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a voice for men Dean Esmay drama drama kings MRA paul elam

Dean Esmay quits A Voice for Men in what he seems to kind of want us to think is an amicable split

Paddle paddle paddle
Paddle paddle paddle

In the wee hours of the morning, this morning, there was a great disturbance on the Internet, as if millions of shitposters suddenly cried out in terror, and were suddenly silenced. For about ten seconds.

What had happened? This:

https://twitter.com/deanesmay/status/623796900903432192

Huh. That’s interesting.

But I’m not exactly stunned to hear that another Men’s Rightser has had what looks like a big falling out with the rather temperamental Paul Elam. Or perhaps that Elam has had a falling out with him?

Oh, sorry, I’m being told that Esmay is quitting “to look after his health” and to “take his activism in a different direction.”

That’s A Voice for Men’s explanation, anyway.

Esmay own explanation, which he posted in a Twitlonger shortly after his announcement, also mentions the health thing:

I am taking some time off, looking after my long-neglected health, and relaxing with family and friends.

But he also notes, a little enigmatically,

Unless there is some serious issue of life and limb that requires grand drama, it’s never a good idea to air philosophical and personal conflicts publicly.

I have quit A Voice for Men because it was time to move on. That is all. I am on speaking terms with everybody.

It seems as though Esmay is, for once, trying to be diplomatic. But he doesn’t seem very good at it. “On speaking terms” is not exactly what you’d call a ringing endorsement of the Cult of Elam, which had utterly consumed Esmay’s life for a number of years.

Esmay promises that

I will also continue to be a shit-stirrer, but now, as a civilian. At least until I find my next home. 🙂

So with that, I would like to introduce We Hunted the Mammoth’s new Chief Operating Officer, Dean Esmay!

Just kidding. We Hunted the Mammoth’s chief operating officer is the one on the right here:

My pussy supply.
Smooth Operating Officer.

I look forward to the inevitable meltdown of the facade of amicability between Esmay and his former boss.

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aussiesmurf
aussiesmurf
5 years ago

“It was totally mutual! We’re still friends! That restraining order was a mistake!!!”

delphi_ote
delphi_ote
5 years ago

Who is this guy posting polite, professional, and coherent messages on Twitter and what has he done with Dean Esmay?

tomtom94speaks
5 years ago

so I guess you could say Dean Esmay is going his own way

idledillettante
5 years ago

First John Hembling and now Dean Esmay. I guess Paul Elam provides high-conflict relationships on an egalitarian basis.

Philip Rose
5 years ago

He could always go back to write HIV denialism posts.

katz
katz
5 years ago

I don’t say this often, but…I have to give AVFM credit. They’re acting like serious professionals for once.

I wouldn’t put money on how long it’ll last.

Bazia
Bazia
5 years ago

idle d, let’s not forget Woolybumblebee and Diana Davison:

Bonnie Blue
Bonnie Blue
5 years ago

They’re imploding from within!

Okay, not really. They were already imploding from within.

steampunked (@steampunked)

Maybe he’s happier now and just doesn’t feel so much of a need to be attached to a perpetual rage machine? If so, may they all have that revelation.

andiexist
andiexist
5 years ago

@Bonnie Blue

Implosion accelerates! Soon we will have a tiny black hole, but we’re gonna miss it because it can’t exist for very long.

gorillaella
5 years ago

i think that when he was replaced as Apauling’s (does that work as a pun – wingman he threw a major hissy fit and the shit hit the fan – to mix a couple metaphors

andiexist
andiexist
5 years ago

Also, have another paddling mouse.

http://www.kimballstock.com/pix/ROD/06/ROD-06-KH0043-01P.JPG

*paddle paddle*

GiJoel
GiJoel
5 years ago

Floating Fedoras everywhere.

Jon9
Jon9
5 years ago

Oh? And just why did the cat on the left not gain consideration for WHTM’s Chief Operating Officer role? It couldn’t have anything to do with the colour of it’s fur could it? Shame on you, sir! (Unless of course you are merely the Darth Vader to the black cat’s Emperor Palpatine, and the grey cat is your Grand Moff Tarkin equivalent, in which case never mind haha) 🙂

But seriously though, I’ve never thought it can be good for someone’s health if you keep continually raging about all those “Insert highly misogynistic and offensive terms” women that they appear to hate so damn much. I mean, I believe I read somewhere on this site that Elam is tweeting hundreds of time a WEEK about all those horrible female enemies of his? Shit, don’t these sorts of guys have any downtime they utilise? You know, play some golf or table tennis or something, have a walk and embrace the air outside, dine out at some fancy restaurant or whatever, anything really? There’s gotta be some real hobbies they must surely have that DOESN’T involve them raging at humanity and actually must give them some amount of joy in their life? Right?

