As the guy behind a long-running blog devoted to, as my tagline notes, tracking and mocking some of the worst pieces of crap on the internet, I’ve come to expect a good deal of criticism from the aforementioned worst pieces of crap on the internet.
What still surprises me is that they almost never criticize me for anything I’ve actually said or done. Instead, they attack my weight and my fondness for cats. And then, evidently having run out of true things to say about me, they move on to attacking me for things they’ve conjured up in their own brain about me, most of which bear little or no resemblance to the truth.
Last week, I got an email with the urgent subject “OMG OMG ITS YOU!!!” from someone calling himself TF2leplayer. The email consisted of a rather weirdly elaborate fantasy portrayal of what, I guess, he imagines my life to be. Or, at the very least, what he would prefer to think my life consists of.
EDIT: So it turns out this dude’s email is a slightly reworked copypasta of a 4chan-related meme. Not being a channer, I’m not up on all the 4chan memes. When 4chan copypasta is virtually indistinguishable from the kind of “fan mail” I get every day, well that doesn’t say much for the originality of my assorted critics.
There he is. There he goes again
Look everyone he shitposted again! Isn’t he just the funniest guy around?? Oh my god.
I can almost see your pathetic overweight frame glowing in the dark lit by your computer screen which is the only source of light in your room giggling like a little girl as you once again type your little “MUHSOGGYKNEES” up.
I do actually have adequate lighting.
Or maybe you don’t even do that, maybe you’re such a disgusting pile of dog shit that you actually steal shit off of Buzzfeed and Polygon.
Uh, what? I guess this would be a stinging insult if I actually did steal my stuff from either of these two sites, but since I don’t it kind of falls a teensy bit flat.
So it has no more effect on me than if he accused me of, I dunno, shoplifting Whitney Houston CDs from … I dunno, wherever they sell CDs these days. Do they sell CDs these days?
Oh we all know the issue, the uh oppressed minorities isn’t it?
Uh, I thought we’d already determined that I was “typing up MUHSOGGYKNEES.”
I imagine you, little shit, laughing so hard as you as you come up with biased articles, you drop your Doritos onto the floor.
As fond as I am of Doritos, I can’t really eat them regularly. Too much MSG. Gives me headaches.
But its ok, your mother will clean it up in the morning. Oh that’s right, did I fail to mention? You live with your mother!
Ah, the classic “you live with your mother” ploy! Now, there are plenty of people who live with their parents, for assorted reasons. I’m not one of them. So, again, this insult misses me completely. And it’s pretty damn uninspired.
Kick it up a notch, dude. Why not “you live in a poop house that is made of poop and that is also filled with poop, also the furniture is made of poop, and instead of a TV you watch a poop!”
I came up with that one off the top of my head.
You’re a fat fucking fuck up and she’s probably so sick of you already. So sick of having to do everything for you all god damn day, every day, for a grown man who spends all his time on Tumblr posting about white men and trannies.
Er, what? I haven’t posted anything on Tumblr since the glory days of Confused Cats Against Feminism last year. Which by the way was quite a popular little blog in its day, though as an essentially one-joke blog it was not one destined to last. Did I mention that it got written up in like dozens of publications? T-shirts are still available!
Just imagine this, she had you and then she thought you were going to be a scientist or an astronaut or something grand, and then you became a FEMINIST.
Yeah, I’m pretty sure my mom never thought I was going to be an astronaut. Moms can sense these things. I don’t really give off much of an “astronaut” vibe.
A pathetic triggered fag of a FEMINIST. She probably cries herself to sleep everyday thinking about how bad it is and how she wishes she could just disappear. She can’t even talk try to you because all you say is “HAVE YOU HEARD OF OUR LORD AND SAVIOR ANITA SARKEESIAN?”.
It’s weird, this assumption the #GamerGaters have that being a feminist requires that one worship Anita Sarkeesian. I mean, she seems cool, her videos are pretty good, and the fact that she gets endless harassment for them is fucking appalling, but I’m pretty sure I and most other feminists spend a lot less time thinking about Anita Sarkeesian than your typical #GamerGater does. She’s not actually the central figure in world feminism.
#GamerGaters and other antifeminists spend a lot of time and energy railing against feminists, but they know so little about feminism that they can’t even get the stereotypes right.
It’s as if I started mocking Italians for their love of lutefisk and their excessive flamenco dancing. I would get odd looks, and no one would actually be insulted.
You became a parody of your own self. And that’s all you are. A sad little man laughing in the dark by himself as he prepares to indulge in the same topic that he’s done a million times now.
