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News Quiz: What is the “one thing” American women are good for, according to Return of Kings?

Woman (Artist's Conception)
Woman (Artist’s Conception)

Today, a news quiz!

Earlier this week, creepy misogynistic internet shitpublication Return of Kings posted an article titled “American Women Are Only Good For One Thing,” by Donovan Sharpe, described in his bio on the site as “a west coast resident who lives for objectifying women while keeping them on their toes, their backs, and their knees.”

The Question: According to Mr. Sharpe, what is the one thing American women are good for?

  1. Converting light energy from the Sun into “food”
  2. Producing a toxin in a specialized gland that is used to kill or paralyze prey via biting or spitting.
  3. Holding their breath for 90 minutes during deep ocean dives
  4. Jumping 100 times their own height
  5. Sex
  6. If you cut a woman in half, each half will regenerate into a whole woman

ANSWER: According to Sharpe, the answer is number 5, sex.

But it was a trick question! Numbers 1, 2, and 4 are also correct.

Apparently unaware of the amazing jumping, toxin-producing and photosynthetic abilities of women, Sharpe argues that

most of today’s women are bitchy, masculine, selfish cunts with inferiority complexes that make them think they want to dominate men.

The sad truth is that decades of feminism has reduced women to nothing more than three holes and a set of tits who are only as good as the orgasms they provide men.

I also think he’s wrong about the number of holes. Women have nostrils, right? And earholes? I mean, I don’t think they’re very good for sex, but they’re definitely holes.

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anemonerosie
5 years ago

Please! Tell us more about how feminism has reduced our orifices! Also, how is the answer not “barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen?” I totally thought that that’d be it!

spacelawn
5 years ago

It’s just so hard to understand why someone would think like this, but at the same time, it’s not. I think the “inferiority complex” might just apply to this dude. That and whole lot of suppressed anger that will end with not a bang, but a whimper.

SpleenyBaggage
SpleenyBaggage
5 years ago

What a miserable, joyless person he must be.

Pandapool -- The Species that Endangers YOU (aka Banana Jackie Cake, for those who still want to call me "Banana", "Jackie" or whatever)
Pandapool -- The Species that Endangers YOU (aka Banana Jackie Cake, for those who still want to call me "Banana", "Jackie" or whatever)
5 years ago

Producing a toxin in a specialized gland that is used to kill or paralyze prey via biting or spitting.

Selfie time!

http://bloximages.newyork1.vip.townnews.com/omaha.com/content/tncms/assets/v3/editorial/5/68/568de1fc-ded4-52b7-b4a3-260330cba9d4/5331f1e75c859.image.jpg

Scented Fucking Hard Chairs
Scented Fucking Hard Chairs
5 years ago

I count eight holes. None of which he has a chance at, unless my mouth telling him that he can’t count and should fall into a McDonald’s ball pit of Legos counts.

kirbywarp
kirbywarp
5 years ago

1. Plants
2. Spiders or snakes
3. Dolphins or whales
4. Fleas
5. Every sexually-reproducing animal on the planet
6. Worms

Did I win?

Scented Fucking Hard Chairs
Scented Fucking Hard Chairs
5 years ago

@SpleenyBaggage

I love your username. “Spleen” is such a fun word to say.

Scented Fucking Hard Chairs
Scented Fucking Hard Chairs
5 years ago

@Kirby

Starfish, too. Some species can regrow their whole body from one chopped-off arm.

http://www.madreporite.com/science/linckia.jpg

And damned if they don’t look like a spiky penis when they do.

kirbywarp
kirbywarp
5 years ago

Dang… I’ll beat your mind-bending quizes next time, David!

NEXT TIIIIMMMEEE!!!

@SFHC:

Wow. I knew they could do that, but I didn’t know what it looked like. That’s… huh.

Speaking of sea critters…

@anemonerosie:

Actually, the article pretty much does say “pregnant, barefoot and in the kitchen” as things that women should be good at. Cooking, and child-rearing. Honestly it’s kind of impressive that he’s stretched out such a boring, ancient misogynistic cliche into a long essay.

