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News Quiz: What is the “one thing” American women are good for, according to Return of Kings?

Woman (Artist's Conception)
Woman (Artist’s Conception)

Today, a news quiz!

Earlier this week, creepy misogynistic internet shitpublication Return of Kings posted an article titled “American Women Are Only Good For One Thing,” by Donovan Sharpe, described in his bio on the site as “a west coast resident who lives for objectifying women while keeping them on their toes, their backs, and their knees.”

The Question: According to Mr. Sharpe, what is the one thing American women are good for?

  1. Converting light energy from the Sun into “food”
  2. Producing a toxin in a specialized gland that is used to kill or paralyze prey via biting or spitting.
  3. Holding their breath for 90 minutes during deep ocean dives
  4. Jumping 100 times their own height
  5. Sex
  6. If you cut a woman in half, each half will regenerate into a whole woman

ANSWER: According to Sharpe, the answer is number 5, sex.

But it was a trick question! Numbers 1, 2, and 4 are also correct.

Apparently unaware of the amazing jumping, toxin-producing and photosynthetic abilities of women, Sharpe argues that

most of today’s women are bitchy, masculine, selfish cunts with inferiority complexes that make them think they want to dominate men.

The sad truth is that decades of feminism has reduced women to nothing more than three holes and a set of tits who are only as good as the orgasms they provide men.

I also think he’s wrong about the number of holes. Women have nostrils, right? And earholes? I mean, I don’t think they’re very good for sex, but they’re definitely holes.

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autosoma
5 years ago
Reply to  sn0rkmaiden

@sn0rkmaiden
Interesting point you raise in your last paragraph. What does the wrong man do after walking away from his family/parental responsibilities? Does he then go on to join the AvFm/ROK/mgTow crew? Thus doubling up on shitty behaviour.

EJ (The Other One)
EJ (The Other One)
5 years ago

Interesting point you raise in your last paragraph. What does the wrong man do after walking away from his family/parental responsibilities? Does he then go on to join the AvFm/ROK/mgTow crew? Thus doubling up on shitty behaviour.

It’s what Elam did.

sn0rkmaiden
5 years ago

@Autosoma,

I’ve wondered that myself. I cannot comprehend how anyone can just wash their hands of their family and walk away, no matter how acrimoniously the split has been.

The guys who are being kept from their children are among the only red pill guys I feel sorry for, knowing full well those manosphere sites will only make things worse for them. That said, much of the time they’re unreliable narrators, and won’t talk about their own culpability. I can understand a man resenting lack of contact with his kids, but not begrudging having to provide for them.

Btw, forgive me for prying, but how are things going for you? Are you and your wife back together? I saw your recent comment about how you’re all moving out of London.

Wilson
Wilson
5 years ago

@Buttercup – haha, a sarcastic font would be great, I like that idea 🙂

Or maybe we could repurpose Comic Sans into the sarcasm font? I think life might be improved by reading everything you see in Comic Sans as sarcasm.

ScannerSimon
5 years ago

Looks like neoreaction is now heavily involved in the ‘cuckservative’ twitter phenomenon.They’re trying to replicate gamegate with Trump

autosoma
5 years ago

@Sn0rkmaiden
Hi we had some relationship stresses but by listening carefully on my part, using empathy on my part and by both of us assessing the root problems we’ve been having, we decided that moving out of London will be best for all of us. Unfortunately, Mrs. Autosoma’s last two jobs (Enterprise IT project management – I’d like to name and shame but the UK’s pretty litigious and they are organisations that you all know and she wants to put it behind her and move on) were in horribly misogynistic environments and I failed to support her appropriately.

Anyway a bit of empathy, understanding and grunt work on my part and we’re back on track. Thank you for showing concern it is very appreciated.

indifferentsky
5 years ago

Single fathers get god like hero status, single mothers are to spit on. Life 101.
And yeah there is the “dead beat dad” that sometimes gets jailed for non payment, which is a catch 22 but by and large we know who has the most responsibility. AND this kind of talk makes me feel like I’ve fallen for another “contest”. It’s not a contest, it’s a defense.

sn0rkmaiden
5 years ago

@Autosoma,

glad to hear you two are back on track. Best of luck with moving forward 🙂

I’m tempted to move out of London myself, but it’s not my choice alone to make. I love this city, but there are so many downsides.

