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Red Pill Redditors prepared to take New Zealand by force — using skills gained from Call of Duty

I'm pretty sure this cat could take out the entire Red Pill subreddit single-pawedly
I’m pretty sure this cat could take out the entire Red Pill subreddit single-pawedly

The lovely fellas in the Red Pill subreddit are up in (possibly imaginary) arms about a new anti-troll law that, they’re convinced, has made “the Red Pill … illegal in New Zealand.”

“This is blatant fascist censorship,” cries one outraged alpha male. “COME AT ME YOU FUCKING DUMBFUCK PUSSY CUNTS, AND FUCK YOUR WIVES, THEY’RE SHITTY COOKS,” adds another.

But as Red Pill subreddit legend GayLubeOil explains, in reality the Red Pillers have nothing to fear. Because they could totally take New Zealand. Like, by force.

GayLubeOil 258 points 22 hours ago*  The Red Pill is 120 thousand fit college educated middle class men. If we really wanted to we could invade New Zealand and install a new government. We definitely have the manpower. There are plenty of veterans here. Plus everyone here knows where the magazine release is on an M16, from years of playing Call Of Duty.  Realistically the Red Pill Reaction Force would be far more effective than half the world's militaries. The Afghan military is fucked up on opium. The Iraqi army cant even do jumping jacks.. Plus New Zealand has only 8 thousand military personnel the majority of whom are useless paper pushers.  I don't actually support the violent overthrow of New Zealand. I just think its kind of a fun idea conceptualy.

You just hit the X button on the M-16 to reload it, right? Real guns have X buttons, right?

H/T — r/BestOfOutrageCulture, via 

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Khane's Mom
Khane's Mom
5 years ago

Does it make me pathetic that I never wanted to be Batman?

I wanted to be able to do really awesome stuff (like fly, and climb trees) in a really pretty dress.

Ironically I turned out to a gay woman that still loves to wear wear pretty dresses. I’d be a damn cute Bat-whatever…if I wanted to be.

I was a really lucky little girl. I was able to be me.

LordCrowstaff
LordCrowstaff
5 years ago

When I still played WoW (oh sweet days of my youth, I have to get back to it…) my guild leader and her right hand were both women. We were, and, for all I know, still are, very successful. So not only menz can organize an army, watch out!

Paradoxical Intention
5 years ago

Khane’s Mom | July 3, 2015 at 12:22 am
Does it make me pathetic that I never wanted to be Batman?

Not at all. I can understand that he’s not everyone’s superhero of choice. Personally, he’s not mine either, but I can understand the appeal. He does a lot of interesting things for being a semi-ordinary cishet rich white dude.

I’m not personally a fan of the new Mayunly-Gritty-Angsty Batman portrayed in the live action movies. I loved the spirit of the Animated Series where Bruce had more humanity and was actually empathetic to his rogues who were simply victims of circumstance themselves.

And one of my favorite parts is where he’s scolding Tim about failing a test about law in school, and Tim just says “I know the law doesn’t work!”
Bruce: “How did you come to that conclusion?”
Tim: “By watching you.”
Bruce’s face was priceless.

I miss the campy shit. I want more Schwarzenegger being Mr. Freeze again. He was fabulous. And Michelle Pfeiffer being Catwoman. Because wow she was amazing. (And that performance may have been a moment in my young life where I was like “Why are girls so pretty and amazing?”, even though I didn’t realize it until years later.)

Fruitloopsie
Fruitloopsie
5 years ago

I got experience from running and avoiding obstacles, flying and searching for chaos emeralds, sword fighting, horse back riding, archery, playing the ocarina, I’m a level 50 at candy crush, solved many, many puzzles, leapt over cliffs and destroyed obstacles as a robot unicorn, and I never died by the feathered foes which are known as “cuccos”. Yes I got what you call “skills”

Genn
5 years ago

Oooh, video games as real life! I can play that game. Let’s see. I’m a galactic emperor, having conquered, terraformed and inhabited most of the planets in the known universe (Galactic Empire), I’m a totally badass tactician specializing in diplomatic, religious and cultural dominance of my enemies (Civ IV and V), not to mention that you can drop me anywhere with nothing but the shirt on my back and I’ll destroy trees with my bare hands to eventually work up to making tools and cultivating crops and hunt animals and kill zombies and misc. other monsters, becoming rich in diamonds while doing so (Minecraft, survival mode). But I believe the most relevant of all is that I am literally God. Or in my case, Goddess. (ALL the Sims games and expansions.)

They can all come at me. I’ll make them pee themselves and then have them take a swim in the pool and remove the ladder. Or repair electronics with their zero repair skill. That’s how this works, right?

