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We Harnessed the Male Utility to Feed You

Man building civilization: The early years
Man building civilization: The early years

Even though I run a blog with the deliberately ironic title “We Hunted the Mammoth,” I’m still regularly amazed by how eager men who’ve accomplished nothing of value in their entire lives are to claim a kind of vicarious credit, by virtue of being men, for everything good that we humans have accomplished here on planet earth.

Consider this astoundingly un-self-aware bit of almost literal we-hunted-the-mammothing from a recent A Voice for Men post, written (very, very badly) by Peter Wright and Paul Elam:

Harnessing men’s utility can be witnessed from the erection of Stonehenge to the Roman Empire to the moon landings. Cures for diseases and vaccines to prevent them happened from the intensely intelligent actions of the human male. Exploring new territories and engineering the transport to send people to new places has changed the world, almost all of it through risk and hardship borne by men. Men have driven civilization forward since we first walked away from the African savannah.  Men’s blood, sweat, tears and sacrifices are the fuel rods that have always driven the big machine of our society.

So much passive voice! So many mixed metaphors! Can anyone explain to me how blood, sweat and tears (liquids) can be fuel rods (solids, specifically “long, slender, zirconium metal tube[s] containing pellets of fissionable material”)? Or how “sacrifices” (an abstract concept) fit into the mix?

I will give an official We Hunted the Mammoth Award of Artistry to anyone who can draw me a picture — or make a diagram — of Wright and Elam’s terrible paragraph.

Oh, in case anyone is wondering, the ultimate point of that Wright and Elam post is to try to convince troubled men not to go to therapists unless the therapists are wise to the alleged evils of “gynocentrism.” You know, the evil force that made men do all that hard work for the lazy women of the world, who apparently spent all of human history watching soap operas and complaining about the men who were doing all that exploring and engineering and utility-ing and intensely intelligent actioning for them.

If you are searching for a therapist make sure and ask one question: “Have you heard of gynocentrism?” If they haven’t walk away and don’t hire them. In fact be prepared to do so much walking away that your steps will number enough to walk around the entire planet three times.

Well, that last bit, however cringeworthy the prose, is probably true. Because blaming men’s problems on “gynocentrism” is not just psychological quackery, it’s a highly obscure form of psychological quackery.

What a strange way the folks at AVFM have of demonstrating “compassion for men and boys,” as their old slogan had it.

Also, I’m pretty sure that at some point in the development of human civilization, and possibly even before it, women did some things too.

 

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friday jones
friday jones
9 years ago

Wait, Bruce Wayne’s Aunt Harriet was played by one of the people who developed the krytron fuse? That’s seriously weird.

proxieme
proxieme
9 years ago

@pandapool – re: PS4/PS3 games: There’s consistently a bundle out there that includes The Last of Us remastered for PS4.

Pandapool -- The Species that Endangers YOU (aka Banana Jackie Cake, for those who still want to call me "Banana", "Jackie" or whatever)
Pandapool -- The Species that Endangers YOU (aka Banana Jackie Cake, for those who still want to call me "Banana", "Jackie" or whatever)
9 years ago

@proxieme

I hope it has the DLC. :> And hopefully the price will go down a little more by the time I get Fallout 4. I’m debating on whether I get it close to launch (after a patch or two) or if I wait and get it when all the DLC is out and they aren’t making any more for it, because the GOTY edition is $20 after a year or two.

It’s a really tough choice – get it now and enjoy the (hopefully) awesome sooner or wait and get the (hopefully) awesome completed and cheap.

Probably the second one, but, fuck, it’s Fallout 4. I hope they have the team that worked on Fallout New Vegas working on this one because that’s the best one of the Bethesda’s.

Also, Fallout 4 is in Boston. BOSTON! Why do I not listen to you, internet?! You were right all along!

sparky
sparky
9 years ago

sunnysombrero:

Aaaand I’ve just got engaged with an idiot troll who sincerely believes that the law states businesses MUST hire women over men, or the employers will be arrested and then beaten or shot by cops. He almost said word for word that equality for women means taking the same things away from men.