Sarity
Sarity
5 years ago

Nah he’s aware of the other holes, but only counting the ones his angry little winky can fit into. It must be a miserable existence having a sexual desire for people you hate/devalue so (deservedly at that)

kirbywarp
kirbywarp
5 years ago

Dang… I’ll beat your mind-bending HTML formatting next time, Mammoth!

NEXT TIIIMMMMEEE!!!!

weirwoodtreehugger
5 years ago

I’m assuming the three holes are vagina, anus, and mouth since those are the holes that provide orgasms to men.

Not only did he forget the nostrils and ears, he forgot the urethra. Does he think we pee from our vaginas?

Sarity
Sarity
5 years ago

@WWTH You may be surprised by the stupid amount of grown men who believe that. =_=

Fruitloopsie
Fruitloopsie
5 years ago

Here’s a selfie, I want to have a hashtag called #feministselfies now.comment image

Bina
Bina
5 years ago

most of today’s women are bitchy, masculine, selfish cunts with inferiority complexes that make them think they want to dominate men.

“Masculine”, eh?

Well, by that token, men are bitchy, selfish dicks with inferiority complexes that make them think they want to dominate women.

The misandry of the PUA sector in all its self-hating glory, folks.

Karalora
5 years ago

Actually, the article pretty much does say “pregnant, barefoot and in the kitchen” as things that women should be good at

That’s actually kind of a relief. Most of the time when these jackasses say “Since feminism, women are only good for X/good for nothing anymore!” they don’t mention what we supposedly used to be good at before feminism “ruined” us.

kirbywarp
kirbywarp
5 years ago

Here’s a thing I’ve noticed a lot from the ROK crowd… The idea that women are worthless for something if they (or another man) can do that something better. Can you cook well? Ha, all women are worthless for cooking. Can you hang out with a guy? Ha, women are worthless for company.

They point to, for example, famous male cooks and use that as evidence that men can cook better than women. Which obviously means that all men cook better than all women, and totally has something to do with the types of people these guys would actually meet or date.

I know it’s just a lazy excuse to put down women some more, but still. Bizarre. Like sneering at theoretical sour grapes from your secluded fox hole.

Wtfcakes
Wtfcakes
5 years ago

This sad and tired textual diarrhea is pretty much par for the course at RoK. I swear their “essays” all just blend together in a pile of vitrol and group think rage-spew at this point.

I will also second the unfortunate truth that there are many grown men who do in fact think women urinate from their vagina. Apparently whatever they went off to discuss during health class did not cover female anatomy very well.

kirbywarp
kirbywarp
5 years ago

@Karalora:

It’s actually kind of amusing. It’s not just “women should cook and raise children.” It’s “famous TV chefs that I know of are men, which prove that all women everywhere suck at cooking. I once saw a woman looking at her phone briefly while her kid wanted attention; that prove all women everywhere suck at raising kids.”

Ridiculously petty and shallow, even for their ridiculous and shallow ideology.

ceebarks
ceebarks
5 years ago

Well, crap, I guessed wrong. I really thought it’d be “vacuuming money out of dudes’ wallets”

this one is more of a romantic, I guess

Xanith
Xanith
5 years ago

I didn’t even have to look at the choices to get the answer right. Do I win a prize?

Ah, who am I kidding? In manosphere land, no one wins.

weirwoodtreehugger
5 years ago

Apparently whatever they went off to discuss during health class did not cover female anatomy very well.

Do they still separate the genders in health class? I hope not. They didn’t at my schools, but I grew up in a progressive city.

Tessa
5 years ago

kirbywarp:
It’s not really surprising. It’s part of the same symptom seen throughout the manopshere (though not limited there). Men have both the benefit of their negative traits only being a reflection on themselves, aaaand they simultaneously get to take credit for all positive things any man has ever done (or perceived to have done).

