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kitties no trolls allowed off topic open thread

Open Thread for Personal Stuff: Late July 2015 Kitten Hug Edition

I would go
I would go “awww” but I think that’s more a headlock than a hug.

A somewhat overdue open thread for personal stuff. (The open thread for everything else is over here.)

As is always the case, NO TROLLS, NO MRAS, etc., be nice.

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Chris
5 years ago

Your pic reminds me of this article that’s going viral:

https://www.distractify.com/hug-it-out-bro-1259324711.html

andiexist
andiexist
5 years ago

Well, I’m finally seeing a psychologist for the depression stuff I’ve been having.

In better news, my girlfriend and I may finally set up a tank for a leopard gecko this summer. Her own gecko has just gotten past a bad relationship; the male she got started stealing her gecko’s food. So he got brought back and her gecko is doing well again, with a good-sized tail.

andiexist
andiexist
5 years ago

Well, the psychologist *is* good news, but you get what I mean. 😛

Luzbelitx
5 years ago

Congratulations, andiexist!

I had started therapy but then my health provided suddenly cancelled the services through my mental health center, so I’m sort of starting all over again 🙁

Luckily it seems the worst of the past few weeks has been wearing off, but I do need to get assistance before I start feeling all wrong again :/

On good news, my radio project is going on great, I’m having a great time and I’m beginning to interview women who have taken part in the fight for our rights in Latin America.

It’s a bit hard for me to investigate so many matters related to violence against women, I need to make sure I get enough rest and brain bleach and hugs. But I’m determined to make it all the way!

Also, I’ve been reading and posting here all day instead of working and exercising and trying to put my life in order.

I don’t regret it, I think the last huge debate about the comment policy is important and this place for me is important! So screw everything!

http://awesomegifs.com/wp-content/uploads/angry-cat-fuck-this.gif

feelingguiltyaboutsex
feelingguiltyaboutsex
5 years ago

I kinda need some personal advice. I had sex with a woman in a not so private fashion (in a hot tub with other people in the back yard). It’s been the talk of my social circle for a few weeks now and the woman is getting all kinds of flack for it from exes and from acquaintances. I’ve been trying to emotionally support her and I can see how much the slut-shaming has been affecting her. Meanwhile I have, if anything been getting praise for what happened. It’s made me feel guilty about it all. I’ve been trying to quiet the rumour mill but the toothpaste has come out of the tube. I wonder if there is more that I can do. I feel badly about it now.

Misha
Misha
5 years ago

Also, I’ve been reading and posting here all day instead of working and exercising and trying to put my life in order

Truth. I should have been asleep hours ago. But chatterboxing about change is more interesting :).

I think the last time I commented in a personal thread I was upset about my job interview fails? I didn’t get back to anyone at the time, but just wanted to say thank you in case anyone’s reading for the replies of comfort and support (to Flying Mouse and weirwoodtreehugger among others). The interview that day was rigged anyway, bah.

Hope it goes well andiexist :), and loving your avatar.

andiexist
andiexist
5 years ago
Reply to  Misha

Thank you for your lovely support, peoples. *hugs*

@Misha

I’m glad you like the new avatar. It’s about time I was a teeny dragon.

smidgette
smidgette
5 years ago

Hello y’all! I’m mostly a lurker, but I thought I would say hello. I was raised in an outrageously conservative religious sect, so it’s weirdly comforting (maybe?) to know a lot of the rhetoric I was taught is symptomatic of bad offshoots of society, and not the way it is.

In other news, I’m an American girl closing out her first year in Denmark as a grad student in cognitive semiotics. It’s great, but pretty trippy! I’m jealous of y’all’s pets; I’ve yet to find a reasonable place that allows pets here. (Luz: I’d love to listen to your radio project!)

That’s it, I suppose.

GhostBird
GhostBird
5 years ago

Hi everyone, I could really use a bit of advice. I’ve had a really rough couple of months, and my anxiety is on a bit of a hair trigger, so bear that in mind if I sound a bit overwrought.

