Open Thread for Personal Stuff: Late July 2015 Kitten Hug Edition

Bleh… Could somebody post kittens for me? I’ve just heard that my mum had a heart attack this morning (after being rushed into emergency surgery, she’s apparently doing alright, at least enough to talk on the phone for a while – thank fuck for socialised health care) and I’m feeling a bit off.

@Ellesar
That’s wonderful! For all the griping people do about the NHS it really is a brilliant thing. In my experience hospitals tend to be a postcode lottery, pardon the expression lol! The big one in my hometown Southampton is pretty bloody bad, but the one I used when living in Cheltenham was excellent. Likewise, I was born with a cleft pallet and had exceptionally good surgery at Salisbury, so good that people find it hard to believe I had a cleft pallet in the first place due to my speech. 😀

So I am still trying to catch up on the comments sections here…been away again for a while. Mainly because I don’t have a computer at home and my phone is a pain to use for anything. I read through most of the the 2 recent monster threads and I have a question that I hope a few of the “older” readers here will know the answer to.

There seems to be a lot of people missing from the comments who I really felt a connection to in reading their words. Did they change their names or have they actually left? A couple who I am missing dearly are kittieserf (spelling prob wrong) or Louise, LBT, Ally (who was mentioned by a douche, which prompted my question), cassandra, hellkell.

Anyway, I hope someone knows and sorry to be a pain in the neck and not keeping up with the community. I love this community, but I’m a slow reader and have limited internet time most days.

To all the “new” regulars…WWTH, Paradoxical, Panda, etc: I love you guys too, keep up the great discussions.

@marci
Kittieserf left in the last big uproar, Ally left a bit before that. LBT shows up now and then after leaving for a bit. Not sure on the others

Brain bleach. Here’s video about feeding a puggle. This is an echidna rather than a platypus, but it’s seriously cute.

@marci Darn, yes that is her name, I got it wrong too! Kittehserf left after a big bust up about trans issues. I miss her too (but I am not trans so…)

mildlymagnificent – you must be psychic – I was going to request puggles.

sunnysombrera – I had never been ill before, but had 2 kids and some broken bones and plenty of dental care, and it has all been at least satisfactory. But cancer treatment opened my eyes to other issues. The NHS does provide great care for life saving measures. As I mentioned, there is a postcode lottery, which you are well aware of, but I live in London, and there are probably at least 15,000,000 peeps who could access the best healthcare here. And many of us are poor, so the system is ‘fair’ in that sense. Where they get most of the criticism is with non fatal illnesses and conditions, but now I have survived cancer I totally accept that.

The posts about dental are making me feel a bit sad – I am so fortunate that as a low income person in the UK I get most dental treatment free, and also have been signed up with the same practice since 1972, a practice that is in a high income area, and has high standards. As a result (and also I do look after them) I have v good teeth for a 50yo, and no gum disease, which is apparently uncommon at this age (combo of good hygiene, genetics, no smoking and probably some other things).

GhostBird: If it’s not too late for further advice, take a little notepad with you, with your concerns/needs already in writing on one page (alternately, type it up and print it out). When you get to the appointment, give the admitting nurse the note and ask her to put it in your file where the doctor will see it.

If the doctor is unsympathetic, you’ll be doing yourself a favor by drawing a hard line.

If the doctor is sympathetic, you’ll be doing THEM a favor, because they’d rather you be happy with the care you receive.

Either way, you win.

**********

So, I work for a major media company. (That should be vague enough.) Part of my job is answering phones for one of the departments, when the usual person is on lunch.

More and more, we get calls from some person who got arrested a decade (or more) ago, and the story about the arrest (but no follow-up information, like the fact that it was dismissed for lack of evidence or the charges dropped) is still on our website archives. Since we use fairly aggressive SEO techniques (you have to, in this biz), that story is often in the first couple entries that come up when the person’s name is Googled.

I just got off the phone with a 62-year-old woman who was arrested (but charges dismissed) 22 years ago, who was just distraught over the idea that this story was going to outlive her, and be the most prominent mark anyone would see when searching for her name.

Fortunately, we do have a person who can help in cases like this. I don’t know if we remove the story completely, or if we just edit it to include the dismissal and resolution, but really, it’s a bit scary to think about how many companies might not do this.

