Categories
announcements comments policy

New Comment Policy

Cutest mod ever!
Cutest mod ever!

As promised, here is the new and I think improved comments policy.

It’s a bit long, but that’s in part because I’ve included sections that are designed to hopefully eliminate some of the contentious and often repetitive debates that have erupted in the past over the issue of ableism — in particular the use of words like “crazy” and “psycho” and the like. In the future, I am hoping that we can simply link new commenters to the policy (in particular, the “notes on ‘crazy'”) section and avoid a lot of the drama.

This policy is stricter towards those who “dig in” and insist on using problematic terms even though they’ve been informed of the rules about them; if they’ve been linked to the comments policy and persist in arguing or behaving badly, they will be banned. I’m also asking regulars to rein in their language in criticizing first-time offenders, and to not argue back with them if they persist. (There’s not much point to it, because offenders who persist will be banned.)

Not all of the changes and additions to the comments policy are in response to the ableism debates; I’ve also taken into consideration other controversies here, as well as comments policies on other blogs and broader discussions online about the best ways to moderate sites.

One other change: I will also put regular reminders in posts that all new commenters should read the comments policy before posting.

I am very much cognizant that many people who regularly read this blog — some of them who comment here regularly, some of whom are lurkers or only occasional commenters — are frustrated by the flame wars that have erupted here from time to time. I am frustrated as well, and troubled by the personal attacks I’ve seen in these discussions, directed not at trolls but at other commenters here in good faith.

I hope this new comment policy can end some of these flame wars before they start. If it doesn’t, I will (reluctantly) have to resort to shutting threads down and even suspending some commenters.

So here is the new comments policy. Discuss. Suggest improvements. Be civil.

Welcome prospective commenters!

Unmoderated internet forums quickly become shitheaps, so we have a few rules here. One thing to remember right off the bat: this is a feminist blog, designed (mostly) for a feminist audience. You don’t have to be a particular kind of feminist to post here, or even a feminist at all, but you do need to keep this in mind.

First comments from new commenters – or old commenters changing their name – automatically go to moderation. Regardless of your politics, if you start off here with a jerky or tediously argumentative comment, or if you trigger some other red flag for me, your first comment will never see the light of day.

MRAs, MGTOWs, PUAs, Red Pillers, “Equalists,” #GamerGaters and the like: you will be allowed to post here, if your first comment is amusing and/or not especially egregious, and if you more-or-less behave.

But I reserve the right to revoke your posting privileges at any time for any reason. You have a right to your opinions, but you don’t have a right to our attention. I am especially not interested in hearing your thoughts on Anita Sarkeesian (or some other target of angry dude harassment online).

Oh, and I sometimes set aside threads here as “no troll, no MRA” threads. If you post in one of them, even politely, you will be banned.

If you’re NOT an MRA or a troll, welcome!

You’re who this blog is really meant for. The comments too, provided you can participate in a generally constructive manner and can treat those you disagree with here with a certain degree of respect. Snark is fine; attacks and accusations and namecalling, not so much. 

If someone – whether a troll or a regular commenter — is acting badly enough to possibly warrant a suspension or ban, EMAIL ME OR THE MODS. That’s the fastest and most effective way to get it taken care of.

Some slightly more specific guidelines.

No bigotry (misogyny, racism, homophobia, transphobia, ableism, body shaming, and so forth). No slurs. I’ve put the worst ones in the mod filter, so comments containing them won’t appear. If you want to discuss someone else’s use of a slur, disguise the word so your comment won’t get caught by the filter – though if you do this as a “clever” way to use a slur yourself, you may well find yourself banned.

No threats or violent comments. That includes telling someone to “die in a fire” or remarking that so-and-so would probably be better off dead. This rule is in effect even when you are talking about vile misogynistic shitbags.

No gratuitously nasty personal attacks. Yes, discussions can sometimes get a bit contentious. You’re not required to be perfectly nice all the time. Just don’t be a total asshole. And don’t drag your disagreements with someone into every thread.

