Today, another little treasure from the trash pile — that is, a comment someone left here but that I decided not to let through but which I have since decided might be worth sharing with the world.
This particular commenter — an excitable Man Going His Own Way reacting to my post Women are overpriced vagina buses that won’t let you ride them — has a bit of a fixation on a certain word that starts with “C,” which he managed to use 14 times in his tl;dr rant.
I’ve taken the liberty of cutting out boring stuff, breaking up his wall of text into paragraphs, and highlighting some of my favorite bits. And, in the interest of making the world a slightly nicer place, I’ve replaced each instance of the word “cunt” with “bundt cake.” Who doesn’t like cake?
Let’s see what Poltergeist1981 has to say, shall we?
Wow – look at all the bundt cake-hurt on this comment section! Nothing but baseless statements, Strawmen, and a myriad of other logical fallacies combined with emotional trauma. Not amazed or surprised through, bundt cakes hate it when you call them out on their bundt cake bullshit, especially if they are biased feminazi bundt cakes. …
Damn. I’m hungry already.
What are the feminists doing now? Complaining about how men sit? Man Spreading they call it? Give me a fucking break you bundt cakes – we have something in between our legs that makes it uncomfortable to sit like you do! It’s too bad you can’t grow a cock and pair of balls to understand that, but none the less what a pathetic fucking group it has become.
Ah, manspreading. If what I’ve seen is any indication, the overwhelming majority of the talk about “manspreading” has come from men who are absolutely furious that anyone could possibly suggest that maybe they shouldn’t take up more than one seat on a crowded subway. With all the talk about the possible harm to their allegedly HUGE BALLS, it’s almost as though they’re afraid of some sort of symbolic castration.
Angry dudes: some people with cocks and balls as big as yours manage do this on a regular basis — in part to avoid getting harassed or worse by transphobes — so quit your bellyaching about having to keep your legs together for a few minutes on the subway.
Feminists need to fuck off about the first world – you have more than your fair share of human rights (way more than men now) – and need to start focusing on the middle east where they still force bundt cakes to wear burkas or however / whatever you call them.
Spoken like a real expert on gender in the Middle East. Are you by chance Richard Dawkins?
Do they really focus on that though? No – they focus on bullshit like man-spreading. You want to know why? Because first world bundt cakes are superficial – idiotic – and are only good for what is between their legs, and half of you aren’t even good for that now – fucking STD infected land whales.
Uh, if these “land whales” aren’t even “good for” sex now, how is it that so many of them (at least in your imagination) have managed to get Sexually Transmitted Diseases?
Put the fork fucking down and close your fucking legs.
I would say “or” rather than “and” here. Nothing wrong with forks, or with sex, but combining the two may not be the best idea. You could put an eye out.
[A]ll you bundt cake are so extremely superficial, fucked up, nasty, no morals, can’t fucking cook, can’t fucking clean, just overall good for nothing, and you’re only good for sex assuming your bundt cake is clean and you’re not a fucking whale.
True, a clean bundt cake is preferable to a dirty one.
[I]t’s not that we can’t get laid – it’s because we just don’t want it from you anymore – it’s not worth our trouble.
I get more enjoyment from fucking a fleshlight to my favorite porn now than going through the trouble of being with some boring good for nothing / nasty / etc bundt cake to then eventually bust a nut with.
That poor, poor Fleshlight.
Also why would I or any of us want to have a “deep / intimate / close” relationship with you? You are not interesting, fun, uplifting, or anything what women USED to be back during the days where traditional conservative women were the norm.
I’m sure women who were systematically denied education were much more interesting conversationalists.
You say that “patriarchy” forced them to be that way when really, they simply just had more class than you.
Uh, that’s not how things work.
Myself? 32 yrs old, Never married – 0 kids – make over 100k / year doing java programming, 0 STDs, Great body work out every day, Near perfect credit, awesome house, Ferrari (not an expensive one a modest one I got for a great price :D), and a PC master race gaming habit i’ll never leave.