O_O Wut? That’s one of the things that are so baffling about manospherians. It’s like they believe that human rights and equality are finite resources, and if anyone other than straight cis white men have them, then they’ll have less.

katz
9 years ago

Well done, Quietuus, well done.

proxieme
proxieme
9 years ago

@pandapool – Yep, it’s like a remastered GOTY edition including the Left Behind storyline.

http://www.techradar.com/us/news/gaming/consoles/10-ways-the-last-of-us-remastered-is-better-on-ps4-vs-ps3-1259929

(Old article, so ignore some of the info.)

re: Fallout 4: I’m so tempted to pre-order, but Bethesda’s kind of notorious for releasing buggy games.

Robert
Robert
9 years ago

In a book I recently read, “Europe Before Rome”, it was made very clear that agriculture made a huge difference to the populations affected. Suddenly, in just a few generations, there is evidence of social stratification and conspicuous consumption by the elites. A gravesite in Hochdorf from 530 BCE included, among other things, a robe with silk embroidery and a bronze cauldron of mead.

Kestrel
Kestrel
9 years ago

@Pandapool – Unless a PS3 game has been remastered for the PS4, you can’t play them. Both the Xbox 1 and the PS4 are not backwards compatible. If graphics matter to you, then the PS4 is slightly better. So far there haven’t been a tremendous number of permanent exclusives. There are some that are timed but eventually come out for both.

If indies matter, PS currently has a better market but I think Microsoft is starting to wake up to that and mend their ways.

Pandapool -- The Species that Endangers YOU (aka Banana Jackie Cake, for those who still want to call me "Banana", "Jackie" or whatever)
Pandapool -- The Species that Endangers YOU (aka Banana Jackie Cake, for those who still want to call me "Banana", "Jackie" or whatever)
9 years ago

@proxieme

Buggy games is one reason I’m definitely not preordering.

Unless there’s, like, a really good incentive, because, well, I mean, they aren’t going to let their game rot, it’s going to be patched sooner or later and I’m willing to wait a year or two for all the DLC to come out so I can snatch it up cheap, so waiting for a patch wouldn’t be too bad.

Pandapool -- The Species that Endangers YOU (aka Banana Jackie Cake, for those who still want to call me "Banana", "Jackie" or whatever)
Pandapool -- The Species that Endangers YOU (aka Banana Jackie Cake, for those who still want to call me "Banana", "Jackie" or whatever)
9 years ago

@Kestrel

PS4 isn’t backwards compatible.

Xbox One isn’t backwards compatible.

You are fucking shitting me.

What the fuck is wrong with fucking game companies these days. I can’t even.

At least fucking Nintendo is always backwards compatible…right?

Hypatia
Hypatia
9 years ago

@Catalpa

Yes, exactly, I agree. I can’t even count the number of times I’ve seen certain men threaten that they are now allowed to beat women under the banner of equality, as if gender equality ever included physical violence lol. It’s exactly what you’ve described, either “back to the kitchen bitchezz” or “now I can smack you in the face because equality n shit amirite.” Just a very disgusting tactic to intimidate and prevent women for standing up for equality.

Scented Fucking Hard Chairs
Scented Fucking Hard Chairs
9 years ago

@Panda

Yep. The disc drive is compatible with the original Wii and the Virtual Console is compatible all the way back to the NES.

Pandapool -- The Species that Endangers YOU (aka Banana Jackie Cake, for those who still want to call me "Banana", "Jackie" or whatever)
Pandapool -- The Species that Endangers YOU (aka Banana Jackie Cake, for those who still want to call me "Banana", "Jackie" or whatever)
9 years ago

@SFHC

YOU SEE MICROSOFT? YOU SEE SONY? THIS IS WHY FUCKING NINTENDO BEATS YOU ALMOST ALL THE TIME.

proxieme
proxieme
9 years ago

@pandapool – Oh, yeah, the disks aren’t backwards compatible & digital titles only port if they’re cross-buys.