Alan Robertshaw
Alan Robertshaw
5 years ago

@ autosoma and sn0rkmaiden

I did 15 years in London. I loved it, but moving to Cornwall was one of the best things I ever did.

London is great and exciting and there’s lots to do, but nothing beats just being able to stare at the sea or visit some stone circles. You can also visit friends for a cup of tea without it involving the logistics of Scott’s Antarctic journey.

EJ (The Other One)
EJ (The Other One)
5 years ago

I love London, but I work outside of it. Rather than continue to be the only person silly enough to pay London rents and then commute *out* each morning, I’m probably going to rebase myself nearer to work soon.

I’ll miss London. In particular I’ll miss not needing a car.

sn0rkmaiden
5 years ago

@indifferntsky,

Judgybitch wrote a shitty blogpost that illustrates exactly what you’re saying about the double standards with which single fathers and mothers are viewed. She literally vilified single mothers as undatable while praising single fathers to the heavens.

The problem isn’t between mothers and fathers here, it’s the way society judges us. It is frustrating that a man will get kudos for the basic decency of caring for his family while a woman will be despised for having a family that is less than 1950’s style perfection.

sn0rkmaiden
5 years ago

@Alan Robertshaw,

I am so jealous 🙂 If I ever do leave London my choice would be to move somewhere coastal. Though I’ll probably just go North where the property prices are still within reason.

sunnysombrera
5 years ago

@Alan
I hear ya, I love living down here. Except that my chosen career plans mean I’ll probably wind up living in London for the first time, for a while.

@Wilson
COMIC SAAAAAAANS!!!!!!

@

Mr Sharpe’s ideal woman:
[Image of a bowling ball]

Was going to post an actual image, but I didn’t want to risk squicking out any of our resident Trypophobes.

I’m okay with bowling balls, it’s clusters of small holes that are the problem.

The only exception is crumpets. I don’t have to look at them for long because it only takes 20 seconds for me to take them out the toaster, butter them and stuff them in my mouth. ???? Their deliciousness overrides my trypophobia. Yummm.

sunnysombrera
5 years ago

@snork
Yes yes yes, do it. I’ve lived on the south coast my whole life and even though my hometown doesn’t have a beach, my current place does and I love it. The little coves among the cliffs are especially lovely.

sn0rkmaiden
5 years ago

@Sunnysombrera,

alas it’s not up to me entirely. I co-own my house with my ace platonic life partner, and he wouldn’t want to sell up right now, my parents both live here, and Snork Junior’s settled at school. But one day….

I should really have made the move years ago, but I was always tied to London because of work. Now I’m working for myself and could live anywhere with a postal service, there are other factors making me stay put.

Glad to hear the new job’s working out okay by the way. I figured the bingo hall was the better option.

guest
guest
5 years ago

I live in York and I don’t need a car!! York is fantastic–it’s awesome to live in the real-life Winterfell. [brought to you by the York tourist board] Actually it’s very likely that after more than a decade here I’ll be out of here no later than the end of the year–to elsewhere in the UK, or elsewhere in the world–I’ll really regret it, but I can’t allow my career to suffer any more.

guest
guest
5 years ago

And also Autosoma it’s very inspiring to read your updates and I wish you and your family well, and good luck with your transition to a new place and new life.

marci
5 years ago

Yes, single moms are the worst thing ever, but single dads are heros. Also if a man gives up custody and just has visitation, that is perfectly ok, but if a woman does that she’s a monster. It’s gross.

LiliVonSchtup
LiliVonSchtup
5 years ago

@ Sn0rkmaiden & Indifferentsky,

It makes me wonder about how many single mothers these turds actually know in real life. I know quite a few, and they’re the most hard-working, money-conscious people around. Spontaneous Iphone purchases? Not likely. They work a second job on the weekends and spend what little time they have raising their kids. There’s no free time or resources available to even think of frivolous spending. Honestly, every single mother I know puts her children first, sometimes at the cost of her own physical and emotional health. MRAs & assorted asshats have deliberate blinders on.

