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Would you like some wings with that ego stroking? Make big bucks by giving insecure men “the attention they crave”

Twin Peaks, where even the appetizers are shaped like breasts
Twin Peaks, where even the appetizers are shaped like breasts

ThinkProgress has gotten hold of an inadvertently hilarious internal document from the “breastaurant” chain Twin Peaks that provides an interesting glimpse into what those who run the company may actually think of the customers who pay their salaries.

Twin Peaks, as ThinkProgress writer Tara Culp-Ressler notes, is essentially Hooters on steroids, and the chain has been spreading like ebola; in 2013, it was the fastest-growing restaurant chain in the US. It also seems to be quite popular with Biker gangs; the gigantic biker shootout last weekend took place at a Twin Peaks restaurant in Waco, Texas.

The document — which the company insists was never distributed to employees — was leaked to ThinkProgress by an anonymous Twin Peaks employee. And it’s kind of a doozy, describing the company’s “target” demographic essentially as a bunch of insecure narcissistic manchildren desperate for attention from young women with gigantic bazongas who are required to smile and put up with their bullshit.

According to the document, the restaurant wants to target guys “who love to have their ego stroked by beautiful girls,” and promises to provide an environment “that feeds their ego with the attention they crave.” They describe their typical customer as someone who likes “attention from beautiful girls and being recognized in front of the guys,” as well as someone who doesn’t want to be asked what he’s thinking. 

If you leave out the bits about the “beautiful girls,” this strategy sounds an awful lot like the ego-stroking approach of some of the more influential figures in the Men’s Rights and GamerGate movement: pander to insecure men’s fantasies of victimization, tell them that they’re right to hate and fear feminists and women at large, and assure them that the nasty comments they go around leaving on every site that doesn’t ban them are actually a noble form of human rights activism. As GamerGatey YouTubers and Men’s “Human Rights” activists alike have learned, pandering to angry dudes can be a surprisingly lucrative money-raising strategy (at least in the short term).

Like the patrons of Twin Peaks, MRAs seem to especially like getting this kind of validation from women — hence the absurd popularity of Karen “GirlWritesWhat” Straughan’s sophomoric and soporific YouTube videos; hence the enthusiastic embrace of the female-fronted Honey Badgers as free speech martyrs by GamerGaters and others, who have happily sent along $30,000 in donations for a lawsuit against the Calgary Expo that seems highly unlikely to go anywhere, if it even happens at all.

I’ll have more on the Honey Badgers in a bit. In the meantime, I would like to remind you, my readers, my big handsome readers, how totally cool you are and would you like some wings with that?

Er, no, I meant that I would like to remind you that my Spite the Honey Badgers fund raiser is, last I checked, only  $39,529 short of its completely reasonable goal of $40,000, which is what all the economists I consulted* told me would be the amount of money I would need to make the Honey Badgers really annoyed.

Click here to donate. You don’t need a Pay Pal account. All you need to have is a little bit of money and a desire to Spite the Honey Badgers.

Thanks, hon. I’ll be right back with that giant mound of nachos.

NOTE: “All the economists I consulted” add up to zero. I did not actually consult any economists. Also, you’re not getting any nachos.

CORRECTION: I originally wrote that the Tara Culp-Ressler piece was on Talking Points Memo; it was on Think Progress.

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RoscoeTCat
RoscoeTCat
6 years ago

“Someone who doesn’t want to be asked what he’s thinking.” Maybe this is because he’s thinking about NOTHING AT ALL???

tesformes
6 years ago

I imagine the reaction to this from the manosphere being something like, “Why would you go to work at a place like that if you didn’t want to be ogled and harassed by men?” There will also be no complaints about the offensively juvenile assumptions this company makes about its male patrons. That would look too much like feminism.

solikat
6 years ago

One of my favorite things about reading your blog is all the idiotic comments from MRAs and the like. *sits back & eats popcorn*

Lea
Lea
6 years ago

No nachos? I thought what we had was real. Real and cheesy with extra jalapenos!
Fine! I didn’t want those nachos anyway. They aren’t the only cheesy snacks. I’ve got some broccoli with cheese right here and it’s…just…as…good.
*sobs*

weirwoodtreehugger
6 years ago

I don’t like being asked what I’m thinking. If I feel like telling someone what I’m thinking I will. If I’m not talking, it’s because I don’t feel like talking.

Am I womaning wrong?

Lea
Lea
6 years ago

So that’s what pretty girl “power” looks like, huh?
Not impressed.

Lea
Lea
6 years ago

WWTH,
Aren’t we all?

Lady Mondegreen
Lady Mondegreen
6 years ago

Men’s rightsers are a bunch of shallow narcissists angry because women don’t stroke their fragile egos?

