for the government or Australian Institute of Criminology or the Australian Bureau of Statistics. I applied for the graduate role Australian Bureau of Statistics while I was studying for my Masters, but I was not successful. Didn’t even get through the shortlisting process. Already overqualified, perhaps? I don’t know. I did not have the confidence to apply for these things while I was an undergrad. My grades were only starting to pick up. It was only while I was in my final year of my undergrad and while I was doing the course work for my Masters that I realized that I had any intelligence at all! ^^; I spent all my school years struggling and feeling stupid. Lol! I’m probably just a bit dyslexic. Anyway. I just didn’t think I was capable of working in such a role (or any role, for that matter) and didn’t fancy my chances. I know what I am capable of now and I now know that am actually pretty smart. 🙂
*or as bad.
Even 15 years ago when I was in college and taking industrial and organizational psychology, they knew that job interviews are not at all an indicator of job performance. The same with recommendations. I think there are two reasons they’re still relied on so much.
The first is cost. It’s much cheaper to conduct an interview than it is to bring in candidates to perform tasks that are similar to the job they’ll be performing and observe them. At least in the short run it is. In the long run, hiring people that are mediocre or poor based on personality or connections has got to cost.
The second is, it preserves the status quo. People who are white, male, not obviously queer, from a higher income background etc. are going to be favored in interviews because we’re socialized to see people in those groups as more likeable and confident. People who are economically privileged are more likely to have connections that get their foot in the door at white collar positions. It’s not really a surprise that a hiring system that benefits the most privileged in society is going to be hard to shake.
I meant competent. Not confident.
Supposedly a decision to hire is made in the first 15 seconds of any interview. Basically you walk through the door and there’s an instant ‘yey or ney’ mindset.
… Ugh. So, my ex-husband (I know, long story) has suddenly reappeared after almost eight years, tracking me down to a browser game I play and stalking my profile there. I don’t know whether he wants to harass me or reconnect with me, but I don’t intend on finding out; I’ve already blocked his lying, cheating, thieving douche ass and the game’s admins have promised to keep several close eyes on him. Still, I’m terrified. If he found me there, he could find me anywhere. Again: Ugh. x_x
@SFHC
I am so sorry that is happening to you. It’s good that you blocked him and it’s really good to hear that the admins are supporting you. You have every right to be scared and I really hope you can keep him away.
@ SFHC
That’s horrible (but getting so familiar in these internet times). Hope you can successfully get shut of him.
In other news, I have to move out of the student accommodations tomorrow. They only offer 51-week contracts and last year I only had to move out for a week (which makes sense), so I assumed it would be the same this year. For some reason, they have pushed back the date to September, so I will be without a home for three weeks, instead of on. I didn’t realize this until yesterday (because I didn’t check the date closely when I rebooked for next year), so I have been running around trying to make arrangements so that I can have a place to stay for the next three weeks. It looks like I will be staying somewhere different each week, so it’s not ideal, but at least I have somewhere to go.
@ej and M:
Hugs. I hope things work out for the best.
M, you’ve always impressed me with what a badass you are, and the fact that you dealt with this as fiercely as you did continues to show just how little shit you take. I have absolute confidence that anyone who crosses your lines is going to get what’s coming to them, and that definitely includes exes who come back uninvited.
@namesake:
Ugh, that sucks. Moving around and not having fixed living arrangements is such a tiring thing to have happen. I’m really glad you have people who’re willing to help. Let me know if there’s anything I can do as a fellow BritMammotheer.
@Catgirl – as another person who took the plunge with a person like this… listen to your intuition. He doesn’t sound like a nice person at all.
Graphic design peeps – why not freelancing? I freelance as a web designer and copywriter (soon to be narrowing my focus to mainly copywriting/branding for a specific market). Join some online communities of people who do freelance web work, and you’ll likely find plenty of need for graphic designers (banners, ads, sidebar graphics, social media backgrounds etc) If you’re interested, theme design for WordPress and other CMS’s can bring in some steady work, esp. if you hook up with people who do the code and need the people to do the design.
