It Came from the Trash Pile: MGTOW mad-libs edition

Today, another little treasure from the trash pile — that is, a comment someone left here but that I decided not to let through but which I have since decided might be worth sharing with the world.

This particular commenter — an excitable Man Going His Own Way reacting to my post Women are overpriced vagina buses that won’t let you ride them — has a bit of a fixation on a certain word that starts with “C,” which he managed to use 14 times in his tl;dr rant.

I’ve taken the liberty of cutting out boring stuff, breaking up his wall of text into paragraphs, and highlighting some of my favorite bits. And, in the interest of making the world a slightly nicer place, I’ve replaced each instance of the word “cunt” with “bundt cake.” Who doesn’t like cake?

Let’s see what Poltergeist1981 has to say, shall we?

Wow – look at all the bundt cake-hurt on this comment section! Nothing but baseless statements, Strawmen, and a myriad of other logical fallacies combined with emotional trauma. Not amazed or surprised through, bundt cakes hate it when you call them out on their bundt cake bullshit, especially if they are biased feminazi bundt cakes. …

Damn. I’m hungry already.

What are the feminists doing now? Complaining about how men sit? Man Spreading they call it? Give me a fucking break you bundt cakes – we have something in between our legs that makes it uncomfortable to sit like you do! It’s too bad you can’t grow a cock and pair of balls to understand that, but none the less what a pathetic fucking group it has become.

Ah, manspreading. If what I’ve seen is any indication, the overwhelming majority of the talk about “manspreading” has come from men who are absolutely furious that anyone could possibly suggest that maybe they shouldn’t take up more than one seat on a crowded subway. With all the talk about the possible harm to their allegedly HUGE BALLS, it’s almost as though they’re afraid of some sort of symbolic castration.

Angry dudes: some people with cocks and balls as big as yours manage do this on a regular basis — in part to avoid getting harassed or worse by transphobes — so quit your bellyaching about having to keep your legs together for a few minutes on the subway.

Feminists need to fuck off about the first world – you have more than your fair share of human rights (way more than men now) – and need to start focusing on the middle east where they still force bundt cakes to wear burkas or however / whatever you call them.

Spoken like a real expert on gender in the Middle East. Are you by chance Richard Dawkins?

Do they really focus on that though? No – they focus on bullshit like man-spreading. You want to know why? Because first world bundt cakes are superficial – idiotic – and are only good for what is between their legs, and half of you aren’t even good for that now – fucking STD infected land whales.

Uh, if these “land whales” aren’t even “good for” sex now, how is it that so many of them (at least in your imagination) have managed to get Sexually Transmitted Diseases?

Put the fork fucking down and close your fucking legs.

I would say “or” rather than “and” here. Nothing wrong with forks, or with sex, but combining the two may not be the best idea. You could put an eye out.

[A]ll you bundt cake are so extremely superficial, fucked up, nasty, no morals, can’t fucking cook, can’t fucking clean, just overall good for nothing, and you’re only good for sex assuming your bundt cake is clean and you’re not a fucking whale.

True, a clean bundt cake is preferable to a dirty one.

[I]t’s not that we can’t get laid – it’s because we just don’t want it from you anymore – it’s not worth our trouble.
I get more enjoyment from fucking a fleshlight to my favorite porn now than going through the trouble of being with some boring good for nothing / nasty / etc bundt cake to then eventually bust a nut with.

That poor, poor Fleshlight.

Also why would I or any of us want to have a “deep / intimate / close” relationship with you? You are not interesting, fun, uplifting, or anything what women USED to be back during the days where traditional conservative women were the norm.

I’m sure women who were systematically denied education were much more interesting conversationalists.

You say that “patriarchy” forced them to be that way when really, they simply just had more class than you.

Uh, that’s not how things work.

Myself? 32 yrs old, Never married – 0 kids – make over 100k / year doing java programming, 0 STDs, Great body work out every day, Near perfect credit, awesome house, Ferrari (not an expensive one a modest one I got for a great price :D), and a PC master race gaming habit i’ll never leave.

Gosh, an angry MGTOW who’s a computer programmer and gaming enthusiast who thinks it’s hilarious to refer to himself as part of the “master race.” Way to dismantle the stereotypes, dude!

I love my life. Why should I fuck it up with marriage.

I’ll agree with you on this one. Do not fuck up your life — or, more to the point, anyone else’s — by getting married

I look at things like an economic transaction when it comes to women.

Boy, there’s a shock.

When you consider myself – the value I have will continue to grow as I get older – i’ll continue you make more and more money, and increase my market value.

Now take a woman – when it comes to most of you the only thing you’re really only good for is what is between your legs and your looks. That is what I consider a depreciating asset since eventually your looks will fade. Why should I have to MARRY you? No what I will do though – I will lease you. When our contract is up – I’ll replace you with a newer model.

Wait, weren’t you just declaring that women are worthless, and singing the praises of your Fleshlight? And now you’re bragging about “leasing” young hotties with your Java money? Money that could be spent on Steam, or on a replacement Fleshlight? You’re going your own way SO HARD that you brag about bribing women into having sex with you?

You ask who will take care of me when I get sick? My new model or you if you have not depreciated enough to be replaced at such a time. I will ALWAYS have a replacement..

Yes, keep telling yourself that.

Now if I found a woman that actually has many values / morals / etc that is worth keeping around – EVEN THEN – I would still not marry her. Why? Because a woman like that probably ALREADY has a job that pays really well, she can take care of herself, she does not need my money – she would be seeing me because we have mutual interests and SHE IS INTERESTING and not superficial –

I shudder at the thought of a women who has “mutual interests” with you, given that your main interest seems to be calling women “cunts” on the internet.

BUT SHE HAS ALL THIS MONEY??!?! So why should I risk losing HALF OF MY SHIT to a woman who is making as much IF NOT MORE money as myself? Where is the logic in that shit?

We don’t care if you don’t marry. I’d much prefer you didn’t.

Honestly until the laws that fuck guys financially GO AWAY from drivoces go the way of the dinosaur – MGTOW 4 fucking life. Fuck that shit.

And now we’ve reached the part of the rant in which the ranter descends into gibbering incoherence.

I would like to ask some of you bundt cakes. Is your pussy worth my life? Is it? I seriously fucking doubt it – and to the those who say Yes – it is – fuck off and die – you are what is wrong with the world and women today mmmkaY? kkthxbai

MGTOW 4 life, bundt cakes.

Bundt cake for life, MGTOWs!