And they do it because they can.

Pandapool -- The Species that Endangers YOU (aka Banana Jackie Cake, for those who still want to call me "Banana", "Jackie" or whatever)
Pandapool -- The Species that Endangers YOU (aka Banana Jackie Cake, for those who still want to call me "Banana", "Jackie" or whatever)
9 years ago

@proxieme

Do they at least let people download the ports for free if they already own the physical copy for the previous gen?

Because, you know, that would be the fucking decent thing to do since there’s no backwards compatibility but I’m guessing not.

Paradoxical Intention
9 years ago

Pandapool — The Species that Endangers YOU (aka Banana Jackie Cake, for those who still want to call me “Banana”, “Jackie” or whatever) | June 3, 2015 at 1:28 pm
But if there’s any awesome exclusive Xbox games or any awesome exclusive PS4, I’d like to know so I’d get them along with Fallout 4.

There’s been some talk that Microsoft is looking to purchase the Silent Hill franchise (specifically for Silent Hills) so they can get it as an XBone exclusive. Which would be a huge slap in the face to Sony, considering all of the good games are solely on Playstation.

proxieme | June 3, 2015 at 2:09 pm
re: Fallout 4: I’m so tempted to pre-order, but Bethesda’s kind of notorious for releasing buggy games.

That’s okay, the pre-order link on their site isn’t even active yet. 😐

And even if it was, I’m in agreement with Jackie. They’d need some super awesome incentive to get me to pre-order it. (Though, I imagine, because it’s Bethesda, there could be some meat-space swag. Maybe.)

RE: Fallout 4:

I’m super excited that we finally have an official release trailer, and the setting looks awesome! I’m hoping we get some great exploration opportunities!

Other things I’d like to see:

– Better character customization. I know I don’t get to see the character most of the time, but it means a lot to me that I designed that character and I know what they look like. : I

– Fallout 3 level storyline writing

– TREEEEEEES. It’s been over a hundred years since the bombs dropped! What happened to “nature finds a way”?!? I understand the wasteland in 3, since most likely a bomb was dropped DIRECTLY on D.C., and I understand the wasteland in New Vegas, because it’s feckin’ Nevada, but Boston better have some vegetation in there! I don’t care if they give us Audrey, just show me some plant life!

All that being said, something has dampened my enthusiasm a bit: People complaining about the graphics on a fucking compressed YouTube video.
comment image

GRAPHICS ARE NOT THE BE-ALL, END-ALL OF THE GAME. AND EVEN IF THEY WERE, IT’S A FUCKING YOUTUBE VIDEO OF A CUTSCENE. DO YOU SPOILED CHILDREN NOT KNOW HOW YOUTUBE WORKS?!

*deep breaths*

Okay, I’m done. I’m just sick of people damning games before we’ve seen more than a few minutes of offical cutscene footage because YouTube compression. Or because they need something to sneer at to feel smugly superior.

I don’t mind it as much when it’s a new IP, because we don’t have much else to go on, but it’s fucking Fallout. Fallout’s got a pedigree, for fuck’s sake.

Pandapool -- The Species that Endangers YOU (aka Banana Jackie Cake, for those who still want to call me "Banana", "Jackie" or whatever)
Pandapool -- The Species that Endangers YOU (aka Banana Jackie Cake, for those who still want to call me "Banana", "Jackie" or whatever)
9 years ago

@Paradoxical

Hopefully we’ll have trees because of Harold since Fallout 4 is on the east coast like in Fallout 3, especially since Oasis was up north near the edge of the map.

Scented Fucking Hard Chairs
Scented Fucking Hard Chairs
9 years ago

@PI

Nope, already debunked:

https://twitter.com/XboxP3/status/604697441447731201

Which, frankly, sucks. As much as I talk up Nintendo and my beloved Wii U, I want the other consoles to give me a reason to buy them. I don’t give a rat’s about console wars or brand loyalty, I just want more awesome exclusive games. =P

(I wonder if this convo’s made any #GGers’ heads explode yet.)