Anyway, and trigger warning/tmi for medical/gynecological question:

I’m going to be going in for my yearly well woman exam. I’m generally pretty fine with all that goes into the exam, but there’s one part I straight up get freaked out thinking about. It’s never been done and never proven an issue with any of my exams, but this time I’m with a different doctor than my usual. Nothing wrong with that, except now I’m concerned about this issue again. I know I can refuse, but the internet has horror stories about birth control being held hostage over such refusals. As such, and the core of my question…..does anyone know of that happening in real life, rather than just questionable interwebs accounts?

And yes, I know, I’m contradicting myself by asking internet people, but I trust ya’ll pretty thoroughly. So there’s that.

Ps, if this is in any way inappropriate, please feel free to remove it David.

sanitybroke
5 years ago

@andiexist that’s great~ I’ve been seeing a psychiatrist and psychologist for several years now; it’s extremely helpful. I was really picky with my therapist though, but he’s good. The trickiest part is finding one you can get along with. I’ve been seeing him around 3 years, and my other doctor for 4 years.

In good news for me, I’m starting college very soon :D. I just took the ACT Compass test today, and I had good scores in reading and writing – I did REALLY shitty in math though, which is fine, because now I only have to take basic algebra, which I’m pretty sure I can handle lol.

weirwoodtreehugger
5 years ago

Kitten hugs to all!comment image

weirwoodtreehugger
5 years ago

Oh, and welcome Smidgette. I believe there are others here who raised in ultra conservative environments so you’re in good company.

sanitybroke
5 years ago

Weird to confess this, but I think this would be a good place to. (If it’s not, please feel free to remove it, Dave)

Ever since i started digging into the dark corner that MRA’s live in, and reading all their shit, about women being ‘lesser’ than men, and that women are children, and should treated as such, etcetc. I actually started thinking that. Not believing it was true, nononon, but like…it’s been in the back of my mind ever since, and sometimes, when everything is quiet, I just start thinking about it, and I don’t know. It’s just really frustrating. (Not sure if this makes any sort of sense? Sorry if it doesn’t, but it’s been bothering me quite a bit.)

Andrew Johnston
5 years ago

So last time I was here, I was headed to Arizona to help a woman I knew from my overseas stint through a divorce/custody situation. At the time, she was terrified that she was going to lose her son and get deported. But in the intervening months, things have gone really well. She hasn’t been harassed and the courts have been taking her side thus far. On a personal level, she received a driver’s licence and has been taking ESL classes (which I don’t feel she needs, but she likes to keep busy). I’m continually amazed by how far she’s made it, and really with only minimal help from me.

The next hearing is in a month. She’s hoping to move out here after it’s done, but that obviously depends on a lot of factors that aren’t in my control.

KL
KL
5 years ago

@Ghostbird I get anxious about medical exams too.

Remember that you are the customer, it is your body, and you are The Boss, and you always have a right to ask questions, to say yes or no, to bring a friend, to go to a different doctor (I know financial issues can constrict these choices, I was uninsured for a long time, not anymore be thanks Obama! 😉
I always tell my Drs about my anxiety. I am actually going into the medical field so remember, some doctors may have had anxiety once too!
Try breathing exercises and such beforehand to relax you as well.

I have had bad experiences with some Drs but others have been great, when a family member was assaulted, one of the kindest and most understanding professionals was the gyno. So even though I have a lot of fears around that (how can you not? Religious modesty coupled with fear of assault and fear of sickness), I know I can trust this Dr.

It sounds like you need help with properly verifying information. So what you could do is look it up in a reputable source – if this is a common problem you might even find some sort of scholarly report on it, or perhaps see it in a trustworthy news magazine, sometimes searching within a particular magazine or google scholar yields better results than just googling.