Right?

mrkfoster
mrkfoster
5 years ago

To quote a great and unfortunately dead American:

Wonderful things happen when you sow seeds of distrust in a garden of assholes

Paul Michael Tidwell
5 years ago

another fissure in our enemies! rejoice! too bad it didn’t go down the way woolybumblebee did

katz
katz
5 years ago

Oh my god, the paddling mouse. Andisexist, can I just keep you in my pocket so you can feed me a steady stream of cute animal pictures?

Judas Peckerwood
Judas Peckerwood
5 years ago

Maybe Esmay and Elam can get Davis Aurini and Jordan Owen to recommend a good MRA relationship counselor.

Shalimar
Shalimar
5 years ago

My guesses for Dean’s reasons:

A) Elam never did pass along the money AVfM raised back in February to get Dean’s tooth fixed

or

B) Elam has been pushing Esmay to sign up for An Ear For Men and pay Elam $90 an hour for counseling, as a positive example for all the other minions, causing Dean to finally reach his “I don’t mind working full time for free, but now you want me to give you all the money I don’t make from a real job too?” breaking point.

Falconer
5 years ago

Between dragons and mouses, is there anything andiexist touches that does not become wonderfully adorably cute?

anon
anon
5 years ago

While I enjoyed this breakup I noticed a distinct lack of skulls.

It just isn’t the same if disturbing bathtub videos or skulls aren’t involved.

weirwoodtreehugger
5 years ago

Maybe Esmay and Elam can get Davis Aurini and Jordan Owen to recommend a good MRA relationship counselor.

An Ear For Men for An Ear For Men? Earformenception!
http://i.imgur.com/IJaUD.gif

Miss Andry
5 years ago

Also, in honor of WHTM’s cat obession:
http://i.imgur.com/IaLG69W.gif

benfromcanada
5 years ago

On topic: Dean Esmay leaving Paul Elam’s little group is a death knell for them. I don’t expect them to be around this time next year at this rate. The bad news is that they’ve already been replaced by the infinitely worse Return of Kings…

thierryguerrant
thierryguerrant
5 years ago

Ah, to be on speaking terms with Paul Elam. Who wouldn’t be inspired to retreat to the nearest culvert to salve one’s hemorrhoids with bat honey…

anemonerosie
5 years ago

What a beautiful operating officer! The other one looks like the enforcement of new comments policy division? I think it’s the angle of the eyes. They look menacing.

Ellesar
Ellesar
5 years ago

benfromcanada – interesting article, and of course interesting debate. I do not have time or energy to say much, but I think one thing that is obvious is that young inexperienced people are much more likely to get into such a situation.

And that is not helped by views that make sex shameful in some way. How can anyone truly own their sexuality and have the confidence to express themselves clearly if they have never been given ‘permission’ to do so ?

As a young woman I put up with numerous sexual situations because I felt I had to – and I hadn’t even grown up with the ‘sex is shameful’ crap. In fact, because I hadn’t I felt that I had to be the enthusiastic ‘up for anything’ type, and that meant I put up with the crap because my self esteem was so much defined by what men thought of me (in my teens, before I was a lesbian).

andiexist
andiexist
5 years ago

@Falconer

Aww! *blushes*

Just doing my part to bring cute things to the blog. ^_^

@Katz

Andisexist, can I just keep you in my pocket so you can feed me a steady stream of cute animal pictures?

That depends on the size of your pocket, I’d suspect. Have a turtle eating a strawberry.

http://i.huffpost.com/gen/1099617/images/o-TURTLE-facebook.jpg

LiliVonSchtup
LiliVonSchtup
5 years ago

I’ll admit, I read the “take his activism in another direction” bit and felt a chill of foreboding.

andiexist
andiexist
5 years ago

Also, there should always be more turtle.

http://i.ytimg.com/vi/cUV56U-lfPg/hqdefault.jpg

Sarah
Sarah
5 years ago

I’ll put the popcorn in the microwave, just in case.

Sarah
Sarah
5 years ago

Also, turtle! 😀

Robjec
Robjec
5 years ago

About that article, I don’t know how to respond. It makes me sad more then anything.

It felt like he really didn’t mean to do anything and knew he did wrong. But for the same reasons the article said you can’t say she is at fault for not saying no.
I guess I’m someone who thinks you have to say yes for it to be yes not as long as you don’t say no its yes. But lots of people differ on that, of both genders. I guess it’s something I have never considered before today.
I mean I think rape is a form of torture and torture is the worst thing you can do to someone. But he seems like he honestly never met to hurt her and isn’t someone I would think of as a monster so idk.
idk what to think about it. I’m just sad for everyone involved.

spacelawn
5 years ago

All that hate can’t be good for his health.

Oh well, wish you the best Esmay, you silly bugger :)))))

Kestrel
Kestrel
5 years ago

So the COO of WHTM is Sweetie Pie? Or is Sweetie Pie the other one?

Bina
Bina
5 years ago

I am taking some time off, looking after my long-neglected health, and relaxing with family and friends.

