A somewhat overdue open thread for personal stuff. (The open thread for everything else is over here.)
As is always the case, NO TROLLS, NO MRAS, etc., be nice.
Categories
We Hunted The MammothBucking the Backlash
We Hunted The Mammoth
@WWTH I think it’s good to tell that story, because that’s an insane social double standard people should be aware of! And you have a great personality from what Ive seen so far imho. Who cares if you wanted to have sex with him, HE was the one in a ‘ship, it was on him Ffs. If the gender roles had been reversed, I wonder if you would still have been blamed? If anything is Misandry, I think the idea that men aren’t responsible for their own dicks kinda is.
@andIExist – is this your first ever therapist? If so, I have a few things I could tell you that I wish someone had told me. One is- if you don’t like your therapist, get a different one, lol… And don’t let mental health stigma get you down, taking care of your health is awesome!
@EJ – look at it this way – getting the diagnosis is actually a good thing. You already had the disorder. Now you will get a cure. It’s a difficult, brave first step, be proud!
PS With regards to eating, I’ve found it helps to plan several small healthy snacks (if you have a decent income, Nature Box is good. If not, simple stuff like cut up apples) throughout the day. If you eat something yummy and healthy before you are hungry, it helps you not feel overwhelmed later. It also helps to find ogher emotional outlets – simple stuff like meditation, going for a bike ride can help. Controlling binge eating is hard, it takes a lot of practice and support, but you can do it!
@KL
Yup, my first one. I got a recommendation from my doctor. I’m just glad there was someone in the area with experience with autistic people. He’s pretty great.
Very cool. Best wishes. <3
Hey. Does anyone else here use Twitter or Tumblr? I’ve got accounts on both. At first I just used them to follow people, but I’ve been trying to use them as an outlet for my writing. But it’s frustrating and hard. In a lot of ways. So I thought, hell, might as well ask for some help here. I haven’t got many followers on either, and I get a maximum of one response to anything I post. And I can’t really ask non-internet friends because a) I’m closeted (this internet persona is my main outlet for being myself), and b) … I don’t actually have any non-internet friends. So, yeah, if anyone’s willing to follow me, I’d appreciate it. Even if you don’t follow, maybe you can read my stuff? I really care about someone reading my writings (and telling me what they think) more than I care about a follower count. I’d also like some advice/suggestions. Ways to get more followers maybe. But also with my writing. I have a lot of things I want to write about but I frequently get stuck. If you look, you’ll notice my posts are very sporadic. I have trouble deciding which thing to write first, and even then, I often agonize about wanting to say it just right.
A bit about me: my name’s Sarah. I’m a 29-year-old lesbian transwoman. I struggle with several mental health issues. Those issues have kept me from getting any job, until I got my first, a month ago…which I lost in 3 days. I live alone with the support of my wonderful parents. I’m a huge geek with way too many interests, such as video games, comics, computers, language, history, art, and feminism (of course). I’ve been following this blog for a while, but I’ve only commented a few times.
Oh, my username is the same on both Tumblr and Twitter (shietka). You can also reach me on Google+ (Sarah Aigei). Yeah, yeah, I know, “who uses that?”. It’s actually a great platform, just wish more people used it.
Also Luz, thanks for doing that work, take care.
@Ghostbird
My gynecologist literally sounds like the Swedish Chef minus the singing and “Bork bork bork”. It’s hard not to laugh, but I need all my focus to understand despite the accent what’s being said even though I know a lot of it is simply the usual stuff – explaining each part of the exam process. I have dense fibrous breast tissue and when I first started seeing this doctor I was referred for the smushy-between-these-plates test just as a precaution, but it’s a family trait my mom and her twin (my aunt) have although to a lesser degree since they both breast fed two children each. Seeing a doctor of any type these days makes a lot of people nervous, especially with the limited time that each patient gets – I make a list of questions that I would like to ask and then narrow it down to 2, or if absolutely necessary 3, questions that are the most important. Being an educated consumer and advocating for ourselves when it comes to health and medical treatment is absolutely a good thing.
@FGAS
Short of threatening the slut-shamers with disembowelment using a spork, letting her know that there’s an open spot in your own social circle for her should she want it – and meaning it without any secret hope that she never takes you up on the offer – is all I can really think of. If there’s any part of you that would rather she not accept the invitation to your social group though, don’t extend it unless you’re ok with the chance that there will be a messy situation in the future to handle.
