As the guy behind a long-running blog devoted to, as my tagline notes, tracking and mocking some of the worst pieces of crap on the internet, I’ve come to expect a good deal of criticism from the aforementioned worst pieces of crap on the internet.
What still surprises me is that they almost never criticize me for anything I’ve actually said or done. Instead, they attack my weight and my fondness for cats. And then, evidently having run out of true things to say about me, they move on to attacking me for things they’ve conjured up in their own brain about me, most of which bear little or no resemblance to the truth.
Last week, I got an email with the urgent subject “OMG OMG ITS YOU!!!” from someone calling himself TF2leplayer. The email consisted of a rather weirdly elaborate fantasy portrayal of what, I guess, he imagines my life to be. Or, at the very least, what he would prefer to think my life consists of.
EDIT: So it turns out this dude’s email is a slightly reworked copypasta of a 4chan-related meme. Not being a channer, I’m not up on all the 4chan memes. When 4chan copypasta is virtually indistinguishable from the kind of “fan mail” I get every day, well that doesn’t say much for the originality of my assorted critics.
There he is. There he goes again
Look everyone he shitposted again! Isn’t he just the funniest guy around?? Oh my god.
I can almost see your pathetic overweight frame glowing in the dark lit by your computer screen which is the only source of light in your room giggling like a little girl as you once again type your little “MUHSOGGYKNEES” up.
I do actually have adequate lighting.
Or maybe you don’t even do that, maybe you’re such a disgusting pile of dog shit that you actually steal shit off of Buzzfeed and Polygon.
Uh, what? I guess this would be a stinging insult if I actually did steal my stuff from either of these two sites, but since I don’t it kind of falls a teensy bit flat.
So it has no more effect on me than if he accused me of, I dunno, shoplifting Whitney Houston CDs from … I dunno, wherever they sell CDs these days. Do they sell CDs these days?
Oh we all know the issue, the uh oppressed minorities isn’t it?
Uh, I thought we’d already determined that I was “typing up MUHSOGGYKNEES.”
I imagine you, little shit, laughing so hard as you as you come up with biased articles, you drop your Doritos onto the floor.
As fond as I am of Doritos, I can’t really eat them regularly. Too much MSG. Gives me headaches.
But its ok, your mother will clean it up in the morning. Oh that’s right, did I fail to mention? You live with your mother!
Ah, the classic “you live with your mother” ploy! Now, there are plenty of people who live with their parents, for assorted reasons. I’m not one of them. So, again, this insult misses me completely. And it’s pretty damn uninspired.
Kick it up a notch, dude. Why not “you live in a poop house that is made of poop and that is also filled with poop, also the furniture is made of poop, and instead of a TV you watch a poop!”
I came up with that one off the top of my head.
You’re a fat fucking fuck up and she’s probably so sick of you already. So sick of having to do everything for you all god damn day, every day, for a grown man who spends all his time on Tumblr posting about white men and trannies.
Er, what? I haven’t posted anything on Tumblr since the glory days of Confused Cats Against Feminism last year. Which by the way was quite a popular little blog in its day, though as an essentially one-joke blog it was not one destined to last. Did I mention that it got written up in like dozens of publications? T-shirts are still available!
Just imagine this, she had you and then she thought you were going to be a scientist or an astronaut or something grand, and then you became a FEMINIST.
Yeah, I’m pretty sure my mom never thought I was going to be an astronaut. Moms can sense these things. I don’t really give off much of an “astronaut” vibe.
A pathetic triggered fag of a FEMINIST. She probably cries herself to sleep everyday thinking about how bad it is and how she wishes she could just disappear. She can’t even talk try to you because all you say is “HAVE YOU HEARD OF OUR LORD AND SAVIOR ANITA SARKEESIAN?”.
It’s weird, this assumption the #GamerGaters have that being a feminist requires that one worship Anita Sarkeesian. I mean, she seems cool, her videos are pretty good, and the fact that she gets endless harassment for them is fucking appalling, but I’m pretty sure I and most other feminists spend a lot less time thinking about Anita Sarkeesian than your typical #GamerGater does. She’s not actually the central figure in world feminism.
#GamerGaters and other antifeminists spend a lot of time and energy railing against feminists, but they know so little about feminism that they can’t even get the stereotypes right.
It’s as if I started mocking Italians for their love of lutefisk and their excessive flamenco dancing. I would get odd looks, and no one would actually be insulted.
You became a parody of your own self. And that’s all you are. A sad little man laughing in the dark by himself as he prepares to indulge in the same topic that he’s done a million times now.
Again, I have more than adequate lighting.
Oh, and that’s all you’ll ever be.
That turns out to be a somewhat ironic ending to this weird little missive.
Because when I click on the email address of Mr. TF2leplayer, I am directed to a rather sparse Google+ profile. The only thing of note I find there is a conversation Mr. TF2leplayer had in a YouTube comments section a year ago.
Mr. T started off with a complaint:
And then this conversation ensued:
I’m just going to cut it off there, because it gets worse, much worse.
Now all this — what I’ve quoted and what I haven’t — doesn’t actually tell me anything about PewDiePie, video gamer and YouTube personality.
