Categories
kitties no trolls allowed off topic open thread

Open Thread for Personal Stuff: Late July 2015 Kitten Hug Edition

I would go
I would go “awww” but I think that’s more a headlock than a hug.

A somewhat overdue open thread for personal stuff. (The open thread for everything else is over here.)

As is always the case, NO TROLLS, NO MRAS, etc., be nice.

Subscribe
Notify of
guest

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

192 Comments
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
autosoma
5 years ago
Reply to  sunnysombrera

Hi @Sunny.. Glad the jobs working out for you. I personally, would put to one side joining gym for about three months, save the cash. Also I’d get used to the new jobs routines too and decide when is the best time to match your personal schedule with your work schedule – so you can create a good work life balance

sunnysombrera
5 years ago

Thanks autosoma. It’s shift work and we’re open 7 days a week, 12 hours a day, so the routine varies, but so far it seems that I get Tuesdays and Thursdays/Fridays off (also a 2 hour break if I’m working a full day, before anyone gets concerned). Not good for weekend hanging out with my friends, but I usually get Sunday morning free to go to church at least.

Maybe for now I’ll just buy some running shoes and a sports bra and jog on the cliff top in old clothes. I’ve done that route years before and it’s nice, I’ll tell you that. It’s even got steep hills.

dhag85
5 years ago

@andiexist

Great job, and great job! 🙂

@EJ

Oh wow, that thing you said about eating sounds like me talking to myself. I should probably look into that. Also, that really sucks. :/ Hugs if you want them.

dhag85
5 years ago

@wwth

That was a great clip. My very conservative mother-in-law watches that show religiously, so this is pretty awesome.

EJ (The Other One)
EJ (The Other One)
5 years ago

@KL:
Thanks, that’s really good advice. My therapist also recommended that I schedule my meals very rigidly in order to not give myself the excuse of not being able to find time. Fortunately my office has a cafeteria which does subsidised breakfasts, so by arriving early I can make sure I don’t miss that meal.

@Sarah Aigei:
Hey there and welcome! You seem an awesome person. I’m afraid I don’t use tumblr or twitter simply due to not having enough time or energy to do it, but I feel I should. There’s a lot of cool people around on it: sometimes it feels as though there are vast hordes of shy feminist geeks sitting around unaware of one another, and the internet has gradually made us realise that we are a nation.

That said, I do read tumblr a fair bit, so perhaps I should make something just to read and comment.

@WWTH:
It always sucks when women get blamed for men’s indiscretions.

Thanks very much for the support on the eating disorder thing. Right now I’m just absorbing my own feelings on it and reading a vast amount of what people have written on the web, so I think it’ll be a while before I’m ready to speak on the matter.

We’ll earmark this conversation.

@AltoFronto:
Thanks very much for the congrats, and thanks even more for the support.

In my experience money is more important than just for the money (if that makes sense.) People will generally pay you in line with what they think you’re getting from others, which means that once you fall into the “will work for free” trap it can be very difficult to escape. Now that you’re actually earning pounds sterling, you’re in a much better position to negotiate or to move back to your preferred field in a salaried position.

@contrapangloss:
Many hugs for you. I hope the shift tomorrow goes well and the days off are excellently full of sleepitude.

I still remember you being one of the most avid followers of my Dwarf Fortress tumblr. Alas, Udosfigul fell to the weregiraffes, but it was funny as hell whilst it lasted.

@autosoma:
Congrats on the new job! Moving is stressful as hell, especially when you have a family.

Sorted and stable is a difficult goal, but it doesn’t have to be a single-step thing. As long as each week is, on average, better than the previous one then that’s what matters.

All my support, and I’m still up for that pint if you’re free sometime before you leave the Smoke.

@sunnysombrera:
It seems that the whole site has new jobs right now. You sound like you’re in a really good place, so high fives for that.

In my experience the best thing is to achieve balance. I sit at a desk five days a week, so I need to exercise on the weekends. You’re on your feet, so a little time off may not be that bad for you.

EJ (The Other One)
EJ (The Other One)
5 years ago

@dhag85:
Many hugs back. All the support if you want it.

dhag85
5 years ago

I have something that’s been bothering me lately. If anybody has advice, I’d be grateful.

