Today, another little treasure from the trash pile — that is, a comment someone left here but that I decided not to let through but which I have since decided might be worth sharing with the world.
This particular commenter — an excitable Man Going His Own Way reacting to my post Women are overpriced vagina buses that won’t let you ride them — has a bit of a fixation on a certain word that starts with “C,” which he managed to use 14 times in his tl;dr rant.
I’ve taken the liberty of cutting out boring stuff, breaking up his wall of text into paragraphs, and highlighting some of my favorite bits. And, in the interest of making the world a slightly nicer place, I’ve replaced each instance of the word “cunt” with “bundt cake.” Who doesn’t like cake?
Let’s see what Poltergeist1981 has to say, shall we?
Wow – look at all the bundt cake-hurt on this comment section! Nothing but baseless statements, Strawmen, and a myriad of other logical fallacies combined with emotional trauma. Not amazed or surprised through, bundt cakes hate it when you call them out on their bundt cake bullshit, especially if they are biased feminazi bundt cakes. …
Damn. I’m hungry already.
What are the feminists doing now? Complaining about how men sit? Man Spreading they call it? Give me a fucking break you bundt cakes – we have something in between our legs that makes it uncomfortable to sit like you do! It’s too bad you can’t grow a cock and pair of balls to understand that, but none the less what a pathetic fucking group it has become.
Ah, manspreading. If what I’ve seen is any indication, the overwhelming majority of the talk about “manspreading” has come from men who are absolutely furious that anyone could possibly suggest that maybe they shouldn’t take up more than one seat on a crowded subway. With all the talk about the possible harm to their allegedly HUGE BALLS, it’s almost as though they’re afraid of some sort of symbolic castration.
Angry dudes: some people with cocks and balls as big as yours manage do this on a regular basis — in part to avoid getting harassed or worse by transphobes — so quit your bellyaching about having to keep your legs together for a few minutes on the subway.
Feminists need to fuck off about the first world – you have more than your fair share of human rights (way more than men now) – and need to start focusing on the middle east where they still force bundt cakes to wear burkas or however / whatever you call them.
Spoken like a real expert on gender in the Middle East. Are you by chance Richard Dawkins?
Do they really focus on that though? No – they focus on bullshit like man-spreading. You want to know why? Because first world bundt cakes are superficial – idiotic – and are only good for what is between their legs, and half of you aren’t even good for that now – fucking STD infected land whales.
Uh, if these “land whales” aren’t even “good for” sex now, how is it that so many of them (at least in your imagination) have managed to get Sexually Transmitted Diseases?
Put the fork fucking down and close your fucking legs.
I would say “or” rather than “and” here. Nothing wrong with forks, or with sex, but combining the two may not be the best idea. You could put an eye out.
[A]ll you bundt cake are so extremely superficial, fucked up, nasty, no morals, can’t fucking cook, can’t fucking clean, just overall good for nothing, and you’re only good for sex assuming your bundt cake is clean and you’re not a fucking whale.
True, a clean bundt cake is preferable to a dirty one.
[I]t’s not that we can’t get laid – it’s because we just don’t want it from you anymore – it’s not worth our trouble.
I get more enjoyment from fucking a fleshlight to my favorite porn now than going through the trouble of being with some boring good for nothing / nasty / etc bundt cake to then eventually bust a nut with.
That poor, poor Fleshlight.
Also why would I or any of us want to have a “deep / intimate / close” relationship with you? You are not interesting, fun, uplifting, or anything what women USED to be back during the days where traditional conservative women were the norm.
I’m sure women who were systematically denied education were much more interesting conversationalists.
You say that “patriarchy” forced them to be that way when really, they simply just had more class than you.
Uh, that’s not how things work.
Myself? 32 yrs old, Never married – 0 kids – make over 100k / year doing java programming, 0 STDs, Great body work out every day, Near perfect credit, awesome house, Ferrari (not an expensive one a modest one I got for a great price :D), and a PC master race gaming habit i’ll never leave.
Gosh, an angry MGTOW who’s a computer programmer and gaming enthusiast who thinks it’s hilarious to refer to himself as part of the “master race.” Way to dismantle the stereotypes, dude!
I love my life. Why should I fuck it up with marriage.