No doxxing or posting of personal identifying information. Don’t spread rumors or speculate without evidence on the possible criminal activity of anyone else, whether this is another commenter or a misogynistic shitbag.

No rape apologism, pedo apologism, victim blaming, and so forth.

Don’t misgender anyone. If you do it accidentally, apologize and get it right the next time. If you do it deliberately, you’re out.

Don’t attack anyone for their sexual preferences or kinks, so long as they involve consenting adults. Refrain from weird or creepy sexual oversharing. Whatever your opinion of sex work, don’t disparage sex workers, or use words like “whore” as a pejorative. (Feel free to talk about MRAs who are using the word pejoratively.)

Don’t attack people for their religion or their lack of religion.

Don’t be a mansplainer or indeed any kind of ‘splainer. That is, don’t lecture anyone on something they know better than you, particularly if that thing is their lived experience.

Don’t post too much or try to make threads all about you. Try to avoid drama.

If you have personal issues you want to bring up, that’s fine! Use the troll-free open threads set aside for personal stuff. I’ll post a new one every couple of weeks. (I also start threads regularly to discuss big events in the news that people here are concerned about; feel free to email if you think something has happened that warrants one.)

No sockpuppeting. No lying. No misrepresentation of yourself or other people. No posting in bad faith – e.g. posting friendly comments here while trashing the site and/or the people on it elsewhere.

No pile-ons. If a number of people have already offered the same criticism of another commenter, don’t add more comments to the pile.

All this said, you don’t have to be perfect to comment here. As sociologist Katherine Cross (@Quinnae_Moon) has noted, very few people arrive “fully formed to the world of activism, the perfect agents of change, somehow entirely cognizant of the ever shifting morass of rules and prescribed or proscribed words, phrases, argot, and thought.”

I want this blog to be open to all those who genuinely oppose misogyny and bigotry more generally, even those who may slip up from time to time.

Still, if you’re new here, or new to feminism, and the regulars here are telling you to avoid certain words, or pointing out something that you’re doing that’s problematic, don’t take it as a personal attack (unless it is couched as a personal attack, in which case email me). If they tell you to avoid particular language, uh, avoid using that language, and don’t explain that in your country calling a person a something-or-other is perfectly fine.

You don’t have to agree with all the rules and/or cultural norms here; but while you’re commenting here you are expected to respect them. If you think a rule is really, really wrong or ridiculous, don’t argue about it in the comments; send me an email about it.

And this brings us to the issue of ableism, which has been a contentious one here.

NOTES ON “CRAZY”

Avoid “crazy” talk. That is, using words like “crazy,” “psycho” and the like to describe the terrible ideas and actions of people you don’t like. It’s stigmatizing to those dealing with mental illness, who really don’t need the extra indignity of being compared to MRAs. Try using words like “ridiculous” or “absurd” or “terrible” instead. Call someone an “asshole” instead of a “psycho.” Try to avoid internet diagnoses of mental illness, and don’t use autism or Aspergers as an excuse for someone’s shitty behavior.

Saying someone is “paranoid,” “delusional,” or “narcissistic” is fine, if you don’t mean it as a diagnosis; these are useful descriptive terms.

If there is evidence that someone you are discussing does indeed have a mental illness, and this is relevant to the discussion, it can be appropriate to bring this up, though you should keep in mind that a hunch is not evidence.

All this said, words like “crazy,” “psycho,” and the like are extremely common, and plenty of people (including feminists, progressives, and people dealing with mental illness themselves) use them casually without intending to stigmatize those with mental illnesses. There’s a difference between saying “crazy people should all be locked up” and “boy, Eraserhead sure was a crazy movie!”

If you’re someone who uses these terms casually, and doesn’t actually want all “crazy” people locked up, it doesn’t make you an evil person, but you need to refrain from doing it here. (Again, if you disagree with this policy, and feel a need to make this disagreement known, DO NOT ARGUE ABOUT IT IN THE COMMENTS, send me an email instead.)

If you are a regular commenter here, and someone uses a problematic term like “crazy” or “psycho,” remind them gently that this is not how we do things here, and send them a link to this comment policy (and possibly the Welcome Package as well). Unless what they have said is particularly egregious, do not insult them or question their motives.