THE HELL YOU SAY.

Where are my nachos?

fruitloopsie
fruitloopsie
6 years ago
LBT
LBT
6 years ago

I’m just sad because I love Twin Peaks. It was a great show. 🙁

Pandapool -- The Species that Endangers YOU (aka Banana Jackie Cake, for those who still want to call me "Banana", "Jackie" or whatever)
Pandapool -- The Species that Endangers YOU (aka Banana Jackie Cake, for those who still want to call me "Banana", "Jackie" or whatever)
6 years ago

@fruitloopsie

There is not enough butts. Needs a picture of a guy in tight jeans, looking over his shoulder to the camera with Tallywackers right underneath his pert little ass.

And they can only hire men with the most biggest, squeezable asses.

Only then will we have reached gender equality.

(Seriously, custom made jeans that show off the buttocks.)

idledillettante
6 years ago

What I’m wondering right now is if a gender swapped version of the breastaurant would be profitable. That is, would straight women come to a wine bar with scantily clad servers who stroke their egos and flirt with them? Would they pay a premium for it, as men do? If it was named “top gun” and had a paramilitary theme, would that make it sexier? Or is “beefcake factory” and lavish desserts a better route for attracting women to spend money on sex work lite?

I feel like it could be profitable– after all, don’t women want sexual stimulation and ego strokes as much as anybody else? But I also feel like it might not be. Straight women are so used to getting hit on/catcalled that I suspect the overtures of my scantily clad waiters would fall flat.

If anyone has any opinions to share on why there is no beefcake factory I would love to hear them.

Paradoxical Intention
6 years ago

Can there be a very obvious knock off restaurant based off of Deadly Premonition that serves Sinner’s Sandwiches, delicious biscuits, and prophetic coffee?

LBT
LBT
6 years ago

RE: idledillettante

Honestly, I’ve worked too many shitty customer service jobs to feel comfortable with something like the hypothetical beefcake factory. I’d be that buzzkill worrying about whether the dudes are getting paid enough, what kind of harassment they get, shit like that.

brokensea
6 years ago

@fruitloopsie a great-grandmother (who passed away at 93) of my acquaintance, called her walking stick her “Willy Whacker. “

Nameless Wonder
Nameless Wonder
6 years ago

They describe their typical customer as someone who likes “attention from beautiful girls and being recognized in front of the guys,” as well as someone who doesn’t want to be asked what he’s thinking.

But.. the kind of guy they are describing IS the kind of guy who believes what he thinks is super duper important. How else would the guy even bother going there if he truly didn’t care what women think of him?

Confused commenter is confused!

Moocow
Moocow
6 years ago

@David

Hah, that’s what I thought Twin Peaks restaurant originally was. I was very disappointed to find out what it *actually* is.

fruitloopsie
fruitloopsie
6 years ago

Brokensea
“@fruitloopsie a great-grandmother (who passed away at 93) of my acquaintance, called her walking stick her “Willy Whacker. “

http://www.sharegif.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/tumblr_m7ox7kTk6f1rtcm2b.gif

Bina
Bina
6 years ago

I don’t like being asked what I’m thinking. If I feel like telling someone what I’m thinking I will. If I’m not talking, it’s because I don’t feel like talking.

Am I womaning wrong?

Nope. But you’re introverting great!

theladyzombie
6 years ago

Speaking of Twin Peaks – it’s coming back! David Lynch has signed on! Now here’s the real kick in the ass – remember the final episode where Cooper was in the Black Lodge and Laura Palmer told him she would see him again in 25 years? It’s been 25 years since Twin Peaks aired. Hell, that alone is messing with me.

Chaos-Engineer
Chaos-Engineer
6 years ago

Roscoe

“Someone who doesn’t want to be asked what he’s thinking.” Maybe this is because he’s thinking about NOTHING AT ALL???

Speaking as a man, it’s because what I’m thinking is something like, “I really need to pee. Should I wait for the conversation to finish? Or should I excuse myself now and ask her to wait until I get back? Can I ask ‘How much longer are we going to keep talking?,’ or would that be rude?” Or else I’ve got the “Meow Mix” jingle stuck in my head. Either way, I don’t want to have to interrupt my train of thought and frantically try to come up with an acceptable answer to the question.

I suppose if I had advance warning I could come up with a couple of canned answers, like “I was just thinking about how delicious the coffee here is.” Then the waitress would have an opening to come back with, “Aw, that’s so sweet of you! Let me get you a free refill!”

Actually that sounds like a good deal. Now I want go to the sort of restaurant where they just have a notice on the door to warn you that the waitress might ask you what you’re thinking.

Buttercup Q. Skullpants

A few years ago, our state had two topless donut shops. I guess that’s better than a bottomless donut shop, but only slightly.