But it does tell me something about Mr. T. Namely, that he likes to go around accusing people he doesn’t like of things that aren’t true. And that he especially likes accusing people of being gay and living with their mother (not that there’s anything wrong with it). That’s not even as funny as the old standby: “You’re ugly and your mother dresses you funny.”
Seems like a sort of pointless and pathetic way to spend your life.
But what do I know, sitting n my room in the dark, giggling like a little girl and waiting for my mother to bring me another bag of Doritos?
MOOOOMMMMM!!!
DORITOS!! NOW!!!!!
“She’s not actually the central figure in world feminism.”
And yet, she’s pretty much the only thing antifeminists go on about. I have yet to have an antifeminist acknowledge that the war on women is real and that abortion rights are a rights issue. At most they skirt over it and then start screaming about Anita Sarkeesian again.
Funny that. It’s almost like they’re a bunch of selfish little children who only care about what effects their snacks, toys & nappy times.
Ewww, cheesy doritos? MY STIRLING IMAGE OF YOU IS RUINED! WE WILL NEVER RECOVER FROM THIS TERRIBLE FIASCO! *mock sobbing*
On the plus side, at least he’s not a holocaust denier.
Is that projection I can smell?
So, uh… Who wants the honour of pointing out to this twit that one can be a scientist/astronaut/whatever and a feminist at the same time, because “Feminist” is not an occupation any more than “Bigoted idiot” is?
Maybe he’s just confused because he thinks “Bigoted idiot” is his occupation. Most other #Gits certainly seem to.
Signed, a feminist scientist.
Why it has to be a TF2 Player? It’s not like the Team Fortress 2 community is not toxic by any degree, but it’s like separated in several, several communities and there’s a lot of variety between them. This game has almost 50% women players in it! And the slash community in this game is really REALLY BIG!
Well… :(. Go away!
Not the only thing. There’s also Valerie Solanas. =P
You know, I’m willing to bet that there are more “rape and torture” survivors who are also in the feminist camp than there are in the opposing faction. Because the thing is – funny thing about rape and torture – they kinda suck. There’s a reason that John McCain, Republican extraordinarre, is against the whole ordeal. So all these poor dears who keep yelling about how wonderful it is are really just showing off their ignorance again. It’s really very unseemly and a little bit awkward. And it happens with the regularity of their epidermis showing. So epidermis = ignorance?! The Conspiracy Awakes!!!! 😀
(Note: I’m really trying to sound enthusiastically off the deep end here. Is it working?)
He could at least called you Ignatius. That would have been a better insult
Cosigned, another feminist scientist.
Charlie Jemison and Dorothy Green must also be so very, very disappointed. After all, it’s even possible that they once sensed a “scientist” vibe in Mae Carol.
Or that other thing.
Doritos are really good, crushed up, in chili.
Voltaire’s prayer answered AGAIN!
OMG I have just finished a big bag of Doritos, and my son introduced me to PewDiePie (really don’t understand why he is so popular), BUT we don’t have a basement. These contradictions must make TF2leplayer’s tiny mind explode!
Dear Mr. TF2leplayer, those who live in fat houses shouldn’t throw scones
I admit I have an affinity for Spicy Doritos. They’re amazing.
Damn it, stop talking about Doritos. Now I want some, headaches be damned!
I’m trying to decide if my mental voice for Mr. Futrelle beginning to sound like Jim Sterling at the “Why not “you live in a poop house…” point is a good or a bad thing.
Dave, he also called you a jew (at least I think he did) with the “MUHSOGGYKNEES”. I think he was trying to use/mock the Yiddish work, meshuggenesh.
That sort does tend to being a one-trick pony.
That is the adjectival from of meshuggeneh.
I’ve heard he has turned a corner and is doing much better with this as of late, but PewDiePie does not exactly have a stellar SJW track record in terms of his humor. I mean, of all the people to rant all “white knights and ess jay double ewes” about…
I’d bet you dollars to donuts that TF2-whats-his-face has not watched a single PewDiePie video, at least beyond ten seconds. So basically he understands that channel as well as he understands feminism, for pretty much exactly the same reasons. He’s listened to the haters, but has done none of the research, and defaults to the same basket of insults for everybody.
Charming.
@pecunium
Actually, it’s supposed to be “Misogyny” done in the style of “Freeze peach.” Trying to turn our jokes back on us and failing, much like how they try to turn our SJ language back on us and fail.
Let’s be fair, David, you do source a lot of your content from Reddit.
“She’s not actually the central figure in world feminism.”
Although to be honest, GamerGate has made Anita much more visible than she otherwise would have been, and has put her at the forefront of the discussion about how abuse manifests in online spaces. (I think she would have much preferred to not have the abuse if it meant relative obscurity.)
Still, while Feminist Frequency has a good reputation frankly they just aren’t prolific enough to be a thought leader. The gaming industry had been primed for something like this for a while, after Penny Arcade’s cackhanded handling of the dickwolves controversy*. Voices that demanded to be heard couldn’t be ignored for too much longer.
*long story
Yes. All mothers live in fear that their sons will grow up to be feminists. It’s their number one nightmare – the thought of their child becoming a man who respects women and support their freedom and independende.
What mothers WANT is for their sons to grow into misogynist, chauvinist creeps who think of women as just something you do and use and control.
Common knowledge, y’all!
– Malitia
Don’t know why, but in my head, David has always sounded like Morgan Freeman.
Make of that what you will.