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MGTOWs are planning to take over Puerto Rico and start their own lady-hating country there. No, really.

Starting your own country on an island? Simpsons did it. (But with girls.)

Over on A Voice for Men, a Man Going His Own Way named Frank Worley has unveiled a most immodest proposal: turning Puerto Rico, or at least a giant chunk of it, into a MGTOW nation. Yes, he’s serious. Also, an idiot.

As Worley sees it,

Women have used democracy to pressure our gutless politicians into surrendering our constitution, personal liberty and any semblance of due process. … Nothing male is sacred or protected. 

Instead of trying to organize politically to fight the evil dispossession of men — who control only 80% of congressional seats in the United States — Worley wants to rip it up and start again. 

The entrenched forces of Marxist Feminism and the cowardly politicians who cater to them, have taken all that is worthwhile from these once great and free nations.  So what is left for those of us who seek only to be treated as equals under the law?  …

The only immediate and complete solution to this problem is to concentrate our forces to create a majority in a single location so that WE become the state.   

The “it” that will be ripped up? Puerto Rico, or at least its eastern third. Worley hopes to turn at least this portion of Puerto Rico into some sort of alimony-free libertarian island paradise for the MGTOWs of the world. Well, the MGTOWs of America. They have to have American citizenship for Worley’s, er, ingenious plan to work.

One of my early proposals was the establishment of a micro-independent state on the eastern third of Puerto Rico.  The idea was to ask people who supported independence to move to one of several municipalities … and then vote for Mayors and council members who supported our program and then call a referendum.  If the petition for independence was denied by Congress then simply declare independence recognizing what that might imply.

Never mind that most of the supporters of Puerto Rican independence today are lefty types who aren’t likely to be big fans of either the MGTOW or the “libertarian paradise” aspects of Worley’s proposal. All he needs is to get a few American MGTOWs to move to the eastern third of Puerto Rico. Like, say 25,000 of them.

To accomplish this micro independence I would need upwards of 25 thousand MGTOW’s to relocated to the specific areas and register to vote.  … Any American citizen can move to Puerto Rico and vote and run for office and vote for independence.

Then, hey presto, a MGTOW nation in which “we write and enforce the laws without having to cow tow to the feminists.”

I’m sure the current residents of Puerto Rico will be thrilled to have tens of thousands of lady-hating white dudes show up overnight in an attempt to take over the government and declare themselves a MGTOW nation.

Also, the word is “kowtow.” “Cow towing” looks like this:

How to Cow Tow
How to Cow Tow

Worley, evidently taking inspiration from Starship Troopers, also declares that in this new nation, SERVICE GUARANTEES CITIZENSHIP.

The definition of being equal under the law in this proposal is service.  Military or civilian part time service is required for all citizens and immigrants both to deny entry to those who would seek only benefits of the new country and also to eliminate all other constantly changing definitions of who is a ‘protected class.’  Complete your service and you are equal under the law; fail to complete and you are not.

Yes, I’m sure libertarians will flock to a country where they will be forced into government service if they want full citizenship.

Oh, and did I mention that Worley, by his own admission, doesn’t even speak Spanish very well?

On A Voice for Men, Worley’s proposal met with, well, let’s charitably call it a mixed reaction. While many were sympathetic, they weren’t exactly sure this was a very practical plan. Dean Esmay even felt the need to stick up a little note at the start of the post declaring that “AVfM neither endorses nor rejects this proposal.” 

Hey, I can’t blame them. Given that AVFM is the most “activist” of all Men’s Rights organizations, and it just cancelled its much ballyhooed conference this year because organizing is just too darn hard, it is a little difficult to imagine MRAs or MGTOWs becoming organized enough to plan a picnic in the park much less take over a third of Puerto Rico, a US territory with 3.5 million inhabitants, a great number of whom live on the island’s eastern third.

And that’s not even taking into account the sabotage a would-be MGTOW nation would face from evil feminists.