Again, I have more than adequate lighting.
Oh, and that’s all you’ll ever be.
That turns out to be a somewhat ironic ending to this weird little missive.
Because when I click on the email address of Mr. TF2leplayer, I am directed to a rather sparse Google+ profile. The only thing of note I find there is a conversation Mr. TF2leplayer had in a YouTube comments section a year ago.
Mr. T started off with a complaint:
And then this conversation ensued:
I’m just going to cut it off there, because it gets worse, much worse.
Now all this — what I’ve quoted and what I haven’t — doesn’t actually tell me anything about PewDiePie, video gamer and YouTube personality.
But it does tell me something about Mr. T. Namely, that he likes to go around accusing people he doesn’t like of things that aren’t true. And that he especially likes accusing people of being gay and living with their mother (not that there’s anything wrong with it). That’s not even as funny as the old standby: “You’re ugly and your mother dresses you funny.”
Seems like a sort of pointless and pathetic way to spend your life.
But what do I know, sitting n my room in the dark, giggling like a little girl and waiting for my mother to bring me another bag of Doritos?
MOOOOMMMMM!!!
DORITOS!! NOW!!!!!
@Alan
I know, I know! But it’s probably because I post with my phone most of the time. The / (the correct one in the /blockquote) is on a different keyboard “page” than the , so it’s harder to accidentally hit the wrong one. 😛
“Do not post while drunk or stoned” is one of the great laws of life, and here we get yet another look at how indefeasible it is.
Did you watch the jacksepticeye/markiplier collab of The Forest? Cause they started talking about feminism and it’s the reason I don’t watch Mark anymore. (Jack had the sense to edit that part out of his own video and seemed uncomfortable with it).
There’s a line from William Blake that applies here.
“Listen to the fool’s reproach! it is a kingly title.”
So it turns out — as “Bob Dole” noted earlier in the comments — this dude’s email is a slightly reworked copypasta of a 4chan-related meme. Not being a channer, I’m not up on all the 4chan memes. When 4chan copypasta is virtually indistinguishable from the kind of “fan mail” I get every day, well that doesn’t say much for the originality of my assorted critics.
So let’s see — this guy has the time and energy to write a nastygram to David accusing him of being a fat loser and alleging several other imaginary negative aspects of his life. Dogg, what projection! Is there possibly something analogous to circumcision they do to these dudes’ self-awareness?
As someone who is somewhat doing YouTube until she can find a job: It isn’t as easy as it looks. Just sayin’.
I think that was just Mark saying “I think men should be able to hit back if a woman attacks them, but obviously no-one should be hitting anyone.” which is something I agree with wholeheartedly. If you’re assaulted by someone, you should be able to fight back.
He was floundering a little with the wording, but I think that’s what he was getting at. I remember people on tumblr talking about it, but then I watched the video for myself. I can understand why Jack would edit that bit out of his video though, it was an awkward conversation.
I also follow Jack on tumblr, and he’s actually a very nice guy. He doesn’t obviously know everything about social justice (and let’s face it, no one does), but he’s still a good person in my book.
As a former little girl, I take umbrage at this guy’s so-called insult: “giggling like a little girl.” Dude, do you have a problem with little girls?
This guy also slammed David’s weight. David, don’t let the jerks get you down!
I laughed out loud at the photo caption under the orange cat in the bag of Doritos. Our orange cat loves bags. How he wishes we would bring home delicious, salty/cheezee Doritos!
“I haven’t posted anything on Tumblr since the glory days of Confused Cats Against Feminism last year”
Wait, then who runs the We Hunted The Mammoth Tumblr? Am I subscribed to a imposter?
Right. And I suppose next you’re going to tell me this “hypothetical” Whitney Houston CD is for your girlfriend? Sure. 🙂
[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Uto5MhAV_W4&w=420&h=315%5D
P.S. Yes, retail stores do still sell CDs. Not, you know, a lot but it’s still a thing. You can buy them online, even! 🙂
OH NOES!!! THAT’S…actually very thoughtful and considerate. Something I’d totally support as, honestly, I’d love more representation in entertainment in general. I’m fucking bored of every character being a brown-haired white guys who have all the personality of a soggy paper bag filled with mulch.
I think one of the things that made him appealing to so many people (based on my own personal experience dealing with such cretinous shits) is because he knew many of these guys would respond to the “woman done me wrong” narrative. It makes sense, as those people felt disparaged (not that it was warranted) by women for some reason or another (generally because they expected to get laid and weren’t) – when it wasn’t the typical gate-keeping “they’re trying to ruin what I love!” hyper-defensiveness.