If they argue, remind them that arguing about this rule is also not allowed. If they continue, do not argue back; send me or the mods a note and they will be banned. (This may take a little while, so be patient and please do not give in to the impulse to argue with them.)

If others have already reminded them of the rules, move on.

Again, if someone is acting really shitty in the comments, whether a troll or a regular, SEND THE MODS (or me) AN EMAIL.

One other thing to keep in mind:

MRAs read this blog. So I would strongly urge you to comment here using an anonymous handle that cannot be traced to your real identity. And to be very careful about revealing any sort of personal information on this blog. If you inadvertently post something using the wrong account, or that otherwise reveals personal information, let the mods know so we can remove those comments.

Oh, wait, one other other thought:

Enjoy yourself!

458 Comments
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
contrapangloss
9 years ago

Belladonna, I kind of see where you’re coming from.

I’m regularly irregular, I think. I started posting last year- year and a halfish? I’ll post way too much every couple weeks, and then disappear for weeks, and…

… it felt super weird the first couple times I tossed a link out to new folks with a welcome package, about 6 months into posting here, because I wasn’t sure I had been around enough. Also, I didn’t want to ninja the person I had seen handing out the most welcome packages, because I wasn’t sure if it was ‘their’ thing.

It really wasn’t. Folks were pretty cool with me doing that kind of stuff.

I should probably go to bed, now, though, and continue catching up in the morning.

katz
9 years ago

Auntie Alias: So…the new posters did get welcomed. You don’t actually have an example of a new person who actually got no replies. But now apparently the bar for not being a clique is that everyone has to personally greet every new poster? Because I would have looked at that and gone “Oh good, the new people have already been welcomed” and moved on.

This is why I don’t take the clique accusations seriously: Because when it gets down to specifics, what people apparently want us to do is neither reasonable nor desirable.

Come on, guys, I’ve got better things to do than coddle the feelings of people who think they have a right to blog replies and think we’re being mean if we don’t address enough comments directly to them, and I’d just as soon not choke up the blog with empty comments posted just so people will feel included. You want people to talk to you? Be interesting.

Auntie Alias
Auntie Alias
9 years ago

@Belladonna993

I’m an infrequent poster and not part of the in crowd. I don’t think a person needs to have ‘seniority’ to welcome someone and no one should feel obliged to do so if they’re not in a chatty mood or are uncomfortable with it. No pressure, honestly.

@katz

After all the demands for examples of other behaviour, I thought I’d provide the ones I knew of which naturally were ones where I engaged. I don’t consider a single greeting very welcoming but it’s better than nothing. TBH, I was getting annoyed at the excuses that I knew weren’t the whole story.

So your name was one of those who ignored a newcomer and now you’re defensive about it. No one is saying that everyone has to greet each newcomer; that’s ridiculous.

You want people to talk to you? Be interesting.

And there it is. To really be accepted around here you have to be funny or smart and the rest of us can go pound sand. That says it all about the clique culture. Even the fact that David pointed it out is apparently meaningless to you.

Moocow
9 years ago

About the whole cliquishness. I feel like I should share my opinion.

I’d say roughly half of my comments don’t generate any sort of answer. At all. I do empathize with the feeling of “hey, I totally said something in the same vein of that regular, why didn’t I get acknowledged when they totally did :(“. At the same time, I don’t feel like every single one of my comments should be validated with a response either. I say some silly things sometimes and sometimes it’s just not relevant to the discussion. That doesn’t bother me*. When I do notice that my comment is thought-out, didn’t get ANY sort of response and the discussion continued about something similar to what I was talking about (even if it’s about something completely inane), then I do feel somewhat discouraged. And i think a lot of newer people have felt this way too.

So basically, I think there is some truth behind the “bias towards regulars” (IMO I’m somewhere between a new person and a regular). I don’t know how much (undoubtedly some comments just get lost due to clutter), nor does it matter, but I’m happy that several people had the courage to bring it up because I was honestly too scared to. Now the question is, what to do about it? I don’t think it’s helpful to just make sure that EVERY single new person gets a response. Or that EVERY single thing a new person says is acknowledged, that feels like fake sincerity.