Gosh, an angry MGTOW who’s a computer programmer and gaming enthusiast who thinks it’s hilarious to refer to himself as part of the “master race.” Way to dismantle the stereotypes, dude!
I love my life. Why should I fuck it up with marriage.
I’ll agree with you on this one. Do not fuck up your life — or, more to the point, anyone else’s — by getting married
I look at things like an economic transaction when it comes to women.
Boy, there’s a shock.
When you consider myself – the value I have will continue to grow as I get older – i’ll continue you make more and more money, and increase my market value.
Now take a woman – when it comes to most of you the only thing you’re really only good for is what is between your legs and your looks. That is what I consider a depreciating asset since eventually your looks will fade. Why should I have to MARRY you? No what I will do though – I will lease you. When our contract is up – I’ll replace you with a newer model.
Wait, weren’t you just declaring that women are worthless, and singing the praises of your Fleshlight? And now you’re bragging about “leasing” young hotties with your Java money? Money that could be spent on Steam, or on a replacement Fleshlight? You’re going your own way SO HARD that you brag about bribing women into having sex with you?
You ask who will take care of me when I get sick? My new model or you if you have not depreciated enough to be replaced at such a time. I will ALWAYS have a replacement..
Yes, keep telling yourself that.
Now if I found a woman that actually has many values / morals / etc that is worth keeping around – EVEN THEN – I would still not marry her. Why? Because a woman like that probably ALREADY has a job that pays really well, she can take care of herself, she does not need my money – she would be seeing me because we have mutual interests and SHE IS INTERESTING and not superficial –
I shudder at the thought of a women who has “mutual interests” with you, given that your main interest seems to be calling women “cunts” on the internet.
BUT SHE HAS ALL THIS MONEY??!?! So why should I risk losing HALF OF MY SHIT to a woman who is making as much IF NOT MORE money as myself? Where is the logic in that shit?
We don’t care if you don’t marry. I’d much prefer you didn’t.
Honestly until the laws that fuck guys financially GO AWAY from drivoces go the way of the dinosaur – MGTOW 4 fucking life. Fuck that shit.
And now we’ve reached the part of the rant in which the ranter descends into gibbering incoherence.
I would like to ask some of you bundt cakes. Is your pussy worth my life? Is it? I seriously fucking doubt it – and to the those who say Yes – it is – fuck off and die – you are what is wrong with the world and women today mmmkaY? kkthxbai
MGTOW 4 life, bundt cakes.
Bundt cake for life, MGTOWs!
So let me see if I get this right:
Ladiez, don’t complain about manspreading because burqas.
But ethics in video game journalism is super, super important and must be taken super seriously because it’s a problem for real realz.
Is what passes for MRA logic?
Except for the 32 years old and “master race” joke, that sounds surprisingly like the “this will surely impress her!” bull that young men used to spew in my (pre-dotcom bubble) youth. So either things have changed little to nothing in the last decade and a half, this guy stopped updating his dream date biography after freshman year, or he’s actually a time traveler from the 90’s. I wonder if he’s also got a can of Surge and some Lollapalooza tickets tucked into the center console of that bargain Ferrari.
Bundt cakes are the only birthday cake I make any more. They are easy, look good, are reliable, and take icing well. I am very fond of bundt cakes.
I think it’s hilarious how he tries to flash his “great” salary and sad job title and modest ferrari so that… we’re supposed to think what a catch he is and apologise for our feminism and offer to cook and clean for him?! Dude, even if you were earning actual good money, and had an interesting job, and a new ferrari (make that a yatch or a helicopter actually), and I was broke and in the worst of dry spells I wouldn’t touch you with a laser pointer in a million years. What a loser.
Man, if this guy is half as repetitive in his coding as he was in this screed, he is a shitty, shitty programmer (or at least an incredibly inefficient one).
@freemage
Well, you need to prep bundt cake the right way if you want it to be moist. Or sometimes eating it will get the juices flowing too. =P
…I’m sorry, I’ll see myself out.