GhostBird
GhostBird
5 years ago

@KL

Thank you so much for your response. I grew up around doctors – both my parents are surgeons – and rather than reassure me about those in the medical profession, this had an adverse effect and I’m very suspicious and untrusting. I’ve gotten a lot better about it, and I’ve only had really good experiences with my gynecologist(s), but any time I see a new one this fear starts rearing its head, and any attempt to assuage it via reading up on the issue results in a lot of websites informing you that said exam ‘for your own good’. Which makes me balk like a panicked mule, for a host of complex reasons.

And in regards to the no specific undesired exam = no BC thing, the problem is I’m having very little luck finding anything that seems reliable or unbiased. There’s a lot of scaremongering out there, that I know, and very little information from doctors countering it.

kupo
kupo
5 years ago

@Ghostbird I’ve heard about birth control being with held, too, but never experienced it. I even had a gyno tell me I needed to come in every year to get my checkup if I wanted the prescription renewed, but just renewed it for me anyway when I skipped. Then they told me I only needed the pap every 3 years anyway so I was good. I actually had a different doctor at that HMO call me to cancel my checkup because they were busy and when I explained I wanted to talk about getting a prescription for birth control and she just did it over the phone after I described the symptoms I was hoping to get under control with it.

So basically my experience has been pretty positive in regards to not being forced into the exams.

mildlymagnificent
mildlymagnificent
5 years ago

fgas.

Oh dear. Slut shaming for her. Well Done! for him. As for how to deal with it, I’m a bit lost.

Certainly keep on supporting her. But I’m not a bloke, let alone know your particular social group, so I don’t have any reliable suggestion for how to respond to the Well Done! types. You want this to stop, but you also don’t want to make a big deal of it for fear of the whiplash that might affect her, so you’re a bit tongue-tied at the time. (At least, that’s how my mind might work in a similar situation.)

Perhaps one, some, any of the men here might do better than me. Or maybe someone’s had a relevant experience from their social circle that could help a bit.

Regardless, whatever you do has to be with her welfare in mind.

One other avenue for advice might be Captain Awkward. She’s pretty good especially if she can come up with a few of her famous scripts for handling awkward conversations. I don’t recall anything from the archives that would help, though it would be worth your while to search them yourself. http://captainawkward.com/

weirwoodtreehugger
5 years ago

Welcome Feeling Guilty.

I wish I did have some advice, but unfortunately I don’t know. Because I’ve been on the receiving end of the same kind of thing. About 10 years ago, I was working for a progressive organization. It was one of those incestuous workplaces where there was a lot of hooking up and partying and drinking together because it was a group of hedonistic twenty somethings with a similar world view. So, of course, we were all friends.

Anyway, one drunken St. Patrick’s day, I had sex with a guy who worked for the same org but in a different dept. So I didn’t know him all that well. It turned out, he had a girlfriend. Who worked at the same org in the same dept. as him. She was a nice person too. Also cooler, prettier, and more talented than me. So I don’t know what the fuck he was thinking.

I felt terrible. Even though it wasn’t my fault because I didn’t know. None of our mutual friends thought to try and stop him. Or take me aside and let me know he had a gf. The sex happened at an after bar party at my co-workers apt. in the bathroom. So, also semi-public. Plus he had been pretty openly flirting with me all night.

Yet the gossip was all centered around me. It was assumed that I seduced, or even took advantage of him while he was drunk (never mind that I was just as drunk, if not more so). I actually got slut shaming from feminist women who worked for an abortion rights advocacy group. Ironically, it was my mostly male co-workers in my division, which was an environmental, not a pro-choice org who had my back and made me feel like less of a pariah. Still, for the rest of my time at that org, things were never really the same because of this clusterfuck.

Sorry if that was a teal deer, especially since I had nothing helpful to say, but that post just brought back the memory.