Overall I just think it’s something that people should just keep in the back of their mind and be aware of, because generally cliques are apparent to everyone except those inside the clique. Also, the many times I do get a response, it’s generally very positive and I’ve really enjoyed the discussions I have. IMO this is a pretty friendly place, I definitely disagree with the sentiment that people are “mostly abusive” around here. Also, I really have to hand it to those of you who are willing to stand up and voice your opinion when it is completely contrary to the rest of the group. That’s not an easy thing to do.

Sorry for the teal dear, I do feel this is a discussion worth having and I wanted to share my thoughts.

*My only genuine fear is that I’ve offended someone by saying something inappropriate and if that’s the reason I’m getting ignored. If this is the case, I would MUCH rather be called out instead of ignored. I’ve been ostracized from groups before and been given the silent treatment. Such personal events have left scars that give me anxiety when I feel ignored.

sunnysombrera
sunnysombrera
9 years ago

I’m going to agree that there is an element of cliquey-ness here, and that we do put newcomers under the microscope a little too harshly. I’m prepared to step back, spend more time analysing new posts before making a judgement and not be so quick on the trigger – and yes, I have seen that happen before. And I’ve participated in it too. :/

Auntie Alias
Auntie Alias
9 years ago

@Moocow

Overall I just think it’s something that people should just keep in the back of their mind and be aware of, because generally cliques are apparent to everyone except those inside the clique.

Exactly. I also agree that no one expects to have every single comment validated. You’re doing well to have half your comments replied to!

Belladonna993
Belladonna993
9 years ago

Contrapangloss said:

Belladonna, I kind of see where you’re coming from.

I’m glad, because I think I was totally supporting you. 🙂 I remember your monicker because I must have found stuff you had to say in the past interesting, but I just think it’s unrealistic in a space where no one is designated to act as “hospitality” coordinator to expect that everyone will remember everyone and act welcoming.

@Auntie Alias
Honestly, I think you’ve brought up some great points in this thread, and I’ve admired you for your bravery sometimes in speaking up, I sure as hell don’t think I’m more “in” than you. If anything, I’ve agreed that I’m sometimes afraid to post, etc. Ultimately, I think I like you and the things you’ve said for the most part. And I remember some of your posts before this thread, too. But I think you’ve gone a bit far in your criticism of katz, here. I’ll try to explain why, but it’s kind of a teal deer, so sorry.

I put my foot in my mouth a couple of times on this blog. The first time, I felt a bit “dogpiled.” Not only did several people comment on my post, but a mod “seconded” something someone else had said, so totally can’t be put down to “ninja’ing.” I do get that what I said could be interpreted as a “what about teh menz” kind of comment, so I’m not defending it. I’m also not totally backing down from it, because I’m not truly ashamed of the fact that I see human beings as human beings first, and gendered individuals second. Anyway, if anyone wants to talk to me more about it, they can look it up or ask me, but it’s not really my point. It made me a bit gun-shy here, but I’m not placing blame on anyone but myself, for not expressing myself well.

The second time I put my foot in my mouth I was working up the courage to comment again, and it was pretty recent. I was kind of stream-of-consciousness writing and placed some blame where it didn’t belong before I got around to my point. A few people called me out on it, and one of them was katz. They all forgave me when I explained myself, which was difficult, but awesome, but the conversation with katz was one of the best, because she? (I think you’ve gendered yourself but can’t remember for sure) wasn’t remotely accusatory. The conversation went something like:

Katz: I think, maybe, you didn’t get what I was saying.
Me: I got what you were saying, but I was kind of talking about something else.
Katz: Oh, I see, we were talking about slightly different things. I would also like the thing you were saying to be true.

And anyway, I think you’re both pretty great, but you’re calling katz out on her comment:

You want people to talk to you? Be interesting.