Women get the opposite. Unless every single woman can do X perfectly, women just can’t do X. And if one woman did something bad to one of these guys, well, all women collectively did it.

Fruitloopsie
Fruitloopsie
5 years ago

It’s like they’ll find or even make up stuff to excuse their hate to make themselves feel important.

kupo
kupo
5 years ago

@Sarity

@WWTH You may be surprised by the stupid amount of grown men who believe that. =_=

I hear that there are grown women who believe that, too. I’m not sure if that’s an urban legend though, but with the state of our education system I’m sure some fall through the cracks.

I remember when I was a girl having to explain it to another girl, knowing that she was in class when we had talked about the urethra and had seen the damn diagrams…I wasn’t sure whether to be embarrassed that I knew that (you know, girls aren’t supposed to be smart) or not. Of course, that was when I was a kid so it makes sense and I know I didn’t know it was there until I was taught in school, so I guess it’s possible.

Luzbelitx
5 years ago

Well, there was a quote I forgot to paste before the gif. Not that I regret (accidentally) avoiding echoing words of a total asshole.

Or maybe the Blockquote Mammoth read in my heart that I only wanted an excuse to post that gif and swallowed the whole thing.

Luzbelitx
5 years ago

Re: urethra? what urethra?

This is why I love Orange is the New Black and Laverne Cox.

Rabid Rabbit
Rabid Rabbit
5 years ago

I’m not sure that I want to know the logic, but how can a “cunt” be “masculine?” Aren’t they opposites by definition, even or especially by MRA standards?

Luzbelitx
5 years ago

And this is why I should be in bed instead of posting. This is the stuff:

msexceptiontotherule
5 years ago

So what would they make of the men who *want* to be dominated by a woman? They do exist, no matter what magical thinking is used to try and pretend otherwise.

Paradoxical Intention
5 years ago

kirbywarp | July 23, 2015 at 9:51 pm
Here’s a thing I’ve noticed a lot from the ROK crowd… The idea that women are worthless for something if they (or another man) can do that something better. Can you cook well? Ha, all women are worthless for cooking. Can you hang out with a guy? Ha, women are worthless for company.

They point to, for example, famous male cooks and use that as evidence that men can cook better than women. Which obviously means that all men cook better than all women, and totally has something to do with the types of people these guys would actually meet or date.

I know it’s just a lazy excuse to put down women some more, but still. Bizarre. Like sneering at theoretical sour grapes from your secluded fox hole.

That’s still something interesting to note. It’s like they still want to cut women out of their lives forever, but can’t seem to find a way to do it completely, because women are still good for sex.

As far as I’m concerned, they’d all be better off pairing off with one another, rather than having them out in the (metaphorical) dating wilderness. Perhaps then they’ll see that they’re all terrible human beings who are terrible at sex anyways, but I imagine it’ll take a couple rotations.

Luzbelitx
5 years ago

Also, this and I’m going to bed!

gosuamakenatek
gosuamakenatek
5 years ago

@Tessa:
Exactly, I noticed a lot of that logic during the whole gamergate thing, and that was actually when I first started noticing how detestable anti-feminists are. They would find any excuse to bitch about feminists, looking for any remotely bad thing a feminist said or did and using that one anecdote to make sweeping blanket statements about how ALL feminists are evil. Meanwhile, when guys on their side did or said something horrible that there was no way they could possibly defend, not only would they say those people don’t represent them, but they would go as far as to say those guys had literally nothing to do with gamergaters, and imply that they were just some outsiders who had no opinion on the matter but just showed up to start trouble. Any bad example of a single feminist represented all feminists to them, but bad examples of them were passed off completely or unacknowledged.
I had no opinion on the whole matter at all until I started noticing how objectively worse people on the gamergate side were being, and then I started noticing it everywhere, whenever people ranted about feminists.
Their attempts to make me believe feminists are evil and terrible people had the exact opposite effect on me, it basically turned me into a feminist myself, because all I noticed was how evil and terrible people complaining about feminists were.
I never did see any of these conniving harpies who want to cut off my penis that they claim are everywhere, instead I am CONSTANTLY seeing anti-feminists saying some of the most sickeningly awful shit I’ve ever seen on a daily basis, even if you don’t count what I see on here. Even when I finally decided to check out the one woman who I saw the most complaining about, Anita Sarkeesian, to see what the big fuss was all about, I was so underwhelmed. I mean I didn’t agree with most of her points, but she wasn’t being completely unreasonable or in any way mean or spiteful, and she never said she wanted anything to be banned, overall her arguments were pretty calm and tame, while the people complaining about her were frothing rabid animals.
My point is, I am living proof that MRA’s and anti-feminists in general are only hurting their cause and creating more feminism.