KL
KL
5 years ago

FGAS – you could try talking about the issue with humor.. One of my favorites goes kinda like,. “Why do people act like women should feel bad about having sex? Like, what is so awful about a penis? Why do men hate their own dicks so much?” I think I put it more cleverly before, very tired…. But I’ve found that introducing feminism to my bros through humor goes pretty well usually…. Just point out how ridiculous it is. Honestly, as the man who is getting all the props, you have more power to shut down the shit she is getting. Just tell em, “man, I get all these props but my girl is getting dawged. I don’t get how people expect women to have sex with them when they treat women who enjoy sex like shit”… People already know what happened, you could minimize it maybe but denying it won’t really help, so unless she wants you to deny it, you could be the one to step up for her. & hey, there is a bit of a legit gripe to be had, it can be at least a little awkward/rude/creepy to have someone have sex in front of you when you aren’t expecting it, but idk to me I woulda just laughed it off, sounds like a fun party… But that gripe is equal to both of you, both of you decided to have sex. You could say something like, “I am a grown man and I made a decision just as much as she did, but no one is giving me crap for it, and that’s not really cool. I’m a man, not a Sex Machine, It isn’t a woman’s job to always say no because men just can’t help themselves”…. Not sure how to make that funny or casual…. And you can apologize for making people feel awkward while asking them to stop taking it out on your woman, the ladies might respect you for that one. You probably aren’t gonna stop people from thinking a certain way and gossiping but they might be a little enlightened and more tactful. Idk I could be way wrong I’m not always socially competent but personally I tend to go for just communicating… ?

KL
KL
5 years ago

Once in HS I slut-shamed another girl. She confronted me. I backed off and apologized. So it can change people to look em in the eye and say “not cool”.

feelingguiltyaboutsex
feelingguiltyaboutsex
5 years ago
Reply to  KL

Unfortunately KL, The people who are slut-shaming her are unfortunately people who I don’t know but she does. No one in my social circle has been slut-shaming her and have generally been supportive. Unfortunately we all contributed to feeding the rumor mill for the first little while and people who weren’t involved who were more judgmental or had an axe to grind found out. What we’ve decided to do in my social circle is to try and lay low and hope this blows over. Unfortunately I still get people asking me about even just a couple of days ago. I just feel bad especially at the beginning I didn’t realize how the compliments and the gossip would lead to nasty repercussions for her until now. Unfortunately it all seems beyond my control at this point.

KL
KL
5 years ago

I wish I had some advice for you, but I’m stumped honestly. If they are only harassing her when you aren’t around, you can’t deny it, and you can’t avoid those people, all you can do is be supportive, which you are doing already. Beyond getting good advice from someone better equipped, like a therapist, I don’t know what else you can do. I’m pissed off that people treat women that way.

weirwoodtreehugger
5 years ago

Speaking of slut shaming, I’m sure there aren’t many people here who watch the Bachelorette, but I just wanted to share this from Monday’s Men Tell All episode. It actually gives me hope.

As phony and problematic as the Bachelor/ette franchise is, there was a really strong stance taken against slut shaming, misogyny, and internet bullying. Not in a feminist or social justice space, but on a mainstream, corporate, network TV reality show.

Sometimes it feels like things never get better and there’s still so much misogyny out there, but I don’t think we would have seen this on the part of ABC 5 or 10 years ago. It doesn’t always feel like we’re winning, but I think we are.

https://youtu.be/h8bwye0jupo

EJ (The Other One)
EJ (The Other One)
5 years ago

It’s been a mixed bag lately.

On the plus side I’ve started my new job and it is *falsetto* a-MAYYY-zing. They know so much and have developed such clever ways of doing things. I’ve learned more in the past few weeks than I think I knew before, and I was considered good at this stuff even before we started.

On the minus side I’ve recently been diagnosed with disordered eating. It was something I sort of knew for ages and just needed to admit to myself: I don’t get around to eating meals, and then sometimes binge on junk food even when I’m full. I’m working through some coping material, but the hardest bit is just having to face up to the fact that I, if left alone, am not okay.