Sunny
Sunny
5 years ago

Frootloopsie:
*Twinsies!!*

autosoma
5 years ago

It’s going to be weird living outside if London, I did think that I would miss the cultural diversity – but I don’t think I will. Working with the boys in the city really messed with Mrs. Autosoma’s head and she’s looking forward to living on the coast, being a SAHP and maybe becoming a teacher.

We both work/d in IT and there is something terribly flawed about the “boy’s own” culture, there is too much pressure to work longer than the contractual hours, too much “work hard – play hard” and that comes at the expense of family.

Anyway, thank all for your positivity.

Miss Diketon
Miss Diketon
5 years ago

Producing a toxin in a specialized gland that is used to kill or paralyze prey via biting or spitting.

I wish to the universe that this was true. It would be so awesome.

happy cat
happy cat
5 years ago

Uh? I’m not American but I have a vagina and I’m asexual…

Hey, that’s great! I’ll never have sex with a rok person! 😀

sunnysombrera
5 years ago

I also think he’s wrong about the number of holes. Women have nostrils, right? And earholes? I mean, I don’t think they’re very good for sex, but they’re definitely holes.

http://crooksandliars.com/files/primary_image/15/06/2216490-voldemort01.jpg
#feministselfie

Even though they’re more like slits than holes, but they still count OK? Don’t nostril shame me!

Falconer
5 years ago

@EJ: I can see you haven’t had the upgrade that lets you one-shot three K’t’inga-class starships in the space of a minute.

Sunny
Sunny
5 years ago

Ugh, former single mom here (11 years prior to re-marriage) I find it interesting the the manosphere both bosts about how little money women make, lots of references to kids of single moms being very poor as well as little older ladies who’ve never been married living on nothing with their cats. Yet at the same time will deny the gender pay gap til their blue in the face.

A.A. Wils
5 years ago

Jumping 100x my height and producing a toxin that paralyzes my prey…yeah, I’ll take it. But I’d also like to have to power to convert sunlight and CO2 to food–would totes save me lots of money at the grocery store.

EJ (The Other One)
EJ (The Other One)
5 years ago

@sunnysombrera:
You have awesome nostrils. Not everyone needs wide child-bearing nostrils in order to look good.

@Falconer:
I am a peaceful man. Also, I allow my faction to save resources on my construction which lets them build later, more powerful spacecraft. Alas, not being female, I am not able to jump, poison or photosynthesise. One can’t have everything.

@Sunny:
It’s ridiculous, isn’t it? It’s as though MRAs are so determined to win each individual exchange that they give no thought whatsoever to the overall message they send. There’s no wider philosophical consistency, which shows how deeply they’ve thought about it.

Buttercup Q. Skullpants

@Alto Fronto – I thought of a bowling ball too! Also trinuts, grounded electrical outlets, old-style cross country ski boots, and three ring binders (full of women, if you’re Mitt Romney).

At this point, there’s not many animals or objects left that they haven’t equated women to.

@Sunny – I can’t even with people who dump on single moms. It comes from a place of total ignorance, and lately it’s become a dogwhistle.

I’m still waiting for my government handout and free Segway. *tum te tum*

WRT to top chefs being overwhelmingly men, it isn’t so much that men are better cooks, it’s that men have an easier time becoming celebrity chefs. Men get lauded by the media for being technically innovative, while women get praised more for being traditional (think Julia Child and French cooking, Joyce Chen and northern Chinese cuisine, Alice Waters and the slow food movement). Chefs have to work long hours at night and on weekends, which takes a toll on family life, unless they have an available spouse to help out with child care. (Note, however, that you only ever hear manospherians crow about how women achieve literally nothing without men, but never one peep about the wives and partners who make building a celebrity chef empire possible.)

In addition, kitchens are notoriously tough places for women to work, with rampant misogny, harassment and disrespect of female chefs being common features. Haute cuisine is an antiquated hierarchy based on rules written by men, and it’s hard for women to break in.

So yeah, this is yet another circular example of sexism being used to justify sexism.

EJ (The Other One)
EJ (The Other One)
5 years ago

In addition, kitchens are notoriously tough places for women to work, with rampant misogny, harassment and disrespect of female chefs being common features. Haute cuisine is an antiquated hierarchy based on rules written by men, and it’s hard for women to break in.