Well, honestly, it all goes back to the beginning of what I said here. Some people and comments are easily remembered. Some are not, and no one is tasked with remembering it all. It’s only natural that some people with limited time to spend here skim and notice most posts from people they remember. So what katz said is really only a basic Internet truth. At some point, if you’ve said something really interesting, someone will remember. Someone with more “clout” may quote you and make other people notice. If you’re unlucky, someone with more “clout” may ninja you, or even come in after you and get more attention, but keep trying and things may change.

I mean, seriously, we’re talking about the Internet, which magnifies it, maybe, but in any community, it boils down to the same thing: you have to be interesting to get attention.

In any case, I noticed some very cool things you said before this thread, Auntie Alias, so I don’t think you need to worry about being uninteresting.

porcuspinus
porcuspinus
9 years ago

Ooops. Please forgive my mistake, I misread some of the earlier comments by HTBS. I’m very sorry.

marinerachel
marinerachel
9 years ago

I can’t say greeting newbs has ever been a concern of mine re: the hostile in-crowed nature of much of the commentariat. I’ve always thought just keep trying until something you say gains some traction.

The behaviour I’ve witnessed that I see as cliquey is similar to what Auntie Alias has called passive aggressive snottiness. I call it condescending dismissal followed by taunting, often with a helping of dismissing valid feelings. Basically, someone belonging to the in crowd, instead of addressing the person like a human being, gives someone they disagree with an eye-rolly response, their friends join in, followed by one of them making a “funny” joke at the expense of that person and all their friends laughing. When confronted they say it was just light-hearted fun, not bullying. Lighten up.

It’s exactly like the cool kids table in the high school cafeteria. Whether you do something wrong or they just percieved you as having done so, one of them treats you like an idiot, their friends join in and afterward you remain the target about which they make unfunny jokes amongst themselves but you can’t complain because its not aggressive.

Sometimes only one or two elements are present. Maybe it’s just the condescending dismissal followed by getting dogpiled. Maybe it’s having your feelings dismissed after you confront someone after they’ve made you the target of their unfunny joke. None of it is uncommon here though.

Really, its possible to tell someone they’re wrong, even to cut the shit, without being snotty and prolonging the ordeal.

sevenofmine
9 years ago

And there it is. To really be accepted around here you have to be funny or smart and the rest of us can go pound sand. That says it all about the clique culture. Even the fact that David pointed it out is apparently meaningless to you.

I really fail to see how that’s unreasonable. Yes, you have to say something worth paying attention to if you want people to pay attention to it. Nobody is obligated to laugh at your jokes or tell you how very cogent your argument was if they don’t think it was.

As others have pointed out, people skim the comments. People have lives, distractions, demands on their time. They don’t read every comment. The names of people they already know stand out to them and draw their attention, sometimes with the unfortunate result that the same point being made by a newcomer gets missed. This is perfectly normal, perfectly reasonable human behavior, as is feeling a little left out or confused if yours is the comment that gets overlooked. What’s not reasonable is assuming that one is being purposely ignored because nobody addressed them specifically.

And there are a million other reasons why someone responds to one comment and not another that made the same point. Maybe the one they responded to worded it in such a way that brought it home to them in a way that it never had been before. Maybe it was worded in a way that was more conducive to being expounded upon. Maybe it was worded in a way the put them in mind of a personal experience they then decided to share. Maybe the way you worded your comment was ambiguous and the people passing it over just didn’t read it the way you meant it. Maybe your avatar is a spider and the person who ignored you is an arachnophobe. And so on.

I feel like there’s a real double standard being applied to the regulars here. The regulars are supposed to be charitable to newcomers but newcomers get to assume callous indifference or even outright malice on the part of the regulars if they don’t get the precise reception they were expecting.

Scented Fucking Hard Chairs
Scented Fucking Hard Chairs
9 years ago

@Auntie Alias & Marinerachel

*sighs* Look. What is your goal here? Serious question. Beyond your contradictions, your vagueness, your passive-aggressiveness, your baiting, your threadjacking… In one single sentence, exactly what do you want us to do? Because nothing we’ve offered has been good enough for you and I’m doubting that anything could be good enough for you.

I mean, I can’t stop being me.