Binjabreel
5 years ago

So the part of batman I liked was the detective part, which is pretty much nonexistant nowadays, because I liked Sherlock Holmes as a kid but eventually came to the conclusion that I’d be that obsessive if I did that much cocaine too.

To be honest; the comic character whose power I always wanted was Storm. Controlling the weather always seemed like a trump card that they rarely used to it’s full potential- I guess when you have a tornado everything would look like a trailer park.

CriticalCapybara
CriticalCapybara
5 years ago

I’ve been a lurker here for a couple of years now. Love the blog and all the comments – I’ve learnt so much here thanks to you all.

I’ve come out of lurking as I can’t let stand a rather ignorant comment that is close to my heart – Emperor apologetics.

@kyuubinokitsunehime

I’m sorry but you really need to check up on the official documents and diary entries by Hirohito and his closest aids in the court group (what have been released that is) . While he didn’t start off the “incident” in China – he did absolutely nothing to stop it, and gave imperial rescripts to the commanders involved. Hirohito was directing policy and war aims throughout the war. As long as his troops were successfully expanding his empire, he didn’t care how they did it.

Try reading Herbert P. Bix’s Hirohito and the Making of Modern Japan. Or try reading the diaries of his closest aides and other members of the court group.

I’m so sick of people going for the whole “Emperor was a figure head” crap. It doesn’t stand up to scrutiny at all.

Oh, and CoD manospherian shit bags, just try invading NZ with your l33t CoD skills….. HAHAHAAHAH!

misha5678
misha5678
5 years ago

Awww, ninja’d by Binjabreel!

I was just about to say that my heart lies more with the X-Peeps than Batman if I’m brutally honest. Although the Batvoice is ridiculously addictive and has become a staple in our everyday conversation at home.

“Have you done the washing up yet?”
“No, sorry, I’ll do it soon”
“SWEAR TO ME!”

Also a very good response to any man claiming to be Going His Own Way.

http://cdn.memegenerator.net/instances/400x/28905369.jpg

Newt
Newt
5 years ago

Looks like “Stranded in Babylon” overheard someone say “free republic” and manfully rushed here to defend it.

https://wehuntedthemammoth.com/2015/07/02/red-pill-redditors-prepared-to-take-new-zealand-by-force-using-skills-gained-from-call-of-duty/comment-page-2/#comment-779795

…many women are questioning the feminist agenda because of stories like this, about feminism not actually protecting their freedom, but rather restricting it.

Hey, free republican? How does equal access to cake restrict anyone’s freedom?

protecting their freedom

Why are you suddenly interested in the freedom of a group of people that
doesn’t include you? Either you’re consistently selfish, or you realise that freedom for all comes with some requirements on how we treat others. Which is it to be?

Also, please send a copy of this feminist agenda that you’ve been reading. I left mine in the wash.

Arctic Ape
Arctic Ape
5 years ago

I have no real life practical skills whatsoever, since I don’t play video games. However, I do have lots of totally accurate and useful real world knowledge from reading novels.

(following tl;dr about my very obscure fandom)

I just re-read one of my favorite childhood books, the Swiftlet Isles by James G. Porter. It’s one of those old-timey (1970s) adventure novels that provide escapist fantasies for young boys. The protagonist is an Australian runaway teen boy who literally “goes his own way” in a somewhat plausible manner, settling on a small tropical island and living off the land. All that info about sailing and outdoor survival would be more useful than Call of Duty for any sulky teenagers who want their own Pacific island. There’s even some casual shaming of fat guys and divorced mothers in the book!

Anyway, I still love that story. I feel lucky that it was translated in Finnish (since I was just beginning to learn English at age 10-15) and I found it from a library thrift sale. Some years ago I tried to search info on “Swiftlet Isles” but found nothing, which wasn’t very surprising for such tiny islands, even assuming they do exist. They’re supposed to be just off the coast of North Queensland about halfway between Townsville and Cairns.

Just now it occurred to me I could look them up on Google Earth. Turns out that the group is actually called Family Islands, but otherwise the book’s description is indeed very accurate.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Family_Islands_National_Park

The islands have a surprisingly fascinating history, particularly Dunk and Bedarra. (The book’s central locations are the Bedarra and Wheeler islands.)

Also, it turns out there was already significant tourism in the 1970s and even more now. The area is apparently very beautiful, and still reasonably quiet, as a luxury tourist destination. If I had lots of money and free time, I could go vacating in a resort on Bedarra, and visit camping on Wheeler where the book’s protagonist lived. Such dreams…

Kootiepatra
5 years ago

Re: The Haka – I got to visit a dear friend of mine who lives in NZ. She took me to a rugby match, and told me ahead of time about the haka—I thought it sounded cool, like a nifty little traditional chant to kick things off.