My sister-in-law has been dating a guy for I think about 2 years now, but it’s getting more serious since she just graduated college and they’re starting to make future plans. I don’t know him very well, but this summer I met him for the first time. On the surface he seems like a pretty great guy – he’s very polite and quiet, and he comes off as shy. But some of the things I hear from my s-i-l about him is giving me major alarm bells. For example, he doesn’t drink (and she barely does either), but whenever she has a drink he gets super weird and passive aggressive about it. At first I thought maybe he has some experience with alcoholism in his family or something, but I really have no idea.

She is not “allowed” to watch any TV or movie with any form of nudity in it. So that’s pretty weird. Also, he got incredibly upset when he found out that one of her female friends had seen her naked (when changing into swimsuit). WTF?

For some context, they are both young, recent college grads from an ivy league school. Both very smart, and both conservative Christian of the no-sex-before-marriage variety. I’m not sure what to think of all this, but she seems much less outraged about this than I would be (obviously). She has expressed that she’s a little bit bothered by his behavior, but at the same time she largely agrees with him on the subject of nudity.

So I don’t know, maybe it’s just none of my fucking business. Then again, another part of my brain is screaming do something, nowwww.. What do?

dhag85
5 years ago

@EJ

Basically, cooked food grosses me out. I never feel like having dinner anymore. I cook for my wife, and then I eat 3 bowls of cereal instead. I pretty much only eat what I would call breakfast foods (cereal, yogurt, bread + cheese) and snacks/candy, mostly potato chips and chocolate. The biggest problem is potato chips. I feel like I could literally eat endless amounts of chips. I never stop because I’m full, but because they’re too damn salty in the end. Other than that, I can go long periods of time without feeling like I want to eat anything at all. But when I do get hungry, I only ever want chips. It’s frustrating.

msexceptiontotherule
5 years ago

@Dhag85

Ruhroh…..As much as the little you’ve shared is worrisome to me – and I’m just some random internet person reading a comment on a blog, yet I’m seeing flashing red lights – I’m going to take a stab in the dark and say there’s more that’s happened than she’s saying. The conservative christian component may be a source of pressure for her in that getting married is *the most important thing for a young woman, 2nd is bearing children which marriage must precede*, and even in the more mainline churches young adults aren’t supposed to date around too much, or put off marriage too long. If they do have sex before marriage the pressure to get married becomes even greater, thanks to the many lovely things the conservative Christians purity/modesty teachings have said about young women who aren’t virgins till after the wedding, god forbid they don’t marry the person they have premarital sex with. If this young man she’s in a relationship with is passive aggressive when she chooses to drink alcohol – he’s mad because she isn’t doing what he thinks she should, which is not drink. When he gets upset because another female has seen her naked in a situation as innocuous as changing into a swimsuit, and has ‘forbidden’ her from watching tv/movies with any nudity he’s trying to dictate what she as an adult is allowed to do and what she must not do – if this is happening while they’re just dating and talking about the future, she should know that getting married is likely going to increase these, as women are supposed to be submissive to their husband and men are taught that marriage = them in charge of everything. He will become a tyrant and marriage will make things that much harder to break free from.

autosoma
5 years ago
Reply to  sunnysombrera

A little tip for doing cliff running or running in general, get a daysack and put in it an empty 2lt fizzy pop bottle add a litre of water (it weighs a kilo) as you get used to running with it add another litre. As you run you’ll improve your core strength, it will improve your stability (water sloshing about) and its cheap.

Added benefit you won’t look odd, unlike the chap in my local children’s play park who took dumbbells and other kit to weight train by the toddler swings. He was a totally obnoxious swine to all the mums who complained to him, it wasn’t until I stepped in and pointed at my kids asked where his were and then told him to fuck off or else.

Take it easy into the running and enjoy

dhag85
5 years ago

@msexceptiontotherule

Thanks for the reply. Yeah, I am extremely worried. But what can be done? By the way, we are not in the same country or even on the same continent, so I see them very rarely. I feel like there should be someone closer to her who could help out, but sadly her family and probably most of her friends are all conservative and of the same mindset. It’s difficult.

autosoma
5 years ago

@ej, thanks for the thumbs up, I’m totally brassic (for non Londoners Borrasic Lint = skint rhyming slang and all that) at the moment. As well as trying to coordinate the family move, tell you what I’ll do I’ll send an email to David and ask him to forward it to you, so that no personal info goes public.