Generally when I eat at a restaurant, I want at least one layer of clothing between the waitstaff and my food.

Pandapool -- The Species that Endangers YOU (aka Banana Jackie Cake, for those who still want to call me "Banana", "Jackie" or whatever)
Pandapool -- The Species that Endangers YOU (aka Banana Jackie Cake, for those who still want to call me "Banana", "Jackie" or whatever)
6 years ago

@Chaos-Engineer

I would say, “Nothing much.”

Kreator
Kreator
6 years ago

What I’m wondering right now is if a gender swapped version of the breastaurant would be profitable. That is, would straight women come to a wine bar with scantily clad servers who stroke their egos and flirt with them?

In Japan at least, the answer is YES.

proxieme
proxieme
6 years ago

theladyzombie – That apparently fell through, at least on Lynch’s end: http://variety.com/2015/tv/news/twin-peaks-david-lych-leaves-as-director-1201466709/

Unless he’s returned and I haven’t heard.

proxieme
proxieme
6 years ago

re: the good kind of Twim Peaks: One legitimately wonderful thing about being a parent is that I know that there was an extended nod to Twin Peaks in the latest iteration of Scooby Doo (Scooby Doo: Mystery Incorporated).

http://i.ytimg.com/vi/97AKy7mViBg/maxresdefault.jpg

Another awesome thing is that I spend about half of some days with a toddler who’s morphed into Scooby and has declared that I’m Shaggy.

Mewens
Mewens
6 years ago

I know people will mash together sex with the damnedest things, but I honestly don’t even know how to process a topless doughnut shop. …

Yeah, 15 minutes after trying to find a suitable analog, I’m still drawing blanks. It’s the nonnest non sequitur I’ve heard in recent memory.

weirwoodtreehugger
6 years ago

Lynch is back in.

proxieme
proxieme
6 years ago

Yay!

goodrumo
6 years ago

Reblogged this on iheariseeilearn.

AnAndrejaPejicBlog (@Lindsay_Irene)

As an introvert with social anxiety issues, I find the idea of a restaurant where the waiters flirt with the customers to be kind of terrifying.

Pandapool -- The Species that Endangers YOU (aka Banana Jackie Cake, for those who still want to call me "Banana", "Jackie" or whatever)
Pandapool -- The Species that Endangers YOU (aka Banana Jackie Cake, for those who still want to call me "Banana", "Jackie" or whatever)
6 years ago

@AnAndrejaPejic

At the very least if you enter a restaurant like this, you’re aware that the staff may flirt with you, so you can either prepare yourself or avoid it.

RoscoeTCat
RoscoeTCat
6 years ago

@Chaos-Engineer: I see your POV. I didn’t mean to lump all male restaurant patrons together.

Incidentally, it seems that customer service workers have become more chatty towards their clients in the last 5 to 10 years, at least in the US. I guess it’s a reaction to the poor economy…I worked at customer service rank-and-file jobs for years, myself. Maybe I’m a misanthrope(sp?), but I don’t care about having a social relationship with the person who waits on me at the gas station or convenience store. Just ring me up, and I’ll be on my way!

GiJoel
GiJoel
6 years ago

@proxieme Yay, the best scooby doo they ever made.

EJ (The Other One)
EJ (The Other One)
6 years ago

I love David Lynch. His visions are nightmarish; literally nightmarish, in that they have a dreamlike quality to them and have that slow inevitability that all the worst nightmares have.

This restaurant sounds like a nightmare of another sort. Being flirted with by some girl whose breasts were her main criterion for getting hired sounds really awkward for both of us. I can’t flirt with her because she may well not have read The Goblin Emperor, and she’s professionally required to keep coming back and flirting with me even though it’ll fall flat. That just sounds really awkward.

rugbyyogi
6 years ago

Personally I love chatty, flirty wait staff. And I will tip more. Not sure though that I’d travel to a ‘beefcake’ restaurant to pay large prices for mediocre food, even if all the waiters were hot. If I want to see fit, attractive and often not completely dressed men – I can just go down the rugby club. Of course, I also have to see seedy, past-their-prime ex-players, too. But I’m friends with a lot of those guys, so that’s alright. I can value them for more than their current state of physical attractiveness.

Hambeast, Social Justice Road Warrior
Hambeast, Social Justice Road Warrior
6 years ago

If there were a Twin Peaks restaurant chain that was like David Lynch’s Twin Peaks, I would be there in a second. I mean, really like Twin Peaks, not just a diner with pie and coffee; I would expect weird backwards-sounding waiters and log ladies and “Bob” and Garmonbozia that was actually made of pain and sorrow, not just creamed corn.

And waitresses that look like David Duchovny in drag!!