Chris  Shrek6 • 2 days ago They wouldn't have to send in troops, once word got out about a large community of men without women in it, the feminists would flood in to take over majority voting power. How could you stop them, unless you were able to buy up all the land in question and put up 'no women allowed signs. 3  • Reply•Share ›  Avatar decemberx  Chris • 8 hours ago − Avatar Frank Worley  Chris • 2 days ago I suspect the feminists won't move in great numbers until we are getting close to the goal. At which time it would be too late. Essentially, they are going to start with what they always start with, ridicule.

Wow. The imaginary planet on which these guys live is a lot more entertaining than the planet Earth I live on.

I can’t help but think of the episode of The Simpsons in which Bart and his friends are stranded on a desert island, and Bart spells out his absurd vision of the paradise their island can become if they all work together:

Bart Simpson: And every night the monkey butlers will regale us with jungle stories.

Nelson: How many monkey butlers will there be?

Bart Simpson: One at first, but he’ll train others.

Good luck, fellas! Send a monkey butler over to let us know how this turns out.

EDIT: Also, if Puerto Rico doesn’t work out for you, why not try one of these lovely islands?

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katz
katz
5 years ago

Gristle McThornbody!
Slake Fistcrunch!
Buff Hardback!
Bob Johnson! No, wait…
Reef Blastbody!
Big McLargehuge!

Dammit you guys, I wish we could all get together and have an MST3K-athon. Especially you whippersnappers who haven’t seen it.

Pandapool -- The Species that Endangers YOU (aka Banana Jackie Cake, for those who still want to call me "Banana", "Jackie" or whatever)
Pandapool -- The Species that Endangers YOU (aka Banana Jackie Cake, for those who still want to call me "Banana", "Jackie" or whatever)
5 years ago

@katz

I remember seeing an episode or two with my dad but that’s about it. I know a lot of people love it so, I mean, if yer hostin’.

katz
katz
5 years ago

I remember seeing an episode or two with my dad but that’s about it. I know a lot of people love it so, I mean, if yer hostin’.

You’re not in LA, are you?

Pandapool -- The Species that Endangers YOU (aka Banana Jackie Cake, for those who still want to call me "Banana", "Jackie" or whatever)
Pandapool -- The Species that Endangers YOU (aka Banana Jackie Cake, for those who still want to call me "Banana", "Jackie" or whatever)
5 years ago

@katz

I live about 6 hours away. *sips coffee timidly*

katz
katz
5 years ago

Well, if you wanted to drive 6 hours for a movie night, I couldn’t possibly turn you down.

Pandapool -- The Species that Endangers YOU (aka Banana Jackie Cake, for those who still want to call me "Banana", "Jackie" or whatever)
Pandapool -- The Species that Endangers YOU (aka Banana Jackie Cake, for those who still want to call me "Banana", "Jackie" or whatever)
5 years ago

@katz

Thanks for the offer. I’ll keep that in mind if I ever learn how to drive, get a car and have the money.

I have the entire series of Invader Zim on DVD with unaired episodes and creator commentary I can bring, the first season of Tales from the Crypt, the special edition of Who Framed Roger Rabbit? and most of the good Burton films on DVD.

I also make some really good nachos and can bring some Code Red. We could all just party, brah.

The best planned weekend that will never happen! 😀

http://www.reactiongifs.com/r/r2.gif

Gipsz Jakab
Gipsz Jakab
5 years ago

If an IRL meetup is impractical, you could always try synctube.org or a similar website. If you also want voice chat, I think there are server providers where you can get Teamspeak servers of up to 20-30 people for free. Or just use Skype, assuming you can put up with it.

EJ (The Other One)
EJ (The Other One)
5 years ago

MammothCon!

spindrift
spindrift
5 years ago

MammothCon!

A Mammothcon would be awesome!
Everyone could cosplay as my feminist friend Katie, or a David cosplay that consists of wearing a suit with ferrets and cats poking their heads out of it.

guest
guest
5 years ago

@Quatzork-43 I don’t know about highway engineering and city planning in particular, but I used to have an essay up about women’s historic contributions to civil engineering–unfortunately it’s no longer available except via Wayback Machine. You can check out this list:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Category:Women_in_engineering

I’m not happy with the title–would prefer ‘women engineers’–but we’re stuck with path dependency here unfortunately.