So true. I worked in a restaurant kitchen when I was a student, and the sheer machoness of it was astounding.

Luzbelitx
5 years ago

It’s as though MRAs are so determined to win each individual exchange that they give no thought whatsoever to the overall message they send. There’s no wider philosophical consistency, which shows how deeply they’ve thought about it.

They also project it all back to feminists.

They have no clue about how an organization works (just look at AVFM trainwreck), they just feel feminists are assholes to them, so they proceed to out-asshole them.

(Note, however, that you only ever hear manospherians crow about how women achieve literally nothing without men, but never one peep about the wives and partners who make building a celebrity chef empire possible.)

[sarcasm]
Because in that case, women get the sweet sweet deal of staying at home doing nothing and spending the man’s hard-earned money, duuuuuh…
[/sarcasm]

Fruitloopsie
Fruitloopsie
5 years ago

Well, I think all single moms (I mean the good ones) are super duper heroines especially my mom. Thank you all for doing double duty <3

Falconer
5 years ago

Sarcasm!

Falconer
5 years ago

Drat.

autosoma
5 years ago

@ej the reason for child bearing nostrilks ius to sniff the stinky little buggers out when their young… Didn’t you know women of child bearing age are genetically hard wired to detect sprogs by scent alone. They can also tell the biological father through heat detection… Don’t ask me how, I’m not an evo-bio-psycho-ologist, but I’ve been told they can, by that fella in the boozer, and he read it on the internet, so it’s deffo true.

NicolaLuna
NicolaLuna
5 years ago

I’m a single mum and when my kids were tiny I didn’t get any child support as the dads would quit their job any time the Child Support Agency caught up with them.

I sold all my valuable belongings to buy them food and pay bills (including jewellery that I’d inherited, which broke my heart), I didn’t even buy myself new clothes or shoes until they were falling apart, my dinner was whatever was left on the kids’ plates when they were full from their dinner. I made so sure that they never went hungry or cold and that they never saw how terrified I was of the next upcoming bill. I worked what hours I could fit around college.

I now have a brilliant job and those awful days are gone. I passed college. My kids are awesome and I’m so proud of them.

When MRAs hate on single mums, my response is this:
http://media.giphy.com/media/eWeiU9RWkoPhm/giphy.gif

Tabby Lavalamp
5 years ago

I only wish I had a specialized toxin-producing gland. Nothing deadly, but perhaps something that could produce a temporary paralysis or unconsciousness. No cutting in line in front of me!

Falconer
5 years ago

@Tabby Lavalamp:

I only wish I had a specialized toxin-producing gland. Nothing deadly, but perhaps something that could produce a temporary paralysis or unconsciousness. No cutting in line in front of me!

That almost sounds like a challenge!

Pandapool -- The Species that Endangers YOU (aka Banana Jackie Cake, for those who still want to call me "Banana", "Jackie" or whatever)
Pandapool -- The Species that Endangers YOU (aka Banana Jackie Cake, for those who still want to call me "Banana", "Jackie" or whatever)
5 years ago

@sunnysombrera

Lookin’ fabulous, hon.

Kate
Kate
5 years ago

O/T because I dunno where I should put this, but have ppl seen the CBC story on Roosh V?
http://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/montreal/roosh-v-pickup-artist-shouldn-t-be-allowed-in-canada-says-petition-1.3166099

GrumpyOldSocialJusticeMangina

When my first wife and I separated — it wasn’t supposed to be a permanent separation, just some time with her parents — she took our four-year-old daughter with her, and our ten-year-old son stayed with me. (After all, he was in school, she wasn’t.) And when her parents decided that she should live with them permanently, my son decided to stay with me. It wasn’t difficult — he was an independent kid; I had to go to work early, so he ate breakfast with my father, and other meals too when I had to be away for some reason.

