A somewhat overdue open thread for personal stuff. (The open thread for everything else is over here.)
As is always the case, NO TROLLS, NO MRAS, etc., be nice.
Categories
We Hunted The MammothBucking the Backlash
We Hunted The Mammoth
Hi @Sunny.. Glad the jobs working out for you. I personally, would put to one side joining gym for about three months, save the cash. Also I’d get used to the new jobs routines too and decide when is the best time to match your personal schedule with your work schedule – so you can create a good work life balance
Thanks autosoma. It’s shift work and we’re open 7 days a week, 12 hours a day, so the routine varies, but so far it seems that I get Tuesdays and Thursdays/Fridays off (also a 2 hour break if I’m working a full day, before anyone gets concerned). Not good for weekend hanging out with my friends, but I usually get Sunday morning free to go to church at least.
Maybe for now I’ll just buy some running shoes and a sports bra and jog on the cliff top in old clothes. I’ve done that route years before and it’s nice, I’ll tell you that. It’s even got steep hills.
@andiexist
Great job, and great job! 🙂
@EJ
Oh wow, that thing you said about eating sounds like me talking to myself. I should probably look into that. Also, that really sucks. :/ Hugs if you want them.
@wwth
That was a great clip. My very conservative mother-in-law watches that show religiously, so this is pretty awesome.
@KL:
Thanks, that’s really good advice. My therapist also recommended that I schedule my meals very rigidly in order to not give myself the excuse of not being able to find time. Fortunately my office has a cafeteria which does subsidised breakfasts, so by arriving early I can make sure I don’t miss that meal.
@Sarah Aigei:
Hey there and welcome! You seem an awesome person. I’m afraid I don’t use tumblr or twitter simply due to not having enough time or energy to do it, but I feel I should. There’s a lot of cool people around on it: sometimes it feels as though there are vast hordes of shy feminist geeks sitting around unaware of one another, and the internet has gradually made us realise that we are a nation.
That said, I do read tumblr a fair bit, so perhaps I should make something just to read and comment.
@WWTH:
It always sucks when women get blamed for men’s indiscretions.
Thanks very much for the support on the eating disorder thing. Right now I’m just absorbing my own feelings on it and reading a vast amount of what people have written on the web, so I think it’ll be a while before I’m ready to speak on the matter.
We’ll earmark this conversation.
@AltoFronto:
Thanks very much for the congrats, and thanks even more for the support.
In my experience money is more important than just for the money (if that makes sense.) People will generally pay you in line with what they think you’re getting from others, which means that once you fall into the “will work for free” trap it can be very difficult to escape. Now that you’re actually earning pounds sterling, you’re in a much better position to negotiate or to move back to your preferred field in a salaried position.
@contrapangloss:
Many hugs for you. I hope the shift tomorrow goes well and the days off are excellently full of sleepitude.
I still remember you being one of the most avid followers of my Dwarf Fortress tumblr. Alas, Udosfigul fell to the weregiraffes, but it was funny as hell whilst it lasted.
@autosoma:
Congrats on the new job! Moving is stressful as hell, especially when you have a family.
Sorted and stable is a difficult goal, but it doesn’t have to be a single-step thing. As long as each week is, on average, better than the previous one then that’s what matters.
All my support, and I’m still up for that pint if you’re free sometime before you leave the Smoke.
@sunnysombrera:
It seems that the whole site has new jobs right now. You sound like you’re in a really good place, so high fives for that.
In my experience the best thing is to achieve balance. I sit at a desk five days a week, so I need to exercise on the weekends. You’re on your feet, so a little time off may not be that bad for you.
@dhag85:
Many hugs back. All the support if you want it.
I have something that’s been bothering me lately. If anybody has advice, I’d be grateful.
My sister-in-law has been dating a guy for I think about 2 years now, but it’s getting more serious since she just graduated college and they’re starting to make future plans. I don’t know him very well, but this summer I met him for the first time. On the surface he seems like a pretty great guy – he’s very polite and quiet, and he comes off as shy. But some of the things I hear from my s-i-l about him is giving me major alarm bells. For example, he doesn’t drink (and she barely does either), but whenever she has a drink he gets super weird and passive aggressive about it. At first I thought maybe he has some experience with alcoholism in his family or something, but I really have no idea.
She is not “allowed” to watch any TV or movie with any form of nudity in it. So that’s pretty weird. Also, he got incredibly upset when he found out that one of her female friends had seen her naked (when changing into swimsuit). WTF?
For some context, they are both young, recent college grads from an ivy league school. Both very smart, and both conservative Christian of the no-sex-before-marriage variety. I’m not sure what to think of all this, but she seems much less outraged about this than I would be (obviously). She has expressed that she’s a little bit bothered by his behavior, but at the same time she largely agrees with him on the subject of nudity.
So I don’t know, maybe it’s just none of my fucking business. Then again, another part of my brain is screaming do something, nowwww.. What do?