EJ (The Other One)
EJ (The Other One)
5 years ago

Safe blood, I can stand you a pint if you’re on the low down.

Alan Robertshaw
Alan Robertshaw
5 years ago

To add to autosoma’s cheap military fitness tips:

Go down your local tyre place and get some old tyres. You can do all sorts of exercises with a regular size one; pretty much anything you can do with a kettlebell and more.

Also, if you can sort transport, get a large tractor or digger tyre. You can use that for flips, dips, whack it with a sledgehammer, all sorts of stuff.

Two bits of free kit that will do everything those machines in the gym can and won’t cost you 60 quid a month.

autosoma
5 years ago

I’ve sent a mail to David so let’s see if we can coordinate this.

autosoma
5 years ago

Wear gloves if your doing anything like tire flipping, carrying etc… They are bloody filthy things and the rims can be quite sharp.

Drezden
Drezden
5 years ago

So my friend is a midwife and one of her clients lives on an army base. They’d been getting some flack from the husband’s CO about having the baby on base. While there’s technically nothing in the rules against it, their lives could have become really difficult had they went ahead. Since my apartment sits empty while I’m at work, I offered it up as an alternate spot for the birth. I am happy to report that the happy couple are now happy parents.

gilshalos
5 years ago

Well, I haven’t been on here for a month or so. Let me see…when I was last here I was rapidly cycling between hyper and reaction depths. I went to see my doc about it, who referred me to a psychiatrist. When I saw the psych (two weeks back) I hadn’t been hyper for about a month, of course, but we discussed things anyhow.
She is fairly certain Ihave not gone Bipolar (as opposed to the unipolar depression I have been diagnosed with for over 20 years) for two reasons.
1. I cycled too quickly (Though there is a thing called ultra rapid cycling that happens more frequently to women[check] and those on anti-depressants[check]).
2. I could sleep when hyper, and not when low, which is the wrong way round.
She wants me on an anti-psychotic drug that on low doses is good for combatting anxiety, and to stop my currant anti-depressant. Also, she signed me up for online CBT without telling me, which sent me into a major panic reaction *sigh*
She is also pushing me to ask for visits by a Community Mental Health worker, or to visit a day hospital, which I am unsure about. I am kinda tempted by the CMH visits, but it will be in my house which is my safe place. So if it goes wrong (bad match with the visitor) could make my house seem less ‘safe’.
I have had experiences in the past with such a bad match-up. It was one appointment over a decade ago, and it still haunts me. (My normal social worker was sick so her appointments were taken by a newly graduated colleague. She reduced me to tears, I found out later she reduced everyone she saw that day to tears, my normal SW was furious with her. She told me I was so badly broken that I could never be normal cos I wasn’t a people person, and suggested that I do voluntary charity work with unwed mothers [as someone who is child-phobic] because I wouldn’t be too sympathetic to them.)
Tomorrow I go and see my doc and discuss the psych’s prescription suggestions.

dhag85
5 years ago

@gilshalos

I was wondering where you went. Glad to see you back. 🙂

That process of trying to figure out what’s going on with your brain or body is always terrible and stressful. I really hope you get some clarity. Also, that sounds like the worst social worker ever.

autosoma
5 years ago

@Sunny… Some extra oldschool training tips, as you run, count 1,2,3,4 for each foot fall, have a loop of string with 25 large beads in your hand, when you say 4 flick a bead forward, once you’ve completed a loop, you’ll have fun a hundred paces, say your pace is 50cms, you’ll have covered 50 metres, do the bead thing 20 times and you’ll have covered a K.
The benefits if this, is that you clear you mind to focus just on the running. By counting 1,2,3,4 you develop a cadence for yourself, faster you count faster, you run.

Add something like 5 pressups, 10 squats, 5 burpees, 10 starjumps, every 25 beads (especially if you add a weighted ruck), you’ll have an awesome routine, that by the end of Sumner, you could stroll into your local gym and go, “Bro you call that lifting”

gilshalos
5 years ago

@dhag85 You noticed I was gone ? Let me fill up the hug barrel and press baked goods upon you!

dhag85
5 years ago

@autosoma

Hah! I did something similar when I used to run – I literally counted my steps (1, 2, 3, 4, 1, 2, 3, 4 (8), 1, 2, 3, 4 (12)) in my head, and figured out approximately how long it would take for me to run 100 steps, 200 steps, 500 steps, etc. My goal would be something like “run for 20 minutes”, and for me it was a lot easier to get there when I could see continuous progress and the goal coming closer and closer.

dhag85
5 years ago

@gilshalos

Of course I did. 🙂 Welcome back!