@katz: Great idea! Maybe I’ll do that. 🙂
@EJ: Yeah, but if I got the job, then they’d be wondering why I stopped stuttering. XD I actually don’t stutter in real life. Just at job interviews, because I’m trying to formulate the best answer on the spot, which is rarely something I have to do in real life. The only time I’m really eloquent is either in writing or if I’m in the middle of a really good rant. 😉
@misseb47: Oh, I hate that. Especially when they expect you to have a sense of humor in your resume/cover letter, which sucks, because my sense of humor is kind of inappropriate and/or nerdy, and I can’t be inappropriate and/or nerdy when dealing with strangers, so I end up with forced jokes. Ugh.
My aunt works in human resources, and they say they test all their managers after their interviews, because they found people who interviewed well weren’t the best managers. The test has been much more successful in figuring out personality types that fit management best. I’d much rather take a test or do “homework” to prove my ability as opposed to public speaking. I can see if it is a sales job or something… but graphic designers are usually in the backroom operations. I’ve had eight or so interviews, so one would think I would have worked out the bugs by now. The problem is that I’m mostly terrible with people. Like, the only reason I had friends in college was because I made friends with my freshman roommate and made friends with her friends. My sister stole all my “good at socializing” genes, ha.
I’m glad you found your stride with your education. 🙂 I’m pretty dumb at common sense things, which school doesn’t reward, but really good at taking tests and memorization, which school rewards. Everyone has their strengths.
@SFHC: I’m so sorry. 🙁 Stay strong!
@Tracy: I went on Elance briefly, but every job on there is like “We’ll pay 5 bucks an hour to recreate our whole website!” This is great for people living in India for which 5 bucks an hour is a good wage. Not so good for people in the US. >_> I did land this job online “teaching” digital illustration that pays $100 plus 20% of enrollment, but it’s way more work than it’s worth. If you know a better way to do it, then let me know. XD It’d help if I knew web design, but I just know the basics. What I’d love most to do is make money with illustration. Here’s a book cover I made for my own novel:
http://40.media.tumblr.com/0616d9ef6e3306e832f9ddfcde4e56b5/tumblr_nj42pzR1h91rey5qco1_500.jpg
(I just want to show everyone this because I’m proud of it, aha).
I applied for freelance work as a book cover illustrator, but that hasn’t panned out. /sigh
When I was interviewed they asked me what my biggest fault was. I told them it was that I was too honest.
They said they didn’t think that was a fault.
I told them I didn’t give a fuck what they thought.
@SFHC
Ugh, that’s terrible. I never get why dudes to this.
My wife had trouble for a long time with an ex (not even a proper ex boyfriend, just some guy she fucked a few times years ago) who kept trying to contact her a few times a year, especially on her birthday. No matter how many times she told him off, he kept making new FB accounts to get past the block, and similar sleazy behavior. Can we put some sort of collar on these guys, that zaps them whenever they misbehave?
General question: Does anyone here know what happened with the commenter Mouse Farts who used to be a regular here a few months back? Are they ok?
@Wanda – Wow, that looks really good. The light especially is well done: good highlights on the skin and jewelry, not too many highlights in the eyes (I find some artists put too many highlights in the eyes when doing realistic drawing – it’s a fun cartoon convention, and it can make eyes look expressive, but it doesn’t really fit when the eyes are in shadow.)
(Some drawing/painting/crafts experience here, though not in graphic design.)
This week is going poorly. Things are broken, tradesmen are unreliable, and I lack the energy to cope with it all.