Auntie Alias
Auntie Alias
9 years ago

@Belladonna993

I was hard on katz because her entire comment was hostile. This is what I dislike about this place. Anyone who challenges the status quo and especially those who mention dogpiling have always been treated with scorn.

The disingenuous rationalizing in this thread for various behaviours was incredible. Some regulars dismissed what numerous people complained about since no one produced examples. Since when do people’s experiences count for nothing? And this is a feminist space? Sometimes it sure doesn’t feel like it. Like, “You’re just too sensitive!” Bah. It sucks when misogynists say that and it’s even worse coming from people on your own side who should know better.

Thanks for your kind words. 🙂 The older I get, the less I care what people think when I call them out in real life or on the ‘net.

Auntie Alias
Auntie Alias
9 years ago

@SFHC

I could do without the projection and the insults.

What do I want? More civility and less hostility. I fail to see why that is so objectionable.

mildlymagnificent
9 years ago

I do empathize with the feeling of “hey, I totally said something in the same vein of that regular, why didn’t I get acknowledged when they totally did :

Speaking as a regular who’s been here for quite a few years, I have to say that my comments are also overlooked or ignored reasonably often. That’s OK. I’m often slow when writing and a bit verbose when I get carried away. Occasionally I can turn a phrase that takes someone’s fancy, but I certainly don’t have the skills of a fibinacci or others who are both insightful and eloquent.

I’m also totally uninterested in games, comics, most of the films and music that are generally favoured here (so I miss some of the cultural references), but that’s because I’m old and a bit of a stick in the mud. It means there are lengthy conversations that I’m entirely precluded from joining. That’s OK too.

sevenofmine
9 years ago

Auntie Alias

Some regulars dismissed what numerous people complained about since no one produced examples. Since when do people’s experiences count for nothing?

You know what? You want to talk about disingenuous? People have repeatedly in this thread acknowledged that it sucks to have multiple people jump on something you said. We’ve all acknowledged that it’s disconcerting to have people react with hostility we don’t understand to something we thought was a fairly neutral observation. Nobody is denying that these experiences of feeling shitty about the reception you’ve gotten are valid. We’re saying we need more than vague, ill-defined words like “dogpile” if you want us to actually modify this objectionable behavior that is supposedly ubiquitous.

skiriki
9 years ago

Re: David

Sorry, everyone, I didn’t realize my mistake. From now on we’ll be following Wikipedia’s example on everything. Does anyone here know how to get wordpress to post a giant picture of Jimmy Wales begging for money atop every page?

Considering how Arbcom of Wikipedia just threw an another woman under the proverbial bus again… man, that was some quality sarcasm. 😀

https://www.reddit.com/r/GamerGhazi/comments/3dou3l/wikipedia_considers_making_it_against_the_rules/

Luzbelitx - from my phone
Luzbelitx - from my phone
9 years ago

I realized I’m seen as way more rrgular than I felt in the past days. I also decided I came out as regular the moment I felt compelled to chime in about the rules here.

Any time this was discussed before, I was more like “let them sort it out, it’s their space”. Not this time, though, so here I am.

I too was new and the regulars then were mostly people who are not regulars right now (with some refreshing exception, some in this same thread). I too got the “omg what if I’m saying something wrong” feeling, and then the “omg no one seems to notice me! I like you but you’re not talking to me!”

I then kept pposting till someone noticed. When still pretty new ans unaccounted for, I went for the Open Threads, and shared my drag king blog and said it would mean a lot to me if people told me what they thought about it. And many people did! I didn’t feel so uncomfortable when posting amd not getting answers after that.

I understand people may feel way more anxious than I was, though.

What is confusing me about the demand for hospitality is this: welcoming a person is not a risky task here. You don’t get yelled at for saying “hi, I’m new” or for saying “hi there, welcome / have a welcome package”.

I welcomed people when still new myself by saying “hi, Im new too”.

So it’s not like posting controversial opinions or aiming at a troll, and I have yet to see someone being smacked for introducing themselves or welcome someone else.