Luzbelitx
5 years ago

@KL

Thank you and I sincerely apologize for being blunt before. There was a lot of gaslighting going on yesterday and it makes me really angry, but I shouldn’t treat everyone like they caused it.

I regret a few things I posted, not only directed at you. And on the other hand I thought it was too important to not weigh in.

Anyway, I hope we can do better in the future, I hold no anger or resentment towards you (or anyone but the person who made me angry in the first place, but not cool to drag it all back here).

@Everyone

Thank you for your support and your interest! I told about the radio a few Open Threads ago, but I’m delighted to tell it all again 😀

A few months ago I was offered a (volunteer) space in the radio station belonging to Mothers of Paza de Mayo, the largest and fiercest human rights movement of Argentina.

They were the mothers of people, mostly young, who were kidnapped, tortured, murdered and disappeared during the last civilian-military-religious dictatorship (1974-1982). Some of the kidnapped daughters were pregnant, and over 400 babies were stolen from those women and raised by police or military families as their own. A few were handed over to the adoption system and afterwards adopted in good faith by loving families, but they are the exception.

And this group of women stood up to the armed forces, and never stopped fighting. They were able to find over 100 missing grandchildren in the past 30 years. They never once participated in any violent protest: they just walked around the Plaza de Mayo, because the officers told them they couldn’t stay there and had to “keep moving”.

They are so badass and so full of love, and I’m bursting with pride that I get to speak through their microphone. I was born during democracy, but they kept history alive for me to learn it and I feel I owe them so much.

I participate in a program called “Al Carajo”, which is the pun President Chavez used to reject the ALCA project, a US sponsored plan to make all of the Americas a free trade zone (which of course would benefit them and make all of Latin America extremely vulnerable and dependent). Closest translation of Al Carajo is… “Fuck off”. (So THAT’s where I get my manners from, I guess?).

The program is about the different issues throughout Latin America, from poverty to environment, art, politics, etc. I have a space there every two weeks to talk about gender in the region.

I’ve been covering subjects like political representation, presence in the media, access to health services… I’m actually running out of “easy and obvious” subjects to address and need to be more creative on what to bring to the table.

I’m having a LOT of fun, and even if the investigation part is a bit disheartening sometimes, I have more and more information to bring up when discussing gender at any time 🙂

If you are interested in listening, I upload all audios here but mind you: it’s all in Spanish!

Ok, now I REALLY need to get back to work.

Lots of hugs for everyone who wants them/needs them!!

Luzbelitx
5 years ago

Ohhhh Link Mammoth, it’s all my fault! I forgot to feed you properly!

autosoma
5 years ago
Reply to  dhag85

Yep! Simple habit forming mindgames, I always find trying to count a count, to be as real headfuck (I can only monotask), which is why I use beads as a counter for the count, something like Kolomboi or Tasbeh are the best ones, which I then alter.

winter_sky
winter_sky
5 years ago

David, of course it is your decision, but I really need to apologise to @andiexist, so even though you asked everyone not to bring stuff over from the ‘New Comments’ thread, I hope you will let my next comment through.

winter_sky
winter_sky
5 years ago

Hi, @andiexist, I’ve only just checked back in, so I’ve only just seen your comment to me on the ‘New Comments Policy’ thread, which is now closed for new comments, but I’m hoping David will let this through, because I need to apologise to you.

@andiexist, you said:

I… know you mean well, but I’m a little uncomfortable with you talking about wishing I wasn’t autistic. That’s my brain, and it’s a jerk sometimes, but I wouldn’t be who I am if I wasn’t autistic.

I am so sorry! I apologise for making you feel uncomfortable, and for any hurt I have caused you.

What I was trying to communicate, and obviously failing, was that I didn’t think anybody existed just to make me feel better about my life, and I wished everyone could live their best life, if that makes any more sense than my original wording. Of course I don’t wish to eliminate anyone from society or the world and I am so sorry that my poorly chosen words implied that. I will endeavour to be more clear in future.