I’ll agree with you on this one. Do not fuck up your life — or, more to the point, anyone else’s — by getting married
I look at things like an economic transaction when it comes to women.
Boy, there’s a shock.
When you consider myself – the value I have will continue to grow as I get older – i’ll continue you make more and more money, and increase my market value.
Now take a woman – when it comes to most of you the only thing you’re really only good for is what is between your legs and your looks. That is what I consider a depreciating asset since eventually your looks will fade. Why should I have to MARRY you? No what I will do though – I will lease you. When our contract is up – I’ll replace you with a newer model.
Wait, weren’t you just declaring that women are worthless, and singing the praises of your Fleshlight? And now you’re bragging about “leasing” young hotties with your Java money? Money that could be spent on Steam, or on a replacement Fleshlight? You’re going your own way SO HARD that you brag about bribing women into having sex with you?
You ask who will take care of me when I get sick? My new model or you if you have not depreciated enough to be replaced at such a time. I will ALWAYS have a replacement..
Yes, keep telling yourself that.
Now if I found a woman that actually has many values / morals / etc that is worth keeping around – EVEN THEN – I would still not marry her. Why? Because a woman like that probably ALREADY has a job that pays really well, she can take care of herself, she does not need my money – she would be seeing me because we have mutual interests and SHE IS INTERESTING and not superficial –
I shudder at the thought of a women who has “mutual interests” with you, given that your main interest seems to be calling women “cunts” on the internet.
BUT SHE HAS ALL THIS MONEY??!?! So why should I risk losing HALF OF MY SHIT to a woman who is making as much IF NOT MORE money as myself? Where is the logic in that shit?
We don’t care if you don’t marry. I’d much prefer you didn’t.
Honestly until the laws that fuck guys financially GO AWAY from drivoces go the way of the dinosaur – MGTOW 4 fucking life. Fuck that shit.
And now we’ve reached the part of the rant in which the ranter descends into gibbering incoherence.
I would like to ask some of you bundt cakes. Is your pussy worth my life? Is it? I seriously fucking doubt it – and to the those who say Yes – it is – fuck off and die – you are what is wrong with the world and women today mmmkaY? kkthxbai
MGTOW 4 life, bundt cakes.
Bundt cake for life, MGTOWs!
Unpacking time! Let’s see what we can find in this here shitpile…
Oooo, I’m impressed. Right out of the starting gate, he dives in with every woman-hating copypasta in the history of Ever! No troll has ever done that here before!
Yeah, what a pity we all have such minuscule genitalia that we only need to take up one seat on a bus or train instead of two. And many of us here are male (and anatomically so, as well), and STILL have no problems holding it all together and courteously taking up no more than their allotted space. Must be manginas, right?
Nope. They’re just normal guys who aren’t so swollen down below that they would actually NEED to spread. And guys who actually HAVE this problem, I imagine, wouldn’t feel compelled to show it off on public transit, because it’s actually kind of embarrassing to have a hundred-pound scrotum. Try harder, emo kid.
Oooooo, the ol’ The Third World Is Worse For Women So You First Worlders Have Nothing To Complain About Gambit. Nobody’s ever tried THAT here before, either.
Bet this guy would have no problems throwing a burqa over any feeeemale who wasn’t sufficiently pleasing to his boner, though…
….aaaand yup, I was right. He’d probably do exactly that to us all if he had his druthers.
Meanwhile, the irony of him fixating on what’s between OUR legs, and calling US “superficial”, shall not go unnoticed. Or unmocked. Especially since he seems to be kind of weirdly envious of all the STDs he seems to think we all have, because that implies that we actually managed to get laid.
And he, of course, hasn’t…
…because who in her right mind would spread ’em for a guy who can’t cook or clean for himself, mind his fucking manners, or refer to her genitalia in a way that wasn’t disgusting and insulting out the wazoo?
Yeah, it IS that he can’t get laid. Even his Fleshlight is sick of his shit. Can you blame it?
That’s fine, fella, because no one in her right mind would want to interest the likes of you. You are trite, stupid, unintelligent and boring. You’re not interesting, fun, uplifting or anything that a worth-knowing man would be, either.