I was watching safely from the stands and I felt profoundly intimidated. I can’t imagine how it feels being on the field, staring directly into a sea of All Blacks who look for all the world like they don’t plan on leaving survivors. I still get goosebumps thinking about it.

My totes-real-life combat training allows me to spray lots and lots of bullets around while yelling about sandwiches in a corny Russian accent. I can also build the most stomach-churning rollercoaster known to human history.

Luzbelitx
5 years ago

Hey Redpillers, bad news for you! I’m an undefeated champion* at Risk!

It means I can rule the whole fucking world without leaving my room.

Take that, gamebros!

http://screencrave.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/11/Picture-121.jpg

*which means I won once and I was friend of the winner the rest of the times.

EJ (The Other One)
EJ (The Other One)
5 years ago

I’m really, really bad at video games. In fact I’m pretty bad at all games. However, I did once manage to build a perpetual motion device whilst messing around with pumps and waterwheels in Dwarf Fortress; and I once worked out a technique to annihilate an entire city at once in Black and White.

I really hope these skills don’t translate to real life.

misseb47
misseb47
5 years ago

Invade New Zealand because of an anti trolling law?! Total LOLnes. How the hell do they expect to be able to pull that one off? Oh dear. Not only would it be a huge logistical feat transporting all the ‘troops’ from the other side of the world, New Zealand is a close neighbour to a country that has a much larger military-Australia. New Zealand may only have 4 thousand military personal, but Australia has over 90 thousand-approx 60, 000 full-time active-duty personnel, 20, 000 active reserves and 20, 000 standby reserves.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Australian_Defence_Force

Australia is also New Zealand’s closest and most important security partner and we have a strong alliance relationship. Australia and New Zealand also have fought side by side in all the major conflicts in the 20th Century since WW1 (the Gallipoli campaign). Just look up the ANZACs. Australia also has a strong economic/trade and political relationship with New Zealand. (If anyone is interested in learning more about Australia’s relationship with New Zealand, the New Zealand Ministry of Foreign Affairs and Trade is a great place to start. http://www.mfat.govt.nz/Foreign-Relations/Australia/index.php )
So if New Zealand ever gets invaded, how do you think Australia will react? I am sure over 94 thousand highly trained military personnel is more than a match for 120, 000 Call of Duty trained basement dwellers.

jaygee
jaygee
5 years ago

I don’t have much knowledge of New Zealand or warfare, but if games are real life, I would defeat their 120, 000 “soldiers” by rolling them up in my katamari.

Kevin Lowe
Kevin Lowe
5 years ago

Mag release? It’s adorable that they think they’d last long enough to have to reload.

Aura
Aura
5 years ago

I’m not much for fighting games but if you ever need a door opened via an overly complex logic puzzle involving a steampunk style boiler, 6 octagonal disc keys, and the sound of a peeper frog matched to its silhouette then I am your girl!

@Hoosier X
Zoe fuckin’ Bell! <3

fromafar2013
5 years ago

I didn’t see you helping, ya milk drinker.

Of course! Khajiit is too sneaky for you. And why say ‘milk drinker’ like it’s a bad thing!?

http://www.mindlesspixie.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/244894.jpg

Bina
Bina
5 years ago

…many women are questioning the feminist agenda because of stories like this, about feminism not actually protecting their freedom, but rather restricting it.

Freedom from misogyny, sexism, harassment, assault and abuse is “restriction”? For WOMEN? Somebody’s been reading Orwell all wrong again.

Kakanian
Kakanian
5 years ago

@kyuubinokitsunehime

Hirohito still was the hinge on which the Japanese polity turned and he told neither the army, nore the navy to quit or even slow down at any point until after the atomic bombs had been dropped.

He rubber stamped whatever they were doing. Members of his family were even involved in war crimes.

Plus the Imperial Way faction was a thing. Parts of the military were indeed ready and willing to fight the rest of the military at his command as they felt that the cliques were obstructing his power. Never mind that there would have been no point in keeping an unimportant figruehead whom nobody pays any mind to around after the war, right? So claiming that he had been marginalized is the height of ignorance.

@spacelawn

The most recent 3D shooter I play with some regularity is Return to Castle Wolfenstein. I appreciate that its mechanics pretty much make all guns you get useful.

weirwoodtreehugger
5 years ago

Because Freepers really have their finger on the political pulse. In the US in 2002 anyway.