@EJ
Basically, cooked food grosses me out. I never feel like having dinner anymore. I cook for my wife, and then I eat 3 bowls of cereal instead. I pretty much only eat what I would call breakfast foods (cereal, yogurt, bread + cheese) and snacks/candy, mostly potato chips and chocolate. The biggest problem is potato chips. I feel like I could literally eat endless amounts of chips. I never stop because I’m full, but because they’re too damn salty in the end. Other than that, I can go long periods of time without feeling like I want to eat anything at all. But when I do get hungry, I only ever want chips. It’s frustrating.
@Dhag85
Ruhroh…..As much as the little you’ve shared is worrisome to me – and I’m just some random internet person reading a comment on a blog, yet I’m seeing flashing red lights – I’m going to take a stab in the dark and say there’s more that’s happened than she’s saying. The conservative christian component may be a source of pressure for her in that getting married is *the most important thing for a young woman, 2nd is bearing children which marriage must precede*, and even in the more mainline churches young adults aren’t supposed to date around too much, or put off marriage too long. If they do have sex before marriage the pressure to get married becomes even greater, thanks to the many lovely things the conservative Christians purity/modesty teachings have said about young women who aren’t virgins till after the wedding, god forbid they don’t marry the person they have premarital sex with. If this young man she’s in a relationship with is passive aggressive when she chooses to drink alcohol – he’s mad because she isn’t doing what he thinks she should, which is not drink. When he gets upset because another female has seen her naked in a situation as innocuous as changing into a swimsuit, and has ‘forbidden’ her from watching tv/movies with any nudity he’s trying to dictate what she as an adult is allowed to do and what she must not do – if this is happening while they’re just dating and talking about the future, she should know that getting married is likely going to increase these, as women are supposed to be submissive to their husband and men are taught that marriage = them in charge of everything. He will become a tyrant and marriage will make things that much harder to break free from.
A little tip for doing cliff running or running in general, get a daysack and put in it an empty 2lt fizzy pop bottle add a litre of water (it weighs a kilo) as you get used to running with it add another litre. As you run you’ll improve your core strength, it will improve your stability (water sloshing about) and its cheap.
Added benefit you won’t look odd, unlike the chap in my local children’s play park who took dumbbells and other kit to weight train by the toddler swings. He was a totally obnoxious swine to all the mums who complained to him, it wasn’t until I stepped in and pointed at my kids asked where his were and then told him to fuck off or else.
Take it easy into the running and enjoy
@msexceptiontotherule
Thanks for the reply. Yeah, I am extremely worried. But what can be done? By the way, we are not in the same country or even on the same continent, so I see them very rarely. I feel like there should be someone closer to her who could help out, but sadly her family and probably most of her friends are all conservative and of the same mindset. It’s difficult.
@ej, thanks for the thumbs up, I’m totally brassic (for non Londoners Borrasic Lint = skint rhyming slang and all that) at the moment. As well as trying to coordinate the family move, tell you what I’ll do I’ll send an email to David and ask him to forward it to you, so that no personal info goes public.
Safe blood, I can stand you a pint if you’re on the low down.
To add to autosoma’s cheap military fitness tips:
Go down your local tyre place and get some old tyres. You can do all sorts of exercises with a regular size one; pretty much anything you can do with a kettlebell and more.
Also, if you can sort transport, get a large tractor or digger tyre. You can use that for flips, dips, whack it with a sledgehammer, all sorts of stuff.
Two bits of free kit that will do everything those machines in the gym can and won’t cost you 60 quid a month.
I’ve sent a mail to David so let’s see if we can coordinate this.
Wear gloves if your doing anything like tire flipping, carrying etc… They are bloody filthy things and the rims can be quite sharp.
So my friend is a midwife and one of her clients lives on an army base. They’d been getting some flack from the husband’s CO about having the baby on base. While there’s technically nothing in the rules against it, their lives could have become really difficult had they went ahead. Since my apartment sits empty while I’m at work, I offered it up as an alternate spot for the birth. I am happy to report that the happy couple are now happy parents.
Well, I haven’t been on here for a month or so. Let me see…when I was last here I was rapidly cycling between hyper and reaction depths. I went to see my doc about it, who referred me to a psychiatrist. When I saw the psych (two weeks back) I hadn’t been hyper for about a month, of course, but we discussed things anyhow.
She is fairly certain Ihave not gone Bipolar (as opposed to the unipolar depression I have been diagnosed with for over 20 years) for two reasons.
1. I cycled too quickly (Though there is a thing called ultra rapid cycling that happens more frequently to women[check] and those on anti-depressants[check]).
