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Red Pill Redditors prepared to take New Zealand by force — using skills gained from Call of Duty

I'm pretty sure this cat could take out the entire Red Pill subreddit single-pawedly
I’m pretty sure this cat could take out the entire Red Pill subreddit single-pawedly

The lovely fellas in the Red Pill subreddit are up in (possibly imaginary) arms about a new anti-troll law that, they’re convinced, has made “the Red Pill … illegal in New Zealand.”

“This is blatant fascist censorship,” cries one outraged alpha male. “COME AT ME YOU FUCKING DUMBFUCK PUSSY CUNTS, AND FUCK YOUR WIVES, THEY’RE SHITTY COOKS,” adds another.

But as Red Pill subreddit legend GayLubeOil explains, in reality the Red Pillers have nothing to fear. Because they could totally take New Zealand. Like, by force.

GayLubeOil 258 points 22 hours ago*  The Red Pill is 120 thousand fit college educated middle class men. If we really wanted to we could invade New Zealand and install a new government. We definitely have the manpower. There are plenty of veterans here. Plus everyone here knows where the magazine release is on an M16, from years of playing Call Of Duty.  Realistically the Red Pill Reaction Force would be far more effective than half the world's militaries. The Afghan military is fucked up on opium. The Iraqi army cant even do jumping jacks.. Plus New Zealand has only 8 thousand military personnel the majority of whom are useless paper pushers.  I don't actually support the violent overthrow of New Zealand. I just think its kind of a fun idea conceptualy.

You just hit the X button on the M-16 to reload it, right? Real guns have X buttons, right?

H/T — r/BestOfOutrageCulture, via 

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C.S.Strowbridge
C.S.Strowbridge
9 years ago

I actually want them to do it. It would be funny. They would probably accidentally shoot each other before getting anywhere.

Aunt Edna
Aunt Edna
9 years ago

Yes, it’s more like 80 pale, emotionally stunted dudebros still / permanently in school, plus another 40 or so middle-aged bitter divorced guys who recycle themselves over the handful of redpillian echo chambers, inflating their already dangerously overinflated and fragile egos and spinning their projection-based alternative reality.

RP Reaction Force, lol.

lostsomething
lostsomething
9 years ago

It’s sort of like Big Boss’ “Soldiers Without Borders” only you keep on going with “Or Training, Experience, Actual Weapons, Means of Transport, or Just Having a Clue In General”.

Aunt Edna
Aunt Edna
9 years ago

@katz:

A question for the prospective NZ invader:

“Bro, do you even Puerto Rico?”

Fabe
Fabe
9 years ago

How would the red pill army get to NZ. They can’t take an arsenal on planes. They don’t have a navy. It’s a lot easier to defend your own country than take and hold another. Plus, other militaries would certainly pitch in to defend NZ.

So even if the idea that they could invade a small country based on video games wasn’t completely ridiculous, they really didn’t think through the logistics.

Logistics? Phffff,they don’t need logistics ,they’ll just get all the stuff they need from supply drop power ups.

GrumpyOldSocialJusticeMangina

“they really didn’t think through the logistics.”

When have we ever seen this sort of ability from a member of the manosphere? It’s almost a defining characteristic. They seem to think that after the apocalypse occurs they’ll still be able to buy Mountain Dew and Cheetos at the local 7-11.

EJ (The Other One)
EJ (The Other One)
9 years ago

I lived in New Zealand for seven years as a child. Based on that experience, I think anyone who believes that Kiwis don’t lift is in for a surprise.

The average New Zealander stands between six and twenty feet tall. Each of them is capable of picking up and carrying a fully laden lorry; this enables New Zealand to keep its impressive Green credentials. The favourite snack of a New Zealander is a barbecued whale on a stick: one can often see these being sold by vendors outside sports venues. Rumour has it that someone once survived playing rugby against New Zealanders, although the story is thought to be apocryphal. The small minority of their population who are not sheep have thick beards and spend their time bending fence posts with their teeth. New Zealand invented the time machine for the sole purpose of giving women the vote earlier than anyone else, but nowadays use it mostly for importing Australian childrens’ television shows. All nuclear weapons spontaneously fail when passing within 200km of a New Zealander.