And particularly these people:

Eleanor Coade
Sarah Guppy
Sara Losh
Emily Roebling

and Alice Tredwell, the accidental railway engineer:

http://paperwomen.blogspot.com/2011/03/alice-tredwell-accidental-railway.html

guest
guest
5 years ago

Aaaaand that link doesn’t work either. But other people know about Alice Tredwell now, so you can google her.

Lea
Lea
5 years ago

I’m glad it’s not just us. My husband and I are still making jokes about “Specialty bread”.

We tried to watch Jupiter Ascending a couple nights ago. The movie was all kind of awful, but we enjoyed hating it. We never made it to the end though. My will was weak.

I like to believe it ended with Mila Kunis farting the longest sustained fart ever to be captured on film and then revealing that the whole movie had been an elaborate practical joke.

My husband’s final comment about the movie was, “The only thing missing from that movie was the three silhouettes at the bottom.”

spindrift
spindrift
5 years ago

@Lea

What if you had a bread that doubled as a foot ointment?

Falconer
5 years ago

@katz: Back when I was trying to enjoy Dwarf Fortress, I would often rename my dwarfs using the Big McLargehuge list as a reference.

My next Fallout character is going to be named Blast Fistcrunch! (the exclamation point is silent). I am planning on pushing Strength and Endurance at the expense of Intelligence. I wanna be able to punch the chelicerae off a radscorpion and don’t want to have to think too hard.

Moocow
Moocow
5 years ago

Confession time! I have never seen MST3K. My parents were more into British humor so I grew up on a lot of Monty Python and Fawlty Towers.

Also, I would totally go to MammothCon, but how would we keep the trolls out?

Falconer
5 years ago

@Moocow: I grew up on a lot of Python and Towers, too, and started watching MST sporadically in the mid-late 90s.

I think the first time I heard about MST3K was when I was at a party to watch Goldeneye, and when Bond dives off a cliff and catches up with a falling airplane I … failed to contain my skepticism, and someone asked me, “Are you going to MST3K this whole movie?”

Pandapool -- The Species that Endangers YOU (aka Banana Jackie Cake, for those who still want to call me "Banana", "Jackie" or whatever)
Pandapool -- The Species that Endangers YOU (aka Banana Jackie Cake, for those who still want to call me "Banana", "Jackie" or whatever)
5 years ago

@Falcon

So, if the exclamation point is silent, is Fistcrunch pronounce FITSCRUNCH or fistcrunch?

Falconer
5 years ago

@pandapool, I suppose I ought to spell it BLAST FISTCRUNCH! to indicate that there is no difference in emphasis on any of the syllables, they are all to be either shouted at the top of your lungs or spat from between your clenched teeth.

It’s a good thing you don’t need to eat in Fallout, because BLAST FISTCRUNCH!’s teeth are permanently fused from all the manly grimacing he’s been doing, and he can’t move his jaw.

EJ (The Other One)
EJ (The Other One)
5 years ago

@Falconer: Are you implying that you ceased trying to enjoy Dwarf Fortress? What madness is this?

tesformes
5 years ago

I would like to vote a big NO on a Skype meetup for WHTM. Skype has security problems that make it very easy to get the IP address of people you’re chatting with, opening them up to DDOS and other hacking attacks. It just takes one reactionary script kiddie and their friends to fuck up everyone’s internet for the night. Teamspeak might be better, but Skype definitely not.

Pandapool -- The Species that Endangers YOU (aka Banana Jackie Cake, for those who still want to call me "Banana", "Jackie" or whatever)
Pandapool -- The Species that Endangers YOU (aka Banana Jackie Cake, for those who still want to call me "Banana", "Jackie" or whatever)
5 years ago

@Falconer

But then the exclamation point isn’t silent! #LEARN2GRAMMARN00B

(I also kinda want to have to eat in Fallout. Survival mode, plz.)