So I feel complaints about hospitality are a bit unfairly directed to us perceived as regulars. Anyone can say hi! At no risk of being mocked whatsoever! Or do we really come off as THAT hostile? And why couldn’t that torch be held by those who think there should be more acknowledging of new people, many of whom are regulars/oldies themselves?

I am more than willing to hold my words when new people push my buttons, and to be mindful of new commenters and support them. Absolutely reasonable and totally down with that.

However, I too see this double standard, as if we had the responsability of making everything better while others just complain it isn’t good enough

So my question is: What are you bringing to the table? What do you appoint yourselves to do in order to make this place better? Would you feel ok taking care of greeting and engaging with mew people?

All conflicts requiere both parts give up somethong in order to solve it through negotiation. I accept to give up some of the fun to not scare people away and be more welcoming. What are you giving up, and for what? Or, what extra can you bring?

Also, a note on no-longer-regulars. I get the idea pf not scaring off newbies, but I also think people who invest time and share stories and particiate are doing more for the community than just-arriveds or lurkers. Its people posting who keep the community going.

I don’t think it makes anyone better, but I’d like to make the point that I don’t want to see valuable people going, either. By placing all onus on the (perceived as) regulars, we’re actually setting them (us) up to fail.

And I certainly don’t feel ok with that. I wouldn’t feel ok even durong my lurking stage, on which I also saw regulars go away and felt sad for it.

weirwoodtreehugger
9 years ago

I’d also like to point out that even though one might be seen as in the in crowd, they may still be a bit socially awkward. I’m good at talking about politics, but I mostly lurk in the open threads because I don’t know what to say. I do try to be welcoming to people but am not outgoing enough to be good at it.

katz
9 years ago

Belladonna: I don’t even remember what we were talking about, I just remember that we figured out we didn’t actually disagree, which is always an epic-level accomplishment.

The funny thing about threads like this is that I realize how many people I think of as regulars don’t think of themselves that way (Moocow? I see you around all the time).

weirwoodtreehugger
9 years ago

Too expand, I feel placed in the position of the popular or cool girl and that’s literally a position I’ve never been in before. Maybe that’s what I am here, but it’s not something I know how to be. So sorry if I’m bad at it.

Spindrift
Spindrift
9 years ago

@wwth

I feel the same way about the open threads, I’m not very outgoing either.

Not sure if I count as a regular or in crowd member, I’ve not been commenting much recently.

katz
9 years ago

The basic thing here is that we’ve moved from guidelines about things you can’t do (reasonable) to rules about things you’re required to do (unreasonable).

Particularly unreasonable when it’s a stringent, unspoken, ever-evolving set of rules established by people who refuse to lay them out in full and only bring them up to flagellate the regulars for failing to abide by them, on the logic that someone, somewhere might have their feelings hurt.

As far as I can tell, everyone (or just regulars?) must read every thread in full, personally greet any new people, and then, apparently, evenhandedly reply to both posts they had something to say about and posts they don’t have anything to say about. (What they’re supposed to say in reply to the latter is anyone’s guess.) And God knows what other rules will come out of the woodwork; no one could have predicted “you aren’t allowed to show particular interest in things you find particularly interesting.” And, yes, I am hostile to these rules.

None of this feels like a good-faith attempt to make this community a better place; it feels like some people want to harangue the regulars and are therefore ragging on us for normal social behavior. And the policing certainly won’t make this place feel more relaxed and friendly.

I therefore propose the alternate one-rule policy: Everyone, regular or not, is allowed to engage with any comments in any thread as much or little as pleases them. Anyone in favor?

Falconer
9 years ago

I certainly don’t have time to hang out here as much as I’d like anymore. I have to go back and find my last comment in a thread, then read forward from there. I did it here because I’m interested in the general conversation; if a thread has multiple conversations, I’m probably not in all of them, and I tend to ignore comments that aren’t obviously about my conversation(s).

I will try, from now on, to watch out for new commenters who don’t seem to have been greeted, and greet them.

I therefore propose the alternate one-rule policy: Everyone, regular or not, is allowed to engage with any comments in any thread as much or little as pleases them. Anyone in favor?

Aye!