That said, depression can go hang.

Indeed.

Again, andiexist, I am so sorry. 🙁

(And thank you, David, if you let this through).

winter_sky
winter_sky
5 years ago

Also, I know some lovely people replied to me on the ‘new Comments Policy’ thread, and I apologise for not getting back to you; as I say, I’ve only just checked back in, and that thread is closed for the moment, and David has asked everyone not to bring stuff over from there to here, so I am sorry for not replying and hopefully will be able to do so in the future.

I am not up to engaging any more than that at the moment, so I’m not reading any further comments here, but I don’t want anyone to think I am purposefully ignoring them or anything (not that I think anyone is hanging on my every word or anything, LOL). Sometimes stuff just happens, y’know?

Anyway, cheerio all, hope life is treating you kindly. 🙂

Quiet Wolf
Quiet Wolf
5 years ago

I have a problem with my thinking that I’d like help with. So, if you haven’t heard, Shia Labeouf is a rape survivor. He’s not concealing it and came forward.
My problem is that I can’t, I don’t know, unthink it? I can’t see anything with him in it and not think about the fact that he’s a survivor and the trauma he’s had to go through. And my thinking disgusts me because I’m labeling him a victim in my mind and that’s not fair. I mean, if someone thought about me that way (they have no reason to, fyi), I would punch them in the face. It worries me that I would think of a survivor this way, and I want to stop.

Luzbelitx
5 years ago

@Quiet Wolf

In my opinion, being compassionate and feeling affected by the violence someone else received is perfectly ok.

That’s how Rape Culture works: it does not affect exclusively the victims of sexual violence, it makes every incident of sexual violence (usually followed by impunity) a sort of violent warning for us all, as in You could be next.

I do get, and share, the desire to see people as people instead of mere victims. I think you can try to not be so hard on yourself and just experience all those feelings, it sounds like it was a big shock for you and it will take time to settle down a bit.

If you think this is related not only to Shia but to your own personal experience, I would strongly recommend you find someone to talk about it -that will probably make you feel less anxiety about what you’re going through.

I hope it gets better for you!

—-

… wait, I’m posting here again right? Damn! Must work! Can’t read! Must close Chrome window!

ryeash
5 years ago

So I went to the dentist yesterday for the first time in about ten years, because I have insurance now. It’s going to cost as much as our three-year-old car to fix my teeth. Which is not even what I make in a year. And just like that, all of my carefully constructed arguments about how I should absolutely press on with my life because I’m currently more useful alive than dead have gone out the window.

LiliVonSchtup
LiliVonSchtup
5 years ago

Hello, all. 🙂

I think I posted an introductory somewhere else here a few months ago; maybe it got removed for whatever reason? Anyway, another longtime lurker saying hi. 🙂 There’s really not a lot about me worth going into detail over. I’m 43, married, two teenaged kids, working in retail. The city where I live (in NE Ohio) isn’t exactly the most progressive place in the world, for all it’s reputation of being “the blue area in a red state”. Although I can’t blame the people here for being apathetic about social justice issues-rampant poverty’ll do that- it makes it hard for me to find folks I have anything in common with. This blog has been a small corner of empathy and compassion for me. 🙂

Falconer
5 years ago

@andiexist:

Well, I’m finally seeing a psychologist for the depression stuff I’ve been having.

In better news, my girlfriend and I may finally set up a tank for a leopard gecko this summer. Her own gecko has just gotten past a bad relationship; the male she got started stealing her gecko’s food. So he got brought back and her gecko is doing well again, with a good-sized tail.

Good news about the psychologist! I hope it’s effective.

I think I might prefer a terrarium to the tadpole tank we’ve got. The water pump is noisy and we have to turn it off to watch TV, and then it also kinda smells like a dirty diaper. Beloved changes the water daily, which helps a bit. On the plus side, we think they’re finally growing legs.

@FGAS: Everybody’s pretty much said what I want to say. Hold on, fight the shamers where you can, and eventually they’ll get distracted.

@smidgette: Welcome! I wish I had made the opportunity to get to Denmark when I was studying in France. It sounds like you’re having a great time!