Moocow
Moocow
5 years ago

@Falcon

I re-watched a lot of it recently and HOLY SHIT so many of the jokes went way over my head when I was a kid. Fun fact about Fawlty Towers, Connie Booth (John Cleese’s wife) was a co-writer for the series and as a result, the show has a surprisingly good depiction of women, especially for it’s time.

Falconer
5 years ago

@Falconer: Are you implying that you ceased trying to enjoy Dwarf Fortress? What madness is this?

All right, you try establishing, growing and protecting a community of dwarfs when you’re not actually in control of anything! The game expects you to micromanage your fortress and then makes you sit back and cross your fingers and hope you get what you wanted!

@pandapool, all right, you can whisper “Blast Fistcrunch!” through the ragged remains of your chelicerae as you watch him trudge off across the Wasteland, gulping down his liquid lunch of Nuka-Cola.

“Blast Fistcrunch! punched me in the pectines once,” you can bubble. If your three intact eyes could tear up, they would. “It was awesome!”

Pandapool -- The Species that Endangers YOU (aka Banana Jackie Cake, for those who still want to call me "Banana", "Jackie" or whatever)
Pandapool -- The Species that Endangers YOU (aka Banana Jackie Cake, for those who still want to call me "Banana", "Jackie" or whatever)
5 years ago

@Falcone

Are you implying that radscorpions can talk?!

http://www.reactiongifs.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/fry_screaming_in_horror.gif

EJ (The Other One)
EJ (The Other One)
5 years ago

The game expects you to micromanage your fortress and then makes you sit back and cross your fingers and hope you get what you wanted!

Yes! And it is awesome.

Falconer
5 years ago

Are you implying that radscorpions can talk?!

So? Feckin’ Caesar’s Legion never shuts up, doesn’t stop me from killing every one I see.

Falconer
5 years ago

@EJ: I’ve got plenty of other games I haven’t finished where my efforts are more directly and quickly rewarded with rational results, thank you.

Pandapool -- The Species that Endangers YOU (aka Banana Jackie Cake, for those who still want to call me "Banana", "Jackie" or whatever)
Pandapool -- The Species that Endangers YOU (aka Banana Jackie Cake, for those who still want to call me "Banana", "Jackie" or whatever)
5 years ago

@Falconer

GIANT. FUCKING. TALKING, SCORPIONS.

Radscorpion: *snapping claw* Com’ere! Let’ee eat yoo! EAT YOO DEAD! MUAHAHAHA~!

You tell me that ISN’T FUCKING TERRIFYING?

Also, who doesn’t kill Caesar’s Legion fuck–oh, wait, I know who…

What decent human being doesn’t kill Caesar’s Legion?

(And I agree with you on Dwarf Fortress; it’s an alright game but you need to micromanage it too much for too little in return, especially when you go off to get something to drink and your fucking dwarves you’ve been working on for 30+ hours all die from poison gas. IT’S ALWAYS POISON GAS OR MONSTERS!)

kirbywarp
kirbywarp
5 years ago

Radscorpions? Do they come from the land of meterspiders and barvultures? Not to mention the mighty litergators… Lord help you if you stumble across the path of the kelvinlions.

kirbywarp
kirbywarp
5 years ago

At one point I actually managed to get to the point where I could handle a small cadre of dwarves. Then the migrants started coming in, the housing never quite grew fast enough and I could never figure out how to create enough jobs. Then I got overwhelmed and made the whole fortress collapse by digging out the floor.

Could never quite figure out how to get into the middle-game and end-game. My fortresses seem to always be designed for a certain size of population, beyond which everything devolves into chaos.

Pandapool -- The Species that Endangers YOU (aka Banana Jackie Cake, for those who still want to call me "Banana", "Jackie" or whatever)
Pandapool -- The Species that Endangers YOU (aka Banana Jackie Cake, for those who still want to call me "Banana", "Jackie" or whatever)
5 years ago

Radscorpions all have Cockney accents for some reason, too.