On the other hand, I have this awesome volunteer position coming up with a bunch of free in-house training that I never thought I’d just be able to get. I applied for the job even though the advert had next to no info on it, and I’m really glad I did because it’s a secret holy grail. Like I’ve already had one sensory awareness course and I’m booked in for another next month, and Floortime training. They do AAC, BSL and Makaton, epilepsy awareness, moving and handling, first aid, and many other things. All free for volunteers as well as paid staff. And all going well, in six months I can apply for paid positions if they come up. Even if not, the PVG and the training means I’m gaining super important and usually expensive things while volunteering and gaining experience, so it’s a lot of win.
I have some of you on my tumblr so some of you will already have seen or donated, but I’m also doing independent autism research since I’m taking a year out of uni right now. It’s regarding harmful attitudes and treatments in the US e.g. magical mineral supplements/chlorine dioxide, behavioural therapies aimed at minimizing the appearance of autism, shock treatments etc. etc. I’m fundraising for a trip which is just a small part of it, and I will forever love anyone good enough to share or donate. There are also crafty rewards for those who wants them. And I’d also take straight commissions if anyone wants anything crocheting. My gofundme is gofund.me/ykk6ed5d5 and if anyone wants to talk about my research, help me out about it (like if you know one single thing about the topic by all means jump in my inbox) or commission crafted items my email is [email protected] and my tumblr is goonst.tumblr.com
Wishing you all well 🙂
Thank you Wanda! http://erinhunter.katecary.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2014/12/tumblr_n7q4lfIClr1tf24n2o1_500.gif That book cover is beautiful by the way! The dude on the left looks very familiar. Who did you base him on?
Sorry, I will try another one.
http://scontent-b.cdninstagram.com/hphotos-xaf1/t51.2885-15/10843843_859457217411177_397960772_a.jpg
@Alan: Ha! Nice. Interview questions are so weird though. Like “Where do you see yourself in five years?” I don’t know, working at a job I don’t hate? What do you want me to say? “President of the United States”?
@epitome: Thanks! Eyes are hard because they’re made of a different substance than flesh, so light catches them differently. I had a reference for these, so I knew not to go too shiny on the eyes. XD People also assume they’re white, but usually the whites of your eyes are pretty gray in comparison to true white, and they reflect the light of your skin, so often they end up grayish-pink.
@K: Congrats on the volunteering opportunity! 🙂
@misseb47: Thanks! The left is a random model I found on Google Images, so I don’t know who he is. The right is Dominique Hollington, who is a professional model, which is great, because that meant I was able to find plenty of other great pics of him to use for the second and third book cover.
http://media-cache-ec0.pinimg.com/736x/8a/f3/2c/8af32ca65f2621beeb630b58776841ac.jpg
A lot of times I’ll go through ModelMayhem, too, because I can find a much larger variety of models there who aren’t always traditionally beautiful, and you can search by hair color, eye color, height, weight, race, etc., which makes finding a real life reference much easier.
Holy shit that ended up being big. Sorry. 🙁
Hey everyone,
Thanks for the advice. I talked to a friend as well and he basically told me similar things everyone told me but also reminded me I have good instincts and to trust them.
The creep was pestering me to hang out recently, and I kept filling my time with errands/things to do for my move. I did vaguely entertain the idea of hanging out with him, but it filled me with so much dread and fear.
I told him I did not want to hang out. He washed me the best in my new city. He does not know my employer or address. I think it’s fine for now. I just fear potential retaliation because I’ve faced horrific online bullying/ retaliation that severely slandered my reputation in the past. Sometimes the bullying/slander followed someone pretending to be perfectly calm and ok with everything.
Hi Catgirl
Hope everything does work out for you. You were right to trust your instincts.
Might I suggest you get hold of Gavin De Becker’s book “The Gift of Fear”; I think you might find it helpful/reassuring that you’ve done the right thing.
I feel a mixture of relief and sadness. I think perhaps the sadness just comes from realizing that someone toxic hurt me, and the few decent conversations were just covers for a crappy interior.
I’m happy to move on and start a new chapter. I will definitely check out the book recommendation, Alan! Thank you so much. Everyone here is so wonderful.