Alleged filmmaker/bipedal mammal Jordan Owen has a few choice words for critics of the new trailer for The Sarkeesian Effect, the allegedly finished documentary he and white nationalist (on paper) Davis Aurini have been spending other people’s money on for the past who the hell knows how many months.
Wait, did I say “a few choice words?” I meant this gif:
Stung by criticism of the trailer’s jarringly inept musical score, which he “composed” and “performed,” Owen posted a thoughtful response on TwitLonger today.
Fuck you.
Yes, you read that right. Fuck you.
The trailer has been getting a lot of great response and we really, really appreciate that- but if you have a problem with any aspect of the production, fuck you.
I don’t care if you donated $10,000.
I don’t care if you donated $10,000,000.
I don’t care if you donated BONE MARROW.
Fuck you.
As Owen sees it, the music is utterly perfect as is. It’s not the result of dropping a couple of kittens on some old Casio keyboards. It sounds the way it does ON PURPOSE.
Because I write that music and I’m proud of it. It sounds EXACTLY like what I want to get accross, which is why I wrote it that way.
As for one critic who suggested that maybe Owen should just grab some reasonably competent royalty free music off the internet and use that instead, because, holy crap, even that would be better than what’s on there now, Owen respectfully disagrees with this assessment.
Well listen Bobby, I know you think your heart’s in the right place, but the human heart is located in the chest cavity to the left of the esophagus. Not up your ass.
You send me a link to a bunch of shitty 2 chord guitar vamps and dubstep loops and think I’m going to write back and say “Gee willakers Bobby! That’s some great stuff right there! I sure am glad I listened to your opinion instead of thinking I knew what in the fuck I was doing!”
The music I wrote for The Sarkeesian Effect sounds fucking amazing- you know how I know? Because I like the way it sounds.
Sure, Owen admits, to undiscerning ears the music might sound a tad dated, but guess what: he meant to do that.
I keep getting these people writing in and telling me “This looks great, but the music sounds like it was done on a Casio keyboard from the 80’s.” Well there’s two reasons for that:
1. We’re doing a movie about video games, broadly speaking. Didn’t you ever stop to think that maybe it was supposed to sound like that?
2. I sent Davis a remixed, remastered version of the music with more realistic string sounds, realistic bass guitar sounds, and realistic drum sounds. He wouldn’t put it in. I have no idea why. Ask him.
Yes, that’s right: the music sounds perfect as it is, but it is Davis Aurini’s fault that it sounds like ancient Casio crap because he used the ancient Casio crap version.
And for those who have wondered out loud how someone who was actually trained at the Berklee College of Music could possibly produce something like that, Owen has a response to this as well:
JUST BECAUSE YOU HAVE IT IN YOUR HEAD WHAT KIND OF MUSIC A BERKLEE GRAD OUGHT TO WRITE DOESN’T MEAN WE FEEL IN ANY WAY SHAPE OR FORM OBLIGATED TO ACCOMMODATE YOU!
And I wrote that preceding paragraph in all caps because I was trying to create the effect of screaming at the top of my fucking lungs. Are you really so goddamn arrogant that you think in your infinitely pedestrian opinion that you know what sort of music Berklee grads ought to be writing?
To be fair, I’m pretty sure that there are a lot of other Berklee grads out there making truly horrible music.
Owens’ little essays ends much as it began, with a giant “fuck you.”
So rest assured the music is going to be written by me and its going to sound exactly like it should sound. Tough shit if you don’t like that- no please go take your good intentions and pave somebody else’s road to hell.
Meanwhile, on YouTube, Owen has been similarly responsive to his critics. And by his critics, I mean Davis Aurini, his erstwhile film buddy:
My only question is what exactly they will be opening in six weeks. Birthday presents? An Arbee’s franchise? Their mouths?
Whatever it is, I’m looking forward to it.
H/T — r/GamerGhazi
Someone else may already pointed this out, but I had missed this hilariously dubious claim:
Sure, tons of people, no doubt.
I feel very strongly that there is no objectively “good” or “bad” or even “fitting” music, and I have genuine affection for that retro-but-not-really-retro-enough sound, so I sympathize with Jordan in that way, but there is such a thing as your BGM measurably muddying up the clarity of your interviews because it’s just TOO DAMNED LOUD.
But strictly from my own tastes: yeah, the pacing is awful, the music is too long in the tooth, starting your 3-minute trailer with 38 seconds of news footage feels incredibly clunky, it’s weird to see the interviewers framed like that in every shot (as people have mentioned), and for two people who harp on FemFreq for (allegedly) not improving production quality enough, they sure do rely on canned transitions, simple artwork, and unoriginal fonts.
But as much fun as it is to hate on the crummy quality, let’s not forget the only thing that really matter here: the asinine, illogical content. If someone brilliant made a film like this, the ideas would still be good. Then again, it takes so much professionalism for a feminist to be taken seriously, I can’t remember the last time I saw anything comparable. I guess the end goal is anyone anywhere being able to make a bathtub rant video and still hold onto someone’s respect.
@EJ, hahahaha, okay, that is solid.
My golden rule when I submit a professional piece is that I archive it for safe keeping but never, ever re-read it unless it’s absolutely unavoidable. As far as I’m concerned, the final published version is the definitive one, even if the editor did something toe-curling to it in between. (And nobody else would know about that.)
“My only question is what exactly they will be opening in six weeks. Birthday presents? An Arbee’s franchise? Their mouths?”
Look, either say Arby’s or Hardee’s. They’re different places but equally appropriate.