@KIrby

What you need to watch out for is… *looks around, then whispers* cazadores.

http://img3.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20101111122125/fallout/images/e/e4/Cazador.png

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!! HOW COULD SOMETHING SO ORANGE BE SO EVIL??????!!!!!????????!!!!!!!!!?????

Gipsz Jakab
Gipsz Jakab
5 years ago

@Pandapool

GIANT. FUCKING. TALKING, SCORPIONS.

Radscorpion: *snapping claw* Com’ere! Let’ee eat yoo! EAT YOO DEAD! MUAHAHAHA~!

There’s probably a mod for that somewhere.

Falconer
5 years ago

GIANT. FUCKING. TALKING, SCORPIONS.

Radscorpion: *snapping claw* Com’ere! Let’ee eat yoo! EAT YOO DEAD! MUAHAHAHA~!

You tell me that ISN’T FUCKING TERRIFYING?

It was already fucking terrifying. Adding a constant babble of whatever is going through its neuron at the moment is more creepy than terrifying.

IT’S ALWAYS POISON GAS OR MONSTERS!

Lucky! All of my fortresses fell to tantrum spirals because Urist McBroody Buff Drinklots wanted to make something out of some material I didn’t have, got upset about it, and went and punched Urist McMindingmyownbusiness Punch Rockgroin.

I think there was one time that I flooded the lowest level with lava trying to make magma forges.

Falconer
5 years ago

What you need to watch out for is… *looks around, then whispers* cazadores.

http://img3.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20101111122125/fallout/images/e/e4/Cazador.png

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!! HOW COULD SOMETHING SO ORANGE BE SO EVIL??????!!!!!????????!!!!!!!!!?????

o.O
O.o
O.O

I haven’t run into those before, and now I won’t be sleeping tonight.

ignorance truly is bliss.

Pandapool -- The Species that Endangers YOU (aka Banana Jackie Cake, for those who still want to call me "Banana", "Jackie" or whatever)
Pandapool -- The Species that Endangers YOU (aka Banana Jackie Cake, for those who still want to call me "Banana", "Jackie" or whatever)
5 years ago

@Falconer

The reason why it’s terrifying is because if they can talk, they can organize shit, and if they can organize shit, they’ll have a society, and if they have a society, they have fucking law and order, and if they have fucking law and order, they’ll bring your ass to court for murdering their people and that means you’ll have to spend all your money on lawyers and court shit when you could be out stabbing Caesar.

And that’s terrifying.

Falconer
5 years ago

@pandapool, Radscorpions inherit the Earth! They have the only functioning court system to be found in the Wasteland!

The fugitive pauses, but the sound doesn’t repeat. He continues to creep through the shattered houses. Suddenly, a heavy claw taps him on the shoulder. “‘Ere, yer nicked,” whispers the scorpion. It was true what they said, then. They always got their man.

Pandapool -- The Species that Endangers YOU (aka Banana Jackie Cake, for those who still want to call me "Banana", "Jackie" or whatever)
Pandapool -- The Species that Endangers YOU (aka Banana Jackie Cake, for those who still want to call me "Banana", "Jackie" or whatever)
5 years ago

@Falconer

You’ve never ran into a cazador?

You either haven’t played New Vegas or you’re not very far in it. The only thing more terrifying that a cazador is a deathclaw, but deathclaws don’t come in fucking SWARMS and FUCKING POISON YOU.

Falconer
5 years ago

No, I’m not far into New Vegas. The first time I played it, I stalled out about Helios One. This time, I got it off the Steam sale a week ago and I’m in the middle of REPCONN.

I’ve heard of cazadores but I was specifically avoiding finding out what they were so as to enjoy that moment of surprise and terror when they kill me before I clear leather.

fromafar2013
5 years ago

Okay, you guys REALLY need to stop talking about Fallout*! I’m trying to study for my exams and I feel my resolve to not play video games weakening! How dare 😉

* don’t actually stop talking about Fallout. Truth told, I did play enough of 3 after my Network + exam (passed!) to just leave the vault and promptly get eaten by a pack of wild dogs. 10/10 would get eaten again.