@GhostBird: Good luck with the exam. I don’t have any stories to relate; all the “your-prescription-drugs-are-dependent-on-exams” stories I have got are about other things than birth control.

@sanitybroke: Congratulations on your ACT score! I did pretty well in reading comprehension, myself. I hope you have fun in college!

@Sarah: Welcome! I don’t have a Twitter or a Tumblr, but I’ll go check your site out.

@Morrizaurus: I’d be happy to take a look at your work. However — this goes for Sarah too — I’m slow in the thoughtbits when thinking about texts, so please bear with me.

Falconer
5 years ago

@ryeash:

And just like that, all of my carefully constructed arguments about how I should absolutely press on with my life because I’m currently more useful alive than dead have gone out the window.

Internet hugs for you.

You have value beyond how much money your health care costs, or your utility.

msexceptiontotherule
5 years ago

@Dhag85

I’m not exactly sure there are options for helping your SiL, unfortunately. You haven’t said whether you’re married to her brother or sister (or whomever the relationship is with that makes her your SiL) and also that you’re not on the same continent, but maybe your partner/significant other can reach out and express the concerns about her relationship situation with this guy who is holding the red flags behind his back. (metaphorically.)

I need to quit watching so many real crime shows because I remember one where a girl was raped and murdered by her bible-college training to be a pastor-fiancee shortly before the wedding because she expressed concerns about his strange stalkerish controlling behavior, she may have also tried to convince him they should postpone but not call off the wedding and because he’d basically been disowned by his own family around when they started dating so all he had was the relationship at that point and he snapped. Not to say that your SiL is going to be murdered, but it is definitely likely that if they do take that step she will be stuck with him and saddled with the expectation of showing nothing but adoring submission as his wife. At least she’s college educated so she is employable, many young women in the CPM culture haven’t gotten much in the way of high school education because the homeschooling environment they’ve been in has them spending more time on keeping the house and other domestic chores than academics, not to mention their parents want them to be stay-at-home-daughters instead of going to college, much like what we see happening with the Duggar girls – they live at home until an approved suitor comes along for a brief courtship followed by marriage so they can immediately get to work on having babies.

Misha
Misha
5 years ago

@dhag85,

re: your sister-in-law, that does sound really difficult. From my experience I’d probably say that there’s nothing you can do for now except to lay the groundwork for your sister-in-law to disclose to you in the future should things escalate (reassure her you’re there for her, acknowledge with her that certain behaviours are unacceptable, show concern for her wellbeing but respect for her decisions etc. and so on). There do seem to be a lot of red flags, so building on that sense of trust, in the sense of her feeling like she can be open with you about aspects of the relationship, may help her not feel too isolated in the future or too ashamed to tell anybody.
If she has nobody nearby she would be able to confide in, maybe keep the number for a local support group or drop-in centre handy so that you can give it to her if it seems appropriate?

But yeah, often at this stage there’s not a great deal friends and family can do except be there (emotionally if not geographically) and offer a nonjudgemental* listening ear so the person knows they have someone they can lean on in difficult times, or who will support them should they decide to leave the relationship (or stay).

Sorry I can’t be much more help, or if that was very ‘splainey. I’m sure you’re doing all those things anyway, so hopefully it’s more reassurance that you’re already doing a great deal just by being concerned.

*Might be particularly important if surrounding friends and family are conservative christians? Just in terms of fear of being judged and unsupported potentially becoming a factor in her not voicing her concerns in future or seeking help.

@Quiet Wolf, in one of my lines of work (supporting victims/survivors of domestic violence, sexual violence etc.) there’s a lot of mindfulness around people experiencing vicarious trauma (being traumatised by hearing about/reading/seeing the trauma of another). Although that’s in the context of frontline work, it can happen to anybody, and one thing it can involve is associating the survivor with their experiences to a degree that feels inappropriate, leading to distress and shame. There’s a lot of self-help stuff for vicarious trauma, it might be helpful?