Hi Shietka–I just want to say I’d like to follow you on Twitter, but my Twitter account is in my real name and I do my best to keep anonymous on blogs. I’m just mentioning it because this might be true of other people as well, and I wanted you to know I’m sympathetic to your request and to your situation.
KL,
From what I heard, I was not the only one he cheated on his gf with. So yeah, he was a sleaze. She dumped him and moved to another state a few months later too. It just sucks that this happened in an ostensibly progressive group, you know?
EJ,
I’ve gone through eating disorders too, so I’m definitely around and up for discussing it if you ever want to. Although it does seem like they manifest very differently in men and women, so we may have very different experiences.
Sarah,
I don’t have a tumblr account, but if you want to follow me on twitter, I’ll definitely follow you back. I don’t post there that often though. My name is weirwoodtreehug because my full name wouldn’t fit.
@WWTH
Um. So I have a strange question for you. Is that your only Twitter account?
@WWTH
…sorry, that was probably an uncomfortable question. If you have two+, I think I found a less-anon one. If only one, you have a doppelgänger who also reads WHTM.
@shietka I have a writing blog on tumblr. The way I got followers was I did promote it on my main blog (6k followers)
BUT you can just use a lot of tags. For example: writing, my writing, creative writing, spilled ink, spilled writing, spilled creativity, spilled poetry,spilled poem, spilled poems, spilled thoughts, spilled creative writing.
Sarah. I’m on neither Tumblr nor Twitter, but I do have another suggestion. (Not mine really, I picked it up on Captain Awkward.) Try and find a writing group — or two or three — online. These are people who are in a much better position to read and to offer sensible critiques of other people’s writing.
Here’s a list of various writing type issues that they’ve dealt with there. http://captainawkward.com/category/writing/
andiexist,
I do only have one, but I also changed my name because I didn’t want to connect my internet persona with my real name. So, maybe the older stuff is still showing up under the old name. That kind of sucks!
Andiexist – glad you’re making progress with MH services, and that your gecko’s improving.
Luz – Boo for being made to start over, but your radio project sounds really cool. I hope you’re able to keep it from overwhelming you.
FeelingGuilty – I’m pretty sure Captain Awkward had a response for something like this once, but I can’t remember how to find it. http://captainawkward.com/archives/
If the slut-shaming is happening when you’re not there, there’s nothing you can do, but whoever asks you about it directly, you refuse to talk about it. “That is not up for discussion”. “That’s private”. “Wow. That’s really personal and rude”. “So how about that local sports team?” (literally say those words, on repeat, until the subject changes. Let it be awkward as hell for the person being intrusive.
In future, unless everyone present is ok with sex happening (both your sex partners and whoever is publicly able to see the sex happening), don’t have sex in front of people? It’s not bad to consent to sex, but it is antisocial and rude to do it in a hot-tub at a party where nobody else is expecting sex to happen.
I’m mostly saying this because a couple having sex in the pool made me very uncomfortable and ruined my last holiday for me. I think they stopped when kids were in the pool, but it was inappropriate and made me feel gross.
Ghostbird – can’t comment on such matters, sorry. I got nothin’.
Andrew – So glad your friend in Arizona is doing well.
EJ – Congrats on the Amazing Job! And maybe the dx could be seen as a positive if it’s the first step to better self-care? There’s no shame in it, but I know that’s easy for me to say, and much harder to accept for oneself. I wish you all the best.
Welcome, Sarah and Smidgette.
Sorry if I missed anyone out *waves to the back*.
Ok, my news is that I got accepted onto an 8-week job placement yesterday. It’s good, because Money! but also extremely stressful, because it starts on Monday and I will have to abandon my Beloved for 2 months to live in my parents’ house, because the placement is closer to Old Home Town than Where I Live, and the UK’s transport connections are surprisingly shitty for a country that pioneered the steam railway.
The placement doesn’t cover travel, either, so I’ll be losing 1 1/2 hours’ pay each day just to get the train, unless I can find a short-term discount railcard or something. A 45-minute train journey (one-way) costs 75 minutes’ work at a rate £1 above minimum wage. How is that good for the economy?
I’ve also had to let people down to take the job, which I hate. I do a lot of volunteer stuff, and they’ve all been nice about it, but I hate to skip out on them while our Summer project is in its busiest phase. Even worse is, I’ve made a funding bid to run my own project (conference for that today), and this job placement will severely cut into the 3 month deadline for starting the project, and I don’t know if I’ll be able to make enough headway to keep my small bit of funding.
What’s even more annoying is that the job isn’t even remotely related to the career I want to be in, it’s just money.
