Categories
evil fat fatties grandiosity heartiste irony alert misogyny reactionary bullshit red pill sexy robot ladies

PUA douchebag Heartiste: “A typical American fatty has no chance against a sexbot with a pretty face [and] a slender BMI.”

Sexbots: The early years
Sexbots: The early years

The success of the Channel 4 renegade-robot drama Humans — playing on AMC in the US — has gotten people talking again about what some see as the key question of our time:

Robots: How soon can we start having sex with them?

One of the more ardent cheerleaders of the coming “sexbotopia” is our old friend Heartiste, the floridly racist and woman-hating “pickup guru.” Weirdly, given his enthusiasm for the subject, he doesn’t seem all that interested in indulging in robot love himself. But he can’t stop chortling about the potential misery he thinks sexbots will cause for non-robot women.

Inspired by a recent Daily Mirror article predicting widespread human-robot sex by the year 2070, Heartiste pats himself on the back for being “the first warning about consequences from the coming sexbot revolution” — apparently he never saw The Stepford Wives — and declares that

sexbots present a real challenge to flesh and blood women and, ultimately, to the sustaining of civilization.

But Heartiste doesn’t seem terribly worried. Who needs civilization when you’ve got sexbots?

As Heartiste sees it, once the sexbots arrive the beta and omega males of the world, lacking the “game” necessary to charm manipulate attractive women into bed, will give up on real women and turn instead to sexbots. Fat chicks will be left in a sexless purgatory, and even the hottest of the HBs will have to work harder to gain the attention of alpha males, whom they will be forced to share with other women.

[I]n a sexbot saturated world, the pressure on women to look their very best for the few men left in the dating market who are still suitable mates will be immense. …

A typical American fatty with attitude to spare has no chance against a sexbot with a pretty face, a slender BMI, and a perfect hourglass shape.

A “slender BMI?” Apparently Heartiste, despite his obsession with the evils of fatness, doesn’t actually know how BMI works. I’m pretty sure robots, made mostly of metal, will end up weighing more than humans of similar shapes and sizes. So even a skinny robot will have the BMI of someone who is “morbidly obese.”

Heartiste being Heartiste, he ends his post with a racist sneer.

Prediction: The vast majority of sexbots produced for worldwide male consumption will be White women with a diverse palette of hair colors. Asian women sexbots will compete with Latin women sexbots for second place. I’ll leave it as an exercise for the reader which race of women will be least represented among the ranks of assembly-line sexbots. Hint: Black male sexbots will probably outsell this last category.

Heartiste’s commenters aren’t quite as enthusiastic about the coming sexbot revolution as he is.

Someone calling himself shartiste — ick — isn’t convinced that sexbots will cause flesh-and-blood women to start genuflecting to men.

[A]nyone thinking this will make girls shape up better check themselves though. The entitlement complex is ridiculous, they will just whine and continue eating. Only if alpha males start using these things will girls take notice, but if they could make a sex doll that can take a mans attention away from a flesh and blood PYT, the human race is doomed to extinction anyhow.

Jack finds talk of sexbots boring.

I’m so lazy that I will probably buy a male sexbot to fuck my female sexbot, and he can listen to her robotic nagging and her honey-do list BS.

PA points out one potential, er, obstacle to the widespread acceptance of sexbots. Hint: It’s jizz.

I remain sceptical about sexbots becoming anything more than an expensive novelty but I’ll remain open-minded on the subject IF they’re designed got hassle-free jizz-cleanup.

King, meanwhile, raises an even more skin-crawlingly icky objection:

Man engages in sex to see his will made manifest on a female body. Woman engages in sex to be the cause of his deep satisfaction, the vessel for his will. If you are fucking/getting fucked by a toaster, you may get superficial release, but it isn’t the profound satiety of causing flesh to transcend its biological strictures.

A fellow named DavidTheGnome suggests that Heartiste and the rest are;t thinking radically enough about the possibilities:

I wonder how long it would be till the truly monstrous deviants begin building giant, anthropomorphic sex dolls. Eight foot tall, mutli-wanged charivari, four armed mortal combat type sheeva outworlders and armored centaur trannies walking down main street, arm in claw with beaming human wretches.

So? If someone wants to have sex with giant Pokemon robots, who cares?

Arbiter raises a much creepier possibility, asking

If there ever would be a sexbot industry, would it be allowed to make tween bots?

Greg Eliot, meanwhile, probably speaks for many Heartiste readers when he asks

Couldn’t we just mess with the brains of real women a bit and flip a few neurons into Stepford mode?

Because that’s what these guys really want.

EDIT: Added links

Subscribe
Notify of
guest

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

233 Comments
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
Binjabreel
5 years ago

I have no idea why that gif of Pearl hitting a pan with a spoon is so incredibly charming.