When you said “do this” I was thinking this is what I’d see on the other side of the link:
http://www.thestar.com/content/dam/thestar/sports/olympics/2013/02/09/reluctant_at_first_canadian_duo_stacks_up_in_doubles_luge/justin_snith.jpg.size.xxlarge.letterbox.jpg
I mean, if a guy can manage that while dressed in skin-tight leotard, hurtling down a hill at 140km/hr and either lying on top of or below another guy and with thighs about as big as a size 10 woman’s waist, I don’t think it’s too much to expect that someone can sit on a public conveyance without needing two extra seats to accommodate his balls.
So he thinks that a main difference between him and women is that we depreciate quickly while his value just goes up and up and up? Because of his career and his mad skilz? I have five words for him: age discrimination + global labor arbitrage. (I’m also in IT, so I know about these things.)
That perfectly describes my 21st.
@Danny Chameleon – Throw in a bottle of Zima and a scrunchie and that might be the most 90’s birthday ever. Excellent. 🙂
Very odd that he implies that guys don’t have an expiration date. Dude, seriously you won’t keep on increasing in market value after a certain point and then depreciation will set in. Time affects everyone (well except those that go for massive amounts of plastic surgery,) not to mention after a certain point you will be firing blanks. Not to mention there is a bit of hypocrisy in your statement about women being superficial and then later saying that you will replace them with a newer, and presumably prettier, model if you ever go into a relationship. Of course the only relationship you are likely to have is with your left hand and I think it wants to break up with you.
@Micharion
At the age of 30, sperm is mutating and can cause birth defects. After 30 is also when testosterone levels start to drop by 1% or so every year so he’s already hit the wall.
@Pandpool
Oh, so that’s the age where that happens. Although I did not know about that first bit. Learn something new every day.
Why do these guys always claim to have ripped bodies and 100k jobs? And why do they always think they’re going to suddenly morph into George Clooney as they age? The secret of George Clooney is that he was also attractive in his twenties.. If women are rejecting him now, they’re still going to be rejecting him 10 years from now. Probably doubly so, because his oh-so-impressive coding job will have been offshored to Bangalore or Kharkiv for a third the price. You know, ’cause Western programmers are ruined.
And I have something in between my ears that makes it really uncomfortable to read screechy, irrational rants. Yeesh.
Oh, also: Many women have boobs that are much larger than what you’re carrying around. Somehow, we manage not to sit such that our elbows are in your face.
Speaking of Dawkins:
http://misandry-mermaid.tumblr.com/post/122896359804/fellowteen-acutenautilus-old-man
I’m sorry, David, you misplaced that sentence. It should have been before the first quote.
@Micharion
There’s been some scientific studies that show that women in their 40s who have children with men in their 20s have children with little to no birth defect, mental disorders or any other physical anomalies compared to men in their 40s who have children with women in their 20s. I forgot the statistics exactly, but having a much older father than mother increases the chance of dwarfism and autism by a significant amount.
So, yeah. If 32 old java guy ever wants kids, he better get on it before his baby gravy spoils even more so. Your biological clock is ticking!
http://www.reactiongifs.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/06/smug.gif
I’ve posted studies of it on the site before, so if I or anyone gets the urge to find the links, there somewhere already on the site.
I also wonder…these guys think money is catnip for women, and yet they make no bones about being selfish and stingy with it (“It’s MY money, why should I have to share, she’s not getting one red cent, the gold-digging whore”). Why would a woman who’s primarily attracted to wealth have the slightest interest in a tight-fisted Scrooge?
It’s like he wants to flaunt and then withhold money as punishment, just like he thinks women do with their bundt cakes. Except that’s bound to backfire. Subtract the money, and all that’s left is a shitty personality and a seething hatred which sees women as interchangeable parts. Not an alluring combo. Something tells me he’ll be searching for “replacements” with great frequency.
The lease thing actually sounds interesting. He should know, however, that there’s a large retainer, a three year term with punitive early exit fees, and a fucking enormous balloon to get his desired outcome – out of the relationship so he can take up with a newer model at the end.
In other words, money up front and no backsies.
“You are not interesting, fun, uplifting, or anything what women USED to be back during the days where traditional conservative women were the norm.”