Alan Robertshaw
Alan Robertshaw
5 years ago

@ Kakanian

It’s interesting to read up on the Tokyo War Crimes Tribunal. The Nuremberg Trials get most of the attention, but a lot of modern International Law derives from Tokyo.

In the Tokyo trials there was an agreement amongst the prosecuting authorities that Hirohito would be kept out of the proceedings; they needed him as a figurehead to smooth the MacArthur governance. Most of the defendants were happy to take the rap for him. His involvement though was hard to cover up. A lot of the time, despite skirting around the issue, there’s a big Hirohito shaped gap in the evidence.

Jurgan
5 years ago

New Zealand may only have 8,000 organized troops, but the whole place is crawling with orcs. Hope you’re ready.

sunnysombrera
5 years ago

Fuck me, I’ve just read the NZ law they;re moaning about… It’s got some real teeth, like an 800 quid fine if you get caught making a post with the intent to cause harm. John from the other day would be well screwed.

But I do like the bit in it where if you are nicked for inciting some one to commit suicide you get a max. of three years as it recognised the distress such provocation can cause.

Oh wow. You go NZ! And please tell me this law will apply to school bullies.

The “safe harbour” clause may be the bit that people are moody about as they will have to be responsible (I.E. moderate the comments) of people who post comments. It’s a bit vague as to what the penalty is though. It appears that the host of such harmful comments may only get a stern telling off.

It doesn’t really appear to be the Gestapo of free speech that the red pillers seem to think it is.

They believed that Anita Sarkeesian would bring the downfall of the video games industry, for fucks’ sake. Melodramatic is their middle name.

sunnysombrera
5 years ago

Dammit I KNOW I’m not supposed to feed the blockquote mammoth. My bad.

ryeash
5 years ago

@EJ

Woooo, Black & White!! I loved those games so much, and it’s like no one else has even heard of them. I wish I had a decent PC so I could play them again; From Dust was the closest thing I could find on console, but it’s nowhere near as good.

As for the Red Pill Army, I’ve gotten pretty good at fighting huge groups of goons. Might need to heal up a bit between waves, but I usually stay well-stocked on potions. Better a few less inventory slots than finding out that you haven’t saved in two hours and have to redo all that progress, amirite?

But seriously, I’m the goddamn Inquisitor. I have an army of my own. How are your M-16s against MAGIC??

Paradoxical Intention
5 years ago

I just realized I could solve the entire drought in California with two buckets of water. Just make a square hole, put the water in two opposite corners, and BOOM. Infinite water. Thanks Minecraft!

Also, I want to do a mockery of the new Batman movies where all of Batman’s lines are done in a cute, cartoony, squeaky voice.

Falconer
5 years ago

@PI:

We can’t all be Batman, you guiz.

No, but we can be Batman, Inc. !!

Pavlov's House
Pavlov's House
5 years ago

Yeah, OK, I admit i find it interesting when this blog touches on military issues, which is sometimes does….and, yeah, I would kind of like to read through the debate on Hirohito’s complicity (an important historiographic issue in WWII scholarship)…but the main subject of the post – a bunch of videogame players who think they could take New Zealand as Filibusterers (I mean Filibusterers in the original nineteenth-century sense, which has nothing to do with speeches in the U.S Senate)….good f-ing God. I cannot bring myself to actually write what should be written. If some of you have the patience to do so,, more power to you.

Raggin’ on the NZDF? *@#$! Off!

The country that produced the only combat soldier to have behind his name “V.C and Bar”?!?!?! Seriously?

Or, look, redditor game-playin’ wussies: two words that should END any debate now.

MONTE CASINO.

F*@# off reditor game-playin’ wussies. Get away from your computer, join a real-life army and learn some damn history.

P.S. No disrespect to Wojsko Polskie on the Casino comment – I know there’s debate about whose forces were actually first in the monastery. I respect history, traditions and accomplishments of all Allied forces.

————————
Note to David when deciding to post/let through – this post is not nonsense – please consider importance of all historical references. Thank you. If the invective is too much for you, heck, edit that out before you just can it. But maybe you’ll agree the invective is deserved.

maistrechat
5 years ago
Reply to  Pavlov's House

I once knew a Marine who upon returning from deployment in Iraq announced that the only thing more terrifying than Australian soldiers was the ones from NZ.

Psycho Gecko
5 years ago

Yes, the Afghan military is such a pushover. I’m sure a few people who play videogames can do what the U.S.A. and USSR, the only two superpowers on earth armed with billions of dollars of equipment and millions of soldiers, couldn’t.

The jokes on the MRAs, though. The Afghan men already share their values about women.