But it is.

msexceptiontotherule
msexceptiontotherule
5 years ago

@Rabid Rabbit

Good to know! I’ve got someone who I will have to blind first and then everything will be good to go! Don’t worry, it’s not going to involve gouging out of eyes with a spork or anything, that’s what leather hoods are for! (blind…folding!)

Binjabreel
5 years ago

I’m baffled by tim’s “men and women don’t like spending time with lesbians!”

I mean, for the case of men, no shit I think that’s kinda the point of being a lesbian, but pretty sure I know a lot of women who like spending time with lesbians. It’s a condition called “being a lesbian”, lol.

Scarlettathena
5 years ago

@Alan Robertshaw

I love cheesoid! “Why cheesoid exist?”

Buttercup Q. Skullpants

It’s cute that MGTOW think women are going to suddenly come to their senses and feel inadequate because of sexbots. I don’t feel the need to compete with my dishwasher. It washes dishes a lot better and quicker than me and frees me up to do other interesting things? Um, I’m good with that. Sexbots are designed to be compliant and pretty while absorbing abuse and terrible jackhammer sex from MGTOWs? Um, I’m also good with letting the sexbot take the fall for that. Have at it. That’s what labor-saving devices are for: saving the rest of us from having to deal with odious tasks. They aren’t replacements for women, unless you think women are nothing more than collections of body parts programmed to serve men.

Also, explain to me again how civilization is going to collapse without MGTOW? They aren’t good candidates for dating/marriage now, so who cares if they remove themselves from the dating pool? What would change about dating, other than making it easier and quicker for women to find emotionally healthy mates? Imagine not having to wade through a bunch of abusers, dread gamers, PUAs, misogynists, rapists, and creeps while looking for a partner. Imagine not having to spend years undoing the damaging effects of those horrible first relationships once Mr. Right does come along. That sounds like a good thing.

It’s like cleaning all the unwanted junk out of your basement. Suddenly you can find things a lot more quickly, and you don’t feel so anxious when you go down there.

I’m so lazy that I will probably buy a male sexbot to fuck my female sexbot

This actually made me laugh.

msexceptiontotherule
msexceptiontotherule
5 years ago

I’m starting to wish I had a basement. I hear they’re great for locking people up in after turning the space into a home dungeon!

Alas, the real estate developers of California decided in their questionable wisdom many years ago that we, the residents of the lovely state of California do not need basements, and so, most of us do not have one. I’d like a basement more than a superfast train.

Falconer
5 years ago

@Binjabreel: Plus she asks Steven if she’s making enough noise. It’s just a cute little moment.

@msexceptiontotherule: My finished basement is just … cold all the time. There isn’t really a door, just a staircase. In the summer, all the cold air from the AC gathers in the basement; in the winter, all the warm air from the furnace runs up the stairs.

I might rather have a longer house than a basement, but my house is built on the side of a hill so there’s a structural limit to how far back it can build.

Tenacitus
Tenacitus
5 years ago

If you want sexbots that totally ok in my book. But the hatred of other human beings just because they are women or Black is bad in my book. My fear is that these type of men don’t really want robot companions they really want to treat flesh and blood women as their slaves. They only want the sexbots for the same reason Amazon uses Mechanical Turks or Uber might eventually get driverless cars, so that they can more easily control the human workforce. If the robots are ever here I see people with power or who identify with power using them to more easily erase people they dislike for their race, gender or other things. That sounds like a more disgusting future. But I don’t think it will happen exactly that way.

GrumpyOldSocialJusticeMangina

@Tenacitus: Basically what they are saying is “If you women won’t be my sexbot, I’ll go out and buy one, and you’ll be lonely old women with cats.”
To which the women say, “Cats are much better company than a man like you, so adios!”

bekabot
5 years ago

If human women had to either mate or die, this might be a problem. But we don’t, so it’s not.

Know what this is? This is the ultimate first-world worry.

Paradoxical Intention
5 years ago

bekabot | August 6, 2015 at 3:36 pm
If human women had to either mate or die, this might be a problem. But we don’t, so it’s not.

Know what this is? This is the ultimate first-world worry.

But, what about the wimmenz in the MIDDLE EAST?! What about them, huh, feminists?! Why aren’t you saving them from their OPPRESSIVE DRESS and their evil men (who are evil brown people, but I’m not racist)?!

Why don’t you feminists worry about them instead of worrying about being raped and beaten by Nice Guys™ like me?! Stop scrutinizing me so I can abuse you!

[/scene]

Okay, seriously going to stop being that guy now. My skin’s crawling.

Bina
Bina
5 years ago

It’s cute that MGTOW think women are going to suddenly come to their senses and feel inadequate because of sexbots. I don’t feel the need to compete with my dishwasher. It washes dishes a lot better and quicker than me and frees me up to do other interesting things? Um, I’m good with that.

Me too. Especially since the first one was invented by…A WOMAN.