It’s been a mixed bag.

@andiexist: Congrats on seeing a therapist. If you get the right one for you then it can really work out.

@Luxbelitx: It’s about time you admitted that you were one of us. The radio thing sounds amazing – could you tell us more about it, please? (Or have you done that elsewhere and I missed it?)

@smidgette: Welcome! I’m also from a religious background (which may explain my current hardline atheism) so I feel those feels. Sites like this one are an excellent way to re-learn the skewed social mores that we got taught as kids.

@Ghostbird: No advice, sorry, due to being male, but have some hugs instead; unless you don’t like hugs, in which case have some best wishes.

@sanitybroke: I think it’s only natural. When you encounter other human beings you naturally try to empathise with them, which in the case of strongly ideological communities like MRAs can involve distorting your brain to fit their ideology. It can be a fun game to play, and is good practise for being a generally better person to other people. Empathy is like a muscle: the more you practise it the stronger it gets.

FGAS: If your social circle are cool about it and want to be supportive, then you might want to make more room for her to hang out with you lot rather than her own less-supportive circle. This sort of thing is deeply unpleasant but if she comes out of it by finding a group of people to hang with that aren’t as judgemental and nasty, then it might have a silver lining.

KL
KL
5 years ago

@WWTH I think it’s good to tell that story, because that’s an insane social double standard people should be aware of! And you have a great personality from what Ive seen so far imho. Who cares if you wanted to have sex with him, HE was the one in a ‘ship, it was on him Ffs. If the gender roles had been reversed, I wonder if you would still have been blamed? If anything is Misandry, I think the idea that men aren’t responsible for their own dicks kinda is.

@andIExist – is this your first ever therapist? If so, I have a few things I could tell you that I wish someone had told me. One is- if you don’t like your therapist, get a different one, lol… And don’t let mental health stigma get you down, taking care of your health is awesome!

@EJ – look at it this way – getting the diagnosis is actually a good thing. You already had the disorder. Now you will get a cure. It’s a difficult, brave first step, be proud!

KL
KL
5 years ago

PS With regards to eating, I’ve found it helps to plan several small healthy snacks (if you have a decent income, Nature Box is good. If not, simple stuff like cut up apples) throughout the day. If you eat something yummy and healthy before you are hungry, it helps you not feel overwhelmed later. It also helps to find ogher emotional outlets – simple stuff like meditation, going for a bike ride can help. Controlling binge eating is hard, it takes a lot of practice and support, but you can do it!

andiexist
andiexist
5 years ago
Reply to  KL

@KL

Yup, my first one. I got a recommendation from my doctor. I’m just glad there was someone in the area with experience with autistic people. He’s pretty great.

KL
KL
5 years ago

Very cool. Best wishes. <3

Sarah Aigei (@shietka)

Hey. Does anyone else here use Twitter or Tumblr? I’ve got accounts on both. At first I just used them to follow people, but I’ve been trying to use them as an outlet for my writing. But it’s frustrating and hard. In a lot of ways. So I thought, hell, might as well ask for some help here. I haven’t got many followers on either, and I get a maximum of one response to anything I post. And I can’t really ask non-internet friends because a) I’m closeted (this internet persona is my main outlet for being myself), and b) … I don’t actually have any non-internet friends. So, yeah, if anyone’s willing to follow me, I’d appreciate it. Even if you don’t follow, maybe you can read my stuff? I really care about someone reading my writings (and telling me what they think) more than I care about a follower count. I’d also like some advice/suggestions. Ways to get more followers maybe. But also with my writing. I have a lot of things I want to write about but I frequently get stuck. If you look, you’ll notice my posts are very sporadic. I have trouble deciding which thing to write first, and even then, I often agonize about wanting to say it just right.