Furthermore: I used to be conservative as a teenager, and you know what? It bored me out of my everloving skull. The guys who were drawn to that squelched, suppressed little “me” were, and are, the WORST. I want no man who wants a conservative woman. Conservative Womanhood sucks ASS.
But since I’m such a nice, polite lady even in my current (and much improved) commie-pinko-socialist form, I will say this:
Please have the courtesy to fuck off, and pretty please with sugar on it, DO continue to fuck off until you get well past Pluto.
Class is a social construct. So is patriarchy. Both are fucking BORING. And so is your line of argumentation, which is still trite, stupid and unintelligent. You’ll never get any ladies that way…
…or this way. COOL STORY, BRO. I bet your house is DIRECTLY ON THE BEACH, amirite?
Oh yeah: and if your nym is any indication as to what year you were born, you’re actually 34, not 32. Lying about your age is pathetic, dude.
Lying about your other details is also off-the-charts pathetic.
And yet, you felt compelled to “advertise” yourself here. FALSELY, at that. You must be really desperate!
Aaaaand that’s why you’ll get nothing except from your Fleshlight. Which, as I’ve noted above, is also sick of your shit.
No, that you won’t. You’ll find yourself on the Human Scrap Heap well before 50. And with your ugly-ass attitude, good luck getting any woman to interact beyond blocking your stank ass on social media.
See, the problem with men is that they don’t age like wine unless they came from damn fine grapes in the first place. And yours, I can tell, are sour straight off the vine. You’re vinegar already, dude, and you will not get better with age.
Good luck finding a model who will sign that contract. You’ll have to go through her agent first, though.
And where, oh where, have I heard that “all you’re good for is looks and sex” shit before? Damn, it’s like that never gets old in miggy-toe country…
Funny, though, how I never hear it from guys I actually like and would want to date!
Only if you have a standing order with the Fleshlight manufacturer, pal. And last I looked, those things were only good for one thing, and it was NOT taking care of a sick man.
Besides, I thought you said that all we were good for was looking at and sticking your cocktail weenie into. So why expect anyone to care if you live or die? Go fuck your Fleshlight, dude, and leave women’s heads alone.
Dude, that woman is all around you, and not giving you the time of day. Because all you do is kvetch, kvetch, kvetch. And you’re obviously nothing much to look at yourself, and not getting any better with age. Your serious prospects of getting such a woman, much less convincing her to stick around, are nil.
Dude, why do you care? You obviously hate women, so why worry about marrying one and then getting divorced and made to hand over half your shit to someone who doesn’t even want it? Besides, you bragged about your porn and your Fleshlight being all the woman you’ll ever need. You’re fretting about things that, by your own stupid boasts, will never fucking happen. Do you ever listen to yourself?
Actually, my pussy (and my other pussy, as I have two cats) is worth much more to me than your pathetic, made-up little life, dude.
Oh — you meant my vulva? Well, unlike men, it’s always treated me quite well. So yeah, it’s worth more to me than your life, too. DEAL WITH IT.
(The polite request to fuck off past Pluto still stands, too.)
Hmm, I wonder why the troll who posts page long rants online about how all women are fat diseased sluts can’t find a fun and interesting one? Surely it can’t be because women like that would avoid this human puddle of hog vomit like a plague, it must be because they don’t exist! Seriously, how far must your head be up your own ass to spend all your time bitching about women like an entitled bitter crybaby and then wonder why they don’t like you?
For all his pathetically transparent arbitrary bragging about how “great” his life is, he sounds like the most miserable sack of crap since…well, every other MGTOW. I don’t make much money, I’m not in good shape, I still live with my parents and I don’t have a car, and yet I would bet my literal ass that I’m like a billion times happier than this screeching toddler will ever be, and it’s as a direct result of my respect for women. The most beautiful, fascinating, smartest, kindest, and funnest girl I ever met is in love with me, despite being so far out of my league that we aren’t even playing the same game, and it’s all because I respect her more than anyone. She makes me happier and more fulfilled than I ever thought possible every day.
Meanwhile, all this sad little boy has to brag about is some material possessions and a lack of STDs.
My Ferrari was way more modestly priced than your Ferrari.
Oh yeah, and speaking of Ferraris…all that dumblebragging made me think of this:
“Dumblebragging”…I am so stealing that.