Bina
Bina
9 years ago

COME AT ME YOU FUCKING DUMBFUCK PUSSY CUNTS, AND FUCK YOUR WIVES, THEY’RE SHITTY COOKS

If “your wife can’t cook” is the best you can do for insults, you deserve to lose.

Alan Robertshaw
Alan Robertshaw
9 years ago

“Amateurs think tactics; professionals think logistics”

Fabe
Fabe
9 years ago

If the MRAs did invade New Zealand I wounder if all the Load of the rings Fans out they would rally to to help defend the the Shire?

Kerlyssa
Kerlyssa
9 years ago

While I have never played CoD, too many hours in heavily modded Fallout made me a dab hand at IRL paintball when I tried it. Maybe I could conquer an outlying village? Dibs on Hobbiton!

Bina
Bina
9 years ago

They haven’t even tackled Puerto Rico yet and they’re already going for New Zealand? What is it with these guys and islands?

I don’t know, but I’d be more than happy to see all these guys shipped off to an uninhabited one. Preferably with an active volcano.

bekabot
bekabot
9 years ago

See, this is where the sea-steading fits in. The redpillians will simply build a few islands, stock them up with weapons, troops and games (because Rome wasn’t built in a day) then get some big long booms and pole the islands over the ocean like Huck Finn traveling down the Mississippi. It’s the last kind of attack the New Zealanders could possibly expect, so they’ll be caught completely off-guard. (And after the conquest the oppressed males will greet the invading redpillians with candy, flowers and dancing in the streets.)

Genius, no?

Scented Fucking Hard Chairs
Scented Fucking Hard Chairs
9 years ago

Building on from EJ, I’m going to post a haka. Because haka are fucking awesome.

autosoma
9 years ago
Reply to  Aunt Edna

Actually I was under the impression TRP was ISIS, I see little in the way of difference in ideology, except maybe for the booze pretence

Danny Chameleon
Danny Chameleon
9 years ago

1.) I’d never read a reddit thread before today… *shudders*
2.) If Call of Duty gives you real world soldiering skills, what do I get for my (way too many) hours spent playing fantasy games?
3.) Based on EJ’s description of NZ, I really want to visit there!

lkeke35
9 years ago

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
This entire post and thread made me totally lose my shit.
AT WORK!

Wow! you guys are awesome.
Especially WWTH, cuz you’re the one who got me started.

apeculiarpersonage
apeculiarpersonage
9 years ago

I think those six guys in the video could scare off at least fifteen MRAs on their own.

Pandapool -- The Species that Endangers YOU (aka Banana Jackie Cake, for those who still want to call me "Banana", "Jackie" or whatever)
Pandapool -- The Species that Endangers YOU (aka Banana Jackie Cake, for those who still want to call me "Banana", "Jackie" or whatever)
9 years ago
sunnysombrera
sunnysombrera
9 years ago

If Call of Duty gives you real world soldiering skills, what do I get for my (way too many) hours spent playing fantasy games?

I want to know what skills I’ve gained from RPGs. Tactical thinking? But from my hours of playing Legend of Zelda games I can confirm that I am an expert at the hookshot.

Wait, the hookshot isn’t a real invention, is it.

Well shit.

weirwoodtreehugger
9 years ago

Interesting article about trolls. Doesn’t say anything we don’t already know though!
http://www.latimes.com/opinion/op-ed/la-oe-morrison-phillips-20150701-column.html#page=1

sunnysombrera
sunnysombrera
9 years ago

Also, I is now employed! 😀 The bingo hall job offered me the position and the pub didn’t, so I guess it’s a no brainer at this point.

Yay, money! Not as much as I’d like, but it’s more than £73 a week.

weirwoodtreehugger
9 years ago

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
This entire post and thread made me totally lose my shit.
AT WORK!

Wow! you guys are awesome.
Especially WWTH, cuz you’re the one who got me started.

http://media.giphy.com/media/dILZwwhulFUn6/giphy.gif

katz
katz
9 years ago

Also, I is now employed!

Falconer
9 years ago

I want to know what skills I’ve gained from RPGs. Tactical thinking? But from my hours of playing Legend of Zelda games I can confirm that I am an expert at the hookshot.

I am an expert swordsman and I can flawlessly execute the mortal draw move Link learns in Twilight Princess. Seriously. I had to register my shoulders with the local police and everything.

I can also hold my breath for hours, a skill I honed playing Final Fantasy X.