A bit about me: my name’s Sarah. I’m a 29-year-old lesbian transwoman. I struggle with several mental health issues. Those issues have kept me from getting any job, until I got my first, a month ago…which I lost in 3 days. I live alone with the support of my wonderful parents. I’m a huge geek with way too many interests, such as video games, comics, computers, language, history, art, and feminism (of course). I’ve been following this blog for a while, but I’ve only commented a few times.

Oh, my username is the same on both Tumblr and Twitter (shietka). You can also reach me on Google+ (Sarah Aigei). Yeah, yeah, I know, “who uses that?”. It’s actually a great platform, just wish more people used it.

KL
KL
5 years ago

Also Luz, thanks for doing that work, take care.

msexceptiontotherule
5 years ago

@Ghostbird

My gynecologist literally sounds like the Swedish Chef minus the singing and “Bork bork bork”. It’s hard not to laugh, but I need all my focus to understand despite the accent what’s being said even though I know a lot of it is simply the usual stuff – explaining each part of the exam process. I have dense fibrous breast tissue and when I first started seeing this doctor I was referred for the smushy-between-these-plates test just as a precaution, but it’s a family trait my mom and her twin (my aunt) have although to a lesser degree since they both breast fed two children each. Seeing a doctor of any type these days makes a lot of people nervous, especially with the limited time that each patient gets – I make a list of questions that I would like to ask and then narrow it down to 2, or if absolutely necessary 3, questions that are the most important. Being an educated consumer and advocating for ourselves when it comes to health and medical treatment is absolutely a good thing.

@FGAS

Short of threatening the slut-shamers with disembowelment using a spork, letting her know that there’s an open spot in your own social circle for her should she want it – and meaning it without any secret hope that she never takes you up on the offer – is all I can really think of. If there’s any part of you that would rather she not accept the invitation to your social group though, don’t extend it unless you’re ok with the chance that there will be a messy situation in the future to handle.

guest
guest
5 years ago

Hi Shietka–I just want to say I’d like to follow you on Twitter, but my Twitter account is in my real name and I do my best to keep anonymous on blogs. I’m just mentioning it because this might be true of other people as well, and I wanted you to know I’m sympathetic to your request and to your situation.

weirwoodtreehugger
5 years ago

KL,
From what I heard, I was not the only one he cheated on his gf with. So yeah, he was a sleaze. She dumped him and moved to another state a few months later too. It just sucks that this happened in an ostensibly progressive group, you know?

EJ,
I’ve gone through eating disorders too, so I’m definitely around and up for discussing it if you ever want to. Although it does seem like they manifest very differently in men and women, so we may have very different experiences.

Sarah,
I don’t have a tumblr account, but if you want to follow me on twitter, I’ll definitely follow you back. I don’t post there that often though. My name is weirwoodtreehug because my full name wouldn’t fit.

andiexist
andiexist
5 years ago

@WWTH

Um. So I have a strange question for you. Is that your only Twitter account?

andiexist
andiexist
5 years ago

@WWTH

…sorry, that was probably an uncomfortable question. If you have two+, I think I found a less-anon one. If only one, you have a doppelgänger who also reads WHTM.

sanitybroke
5 years ago

@shietka I have a writing blog on tumblr. The way I got followers was I did promote it on my main blog (6k followers)

BUT you can just use a lot of tags. For example: writing, my writing, creative writing, spilled ink, spilled writing, spilled creativity, spilled poetry,spilled poem, spilled poems, spilled thoughts, spilled creative writing.

mildlymagnificent
mildlymagnificent
5 years ago

Sarah. I’m on neither Tumblr nor Twitter, but I do have another suggestion. (Not mine really, I picked it up on Captain Awkward.) Try and find a writing group — or two or three — online. These are people who are in a much better position to read and to offer sensible critiques of other people’s writing.

Here’s a list of various writing type issues that they’ve dealt with there. http://captainawkward.com/category/writing/

weirwoodtreehugger
5 years ago

andiexist,
I do only have one, but I also changed my name because I didn’t want to connect my internet persona with my real name. So, maybe the older stuff is still showing up under the old name. That kind of sucks!

