The lovely fellas in the Red Pill subreddit are up in (possibly imaginary) arms about a new anti-troll law that, they’re convinced, has made “the Red Pill … illegal in New Zealand.”
“This is blatant fascist censorship,” cries one outraged alpha male. “COME AT ME YOU FUCKING DUMBFUCK PUSSY CUNTS, AND FUCK YOUR WIVES, THEY’RE SHITTY COOKS,” adds another.
But as Red Pill subreddit legend GayLubeOil explains, in reality the Red Pillers have nothing to fear. Because they could totally take New Zealand. Like, by force.
You just hit the X button on the M-16 to reload it, right? Real guns have X buttons, right?
H/T — r/BestOfOutrageCulture, via @Prios
There are many teenage boys who live in my neighborhood, and at about fourteen a pack of them went through a phase where they only wore clothes purchased at the local Army-Navy surplus store. They’d usually just swagger around in boots and BDU pants, looking tough, but occasionally they’d stage maneuvers in people’s front yards. My favorite one involved a dude in a second-hand ghillie suit. I watched him low-crawl the width of my property line. Then he lay flat on the sidewalk for a good five minutes. He finished his drill by jumping straight up, like an animated cartoon shrub, and he ran hell-for-leather to the back of the subdivision. I have no idea what his mission was, but I assume it was a success.
The TeRPers in the OP kind of remind me of those guys. But the neighborhood kids knew that they were just playing around. Red Pillians don’t seem to have that kind of self-awareness.
Wow, call USAREC, the Army is totally letting some prime candidates slip through their fingers. They could bundle the creme de la creme of these guys into one company and run them through a super-special awesome version of basic combat training. As an added bonus, they could film the entire thing and make a smash-hit reality show. The highest rated episode would be their first day on the firing range, when they have to come to terms with red-hot flying brass and rifles with no scopes.
There are only 8000 New-Zealander soldiers? That mean that redpillers have a numerical disadvantage… among many others.
They said “doody.”
Hee hee.
Whilst they may only have a few thousand soldiers, they also have a few million rugby fans. So I don’t like their chances.
Congratulations sunnysombrera!
This was the funniest thing I’ve read for some time!
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cook_Islands
I assume the 120 000 is the number of people who browse the Red Pill regularly. I’m willing to assume most of them are male, middle class, at least reasonably able-bodied and at least somewhat supportive of the MRM.
On the other hand, most of them probably aren’t old enough to have graduated college, or committed enough to comment regularly on Red Pill.
They couldn’t have invaded NZ back when the country was only defended by these:
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Haast’s_eagle
I don’t like to brag, but I play lots and lots of videogames of all genres, so I’m sort of a Renaissance person.
Call of Duty is a fine game for learning tactics, but to win a war you also need to master strategic games like Civilization. Anyone with any Civilization experience will see the flaws in their plan. To begin with, they’re not thinking at all about supply lines. But beyond that, they’re trying to do a cultural takeover with a military force.
If I were New Zealand and they tried this on me, I’d wait until the army was right at the gates of my city, and then I’d throw up the Great Mosque of Djenne Wonder, convert the army to my worldview, and then send it right back to where it came from.
So. Assuming this all works. 120,000 redpillers scattered across the globe…let’s give the the most extreme benefit of the doubt and assume they all club together and are ALL able to get an M16 each. Ignoring the innumerable problems with the idiocy of trying to get some sort of makeshift navy together (who’s going to be paying for this? Paul Elam? I mean he’s alreayd got all their cash) so they club together enough to buy enough boats and enough supplies to get them all to New Zealand from wherever they’re coming from, let’s just say America (sorry Yanks but this is just a hypothetical.) When they get there, I’m curious as to what will happen.
The New Zealand Navy (aka Te Taua Moana o Aotearoa, “Warriors of the Sea of New Zealand”) is made up of 2,500 personnel on active service and well trained in patrolling and defending New Zealand’s coastal waters. They have numerous ships, including 2 ANZAC class frigates with enough firepower to blow whatever two bit cruise liner operation the redpillers could arrange. They’d get spotted by every navy and security agency in the pacific and would be annihilated before they knew what was happening
But say they made it to land, somehow sneaking past all the naval patrols and intelligence agencies in the world. The New Zealand Army (aka Ngāti Tūmatauenga, “Tribe of the God of war”) consists of over 7,000 personnel, 4,500 of whom are active personnel and the rest listed on reserve. These Seven thousand are highly trained troops who have received numerous battle honours and many of whom have recently seen service in both Iraq and Afghanistan. They are highly trained and have state of the art equipment, including 105 Mark LAV III armoured anti-personnel vehicles and multiple heavy artillery pieces and other weapons. That’s several thousand professional and well armed soldiers, all of whom have seen active duty taking on a bunch of idiots armed with guns that went out of date years ago. Not to mention police armed response units, reserve units and every pissed of Kiwi with a rifle taking exception to a bunch of whiney sexists trying to make everyone do what they say (@EJ (The Other One)’s description of New Zealander’s was pretty much spot on). It’d be a massacre, a massacre that would of be undoubted benefit to the net positive development of humanity but a massacre nonetheless
As a New Zealander, I’d actually be quite amused to see what this ‘fit’ 120k CoD man baby army would look like storming the beaches of the Hauraki.
