Turns out we’re overdue for one of these threads too. As always, no trolls, MRAs, MHRAs, PUAs, you know who you are. Write the mods if anything gets weird.
Categories
Open Thread for Personal Stuff: June 2015 Dawg Needs a Break Edition
Lids – I don’t know if that’s any help or if I’ll just be telling you something you already know, but I have recently heard through a friend about the term ‘arcsexual’ (ARC standing for Aversion, Repulsion, and something else I forgot right now), and saw a link to a website that seemed to have some useful resources. I can look it up for you, if you want.
Lids, have you thought about looking for support groups? Even if just online. Sometimes knowing what others have conquered/relate to makes it easier. Talking with your partner is important too. I had a partner who had similar issues and knowing about it and assuring patience, easing into it was able to overcome it….
I’m so sorry Tina. Hugs from an internet stranger.
@lids -*hugs* I understand that so well, Me and my fiance have been together for seven years, and only in the last year or so have I gotten comfortable enough to *start* sexual stuff. We still haven’t had sex, because it hurts way too much we, uh yeah. I might need to see a doctor, actually. But, he doesn’t mind – he doesn’t care if we never have sex, just so long as I’m comfortable. That;s why I;m marrying him, because he respects me and my comfort zone. Here’ hoping the guy you’re meeting is a gentleman!
@Tina S – Thoughts and wishes of comfort to your baby, it’s never easy when your little ones are hurting and we can’t help. 🙁
I’m having a problem that when i shit, parts of shit get stuck in my ass hair, not a whole lot of fun that’s for sure.
Should i shave that hair?
I’m not really entirely sure it’s revulsion – I’m definitely an ace but my issues with that stuff may have come from somewhere else. I really hope this guy won’t care because I would really hate that. We have a lot in common and even though he does seem pretty interested in my appearance, unlike guys before, he’s actually interested in my interests and doesn’t just humor me. And doesn’t just compliment me on my looks (I dated a guy two years ago who not only tried to push me into things I wasn’t ready for but also just never complimented me for anything but my appearance).
Anyways I can look up communities I just don’t know if anything will help. It’s very frustrating. I really wish there were more sex repulsed/sex neutral aces that I lived near and actually felt a connection with.
@Tina S
Vet?
Well, he does sound great – good luck!
I did look up the arcsexual website, also, and turns out the C is for ‘conflicted’. So, again, no idea if it helps at all, but just in case it might (perhaps in reading others’ experiences and such), here’s a link: http://arcresources.tumblr.com/FAQ
I have some great personal news. I will soon be out of a job, and have been pretty anxious for that. I applied for a two-year post doc position at a university with a great, international research group, and I really really hoped I would get the position, but at the same time I was afraid to get my hopes up, since I thought that there’s gonna be so much competition.
Anyway. Last Sunday, I woke up in the morning after having had a very realistic and vivid dream about how I was turned down for that job. It was so realistic that I thought it had happened for real for a few minutes, until I woke up properly and realized it was just a dream. I felt, though, that I had to check my job mail, although I didn’t expect anything there on a weekend. And lo and behold, at the top of my inbox there was a mail from the university where I had applied for the position… But unlike in the dream, it told me that I had gotten the job! 😀 😀 😀 I had to reread it several times to be certain!
@Lids
Depending on where you live, there is likely to be free/low cost counseling available. Regardless of whether your issues come from “somewhere else” or not, you deserve to be comfortable with yourself and your libido (or lack of one).
Here’s a directory that may be helpful if you’re in the US. If it doesn’t turn up anything, or you’re outside the US, try doing a search for “free counseling (city state)” and see if anything turns up.
@Dvärghundspossen
Sånna dära stressdrömmar är jävligt jobbiga, lite grann som runkdrömmar.
@ gilshalos
I’m really sorry to hear that. I can relate to an extent, I was a cutter through my teens and into my late twenties. Stopped after I had CAT (a bit like CBT, but more analytical).
I hope it all goes okay with the assessment, when they get round to it. Do you have a decent support network? Counselling?
@spacelawn
Um, ew? Sorry but I call TMI on that post, and I’m placing the first vote for it to be deleted.
@Nicola
OMG that is just so generous of you. I’m quite stunned! If I do need the help I can drop you an email nearer the end of the month, but please don’t feel any obligation at that point just because you said you would. Seriously, put yourself first.
@Dvarghund
Great news! 😀
@NicolaLuna:
Hugs. My best wishes to him.
Meh… not sure “ew” = harmful. If you’re serious, spacelawn, I probably wouldn’t worry about it – I mean, pretty much everyone has hair there – but you could try changing your diet to improve poop consistency. Sometimes it’s a sign that you’re just not eating what’s right for you: could be lactose intolerance, too much meat, etc. Of course, you could just be making a goofy comment and then I’d look really silly. 🙂
@sunnysombrera
it’s fine, honestly. I’d only be able to give about £50 but hopefully that would help with food or bills.
@EJ
Thanks for the hugs. I’m going to buy him a children’s book on it to help him understand. He’s 8 and it’s heartbreaking to watch him have full blown panic attacks just because I’ve asked him to brush his teeth or put some clothes on. Almost any request = full blown meltdown. So now I know what I’m dealing with I’ll be able to put things in place to support him.
Woah. I’m on my third round in Geoguessr and it’s dropped me into a small village with Cyrillic graffiti. The buildings look extremely run down, many abandoned, there’s few people living there and there is a small hut with posters on – some for missing people, another for a politician-looking man with his eyes scratched out.
o_O Where the hell has this game taken me?
@Sunny
… Is it Chernobyl?
@epitome
yeah it’s pretty gross. Doesn’t happen all the time tough.
Okay, GeoGuessr, giving me a statue of maple leaves surrounded by French words is cheating when the answer is Paris and not Quebec. *middle finger*
@Dvärghundspossen – congratulations! I’m happy for you. I will also get oddly specific dreams if I’m stressed out about something (although my unconscious mind doesn’t seem to take my real-life problems seriously: once, when I’d been fired from my first “real” job, an editing job, I dreamed that I went back to my boss to demand some work and he got me a new position… sharpening pencils in a pencil factory.) I’m also in the academic area, though not at such a high level – I’m doing some research assistant work and I also have a new job tutoring university students for English second-language exams.
@sunnysombrera – Hugs if you want them. I hope you find something that’s in a field you enjoy. I also had to adjust my priorities after a similar thing. I can’t really say I’m a “better person for it” or some such, but at least it made the good things feel nicer in comparison. (Lack of overarching narrative, yay.)
Oh, and MapCrunch/Geoguessr sound really fun!
@sunnysombrera and @Scented Fucking Hard Chairs
I’m so glad to hear that both of you are enjoying Geoguessr. I think that the fucked-up locations are usually the most interesting ones. Like, it’s interesting to find out if there’s anything even resembling something of a clue anywhere close to your starting location. I’m thinking of playing a couple of games of the “Famous Locations” game, just out of interest to see just what sort of locations count as being famous and if there are indeed any outside of Europe and the USA.
@Dvärghundspossen
Big congratulations! 🙂
Och hälsningar från andra sidan av Östersjön. 🙂
First round – landed in the middle of a highway, got impatient, guessed United States when it was Brazil. 🙁
Now the scene definitely has temperate/continental-climate trees, it’s suburban, there are English signs, and a real estate company I recognize. I’m thinking somewhere in Ontario but I could definitely be wrong.