Pandapool -- The Species that Endangers YOU (aka Banana Jackie Cake, for those who still want to call me "Banana", "Jackie" or whatever)
Pandapool -- The Species that Endangers YOU (aka Banana Jackie Cake, for those who still want to call me "Banana", "Jackie" or whatever)
9 years ago

Also, yes, character customization. Want it lots, need it lots.

And the graphics are fine. They’re on par with Skyrims. I mean, Jesus people, if there’s one thing Bethesda doesn’t need to work on it’s graphics.

It’s animation.

proxieme
proxieme
9 years ago

@panda – Nope.

“But,” they say, “you can always buy the remastered version!”

I justify the money I spend on games with the fact that we rarely go out (which would be loads more expensive).
“See? Hours and hours (and hours) of game play for less than the cost of one night at the movies (especially factoring in babysitting costs)! I’m a GENIUS! GENIUS I TELL YOU!!!”

Falconer
Falconer
9 years ago

@PI: Isn’t it more like 200 years since the bombs fell? I thought it was that late in Fallout 1, tbh, and Harold’s a lot older in 3 than he was in 1.

@Pandapool:

And the graphics are fine. They’re on par with Skyrims. I mean, Jesus people, if there’s one thing Bethesda doesn’t need to work on it’s graphics.

It’s animation.

Quite often on my 360, the characters’ mouths lag behind their voices. At least the mouth flaps are more sophisticated than in Morrowind.

Pandapool -- The Species that Endangers YOU (aka Banana Jackie Cake, for those who still want to call me "Banana", "Jackie" or whatever)
Pandapool -- The Species that Endangers YOU (aka Banana Jackie Cake, for those who still want to call me "Banana", "Jackie" or whatever)
9 years ago

Do we have to bring up GGers in our discussion about games? I mean, it’s not like they actually care about games. They’ve let their hatred of women and indie publishers detract from their love of games.

Also, I really, really, really want the narrative to be more like New Vegas because New Vegas had more interesting characters than in Fallout 3. And everyone was so mopey in Fallout 3. :<

freshlysqueezedcynic
freshlysqueezedcynic
9 years ago

@Pandapool:

Fallout: New Vegas wasn’t developed by any team from Bethesda, it was developed by a different developer, Obsidian, who are also responsible for games like Pillars of Eternity and KotOR II.

Pandapool -- The Species that Endangers YOU (aka Banana Jackie Cake, for those who still want to call me "Banana", "Jackie" or whatever)
Pandapool -- The Species that Endangers YOU (aka Banana Jackie Cake, for those who still want to call me "Banana", "Jackie" or whatever)
9 years ago

@freshlysqueezedcynic

When I say the same team, I mean the fact that there were some people on the team that worked on Fallout 1 & 2 and the canceled Fallout 3 and Bethesda should have let the people who have actually worked on the original Fallout games to work on their baby.

Because I’m spiteful. And New Vegas is better than Fallout 3. THERE I SAID IT.

Bina
9 years ago

@Laura:

I do have to constantly fight the feeling that I’m not smart enough, even though I make straight A’s. Any time I don’t get a concept right away I feel like it might be because I’m a woman and this is “NOT FOR GIRLS”. I keep repeating to myself that I just haven’t gotten it yet, and that this is a very normal part of the process for anyone learning anything.

Quoted for the gods’ (and goddesses’) own truth.

I may have to embroider this on a nice piece of linen and hang it on my study wall to remind myself that I don’t have to give up doing something (or trying to learn something) just because I wasn’t born packing a penis. Girls are actually encouraged to give up and do something “less hard” just for that very reason, and that pernicious conditioning won’t stop until there are so many women doing hard things and succeeding at it that “Girls can’t (fill in the blank) because (irrelevant anatomical part)!” is no longer a plausible “reason” to discourage them from doing them.