EJ (The Other One)
EJ (The Other One)
5 years ago

@ryeash:
Even a human being with shitty teeth, or a human being with no cash, can love their family and make their family’s life better. The love you generate in others makes your life immensely valuable and meaningful to us all.

banned@4chan.org
banned@4chan.org
5 years ago

Oh good, I was kind of waiting for a Personal Thread so I could ask some selfish questions…

You might notice from my username that I’m a bit of a nerd for 4chan. I have literally been using 4chan and and its spinoffs (not to mention spinoffs inspired directly by 2ch) since high school. I’ve been using anonymous message boards for so long that I’ve come to outright resent forums that require you to create an account and memorize a password to use them. I probably wouldn’t even be posting here if Futrelle didn’t put the amount of effort he does into moderating posts from new and anonymous users.

You might also have noticed that cretins who are paranoid about women have successfully pissed in our ocean of piss, creating an environment of misogyny and racism comparable to Reddit. The sort of shit lampooned here is taken for granted on many boards. But I’ve become reliant on the anonymous model for message boards, I’m nostalgic for the harmless pranks and the actual good 4chan has accomplished, and I believe in the ideal of discussing ideas without identity entering the mix. How can I be the change I want to see in 4chan? Replying to the worst of things with “reddit pls go…” is obviously not going to be enough.

Paradoxical Intention
5 years ago

Hello everyone!

I missed out on yesterday because I was hella sick (still kind of am), and decided that a day away from the computer would be nice. I played XBox demos and caught up on wrestling. (I’m so stoked for Summerslam, gotta admit. And the Diva’s division is looking really good now that it has some new talent!)

Also, N*Sync and the Backstreet Boys are teaming up to make a zombie movie, and this just made my fucking week. It’s like my childhood pre-teen love of boy bands coming together with my adulthood love of zombies.

I also applied for a job and didn’t get it, but this was the first job that actually emailed me back and told me that I didn’t get it, so that’s a plus, I suppose?

andiexist
andiexist
5 years ago
Reply to  winter_sky

@winter_sky

I understand completely. Don’t worry, I’m no stranger to communicating the wrong thing. *hugs*

Misha
Misha
5 years ago

N*Sync and the Backstreet Boys are teaming up to make a zombie movie




…HOLY SHIT.

Falconer
5 years ago

@banned — I have absolutely no experience with any of the chans, so I doubt I’d be any help beyond mouthing general platitudes. Maybe someone else would have something specific to say, but for the moment probably pushing back where you can is all that you can do.

maistrechat
5 years ago

@ryeash

This hits really close to home for me. I was in almost the exact same position a couple of years ago. They were able to split my issues into multiple procedures, which my insurance was supposed to cover, but after having them done the insurance company decided they weren’t necessary. What resulted was months of frustration that I probably ended up taking out on the dentist (blaming them for the insurance company’s failure to pay anything) – after the appeals ran out and I started getting huge bills from the dentist I basically gave up. The dentist’s office being incredibly high-pressure about making appointments didn’t help (they wouldn’t let me leave the office without making another appointment first). I wasn’t working full-time so the cost just for the preliminary stuff was close to 50% of my income for that year.

I ended up in a really similar place and decided that dealing with the mental health stuff was way more important than the dental stuff. That helped considerably, and although it’s been two years since I’ve been back to the dentist and that’s probably the #1 cause of stress and anxiety in my life right now Concentrating on the mental health issues was far and away more important.

I’ve reframed it as re-prioritizing things. Mental health is more important than dental health, eating something at mealtimes is more important than eating the “right” foods, etc. Only trying to deal with one major issue at a time has helped make things more managable.

I don’t know if any of this is in any way helpful, but know that you’re not alone and hearing your story certainly made me feel less so.

dhag85
5 years ago

@msexceptiontotherule & Misha

Sorry, I should’ve been more clear in previous posts: I am married to her older sister. My wife and I have discussed this, and if it did come to a point where we would feel the need to do something, my wife would probably be the one doing the actual thing since she obviously knows her sister much better than I do.

One of the reasons why this is so difficult is that it’s difficult to determine what’s ‘inexperienced insecure boy’ and what’s ‘dangerous controlling dude’. Like I said before, my SiL is also very conservative and she also prefers him to not watch naked women on TV. The difference is she’s not making any ‘rules’ for him to follow, and I’d guess she would’ve never brought this up unless he had created that rule first.

Having said that, it is starting to cause problems in her everyday life. When I visited over the summer, he didn’t want her to go in the pool when other people were around, because he doesn’t want other guys seeing her in swimwear. He himself also didn’t initially want other to see him without a shirt on, but she did eventually convince him that it wouldn’t be a big deal. (Which makes me think maybe this part is more about him being shy and weird about his body, and projecting it onto her?)