Translation: I have shot my wad with Twitter rage-gasms. I’ve run out of inflammatory shit to tweet. Must stop before I bust a brain hemorrhage.

Unless there is some serious issue of life and limb that requires grand drama, it’s never a good idea to air philosophical and personal conflicts publicly.

Translation: Yes, Paulie IS back on drugs. Also, I’m sick of doing for him what this woman is doing for this elephant:

http://ct.weirdnutdaily.com/ol/wn/sw/userpics/funny_pictures/48_new.jpg

I am on speaking terms with everybody.

Translation: Invest in Orville Redenbacher stock NOW!

deniseeliza
deniseeliza
5 years ago

Off topic, but what do you guys think about this article? http://www.cracked.com/personal-experiences-1758-5-things-i-learned-committing-campus-sexual-assault.html

I’m glad that “Tim” feels remorse for what he did.

But, the article describes their encounter as if it’s completely reasonable to assume nothing is wrong here. Maybe I’m just weird, but if I were feeling up a person and they did not respond in any way, I would be extremely concerned. I think it’s a symptom of our expectation that sex is something men have to trick out of women, and not something that men and women do together to make each other and themselves feel good.

I cannot imagine touching someone in intimate places for a few minutes without being absolutely sure it was making them feel good, let alone for over an hour. We act like it is totally out-of-the-box to expect affirmative consent, but I can’t enjoy anything without affirmative consent. What’s the point?

Am I weird?

kupo
kupo
5 years ago

My brain feels all numb after those super flashy gifs.

Sunny
Sunny
5 years ago

Ooh tiny little turtles! The Cracked article was quite interesting, I think it really highlights how badly our culture needs to learn to talk about sex openly and honestly, and include discussions about giving and receiving consent in general sex ed. Unfortunately it seems like even having sex ed in schools now is controversial.

contrapangloss
5 years ago

That article is awful. Awful because it’s fairly good, and the things need to be said, but oh you poor kids. I’ve never been in that situation, but that’s absolutely horrifying. I do find it a bit sketchy how long it took for him to realize “hey, my partner’s not moving”, I’ll admit, but it’s still a godawful situation.

Seconding Sunny’s “We need better sex ed” and “TALK ABOUT CONSENT IN SCHOOL, DARN IT”.

Silly story: A college roommate of mine never even learned in school that women secrete mucous that varies in consistency over the course of their cycles.

We’re both women.

I learned via nurse mom. Still, getting to college with no one ever even mentioning “Oh, yeah, sometimes you secrete mucous and that’s okay” was a bit of a problem. Especially when sex ed is all over telling you about all those STDs that produce discharge…

Also, they never told me about ace-ness. That would have been nice.

mildlymagnificent
mildlymagnificent
5 years ago

I guess I’m someone who thinks you have to say yes for it to be yes not as long as you don’t say no its yes. But lots of people differ on that, of both genders. I guess it’s something I have never considered before today.

I reckon there’s a more general issue here in conversational language and casual ‘understanding’ of physiological responses to lots of threats, not just sexual.

Everyone’s heard of ‘fight or flight’. How much easier would life be for the Vickys of the world if the common expression was ‘fight, flight or freeze’? Because those are the real standard instinctive responses to threat. And that ought to be the common understanding and language. After all, everybody nods sagely when people tell stories about a terrifying event and get to the “And I/he/we just froze … ” point.

It might or might not help with specific Tim&Vicky couples, but it would certainly make cops, prosecutors and courts — as well as more members of the general public — more realistic and accepting of victim/survivor stories.

EJ (The Other One)
EJ (The Other One)
5 years ago

On topic:
I hope Esmay takes a good long break from what he’s been doing. A permanent one, in fact. There are not many people whose influence is so purely negative that the world would benefit from them stopping engaging entirely, but he’s among them.

As katz said, I wouldn’t put money on the polite professionalism lasting. Let’s see what happens when details begin to leak.

I am, however, going to open a book on how long it’ll be until Bloomfield quits too. Come on, place your bets. I accept payment in black and white pictures of lions.

marinerachel
marinerachel
5 years ago

I will miss his short pants at their events.

Belladonna993
Belladonna993
5 years ago

I’ve thought for a very long time that young humans need to have some instruction about what constitutes “ethical sex.” I mean, honest to goddess, all questions of legality and gender aside, let’s just talk about relating to one another, one-on-one, as ethical human beings.

Anne
Anne
5 years ago

Will go and make some popcorn as I look forward to the next episode of the AVfM sitcom

katz
5 years ago

Andisexist: That’s a tortoise!

http://m.youtube.com/?#/watch?v=LRWAFQqQY9Y

andiexist
andiexist
5 years ago
Reply to  katz

@Katz

You are completely right. That is indeed a torotise eating a strawberry. In apology, I offer a cute terrapin.

http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y243/anastasiap/silentbob.jpg

katz
5 years ago

Turtles and tortoises are both favorite. (Mostly I wanted to post that song.)

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