AltoFronto
AltoFronto
5 years ago

Andiexist – glad you’re making progress with MH services, and that your gecko’s improving.

Luz – Boo for being made to start over, but your radio project sounds really cool. I hope you’re able to keep it from overwhelming you.

FeelingGuilty – I’m pretty sure Captain Awkward had a response for something like this once, but I can’t remember how to find it. http://captainawkward.com/archives/
If the slut-shaming is happening when you’re not there, there’s nothing you can do, but whoever asks you about it directly, you refuse to talk about it. “That is not up for discussion”. “That’s private”. “Wow. That’s really personal and rude”. “So how about that local sports team?” (literally say those words, on repeat, until the subject changes. Let it be awkward as hell for the person being intrusive.
In future, unless everyone present is ok with sex happening (both your sex partners and whoever is publicly able to see the sex happening), don’t have sex in front of people? It’s not bad to consent to sex, but it is antisocial and rude to do it in a hot-tub at a party where nobody else is expecting sex to happen.
I’m mostly saying this because a couple having sex in the pool made me very uncomfortable and ruined my last holiday for me. I think they stopped when kids were in the pool, but it was inappropriate and made me feel gross.

Ghostbird – can’t comment on such matters, sorry. I got nothin’.

Andrew – So glad your friend in Arizona is doing well.

EJ – Congrats on the Amazing Job! And maybe the dx could be seen as a positive if it’s the first step to better self-care? There’s no shame in it, but I know that’s easy for me to say, and much harder to accept for oneself. I wish you all the best.

Welcome, Sarah and Smidgette.

Sorry if I missed anyone out *waves to the back*.

Ok, my news is that I got accepted onto an 8-week job placement yesterday. It’s good, because Money! but also extremely stressful, because it starts on Monday and I will have to abandon my Beloved for 2 months to live in my parents’ house, because the placement is closer to Old Home Town than Where I Live, and the UK’s transport connections are surprisingly shitty for a country that pioneered the steam railway.
The placement doesn’t cover travel, either, so I’ll be losing 1 1/2 hours’ pay each day just to get the train, unless I can find a short-term discount railcard or something. A 45-minute train journey (one-way) costs 75 minutes’ work at a rate £1 above minimum wage. How is that good for the economy?
I’ve also had to let people down to take the job, which I hate. I do a lot of volunteer stuff, and they’ve all been nice about it, but I hate to skip out on them while our Summer project is in its busiest phase. Even worse is, I’ve made a funding bid to run my own project (conference for that today), and this job placement will severely cut into the 3 month deadline for starting the project, and I don’t know if I’ll be able to make enough headway to keep my small bit of funding.

What’s even more annoying is that the job isn’t even remotely related to the career I want to be in, it’s just money.
And I’ll miss out on fun stuff I was supposed to be doing, like taking my young cousins out for day trips over the Summer Holidays.
It feels like the whole thing is just a massive inconvenience.

I really shouldn’t complain about it, because I’ll get paid. I’m just getting into a panic (actually cried a bit) and lamenting the fact that it’s a really ill-fitting job. It’s not as if I can afford to turn it down, without anything else definitely lined up, though. At least the 8 weeks should go by quickly, but so will all the other stuff that I wanted to do this Summer.

andiexist
andiexist
5 years ago

@WWTH

Did your old account/name have a connection to jewelry on etsy?

@AltoFronto

Girlfriend’s gecko, but thank you. 🙂

contrapangloss
5 years ago

Hey all!

Can’t post long. I’m in the 20 minute grace period between shift end and bed, because I have to get up tomorrow for another shift. But then I’ll be on my weekend, and I can sleep til noon and read a book and actually read these threads…

From skimming, I wish I had some good advice for all of yous. Dealing with unequal social stigmas can be really rough. I take it as a really, really good sign that you at least recognize the unfairness and feel bad about it, if that makes you feel any better?

