In the wee hours of the morning, this morning, there was a great disturbance on the Internet, as if millions of shitposters suddenly cried out in terror, and were suddenly silenced. For about ten seconds.
What had happened? This:
https://twitter.com/deanesmay/status/623796900903432192
Huh. That’s interesting.
But I’m not exactly stunned to hear that another Men’s Rightser has had what looks like a big falling out with the rather temperamental Paul Elam. Or perhaps that Elam has had a falling out with him?
Oh, sorry, I’m being told that Esmay is quitting “to look after his health” and to “take his activism in a different direction.”
That’s A Voice for Men’s explanation, anyway.
Esmay own explanation, which he posted in a Twitlonger shortly after his announcement, also mentions the health thing:
I am taking some time off, looking after my long-neglected health, and relaxing with family and friends.
But he also notes, a little enigmatically,
Unless there is some serious issue of life and limb that requires grand drama, it’s never a good idea to air philosophical and personal conflicts publicly.
I have quit A Voice for Men because it was time to move on. That is all. I am on speaking terms with everybody.
It seems as though Esmay is, for once, trying to be diplomatic. But he doesn’t seem very good at it. “On speaking terms” is not exactly what you’d call a ringing endorsement of the Cult of Elam, which had utterly consumed Esmay’s life for a number of years.
Esmay promises that
I will also continue to be a shit-stirrer, but now, as a civilian. At least until I find my next home. 🙂
So with that, I would like to introduce We Hunted the Mammoth’s new Chief Operating Officer, Dean Esmay!
Just kidding. We Hunted the Mammoth’s chief operating officer is the one on the right here:
I look forward to the inevitable meltdown of the facade of amicability between Esmay and his former boss.
—
Please read the newly revised COMMENTS POLICY before commenting.
Ah ha ha, brilliant 🙂
On a serious note, sorry to hear about your husband’s behavior Sunny. I hope he does come to realise how this is affecting you, and that it’s not ok. My SO and I have never had problems sexually in that vein, but when we first started seeing each other it became apparent pretty quickly (well, I say that, it took me a good few months and a few good friends to accept it) that some of his behaviours and attitudes were hurtful to me and to the relationship. Behaviour change can take a long time, which sucks..
SunnySombrera
Hi! There can never be too much sunshine right? My handle relates to my tattoo, a sunflower. I love sunflowers; beautiful, useful, and really hard to kill! 🙂
GOSJM
I think the mismatched sex drives is definitely related as well as the need (and difficulty asking) for emotional intimacy, very good point. We generally work around it really well with masturbation (neither one of us is shy about that) and actually just going to bed earlier. I’m sorry Atilla and others have said terrible things about you, I hugely enjoy your perspective!
Falconer
It’s more super annoying than horrible fortunately, but it does impact our relationship. He really is just completely unaware of power dynamics as an earlier commenter alluded to, I think that’s kind of the definition of privilege, but not a deliberate thing by any means. I think it comes down to the fact that he’s treating me like he’d like to be treated; he would LOVE it if I propositioned him for sex numerous times throughout the day ;). I, on the other hand treat him like I’d like to be treated, if he seems tired I leave him alone and let him sleep! I wanted to let you know too that I really enjoy the pics of your baybeez that you post, mine are almost grown up so I find the little ones endlessly entertaining 🙂
Misha
Thanks for the support! Relationships are quite complicated aren’t they, it definitely takes time and patience and lots and lots of talking. My SO (who identifies as a fiminist) always expresses that I’ve helped him think about things differently, but it’s a process!
Anybody else endlessly checking the front page of WHTM to see when the inevitable explosion occurs? I suppose that Esmay may have had a spiritual awakening and is renouncing his previous ways. But don’t think that’s likely
@Sunny,
I know right? Mr Misha and I managed to come out the other side and things have been open, respectful and awesome for a long time, and I hope it’ll be the same for you. Totally with you on it being a process – I’ve graduated Mr M to ‘intersectionality’ now, and the slightly bemused look on his face is hilarious.
Not as much as when I try to explain the Men’s Rights Mess though ;). His favourite is Warren Farrel (“stop oppressing me with Dat Ass!”).
Yup.
http://i.imgur.com/ZXLTT.gif
Paul Elam and Dean Esmay ( am I getting the name right?) seem to me to be the biggest losers and I am losing interest in their goings on as funny as it can be. When I find myself reading about them, I wonder why I am wasting my valuable time.
Thanks Bina and others who explained the science behind freezing. This was revelatory for me, seriously.
@sunnysombrera:
Mine wanted to carry their lunch bags in to nursery school today. They grow up so fast!
Beloved took them into town yesterday, and took them to the Indian buffet for lunch. My boy said “Thank you!” to the woman on staff who brought them more water; my girl didn’t say anything, but grinned really huge and the woman said that was thanks enough.