And I’ll miss out on fun stuff I was supposed to be doing, like taking my young cousins out for day trips over the Summer Holidays.
It feels like the whole thing is just a massive inconvenience.
I really shouldn’t complain about it, because I’ll get paid. I’m just getting into a panic (actually cried a bit) and lamenting the fact that it’s a really ill-fitting job. It’s not as if I can afford to turn it down, without anything else definitely lined up, though. At least the 8 weeks should go by quickly, but so will all the other stuff that I wanted to do this Summer.
@WWTH
Did your old account/name have a connection to jewelry on etsy?
@AltoFronto
Girlfriend’s gecko, but thank you. 🙂
Hey all!
Can’t post long. I’m in the 20 minute grace period between shift end and bed, because I have to get up tomorrow for another shift. But then I’ll be on my weekend, and I can sleep til noon and read a book and actually read these threads…
From skimming, I wish I had some good advice for all of yous. Dealing with unequal social stigmas can be really rough. I take it as a really, really good sign that you at least recognize the unfairness and feel bad about it, if that makes you feel any better?
For those with mental health appointments looming, or recent diagnoses, hope they go well! Hopefully, at least knowing will help.
I also have a Tumblr! But I don’t really share it, because I’m not really cut out for tumblr. I only follow a few folks, and only have a few followers, and kind of get really, really weirded out when folks I don’t know randomly start following me…
… and feel really awkward about the blogs I follow where I don’t know the blogger, but I really like their Tumblrs?
Yeah.
Um…
Yeah.
I have no good advice for finding followers on Tumblr, seeing as I don’t really go hunting for followers, likes, or the deal from Tumblr.
Sorry…
In the meantime, HUGS FOR EVERYONE IN THE THREAD!
I really like and appreciate the lot of you, and this site and commentariat have helped me be a better person, in quite a few ways, and you all are amazing. Even if you don’t always think you are. Especially when you don’t always think you are.
Yeah, I get sentimental when I’m sleepy, but HUGS FOR EVERYONE WHO NEEDS HUGS! THERE IS A HUG BARREL AND I AM STUFFING IT WITH ALL THE HUGS!
Okay, bed with me.
Shift went awesome today. Need sleep so tomorrow can go well as well. I get off a bit earlier, though, tomorrow! And then I’m into days off and can sleep all the sleeps!
I start a new job in a new city on Monday, and there us a lot of complicated stuff to sort out. First, my confidence is at rock bottom regarding my actual ability to do it. With that goes the complexity of moving the family to the new city (we want out of London) with no money, until I get paid.
We’re finding it difficult to find a flat, no deposit, no guarantors, bad credit history its a mess. It’s pretty stressful for all of us.
Trying to support my wife and children through this, is tough. We’ve made a lot of poor decisions over the last few years which has got us into the state we’re in at the moment.
Getting sorted and stable seems such a long way away for the family and almost an unobtainable goal.
@Luz Congratulations on your radio project!
@Sarah I’d be glad to follow and read your writing, I have been forcing myself to write lately, I was thinking of posting about it here, but got cold feet. I’d appreciate some feedback myself
andiexist,
No. I do have a friend who makes jewelry who just signed up for twitter the other day. But that’s the only possible etsy connection I can think of. Do you have a link? Cuz now I’m confused.
@WWTH
The Twitter handle is @weirdwoods. I really hope that was you, because otherwise I think they’re pretending to be. O_o
I checked it out, and it seems to be just a coincidence. Someone with a similar name who read a WHTM article and has a similar worldview. No worries!
@WWTH
…I had personal conversations over messaging with someone who was a complete stranger the entire time. Oh, heck. >_<
@FGAS
The only way a situation like this gets healed is time, the memory fades and as people mature they see it in a different light. The only thing the person who is being abused by s***Shaming can do is shrug it off and realise that it will fade over time.
Also, shoulder some of the burden too, the reality is, is that you were part to the act to, so whenever you encounter someone s***Shaming her, point out to them that they have to say the same about you. Question their perception. Say to them “If you think that about her – then you must think the same about me”. Challenge them.
I’ve been enjoying my new job a lot, even though it’s physically tiring. The team are great, the customers are friendly, the work is varied. I’ve also started a diet so I can shed the excess weight I gained over the past year (I think it amounts to about 30 pounds, I haven’t stepped on scales for a while but I’m definitely fatter than I was). Once I get my first full paycheck, provided I haven’t been emergency taxed to the heavens I’ll set up a gym subscription too, but I’m having reservations since the job is already pretty labour intensive and I just want to rest on my days off. What do you guys think?