Luzbelitx
5 years ago
Pandapool -- The Species that Endangers YOU (aka Banana Jackie Cake, for those who still want to call me "Banana", "Jackie" or whatever)
Pandapool -- The Species that Endangers YOU (aka Banana Jackie Cake, for those who still want to call me "Banana", "Jackie" or whatever)
5 years ago

@Luzbelitx

Dat bunny. <3

th1stle
th1stle
5 years ago

Everyday, they wake up and women have personal agency… what a sad reality. Playing a tiny violin just for the PUAs.

I don’t want to be identified, so here’s a picture of the back of my head:

http://qpanimals.pbworks.com/f/albino-monocled-cobra-big.jpg

Buttercup Q. Skullpants

The sad truth is that decades of feminism me watching porn has reduced women to nothing more than three holes and a set of tits who are only as good as the orgasms they provide men.

FTFY.

You know, I’m perfectly OK with Mr. Sharpe having to do his own cooking, cleaning, dishes, and laundry, since he’s clearly so superior at these things.

I’m also super convinced he’d be a perfect parent who would never, ever take his eyes off the kids for one second for the entire 14 hours they are awake, never need a break, never need to check texts on his smartphone, and never have other aspects of his life to tend to. Anything less than 100% attentiveness 100% of the time is selfish folly, and will inevitably result in a rap sheet by the time the kids are 7.

Hell’s bells, this font isn’t sarcastic enough.

Occam’s razor: do women actually suck at basic household tasks, or is it that women are choosing not to cook and clean and have babies for him because he’s a whiny snot otter with nothing to offer except contempt and a fragile ego that needs constant coddling? Are women defective products who no longer fulfill their 1950s bangmaid duties because the factory changed hands and is now being run by feminists, or are they sensibly steering clear of someone who is patently unsuitable as a potential mate and father?

Yeah. Far easier to have impossible armchair standards and berate feeeemales for not living up to them. It’s classic MGTOW sour grapes.

Jo
Jo
5 years ago

I just want to thank David for doing the seemingly impossible and making me laugh while reading about horrible misogyny.

autosoma
5 years ago

Somehow I get the feeling Mr. sharp isn’t quite living up to his bio and maybe just maybe he’s essayed his own personal failings. Actually, we all spotted that – I just stated the obvious. I wonder though why he missed out hands though, they are an active part of Mrs. Autosoma’s and myself jiggy time. Quite curious that he missed that obvious one. Also, he’s seriously not thinking out of the box if he wants to “objectify”. Defiantly letting the PUA world down their. Roosh seriously needs to up his editorial responsibilities. I mean, if they (the PUA’s that is) only want women to be a vessel of male orgasm, then there are plenty of other places on the human body to get your rocks off with in addition to Mr. Sharp’s three plus the aforementioned hands I can think of another five bits of her body where Mrs. Autosoma’s has creatively entertained my little winky, so we’re up to nine and Mrs. Autosoma’s has had a monolateral mastectomy so that does technically reduce the count (BTW I do also try to be creative with Mrs. Autosoma’s bedtime rompy fun – it’s not just a one way street).

I do feel sorry for these ROK-types they do seem to miss out on an awful lot by being so uncreative, dumb and shallow.