@Sunny: I enjoy being insulted by the MRA types — it indicates that I’m doing something right. I added “mangina” to my handle because they think it’s the worst insult in the world and it drives them up the wall to see a man using it proudly. (Same with “social justice” for the reactionaries.)
The problem with privilege is that it is very hard to see it when you have it unless somebody makes you aware of it. It wasn’t until recently that I recognized that I have Large Man Privilege — I can do “girlie” things and get away with it because I “look” like a Real Man.
Marriages were certainly easier — but not happier — when the sex role stereotypes were observed. Now that relationships are made up of not A Man and A Woman but two individuals trying how to figure out how to merge their lives for mutual benefit. Sometimes you wonder how anyone ever manages to make it work — but it’s rewarding when it does.
Oh, regarding Dean Esmay — AVfM seems to be on a downward spiral that started about the time the GQ article came out. That may or may not be coincidence. The article made the MRAs look ridiculous, and men don’t like to be ridiculous (see Atwood’s Theorem). Also I think most men are seriously repelled by the ephebophile types and their to lower the age of consent to 12. In any case, it looks like the site no longer supplies enough money for Paulie’s needs, let alone anyone else’s. Money problems have destroyed many relationships, and hard financial magnify routine disgreements and lead to many breakups.
What about The Tooth?
I’ve never been sure if Bloomfield stays around because she makes money out of the clusterfuck, or whether it’s because she has just become attached to being allowed to play in the boys’ treehouse. If it’s the former (and the crossbow caper might point in that direction) I’d expect her to move on; if it’s the latter, she may well stay till the bitter end.
*schadenfreudes a lot*
You know what they say, it’s not getting to the top that is hard, but staying there.
Or in this case, it’s not sailing from the port that is hard, but keeping afloat all the way.
Hm, that should have been “getting on board” right? Is that a mixed metaphor or not quite…?
Also:
http://gifup.com/data/gifs/a/b/b/abb92a7391.gif
(I didn’t find any pop corn at home)
@Luzbeltiz, is s/he yours?
Oops, messed up your nym.
I can keyboard, honest.
GOSJM:
#notallteeth
Off Topic but my kiddos used to have a pet bunny,Cinnamon Bunny. He was usually loose to wander the house, but learned really quickly that the refridgerator door opening meant cucumber slices. Whenever I couldn’t find him all I had to do was open the fridge door and he’d come running! Love the bunny gifs 🙂
@Misha
Sadly not, just adopted it from the internet 🙂
I used to have a bunny when I was a child, about the largest pet my parents would allow. I have 6 brothers and sisters so we never agreed to a name.
Later on I had a guinea pig called Toribio (one of the names Dory makes up in the Latin American translation of Finding Nemo).
Also, no problem about my nick, it’s deliberately obnoxious 😛
Ohhhhh the pop corn comment was meant as a joke, as in “lol this is the internet everything is here lol”
I’d post a bunny hiding gif, but I’m on my phone.
I don’t have a bunny hiding gif, but I found this quite amusing. My childhood cat was afraid of bunnies.
http://meowgifs.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/bunny-fights-back1.gif
@ GOSJM
Yeah, I seem to get that. Because I tend to do traditionally macho things I seem to ‘get a pass’ when I do stuff like wonder off from ops to talk to animals etc. Until I started dipping into this site I hadn’t really noticed it but it’s probably always been in the background; like when a girlfriend said “You should wear pink shirts; you can get away with it”. I just hadn’t thought about it before.
It’s like you have to ‘prove’ your bloke credentials otherwise you’re ‘suspect’.
[Obligatory cute animal pic]
http://s1122.photobucket.com/user/Alan_Robertshaw/media/1507880_10152609183680936_4913613495300124596_n_zpszbggvcqx.jpg.html?filters%5Buser%5D=142504534&filters%5Brecent%5D=1&sort=1&o=1
I’m not sure what to believe. Perhaps Dean Esmay does have health problems and he’s quitting so he can focus on recovery. In that case, he made a good decision – while AVfM, I guess, provides some social-group comfort, it doesn’t seem like a very healthy place. At the same time, if there was a fight, it would be interesting to know why and what about…
I think that if more guys wore pink shirts, no one would have to worry about “getting away with it”. It would be just another color, one that suits some complexions better than others. Used to be that pink was considered a “strong” color for boys, because it’s diluted red.
And yeah, Deano’s short pants (what are they, zip-aways?) will be “missed” at those sad little AVFM demos, for sure. Ha, ha.
In addition to the odd coincidence that “Elam” is “Male” backwards, I’ve just noticed that “Dean Esmay” is an anagram of “A seedy man”.