2. I could sleep when hyper, and not when low, which is the wrong way round.
She wants me on an anti-psychotic drug that on low doses is good for combatting anxiety, and to stop my currant anti-depressant. Also, she signed me up for online CBT without telling me, which sent me into a major panic reaction *sigh*
She is also pushing me to ask for visits by a Community Mental Health worker, or to visit a day hospital, which I am unsure about. I am kinda tempted by the CMH visits, but it will be in my house which is my safe place. So if it goes wrong (bad match with the visitor) could make my house seem less ‘safe’.
I have had experiences in the past with such a bad match-up. It was one appointment over a decade ago, and it still haunts me. (My normal social worker was sick so her appointments were taken by a newly graduated colleague. She reduced me to tears, I found out later she reduced everyone she saw that day to tears, my normal SW was furious with her. She told me I was so badly broken that I could never be normal cos I wasn’t a people person, and suggested that I do voluntary charity work with unwed mothers [as someone who is child-phobic] because I wouldn’t be too sympathetic to them.)
Tomorrow I go and see my doc and discuss the psych’s prescription suggestions.
@gilshalos
I was wondering where you went. Glad to see you back. 🙂
That process of trying to figure out what’s going on with your brain or body is always terrible and stressful. I really hope you get some clarity. Also, that sounds like the worst social worker ever.
@Sunny… Some extra oldschool training tips, as you run, count 1,2,3,4 for each foot fall, have a loop of string with 25 large beads in your hand, when you say 4 flick a bead forward, once you’ve completed a loop, you’ll have fun a hundred paces, say your pace is 50cms, you’ll have covered 50 metres, do the bead thing 20 times and you’ll have covered a K.
The benefits if this, is that you clear you mind to focus just on the running. By counting 1,2,3,4 you develop a cadence for yourself, faster you count faster, you run.
Add something like 5 pressups, 10 squats, 5 burpees, 10 starjumps, every 25 beads (especially if you add a weighted ruck), you’ll have an awesome routine, that by the end of Sumner, you could stroll into your local gym and go, “Bro you call that lifting”
@dhag85 You noticed I was gone ? Let me fill up the hug barrel and press baked goods upon you!
@autosoma
Hah! I did something similar when I used to run – I literally counted my steps (1, 2, 3, 4, 1, 2, 3, 4 (8), 1, 2, 3, 4 (12)) in my head, and figured out approximately how long it would take for me to run 100 steps, 200 steps, 500 steps, etc. My goal would be something like “run for 20 minutes”, and for me it was a lot easier to get there when I could see continuous progress and the goal coming closer and closer.
@gilshalos
Of course I did. 🙂 Welcome back!
@KL
Thank you and I sincerely apologize for being blunt before. There was a lot of gaslighting going on yesterday and it makes me really angry, but I shouldn’t treat everyone like they caused it.
I regret a few things I posted, not only directed at you. And on the other hand I thought it was too important to not weigh in.
Anyway, I hope we can do better in the future, I hold no anger or resentment towards you (or anyone but the person who made me angry in the first place, but not cool to drag it all back here).
@Everyone
Thank you for your support and your interest! I told about the radio a few Open Threads ago, but I’m delighted to tell it all again 😀
A few months ago I was offered a (volunteer) space in the radio station belonging to Mothers of Paza de Mayo, the largest and fiercest human rights movement of Argentina.
They were the mothers of people, mostly young, who were kidnapped, tortured, murdered and disappeared during the last civilian-military-religious dictatorship (1974-1982). Some of the kidnapped daughters were pregnant, and over 400 babies were stolen from those women and raised by police or military families as their own. A few were handed over to the adoption system and afterwards adopted in good faith by loving families, but they are the exception.
And this group of women stood up to the armed forces, and never stopped fighting. They were able to find over 100 missing grandchildren in the past 30 years. They never once participated in any violent protest: they just walked around the Plaza de Mayo, because the officers told them they couldn’t stay there and had to “keep moving”.
They are so badass and so full of love, and I’m bursting with pride that I get to speak through their microphone. I was born during democracy, but they kept history alive for me to learn it and I feel I owe them so much.
I participate in a program called “Al Carajo”, which is the pun President Chavez used to reject the ALCA project, a US sponsored plan to make all of the Americas a free trade zone (which of course would benefit them and make all of Latin America extremely vulnerable and dependent). Closest translation of Al Carajo is… “Fuck off”. (So THAT’s where I get my manners from, I guess?).
The program is about the different issues throughout Latin America, from poverty to environment, art, politics, etc. I have a space there every two weeks to talk about gender in the region.
I’ve been covering subjects like political representation, presence in the media, access to health services… I’m actually running out of “easy and obvious” subjects to address and need to be more creative on what to bring to the table.
I’m having a LOT of fun, and even if the investigation part is a bit disheartening sometimes, I have more and more information to bring up when discussing gender at any time 🙂
If you are interested in listening, I upload all audios here but mind you: it’s all in Spanish!
Ok, now I REALLY need to get back to work.
Lots of hugs for everyone who wants them/needs them!!
Ohhhh Link Mammoth, it’s all my fault! I forgot to feed you properly!