Bigger problem that I just heard of today: She’s applying for a job that would force her to travel a lot, and he’s freaking out about it. He literally said he does not want her to take this job, and if she did he would have to take off work and travel with her whenever she’s on a work trip. Uh oh.

Luzbelitx
5 years ago

@smidget

I too was raised in a conservative family, in an Italian-Catholic kind of way. It’s most of the reasons I’m looking for a therapist at the moment.

http://media.giphy.com/media/J1Pxgh8d7TOM0/giphy.gif

@maistrechat

Though I’m not having the dental health problem right now, though I did a few years ago.

And I wanted to tell you that what you said has helped me with what I’m going through right now

I hope it’s helpful to you too ryeash and extra internet hugs for you, if you want them:
comment image

@dhag85

Ugh, that does sound like a red flag.

All my best wishes to your wive’s family, I hope they are able to support her sister and mostly hope she will be alright.

@PI

OMGWTFROFLWOW!!!!

I find the idea hilarious, but on the other hand my family used to pick on me real bad for liking the Backstreet Boys when I was 10, to the point I still weep if they bring it up today.

I hope this movie helps me exorcise some of that abuse.

Damn. Only recently I told my older brother to stop fucking doing it, even though it was on rare occasions. He actually reacted well and hasn’t brought it up since.

http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_l87i3tDLKX1qavso0.gif

Luzbelitx
5 years ago

Oops I see I dropped the ending of smidgette’s nick, and it looks oddly like misgendering.

I had your full name in mind when typing it, I promise!

autosoma
5 years ago

I’m gonna have to agree with @banned the whole linear, branch model for forums, is archaic, plus the whole notion of logging in is… O can’t find words to describe it. Nothing over the wire/less is truly anonymous. All traffic has been captured since the idea of creating a resilient fault tolerant network in the late 1950’s.

The moment I hit send from my nexus, my WiFi router logs it, Sky logs it, Sky passes on to BT who log it, then the exchange makes a decision which undersea cable to pass the traffic on to, it gets logged, all the way to the server, through many, many switches, hubs, routers, devices which each one logs. Even if I’ve encrypted it it gets logged. Every device that this little message travels through knows where it came from.

In the mid 90’s a minor scandal hit the news where it was discovered that GCHQ and ASIS were capturing all electronic data in the Pacific particularly telex and fax from a Fijian earth station. This was due to the original spec allowing a backdoor into the device storage, which it needed because if the forward failed the data packet would have to be re-forwarded.

Everything sent can be traced and decrypted, do you really think that an original military technology would be licences for non military purposes if the intelligence services couldn’t monitor it. Frankly, no one gives a stuff about tracking nasty fucker trolls because its down to money, time and political interest.

Ho-hum! Rant over and done with. I still think the model for forums, chatrooms, bulletin boards is wrong, manky because how can anyone follow the fact that @banned has given me a reason to spawn a new thread as and how does it relate to anything.

GhostBird
GhostBird
5 years ago

Hey everyone, thanks for your comments. I’m trying to keep calm and I called my clinic and got to speak with a nurse and express my concerns which she took seriously and either addressed or made note of for my doctor, and I do feel better. Not perfect, but better. I have a real issue with always assuming people in positions of power will act like Dickensian villains if given even an inch, however, which goes double for doctors/dentists, so that’s still chewing on my brain.

On a more positive, note, however – I’m going to be moving! And I have a new, better paying job! With people who respect my being a sommelier! And I’ll be closer to Mr. GhostBird, so hopefully we’ll get to move in together soon. That’ll help my stress a lot – he’s such a calm, type B personality.

As for the SIL situation…yeah, that’s a bit…..off.

Tyra Lith
Tyra Lith
5 years ago

PI:

I’m so stoked for Summerslam, gotta admit.

Me too! Who’d have thought that HE would come back? :O

And the Diva’s division is looking really good now that it has some new talent!

Yeah, I’m keeping my fingers crossed that the recent changes will really bring a breath of fresh air.
Do you by any chance also watch TNA? I read in some forum that it is awesome too and a bit less problematic on the whole gender stereotypes front than WWE.