Pandapool -- The Species that Endangers YOU (aka Banana Jackie Cake, for those who still want to call me "Banana", "Jackie" or whatever)
Pandapool -- The Species that Endangers YOU (aka Banana Jackie Cake, for those who still want to call me "Banana", "Jackie" or whatever)
5 years ago

@Falconer

Clear leather? They’d destroy you with medium armor. In leather they just look at you and you’re dead.

(REPCONN is fun.)

Falconer
5 years ago

Sorry, “clear leather” = “unholster my weapon.”

Fun fact — apparently in the pulps, in the 30s and 40s, drawing your gun was sometimes referred to as “jacking out” your “rod.”

The pulps, when men were real men and the homoeroticism was abundant.

Falconer
5 years ago

Yeah, REPCONN is fun. I found any number of laser tommy guns already! And I’m planning on taking the spacesuit, because I heard the helmet has a little antenna on it that wobbles back and forth in a most amusing fashion.

Pandapool -- The Species that Endangers YOU (aka Banana Jackie Cake, for those who still want to call me "Banana", "Jackie" or whatever)
Pandapool -- The Species that Endangers YOU (aka Banana Jackie Cake, for those who still want to call me "Banana", "Jackie" or whatever)
5 years ago

@Falconer

I’m 100% that homoerotiscism was on purpose. According to Merriam-Webster, “jack off” has been slang for masterbation since 1916.

Pandapool -- The Species that Endangers YOU (aka Banana Jackie Cake, for those who still want to call me "Banana", "Jackie" or whatever)
Pandapool -- The Species that Endangers YOU (aka Banana Jackie Cake, for those who still want to call me "Banana", "Jackie" or whatever)
5 years ago

@Falconer

There’s no excuses not to take it, or any sort of clothing you don’t have a copy of that’s laying around. Ever. Dump out some Cram if you gotta, take the clothes.

EJ (The Other One)
EJ (The Other One)
5 years ago

That’s it. I’m going to play a game of Dwarf Fortress, name all my dwarves after forumites, and make everything work perfectly forever. Then you’ll all be sorry. Muhahahaha.

I may even make a tumblr to put it on for everyone else’s entertainment.

Pandapool -- The Species that Endangers YOU (aka Banana Jackie Cake, for those who still want to call me "Banana", "Jackie" or whatever)
Pandapool -- The Species that Endangers YOU (aka Banana Jackie Cake, for those who still want to call me "Banana", "Jackie" or whatever)
5 years ago

@EJ

You’re welcomed to try.

Falconer
5 years ago

@EJ: You’re not going to give Falconer a job, are you? He’s just going to sit around and complain that he has to work for his goals and plan around the blind luck aspects and just be insufferable.

Oh fuck, you’re going to name your first noble Falconer, aren’t you?

EJ (The Other One)
EJ (The Other One)
5 years ago

I am going to make a Dwarf called Falconer and he is going to enjoy Dwarf Fortress. He is going to enjoy the shit out of it. He is going to be fucking ecstatic if it fucking kills him. The smile on his face is going to be etched on with earth-moving equipment and held in place with tungsten alloy pitons. We are going to hollow out his heart and replace it with solid golden happiness.

Sadly that isn’t implemented yet, so I’ll settle for just making him really happy.

Pandapool -- The Species that Endangers YOU (aka Banana Jackie Cake, for those who still want to call me "Banana", "Jackie" or whatever)
Pandapool -- The Species that Endangers YOU (aka Banana Jackie Cake, for those who still want to call me "Banana", "Jackie" or whatever)
5 years ago

They said “pissed off” on Steven Universe. O.o

Also, there’s a fly in my house that sounds like a Testificate.

Falconer
5 years ago

Ooh, are they showing new SU episodes?