It’s been used in songs, novels, and movies – the subtext is always the same: when a man makes a mistake, it is minor and can be easily fixed, but a woman doing similar is somehow far worse for it and beyond repair. Arthurian legends are a good example – as Lancelot, despite committing adultery with Guinevere, is still able attain some form of forgiveness through sacrifice while the Queen’s transgression is somehow one that cannot be repented.
It’s the saying that usually annoys me, but that’s because people I’ve known to use it don’t seem to understand what it means – it’s a talking point they throw around to sound smarter than they actually are, similar to saying “no smoke without fire.”
Makes perfect sense that the people we’re talking about would erroneously apply it to themselves. It’s common with comicbook fans, who often have a false sense of ownership over characters and works they do not have any actual stake in (besides the emotional kind, apparently).
It’s quite nauseating to talk to a comicbook fan who claims that film adaptations are “cultural appropriation” of things they just happened to enjoy a lot. Hell, I’d go as far to say they’re some of the most ignorant yet petulant people in geekdom next to these elitist “hardcore gamers” who think any attempt at inclusivity is part of some vast conspiracy straight from Alex Jones’ asshole.
/testing blockquote/
/oops!/
Kinda comical that he accused you of stealing content, while he was stealing content.
@johnpavlich
That was immediately where my head went when I read the comment about stealing Whitney Houston CDs.
Is the Dark Lord secretly Warren in a cat/ferret suit in a human suit?
Your feelz. I know them. Some random hateful weirdo once made a video about me (still up on Youtube) where he made up this weird backstory for me that made no sense. His basic claim is that I was taken in by feminists at a desperate hour of my life that he completely made up.
@maistrechat
I wanted to use the clip where she’s actually referenced: “Look at what you took. Rap…Metal…Rap…Metal…Whitney Houston.” Alas, I couldn’t find it on YouTube but this one sufficed.
FUN FACT: Although everyone called him Warren, his actual name was apparently Francis. 🙂
@Paradoxical
@chevrolet
I agree with Paradoxical, Mark was floundering but he did bring his point back to “nobody should be hitting anybody”. Which is true. Jack meanwhile did the whole “when men can hit women that’s equality” line which has a point (especially regarding self defence), but the context of it reminded me too much of those creepy internet assholes whose FIRST thought at the mention of gender equality is “I can hit a girl and not get in trouble.” Which is just…what the fuck dude, why is violence your first go-to when you imagine what equality looks like?!?
Mark has also made plenty of highly feminist friendly remarks in the recent past, even a video mocking those “Nice Guys” that we all know and er, love. Jack…could use improvement. But I’d put that The Forest fiasco down to maybe a degree of ignorance – Jack himself admitted he knows little about feminism.
In short, I currently hold Mark in higher regard right now but I’m sure I’ll warm up to Jack again soon. I can’t stay mad at Mark, he’s so awesome. <3 <3 <3 <3 (senpaiiiiii! )
Wait, what has PewDiePie ever done to earn this ire? I know his humor is hit or miss, and many “hardcore gamers” seem to despise him for one reason or another… but does this guy accuse anyone he doesn’t like of being a homosexual Jew white knight?
Maybe it’s a 4chan brand of joke, or something like that.
The thing that gets me about him is that he does all this shit while claiming to be a feminist.
http://media.giphy.com/media/3o85xyYOQdcmQSlKU0/giphy.gif
I’m sorry, what?
@BeyondOcean
Personally, I can’t stand him because of his long history of vile rape “Jokes” (and SCARECAM!!!1 bores me to death, but it’d just be shrugging indifference if it weren’t for the rape “Jokes”).
Of course, that’s the opposite of making him a “Gay Joooooish SJW” or whatever the fuck, so… Yeah, probably the “Anyone he doesn’t like” thing. =P
@BeyondOcean
I tried to watch one of his videos once. I got half a minute in. The man is a cartoon character.
Pewds has made some videos that I really liked, other times I just find him waaay OTT. For me he’s hit and miss.
@Scented & Pandapool
Eh, I wasn’t really asking why people dislike PewDiePie’s videos, I meant why is he suddenly a SJW to GGers, since I’ve never heard about him doing anything feminist.
I only watched one of his videos in its entirety. I think I can understand why he would have some fans. Don’t care much for him myself.
This is now my go-to insult. @David, I will be sure to credit you.