EJ (The Other One)
EJ (The Other One)
5 years ago

Welcome to the good guys’ side, gosuamakenatek! We have cookies.

Also bunny gifs.

Instead of a selfie, here’s a schematic of me.

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/c/ce/Voyager_spacecraft_structure_vector.svg/520px-Voyager_spacecraft_structure_vector.svg.png

TheLurker
TheLurker
5 years ago

On the topic of manosperians picking apart a single feminist quote and/or event to paint all feminists, dudes on the Red Pill have been posting links to a Dutch ‘Survivor’ episode where the female team did worse than the male team since the episode came out and every time they talk about it, it’s “see women can’t do anything without men! Men are so much better than women because these men won!”

Pandapool -- The Species that Endangers YOU (aka Banana Jackie Cake, for those who still want to call me "Banana", "Jackie" or whatever)
Pandapool -- The Species that Endangers YOU (aka Banana Jackie Cake, for those who still want to call me "Banana", "Jackie" or whatever)
5 years ago

@EJ

You seem well built. But then again I’m not the best reader of blueprints.

AltoFronto
AltoFronto
5 years ago

@anemonierosie – Barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen is the special reward they reserve for “good” women, who know how to behave themselves…

@autosoma – Hands have too many uses and having them implies that women might be capable of using them to do non-sexual things, like holding a steady job independent of a man, and Mr Sharpe wants to reduce all women to their holes (and only as the pertain to taboo uses), so of course his theoretical woman doesn’t have hands.

Mr Sharpe’s ideal woman:
[Image of a bowling ball]

Was going to post an actual image, but I didn’t want to risk squicking out any of our resident Trypophobes.

wild honey design
5 years ago

Projecting his selfish inferiority complex much?!

sn0rkmaiden
5 years ago

Somebody please tell me Gordon Ramsey didn’t actually say women couldn’t cook.

sn0rkmaiden
5 years ago

Now the AFVM is slowing dying a death, it seems RoK will now be the dominant misogyny site.

While the existence of that place is discouraging, at least the men there can be relied upon to do absolutely squat in terms of activism, all they’re about is pubescent whining. AVFM used to help coordinate actual campaigns of toxicity. So I’m thinking the rise of RoK means that the manosphere is losing overall.

It cracked me up when he pulled this out his arse:

‘What’s more is that men are much better with money making single father homes more stable. As the more responsible sex, a man will pass his financial shrewdness to his children, whereas a woman who buys the hot new iPhone rather than pay the electric bill will undoubtedly influence the future spending habits of her young.’

I’d like to know how this shrewd single father is going to manage nurturing his children while also providing for them? If children from single parent households struggle more in life it’s because one parent must perform the combined roles of nurturer and provider, which is incredibly tough unless there’s outside support from relatives, friends and the government. I’d love to know how he thinks men would manage better at this task. Possibly by hiring a nanny? But wait, most nannies are women!

And why do idiots look at single mothers and assume they must be bad mothers, why aren’t they judging the fathers who have walked away? Hang on, I know the answer to that one, it’s the women’s fault for choosing the wrong man /s

autosoma
5 years ago

@AltoFronto
It never crossed my mind to think what seditious things hands were. My, I’ve got my worldview completely wrong haven’t I. PUA Shagland must be a horrible place to live.

So that’s what Mrs. Autosoma’s was doing 10 hours a day, five days a week, using her hands to hold down a steady job, blimey, I wondered what she was up to (OK that was an vague attempt at humourous sarcasm).

Also, if theoretical women don’t have hands and a kitchen being a hands on kinda place, why be in a kitchen? Well, at least theoretical women are barefoot, which implies feet, so that means practical women (whom I’m assuming also have feet) rather than the theoretical variety can run a mile from the likes of Mr. Sharp.

Finally, I feel that my Friday morning sarcasm may touch a few raw nerves, so I’ll apologise upfront, if I’ve upset anyone.

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