I was always impressed with the fact that people seemed to think I was doing something wonderful by being a single dad. There were times when the reaction was almost insulting, as if a man taking care of a pre-adolescent son were like a talking pig or a dog that can do math. Genitalia don’t have much of a role in child care after the child is born. When our daughter was a month old my wife had a psychotic episode and it looked like she was going to need to be hospitalized. My father commented, “Well, [daughter] will have to go into the hospital too.” “Why?” I asked. He looked at me like I was out of my mind. “You can’t possibly take care of a month-old child.” And that mindset is fading but not entirely gone. I tried to point out that taking care of an infant is time and energy consuming but simple: you feed, burp, change, rock, and bathe when necessary. Admittedly breasts are useful for feeding, but otherwise there is nothing a man can’t do approximately as well as a woman as long as he’s willing to put in the effort.

When it became clear that my wife and I weren’t getting back together, I went to a group for recently separated and divorced people. Naturally I was the only man in the group — Real Men don’t go talk these things out with a group of people..All of the women had been left by their male partners for another woman — in two of the three cases he’d left a previous woman for her, so there was a Pattern there. And what was the most important regret for the women? Not that they’d been dumped for a “better model”, but that their failure to hold on to the guy had deprived their children of their father’s presence in the home.

The way society looks at single parents is sort of like this. A woman starts out with a grade of “C” (she lost the guy or even tossed him out, after all) and can only go down — if she does well, well that’s what mothers do, but if anything is sub-optimal, whether or not it’s her fault, she gets docked points. Unless he was an abusive shit, a man starts out with a C but anything good he does gains lots of points and failure or neglect don’t cost him any, because what can you expect from a man anyway. So the game is seriously rigged in favor of men — big surprise. I have known a couple of bad single mothers — one who was given the money for infant formula by Welfare, then mixed it half-strength so she could use the rest of the money for cigarettes. But the vast majority of single mothers are true heroes who do the best they can, with social attitudes often making it much harder than it needs to be.

GrumpyOldSocialJusticeMangina

Regarding the Roosh V petition, you probably really didn’t have much hope of keeping him out of Canada, but the CBC article is a big victory — he won’t be flying in under the radar.

Paradoxical Intention
5 years ago

NicolaLuna | July 24, 2015 at 1:29 pm
I’m a single mum and when my kids were tiny I didn’t get any child support as the dads would quit their job any time the Child Support Agency caught up with them.

I sold all my valuable belongings to buy them food and pay bills (including jewellery that I’d inherited, which broke my heart), I didn’t even buy myself new clothes or shoes until they were falling apart, my dinner was whatever was left on the kids’ plates when they were full from their dinner. I made so sure that they never went hungry or cold and that they never saw how terrified I was of the next upcoming bill. I worked what hours I could fit around college.

That sounds a lot like my mom too. My biological father modern day Henry the VIII’d her by ditching her when she didn’t have a first-born son. (The sad thing is, she almost did, but miscarried him.) We never got any child support from him, because he hid and lived off of his father’s money.

My mom did get together with another guy when I was four, but he was lazy and would spend all his money on good food for him, and cheap food for us kids, and he had to be pressured by everyone around him to get a job, and he was abusive as fuck towards me and his kids.

Needless to say, my mom’s a wonderful person for sticking through all of that, and understanding that her kids came first (most of the time. She’s only human, after all).

cupisnique
5 years ago

Of course the comments on that cbc article are chalked full of “what about the meeeenzz” and “freeeze peeeacch”

Tabby Lavalamp
5 years ago

@Falconer – I live in Edmonton, Canada. We use freeze rays to blow dry our hair.

Fruitloopsie
Fruitloopsie
5 years ago

Hugs for everyone who needs them.

Robjec
Robjec
5 years ago

David I have to say you are also wrong about the number of holes. You forgot skin pores. :p.
also the pupil of your eyes which are holes. 🙂

Robjec
Robjec
5 years ago

And after reading through these comments I wanted to say, I have a lot of respect for single parents. I don’t think it’s bad when children are raised by one parent, weather it’s the father or the mother, and have never understood people knee-jerk reaction against it. Or how weird people get when they see a father out with their children. It’s sad, but hopefully it will get better.

Anisky
5 years ago

This has probably been shared on this site before, but the discussion of the cultural perceptions of single mothers versus single fathers made me think of this: http://www.eonline.com/news/578704/the-tragic-reason-why-disney-movies-rarely-have-mother-characters