So it turns out that yelling about people you hate all day every day on the internet isn’t really very good for you.
As an article in the Wall Street Journal earlier this week notes,
The research has been clear for decades: Venting is bad for us. …
In studies, people report that they feel better after venting. But researchers find they actually become angrier and more aggressive. People who vent anonymously may become the angriest and most aggressive.
In fact, “venting” is really the wrong word for it. Anger doesn’t build up in our body like some sort of gas, that we can relieve with a series of loud and smelly anger-farts on Twitter or in the comment section of a newspaper article we disagree with.
The “venting” theory has been with us a long time, the WSJ piece notes, and it seems to make sense on an intuitive level.
Venting has an ancient history. Aristotle believed in catharsis—the purging of emotions. More recently, Sigmund Freud talked about the hydraulic model, saying that if someone holds anger inside without letting it out, it will build to dangerous levels, much the way steam in a pressure cooker will build if it is not vented.
But anger isn’t a gas. Those who’ve studied the issue suggest that “venting” — whether in person or anonymously on the internet — causes us to become more obsessed with what is angering us, not less. Instead of purging our anger, we end up stewing in our own juices — to switch the metaphor from gas to liquid.
I certainly see plenty of evidence of this amongst the people I write about on this blog and on the internet at large. Those who “vent” their anger the most vociferously don’t get less angry over time, as you would expect if they were actually “venting” something toxic inside of them. Instead, many of them just get angrier and angrier.
We might consider the sad (and very, very angry) career of a certain former A Voice for Men bigwig, who went from being the only member of the AVFM collective who seemed to have any degree of self-awareness to someone who spends his days lashing out at feminists and former allies in what has become a neverending Twitter meltdown.
We might consider the assorted YouTube yellers who’ve become perpetual rage machines; no matter how many rants they upload to YouTube on the purported evils of Anita Sarkeesian or Anita Sarkeesian or even Anita Sarkeesian, their rage is never ever “vented.”
I mean, look at this guy:
That’s no way to live.
The problem isn’t just the anger; it’s the obsession. One of the main reasons that “venting” keeps you angry is that it leads you to ruminate longer about the things that infuriate you the most, when it would be much more healthy for you to stop thinking about these things at all.
Now, obviously, I spend a decent portion of my days reading about, writing about, and sometimes even arguing with, some pretty hateful shitheads. I think it’s important to write about these people. But I try not to let them dominate my life and my thoughts to the exclusion of everything else, and I try not to let my anger at them overcome me.
I don’t read the comments on my YouTube videos. (Well, not regularly.) I avoid tit-for-tat Twitter battles with sea-lions and dogpilers. (Well, most of the time.) I clear my head watching dumb TV and playing Alphabear and doing various other things that have nothing whatsoever to do with the ridiculous and infuriating misogynists of the internet.
And I hope the rest of you are doing that too.
Well, I know a lot of you are, if the wonderfully digressive comments you all leave on this blog make clear. Because talking about games and recipes and posting cat pics and other brain bleach really does keep us all a bit healthier.
Which reminds me: I haven’t posted any open threads in a while. I’ll go do that now.
In the meantime, here’s ten hours of a snow shovel that sounds like “Smells Like Teen Spirit.”
H/T — r/GamerGhazi
I dunno, David. A lot of the criticisms you level against the online misogynists in your post are also levelled against online feminists: that they’re too angry, they dwell on things and perseverate, they should just forget about it, all that anger isn’t healthy, etc.
The quote you posted from the WSJ also doesn’t support your point. (I mean, it’s the WSJ–it’s not known for science journalism.) Yes, “venting” has been proven not to actually dispel anger; but whether or not that’s a bad thing depends on whether or not you think anger should be suppressed. So you vent anger and it doesn’t go away–ok. Is that always a negative? And then the third sentence of that quote is basically a big hypothesis flagged with a maybe with no evidence whatsoever. People who vent anonymously online may be the angriest of all? Uh–citation?
This also goes to show how poorly we understand the science of emotion. Emotion is nervous system energy and it transmogrifies itself according to what you’ve been taught, or taught yourself, is the right way to express. Express we must, but the choice we make about *how* becomes habit. The same energy that could come out as rage might better be expressed through crying or physical activity or, if you’ve got a high level of maturity, the feeling of being motivated to solve the problem (though this requires correct identification of the problem, of course).
With toxic masculinity, however, there is no choice. Bad feeling needs must be expressed as rage, especially if you feel you’re low on the patriarchal totem pole. Gotta be violent and dominating to prove your manhood. And that’s why bell hooks points out that men don’t have full access to their freedom of will.
Venting, I think, doesn’t usually help me, even if I’m simply telling of something that makes me sad to someone I’m close to. Knowing that people care about me to listen to my problems, and receiving a helpful advice are things that make me feel better, but complaining and only having people to nod in agreement makes me feel even more justified, which can be really dangerous.
And Kyle Kallgren! I haven’t watched many of his videos (because I have never seen the majority of movies he’s reviewed), but I love the ones I have. I know I was not invited in the conversation, but goddammit, you must seize the opportunities to talk to people when they appear!
@Moggie: I’d like to, even though I know all the insightful things of the book (like what I quoted) will be gone in favor of outrageous spectacle.
@Andrea
Contentment is no breeding ground for change, and anger can be a good motivator, but if you act solely based on how you feel at the moment, you run the risk of harming other people, yourself, and being overall an asshole.
And I don’t know if you read the comments, but this post made at least one of the readers of this blog say they had been too caught up on the Roosh thing. This post felt like a public utility service of sorts to me :p
Also, if your intended use for venting is to dispel anger, and this doesn’t happen, then yes, it’s a bad thing, if only because of the wasted time. If it actually makes you even angrier, then the purpose of venting would be entirely defeated.