There was no “back in the day.” There is no “back in the day.” 19th-century roués used to say exactly the same things about women, except that they had a better vocabulary and weren’t so fixated on…pastry. I don’t know whether it was Huysmans or Baudelaire who observed that his cat was more beautiful and soulful than any mere woman could ever be, and therefore far preferable as a companion, but if it wasn’t one or the other or both, then it was one of their followers or admirers or friends. (Or several.)
So none of this is new, and none of it depends on the ways in which present-day women do or don’t behave. If a person were willing to look the matter over in that light, he or she might conclude that either men or women (or, again, both) haven’t changed at all or haven’t changed much during the past hundred years or so, and that relations between them now are not too different from what they were back then. Which is an outcome which should prove reassuring to a gender-reactionary, but for some reason, our friend here seems not to be comforted by it. {shrugs} What a shame.
I approve of this Mad Libs game! Let’s also play the Bad Literary Critic game! (Okay, at least I will.)
…See, I think much of the grammatical ambiguity in Poltergeist1981’s comment reveals hidden meanings at odds with the purported “alpha male” narrative. Through his creative use of grammar, he subverts this surface narrative by subtly conveying the fear and sorrow that alpha males like him are supposed to suppress. To use the most obvious example:
Now, as this phrase occurs in the middle of a sentence, it is fair to assume that “Great” is capitalized because it refers to a person named Great. Furthermore, it appears on the surface that Poltergeist1981 is talking about exercise, but the discerning critic will notice that he does not write “body workout” but “body work out.” This ambiguity allows the reader to group the words “body work” together, and so the double meaning becomes apparent: he is talking about his car.
Alas, his cheap Ferrari was not only purchased secondhand (as the careful interpreter can deduce) but was a complete wreck at the time of purchase. This explains why he thinks he needs to get bodywork done on it every single day. Unfortunately, as a Java programmer, he has no knowledge of car repair, so he has to hire his neighbour Mr. Great to help him. Still more unfortunately, Mr. Great may be a fraud who’s taking advantage of Poltergeist1981’s automotive ignorance. Due to the unreliable narrator, we may need to make some inferences: for example, it is fair to assume that a good portion of Poltergeist1981’s $100,000 salary goes towards Mr. Great’s so-called “work.” Whether Poltergeist1981 is aware of this fraud is open to debate. Bakhtinian theorists, for instance, may suggest that the text encodes two separate narrative voices, and Lacanian critics may further argue that these voices are elements of Poltergeist1981’s un/subconscious.
Poltergeist1981, then, has ingeniously coded his message of anxiety about his car within a rant against women. If we read his comment using the inductive-deductive-Reader Response method, we will see that he doesn’t really hate women; all he TRULY hates is his Ferrari.
Shorter MGTOW: If women have cash they’ll never be with me *broken sobbing*.
I try to wear long jean pants as much as I can and last time I checked they were not that uncomftable. Seriously it feels like a petty thing to rant about.
I’m so extremely happy that these demon spawns are avoiding the “dating market” and hopefully women and girls in general, they’re leaving the good men to us and I mean REAL good men not fake good men aka “Nice Guys”.
Now I’m hungry. Too bad I don’t have any bundt cakes. Oh well here’s a pic of one.
http://iv1.lisimg.com/image/7020802/600full-bundt-cake.jpg
Mmm chocolate.
Sooooo, the crux of this rant is that he doesn’t like modern women because we are STD ridden scum; he doesn’t need women anymore as he has his computers and ‘moderately priced’ Ferrari.
Yet in the next breath he’s telling us about the kind of woman he wants; how he will find that woman, and how he will treat that woman.
Poor confused little pet, there there….there, there.
This ‘something’ between his legs making sitting like a civilised human difficult – has anybody told him that he’s supposed to remove the fleshlight* between uses?
* I’m a grandfather and this is the first time I’ve heard of these contraptions. When I was a frustrated early-teen it was a choice between Mother Fist or the loo roll inner with a smearing of lard for comfort. Bloody spoiled rotten nowadays.
Now get off my lawn!