This has been said a few times before but: logistics, logistics, goshdarn logistics.
While what little I know of warfare became outdated around 1500 AD, even I can tell that your army will be close to useless without weapons, food and, you know, being where you intend to fight. Although in this case, I guess not even those 120 thousand M16 rifles and open passage to New Zealand would honestly help much…
(And I’m not even touching on the logistical nightmare that is getting 120 000 people from unknown locations all over the world to meet in one place and then all go in the same direction. I mean, has no one at the RedPillers’ camp ever tried to organize a “fun night-out” for even 10+ people?)
@sunnysombrera
Congratulations on the new job! Good thing it happened that way, since you seemed to like the bingo place job better, right?
I’m looking at my Steam Library, and holy shit, according to these guys, my resume’s a mile long.
Shit, by their logic, I’m President of the United States (Saints Row IV), an assassin (Assassin’s Creed and a couple Elder Scrolls games), a prison architect/manager (Prison Architect), I can set things on fire with my mind (Psychonauts), I’m Batman, I can chop down trees with my bare fists (Minecraft), I’m a certified Space Janitor (Viscera Cleanup Detail), I can kill things by crying on them (The Binding of Isaac), and I can slay dragons (Too many games to count).
What’s that?
There are no dragons? You’ve never seen one?
You’re fucking welcome.
@Dave I’d say we get the All Blacks to go give them a welcoming Haka. Watch them jump on their boats and leg it back home!
If you need anyone to run down dark corridors munching pills and listening to repetitive music; I’m your guy. I can bring both Pacman *and* real world experience.
Man… the more I think of this, the more it’s sad, and funny.
Assuming, for the sake of argument, that 10 percent of them made the trip (which is 12,000) they are hosed. If they all make the trip, they even more hosed. Why? Becuse they aren’t soldiers.
Soldiering is about subordination. It’s also about rote training, and automatic response.
Weapon jams… pull the immediate action drill (US Army calls it SPORTS). Ambush… turn to face it and attack. Making an attack… establish open order, establish base of fire, and maneuver by squads., etc.
Trained troops, against trained troops… need a three to one advantage to dislodge an opponent in established defense. Untrained troops… pretty much can’t. Trained troops will break between 10-25 percent casualties. Untrained troops will break between 5-10, and rout between 15-20.
None of that deals with fire discipline.
I am decent at CoD/FPS games. I’m a good soldier, and a VERY good shot.
A decent company of trained troops can beat a Battalion of these guys (i.e. 3:1) in the open. On defense… the only worry is running out of ammo before targets.
If I was a Redpillian, I’d be really concerned about the number of Jedi that New Zealand would field in response to any attempted invasion.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jedi_census_phenomenon#New_Zealand
” I mean, has no one at the RedPillers’ camp ever tried to organize a “fun night-out” for even 10+ people?”
Don’t be silly, VerilyBaroque. RedPillers don’t have any real-life friends, or ever leave the house, actually. If they did, they wouldn’t view getting a girlfriend as the key to ending the Terrible Loneliness, and consequentially they wouldn’t be stewing on the internet in an endless rage.
I love that not only do they say they learned how to fight from games, but specifically from Call of Duty. That’s like saying you learned how to fight from Michael Bay films.
I’m decent at Tetris, so I can help them pack…
Wow! Thanks to TRP I learned that I’m an excellent shot with a sniper rifle in real life and can also repair weapons using an identical weapon that somehow gets consumed by the original weapon in a split second using nothing but my hands while making a strange and seemingly unrelated ‘zipping up your pants’ sound.
Thanks TRP!
http://0.media.dorkly.cvcdn.com/36/35/6603dc5a9292104b44c349b85b5aaf7a-5-crazy-fan-theories-that-make-total-sense.jpg
-Paradoxical Intention
NO. According to the PlayStation Network, I’M Batman.
According to my SO’s Network account he’s an undead hunter, the leader of a drug cartel, head of a private military firm and a lizard. I mean, holy shit, shouldn’t I be calling the police at this point!?
@ Alan
Good to know how you spend your weekends ;D
And if you ever decide to take up coin collecting and/or banging your head against ceilings inexplicably made of bricks, you can ask me and my countless hours of playing Super Mario Bros to provide helpful tips on how to do that effectively.
I think that most Red Pillers don’t even have the capacity to deal with the fact that seasons in NZ are opposite the Northern Hemispheres. They’d blame a summertime Christmas on Feminazis because chicks are always cold.
@ Paradoxical Intention
Oh no you don’t! You don’t get ALL of the credit for that!
http://gagmin.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/09/35cb7j-500×498.jpg
You know if video game skill translates to real life applicable skills. Well give me some blue plate armor, and a shovel. At which point I can go around smacking things making them vanish in puffs of smoke, at the same time making them drop treasure, also I can extract many gems and much gold from small mounds of dirt, and pogo stick enemies to death with my shovel. I can do all that and more and all in the name of Shovelry! Steel thy Shovel!