Hi. I’m Zoon Echon Logon. It’s pretentious Greek. It means “animal having a rational principle.” I’m a bit drunk right now.

Here’s my tumblr. http://antlerless.tumblr.com/

I’ve been really, really depressed for the last… as long as I can remember.

I just helped out at an awesome gay wedding of two really great guys, I’ve got an wonderful girlfriend (she’s a badass) that really likes me, and I’m about to go away for three weeks teaching an environmental ethics class in the Montana wilderness. I’m feeling good.

This blog and community have opened my eyes to a lot of the weird cultural sexist bullshit programming that I’ve absorbed, and I’m a better person for it. Thanks, people. If you’re ever in Missoula, hit me up and we’ll hang out.

@Everyone who replied

I would have answered earlier, but for some reason I wasn’t able to even type in the comment field for awhile. My budget tablet is gasping its last, I think.

Anyway–thanks for the hugs and the kind words. It really does help to not feel as alone in dealing with this kind of stuff. It was just a shock to hear how much it’s going to cost to have an “optimal” smile again (it’s not like mine is completely busted, just that I still have all four wisdom teeth which are wreaking havoc on my other molars, and apparently my braces decalcified some of my other teeth, which never got taken care of). I spent long months in a suicidal depression, and though meds have helped immensely with my mood, I spent a lot of desperate time constructing arguments against myself that would keep me alive. My biggest was that I couldn’t leave my partner to struggle to build his life up alone, but now it just seems like I’ll drag him down more than anything else. My parents were very much about basing a person’s worth on how financially successful/physically attractive/mentally normal they are, and it’s hard to shake the feeling of not living up to any of these and being completely worthless as a person. Also, they liked to tell me I was completely worthless as a person–up until I cut them out of my life like the malignant tumor that they were.

@Falconer

My partner says the exact same thing to me that you said, all the time. It helps to hear it and realize that the ideas that were enforced to me are bunk from insecure people who needed to feel above others in order to have any meaning in their lives.

…it also helps to hear it from someone I don’t feel is “obligated” to say it, lol.

(it’s not like mine is completely busted, just that I still have all four wisdom teeth which are wreaking havoc on my other molars, and apparently my braces decalcified some of my other teeth, which never got taken care of). I spent long months in a suicidal depression, and though meds have helped immensely with my mood, I spent a lot of desperate time constructing arguments against myself that would keep me alive. My biggest was that I couldn’t leave my partner to struggle to build his life up alone

With the exception of the braces, that’s just about exactly the situation I was in too, teethwise and moodwise.

One strategy I’m taking is that while I search for a new dentist I’m automatically ruling out anyone who specializes in “cosmetic dentistry”. It’s been really difficult so far to find a balance between “uses equipment from the 1950s” and “uses up-to-date techniques and equipment but behaves like their office is a car dealership”.

but now it just seems like I’ll drag him down more than anything else.

One thing that helped me here was when my spouse and I had a discussion about this and they made it really clear that they didn’t feel like they were being dragged down at all and that the issues I was having weren’t burdening them or stressing them out beyond being concerned for my well-being. Not knowing your partner I don’t know how they feel or how they’ll react to a similar discussion, but having periodic conversations around those lines has really helped.

@Monzach: I’m glad you survived. A lot of people don’t realise how important it is. That sounds glib, but it isn’t meant to be: we often get raised to be self-sacrificing and to feed others’ narcissism rather than being able to monitor and protect our own health. Well done for coping. You earned those comics.

@Luzbelitx

Yay, adorable turtle duck! 🙂 Thank you

@maistrechat

Sorry to hear you’ve gone through the same. There’s no way to describe feeling that way without putting it lightly. Hopefully things are looking up for you.

I’m at the point where I’m seeing a light at the end, but anything that obscures it for even a second sends me into a panic. I can’t go back there. I don’t know how I’ll make it out again. I’m wiped.

My partner and I actually had a similar discussion to the one you and your spouse had. He told me the same thing. I just always worry that people are holding back in order to keep me from panicking. Which kind of sounds silly now that I’ve typed it out. Thanks for relating. It definitely helps to hear how other people deal with the same situation. I feel like my thinking gets too warped sometimes by my moods to fully trust it.

@Everyone

Hugs all around. Shit’s tough, to say the least.