Also, I think this might be just his own speculation.
A few of things about the elderly. One, most (if not all) people 65+ are suffering from one or more chronic health conditions. Low-level pain, particularly if it interferes with mobility, tends to make people grouchy. Standing and waiting can be really uncomfortable with arthritis or back pain.
Two, as people age, often their patience for long delays, long lines, waiting rooms, long-winded stories, traffic jams, etc. starts to wear thin. They become more of a “cut to the chase” type. When there’s less sand left in the hourglass, it’s understandable that people don’t want to waste their remaining hours on tedious things.
And three, the elderly are the biggest audience for Fox News, which panders to their worst fears and their craving for a simplified world. It stokes anger, resentment, suspicion, and paranoia. Unfortunately they’re not out being active and meeting as many new people as they did when they were younger, so there’s nothing to counteract the poison that Fox is feeding them about women, minorities, immigrants, liberals, Democrats, environmentalists, Muslims, etc. etc.
@LG:
That’s exactly why repeated venting is counterproductive and even harmful for the venter. By repeating a behavior, we learn it. Once we learn it, it becomes a habit. And habits are what our characters — and lives — are made of.
Which isn’t to say that there aren’t many delightful and mellow elderly people – it’s just that there’s a lot of factors that pull people in the direction of chronic anger as they age. (You can also add in the fact that as you get older, the losses start to pile up – deaths, divorces, gradual diminishing of body functions, layoffs, setbacks, failures – and depression frequently manifests as anger.)
@Buttercup et al:
With the elderly, there is, in addition to the effects of very real immediate problems that seriously restrict their lives (poor health, loneliness, poverty, etc.), that fateful accumulation of life habits, many of which are negative, e.g. based on venting and other unhelpful behaviors.
Our emotional habits really become distilled in old age, defining who we are with greater clarity. A cheerful, compassionate person will solidify his or her cheerful compassion in the old age (think Jimmy Carter), while an angry chronic complainer will most likely become an unbearable paranoid crank (see Clint Eastwood).
Emotionally, we reap what we sow as we age. That’s one reason, among many, to cultivate healthy emotional habits. Venting is not one of them, never has been, and I’m glad to see the WSJ (of all places!) article saying it outright.
Synchrotron radiation sounds like something a scientist would get exposed to and develop superpowers.
@Nequam:
Love that Aldous Huxley quote! So accurate and relevant in this context.
One of my most favorite quotes ever comes from the man:
As far as things that make me happy go, right now these two dorks and their awesome fusion-child are the best.
http://i2.wp.com/nerdophiles.files.wordpress.com/2014/03/tumblr_n1jb6jgdla1r2u7p0o1_1280.gif
The thing that springs to mind about venting is that hateful people will usually reinforce each other – so the venting is simply circular, whizzing round like a whirlwind. This is true of the Manpsherian crap I have looked at recently – MGTOW – one man used the word vent, when what they are doing is simply feeding each other the same crap. Interestingly they were not putting it in angry terms, more pseudo scientific ‘objective’ language, which makes me think that some of them are scared of ALL emotion.
The pre frontal cortex’s neural connections start to degrade in old age. Older people often have the same problem with impulse control that children and teens who have not fully developed PFC do.
I used to be an anger junky. I grew up as a scrawny minority kid in an all white town. On top of that, I was painfully shy and had serious self-esteem issues. This seemed like an open extended invitation for bullies to abuse me. My anger built to a point where it could no longer be contained and I one day fought back. The fact that people backed off after that only served to reinforce letting the anger out. It’s only well into my adult life that I learned to let go of anger. Even then, sometimes, when someone steps on my toes or tries to take advantage of me, I really hate to admit it, but it really comes in handy as a “don’t fuck with me” device.
@WWTH:
Daniel Dennett has asked that we not attribute elderly people’s behaviour to biological factors. Age (or youth) may contribute to being grumpy, but in Dennett’s opinion it should not change our social response to it.
This is not to say that you’re wrong, of course; I have no choice but to believe in the neurology. However if someone is being a dick to you then the size of their PFC is irrelevant: what matters is that they’re being a dick.
I’m sorry, but what the fuck? Posting objectifying sexy male gifs is totally legit now?
@AndreTheFireant
Look, I’m not a fan of the sexy guys either, but objectification doesn’t just mean “eye candy” and you know it.
http://www.youngmoneyhq.com/images/nicki-minaj-voice-over-sugilite-cartoon-network-steven-universe.jpg
@pandapool
the last line of my post was meant primarily as a joke.
but your response was really more about the commenter community than the blog itself… which is mostly how i engage here. i don’t generally read all of the comments on every post or comment myself that often (mostly because i don’t have time) but i know there are good people here.
Well, I mean, I coulda told ya that. Any time I let myself get too angry over (insert right-wing bullshit I’ve been angry about lately), I feel like shit for hours.
On what planet is this not objectifying?
http://38.media.tumblr.com/b3b2f5de8372e4f8a092aa89ec37f771/tumblr_nkeo2s6QZJ1rdkvxmo1_500.gif
I thought I was just linking to it. Whatever
Surprise surprise
First off, I didn’t see anyone objectifying this guy. I see people thinking he’s attractive. I’ve seen no one talk about what they’d like to do to him or whatever. Only that he makes them happy. That’s IT. If you think this is objectifying, please elaborate as to how you came to that conclusion, because I am honestly curious.
And would you have this same reaction if someone had posted a sexy lady covered in glitter? (I’m sure you’re going to say yes because to say otherwise would make you look bad, but humor me.)
Secondly if we were “objectfiying” this person, and I’d like to quote an article, if I may:
And another quote:
And your telling me if somebody had posted a sexy lady gif nobody would have batted an eye?