Yutolia
Yutolia
5 years ago

@indifferentsky: I do the same thing – they are basically interchangeable in my mind

lefthandedcats
lefthandedcats
5 years ago

Ah yes. Because all the “unattractive” women of the world will not be able to compete and will cry forever that they cannot date amazing men like this fellow. I am guessing he doesn’t realise that if straight women (since that is who he means) are given a choice, they will also probably get sexbots, rather then deal with idiots like him. I for one would totally get a nice male sexbot rather then subject myself to run-ins with men who feel entitled to my body. Something something, Futurama quote about robosexuality.

Catalpa
Catalpa
5 years ago

I missed the timing window for this conversation thread, but technically we DO have chorebots. There are washing machines and dishwashers and vacuum cleaners and heck, even running water to remove the need to go get water from a well or a nearby surface water body. It even heats the water for you if you ask, how considerate! Truly we live in a technological wonderland of helpful, labor-saving gadgets.

(Granted, it would be nice to have a Jetson’s style Rosie bot, but chores are a lot less onerous than they have been at most other periods of history, so I am pleased.)

Wetherby
Wetherby
5 years ago

I’m baffled by tim’s “men and women don’t like spending time with lesbians!”

I mean, for the case of men, no shit I think that’s kinda the point of being a lesbian, but pretty sure I know a lot of women who like spending time with lesbians. It’s a condition called “being a lesbian”, lol.

I have several lesbian friends and greatly enjoy spending time with them.

Of course, we don’t have sex at any point, but that’s not the be-all and end-all of human interaction, or even male-female interaction. Contrary to rumour.

Paradoxical Intention
5 years ago

I’m not technically a lesbian (only because I myself am pansexual), and I like hanging out with them.

They’re really nice, and they like cuddling.

kylagb
5 years ago

Ironically, these guys don’t have a very high regard for MEN if they think most men don’t want a real relationship with an actual human being.

EJ (The Other One)
EJ (The Other One)
5 years ago

When they say “men”, I think they mean “my idealised unrealistic caricature power fantasy of what I wish someday to be.” The observed real-world behaviour of people with Y-chromosomes don’t really enter into it.

Alan Robertshaw
Alan Robertshaw
5 years ago

This man limes spending time with, at least some, lesbians. Admittedly I haven’t met all of them, and I’ve heard there may be dozens of them, but the ones I know are all universally nice.

Amazingly their sexuality often doesn’t even crop up in conversation. It’s almost like they’re, you know, people.

Bina
Bina
5 years ago

I’m straight as a stick, and I’ll take lesbians over mig-toes and PUAs anyday. They’re pleasanter people by far, and so what if I don’t want to have sex with them? At least they will never try to make me. One thing I’ve noticed, speaking strictly from my own experience, is that women know how to take No for an answer.

And anyway, there’s more to getting along with others than just getting-it-on. Which is why these guys fail so hard every time.

Paradoxical Intention
5 years ago

Bina | August 7, 2015 at 11:22 am
I’m straight as a stick, and I’ll take lesbians over mig-toes and PUAs anyday.

http://www.judenorrisphotography.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/witch-stick_JudeNorris.jpg

Probs not the best turn-of-phrase to use, Bina. XD

Alan Robertshaw
Alan Robertshaw
5 years ago

What’s brown and sticky?

Bina
Bina
5 years ago

@PI: LOL, that occurred to me right after clicking Post. Dang.

Paradoxical Intention
5 years ago

Fun fact: that’s a picture of a “Witch Stick”.

alaisvex
alaisvex
5 years ago

Oh shit! Does this mean that none of my male friends exist? Is my boyfriend of almost four years a figment of my imagination too?

RedFox
RedFox
5 years ago

So basically, Heartiste is saying that civilization is imperiled by sexbots because “I’d rather make out with my Monroebot.”

RedFox
RedFox
5 years ago

Couldn’t find this back when I posted… but what do you know, I came across it randomly just now, so here have this for reference.

Kevin
Kevin
5 years ago

From the Futurama PS2 game: First Robot – You know we’re meant to like robot women ? Second Robot – You prefer human women ? First Robot – No, robot men. Lol.

Eric
Eric
4 years ago

Made the mistake of googling an actual sexbot once (it actually had the same name as my gf). I don’t think I’ve ever been that creeped out in my life…

Stephen
Stephen
4 years ago

I don’t think women will be particuarly concerned if PUA/MRA’s start fucking robots instead of them.

P.S.
Humans is a fantastic show, btw. At the time of this writing, it’s been in hiatus for a while now. I hope it comes back soon.

(((VioletBeauregarde))): Social Justice Necromancer
(((VioletBeauregarde))): Social Justice Necromancer
3 years ago

they will just whine and continue eating.

Necroing to say, Jesus fucking Christ! People have to eat in order to survive!

As for BMI, maybe I’m part robot because I’m a “good” size…not “too thin” or “too fat” but I do have a very high BMI.

As a woman, I totally agree with what Stephen here says about not be concerned if manurespherians screw robots instead of me. Go for it and Katie bless ya!

1 3 4 5