Even his Fleshlight is sick of his shit. Can you blame it?
And thus began FGTOW.
You know, bundt cakes may not be sizable enough to cause their owners to spread, but they certainly seem to have this guy hemmed in.
Oopsie, there should have been a blockquote around that second sentence. Blim-blammin’ tags.
He seems nice.
They have to make sure they’re being missed. There’s no point in GTOW if you’re not going to be missed by the evil feeemales you’re leaving behind, because GTOW is supposed to be a punishment for our wicked, wicked ways.
Except it looks more like this:
http://www.nannycare.org/wp-content/uploads/2012/11/runaway.jpg
With us feeemales sitting on the couch eating our bonbons while lighting our Scented lavender FUCKING candles asking them if they’re done yet and telling them to shut the door on the way out.
Also re: browser extensions, some kind soul wrote a Chrome and Firefox extension that replaces any pic of Australian PM Tony Abbott with a picture of a kitten. It makes the news so much more bearable!
http://stoptonymeow.com
Uh, has it not occurred to him that if a woman makes as much as him or more than him, he’ll also get half of her stuff in a divorce, that she won’t get alimony if she makes as much as him, and that he might get alimony from her if she makes more than him?
Actually, what’s up with these idiots thinking that divorce is financially beneficial to women? During the marriage, she has access to whatever assets she has, whatever assets her husband has, and whatever assets they acquire during the marriage. After the divorce, she might still have her assets and half of whatever has been deemed to be assets acquired during the marriage. In other words, she has significantly less than she had before and will almost certainly have to pay a lawyer to get it. Sure, some women are still in pretty good shape after a divorce (though many are not), but they’d be better off financially if they stayed married in most cases. Hell, I have two aunts who aren’t getting the divorces that they might want because doing so would screw up their ability to retire, and one of them would definitely have to pay her husband alimony if she divorced him because she makes so much more money than him.
@alaisvex
You forget that courts are ruled by the GYNOMANCY and thus wouldn’t give men A CENT!
A CENT A SAY!
Also, I just realize why “gynomancy” sound so funny to me. It sounds like a practice of predicting the future through vaginas.
Wait a second…do they even call it “gynomancy”?
Gynocracy, not gynomancy, but I definitely prefer gynomancy. XD
…and I totally know this is true because, having been born in 1983, I totally have a completely not romanticized, not false-nostalgia-driven idea of what prior generations of young women were really like.
I bet your house is DIRECTLY ON THE BEACH, amirite?
Dammit, you beat me to it!
Oh yeah: and if your nym is any indication as to what year you were born, you’re actually 34, not 32. Lying about your age is pathetic, dude.
My guess? He wrote this rant two years ago and just keeps copy-pasting it into feminist blogs.
‘Gynomancer’ is the best word I’ve seen today. 😀
Baudelaire seems to have liked women and cats.
They actually call it gynocracy — I think gynomancy would be some kind of magic or sorcery practiced by women, on the model of “necromancy,” magic by communication with the spirits of the dead
Gyno (wioman) + Mancy (divination)..
I support this interpretation 100%
I think the song he wants to play is “I want a girl, just like the girl, that married dear old great-great-great-granddad.” He is sorely in need of time-travel. Of course everyone would be saying “What the hell is Java? I just want to know, can you shoe a horse?”
Dear insecure men,
Nobody believes your dick is so big it needs its own train seat. You can knock it off, because you’re not convincing anyone. And trust me, it’s not just women who dislike having to stand through a long commute because some dude has reserved the last seat for his balls in case they show up.
Speaking of putting the fork down and closing your legs…
Love,
someone who has to ride the damn BART
Thank you for that nightmare scenario. Imagine what MRAs/MGTOW do with time travel.
Why, why is it that every time a MGTOW rants about how women are filthy, disgusting c*nts/ wh*res and he wants no association with them, does he then turn around and gloat about how his “market value” will only increase and he’ll get to bang all the hot, young babes? I know their self awareness level hovers somewhere below zero, but they choose to call themselves “men going their own way.” Do they not know the meaning of their own words? Yes, I also realize that they’re dung heaps of wrathful entitlement, but still an appalling lack of self awareness.
Necromancy is commuting with the dead to predict the future.