For those with mental health appointments looming, or recent diagnoses, hope they go well! Hopefully, at least knowing will help.

I also have a Tumblr! But I don’t really share it, because I’m not really cut out for tumblr. I only follow a few folks, and only have a few followers, and kind of get really, really weirded out when folks I don’t know randomly start following me…

… and feel really awkward about the blogs I follow where I don’t know the blogger, but I really like their Tumblrs?

Yeah.

Um…

Yeah.

I have no good advice for finding followers on Tumblr, seeing as I don’t really go hunting for followers, likes, or the deal from Tumblr.

Sorry…

In the meantime, HUGS FOR EVERYONE IN THE THREAD!

I really like and appreciate the lot of you, and this site and commentariat have helped me be a better person, in quite a few ways, and you all are amazing. Even if you don’t always think you are. Especially when you don’t always think you are.

Yeah, I get sentimental when I’m sleepy, but HUGS FOR EVERYONE WHO NEEDS HUGS! THERE IS A HUG BARREL AND I AM STUFFING IT WITH ALL THE HUGS!

Okay, bed with me.

Shift went awesome today. Need sleep so tomorrow can go well as well. I get off a bit earlier, though, tomorrow! And then I’m into days off and can sleep all the sleeps!

autosoma
5 years ago

I start a new job in a new city on Monday, and there us a lot of complicated stuff to sort out. First, my confidence is at rock bottom regarding my actual ability to do it. With that goes the complexity of moving the family to the new city (we want out of London) with no money, until I get paid.

We’re finding it difficult to find a flat, no deposit, no guarantors, bad credit history its a mess. It’s pretty stressful for all of us.

Trying to support my wife and children through this, is tough. We’ve made a lot of poor decisions over the last few years which has got us into the state we’re in at the moment.

Getting sorted and stable seems such a long way away for the family and almost an unobtainable goal.

Morrizaurus
5 years ago

@Luz Congratulations on your radio project!

@Sarah I’d be glad to follow and read your writing, I have been forcing myself to write lately, I was thinking of posting about it here, but got cold feet. I’d appreciate some feedback myself

weirwoodtreehugger
5 years ago

andiexist,
No. I do have a friend who makes jewelry who just signed up for twitter the other day. But that’s the only possible etsy connection I can think of. Do you have a link? Cuz now I’m confused.

andiexist
andiexist
5 years ago

@WWTH

The Twitter handle is @weirdwoods. I really hope that was you, because otherwise I think they’re pretending to be. O_o

weirwoodtreehugger
5 years ago

I checked it out, and it seems to be just a coincidence. Someone with a similar name who read a WHTM article and has a similar worldview. No worries!

andiexist
andiexist
5 years ago

@WWTH

…I had personal conversations over messaging with someone who was a complete stranger the entire time. Oh, heck. >_<

autosoma
5 years ago

@FGAS
The only way a situation like this gets healed is time, the memory fades and as people mature they see it in a different light. The only thing the person who is being abused by s***Shaming can do is shrug it off and realise that it will fade over time.

Also, shoulder some of the burden too, the reality is, is that you were part to the act to, so whenever you encounter someone s***Shaming her, point out to them that they have to say the same about you. Question their perception. Say to them “If you think that about her – then you must think the same about me”. Challenge them.

sunnysombrera
5 years ago

I’ve been enjoying my new job a lot, even though it’s physically tiring. The team are great, the customers are friendly, the work is varied. I’ve also started a diet so I can shed the excess weight I gained over the past year (I think it amounts to about 30 pounds, I haven’t stepped on scales for a while but I’m definitely fatter than I was). Once I get my first full paycheck, provided I haven’t been emergency taxed to the heavens I’ll set up a gym subscription too, but I’m having reservations since the job is already pretty labour intensive and I just want to rest on my days off. What do you guys think?

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