True fact: I used to drive by the place they used as an exterior shot for the biker bar on my way to work!

Hambeast, Social Justice Road Warrior
Hambeast, Social Justice Road Warrior
6 years ago

Twin Peaks is on Hulu!

Gonna go rewatch it, brb.

AltoFronto
AltoFronto
6 years ago

Ooh, I really kinda want AVFM to pick up on Twin Peaks document and get angry about how restaurant staff on minimum-wage are total b*****s for waving their boobs at them insincerely.
“Misandry! How dare you think we manly alpha men need our egos stroked, without having any intention of stroking our boners while you’re at it! You should be grateful we even look twice at your boobs, w***e! Grrr! It’s a Feminist conspiracy somehow! They’re trying to sexually frustrate us into raping people, because how can we help it? Joke’s on you, we’re MGTOW! We can burn our own chicken!! Grrr!”

Kootiepatra
6 years ago

Am I womaning wrong?

Nope. But you’re introverting great!

Oh, don’t be silly. Everybody knows that there are no introverted women. We all gossip with our girlfriends all the time and travel to the bathroom in large packs. /s

sn0rkmaiden
6 years ago

‘Ooh, I really kinda want AVFM to pick up on Twin Peaks document and get angry about how restaurant staff on minimum-wage are total b*****s for waving their boobs at them insincerely.’

I expect RazorBladeKandy would have that exact POV about it, I once trawled through one of his videos where he concluded that prostitutes are worse than paedophiles because they ‘exploit’ men’s sexual desires by making them pay for sex. Uh-huh.

proxieme
proxieme
6 years ago

@GiJoel – Right? It’s a crime there are only two seasons.

Buttercup Q. Skullpants

The problem with restaurants like this is that they’re saying women’s bodies – especially butt and boobs – are for consumption, so much so that it’s sold at a restaurant. By pairing food and boobs, it’s tellling society that woman’s bodies are always avaliable for viewing, not just at the restaurant, but on the street, on the train, at drunken parties. Just a normal thing.

So on the one hand, you end up with waitresses whose jobs depend on how well they gratify men. They’re expected to adhere to a rigid and lengthy set of beauty standards. Hooters, for example, regulates everything strictly, from hair to makeup to nails to deodorant to teeth to weight. Waitresses can be fired for minor infractions like wearing bobby pins or wearing the wrong color bra. They quickly learn that they’re expendable; if they lose their job, there’s always a lineup of women waiting to take their place. They have to put up with groping, disrespect, lewd remarks, harassment, and even stalking, all for the sake of a tip. There’s a lot of cattiness and backstabbing at those places, too; fellow waitresses aren’t seen as comrades, they’re seen as competition.

On the other hand, you have the (mostly) male customers, a self-selected group of oglers, some of whom will undoubtedly have serious boundary issues and confuse paid flirting with actual interest. Remember the guy who shot up the resort buffet in Vegas because he was despondent over losing his free buffet for life? He’d been stalking and harassing the waitresses, showering them with free gifts, and was genuinely bewildered that his overtures weren’t welcomed. After all, they were flirting with him, weren’t they? Weren’t they putting themselves out there for him?

It’s an outdated, bro-y version of sexuality, having women run around in tight tops and tiny shorts bringing food and pretending to be into the customers. Strip clubs are a lot more honest.

gilshalos
6 years ago

The Goblin Emperor!
Love that book!
Wish there was going to be a sequel.
One of the non-misogyny-mocking reasons I love this place is that I keep finding people who know/watch/read the same things I love.
Where I grew up, ptactically no-one did, so the phrase ‘Gilshalos, you’re crazy’ was used a lot. And this was before I was diagnosed.

Moggie
Moggie
6 years ago

EJ:

I love David Lynch. His visions are nightmarish; literally nightmarish, in that they have a dreamlike quality to them and have that slow inevitability that all the worst nightmares have.

I think Eraserhead is physically seared into my brainmeat. And the thought of the man behind Eraserhead being even tenuously connected to boobs-themed restaurants is kind of freaking me out.

maghavan
maghavan
6 years ago

Give me my god damn Nachos already!!

dashapants
dashapants
6 years ago

@idledillettante & LBT

Yes, there do exist host clubs in Japan, where handsome guys pretend to be your boyfriend in order to get you to buy bottle service. And yes, having looked at this business model, if I ever walked into one of these places, I would immediately try to pay these men NOT to drink those champagne bottles with me, because imho that is their worst job hazard, drinking so much every night that they can’t see straight and their livers get obliterated in a matter of a few years if they stick with the job. I’d try to start a competitive trend of this among the lady patrons (which is usually encouraged along the drinking lines, i.e. that girl bought her fake boyfriend two bottles to raise his $$ for the night, what will you do for your fake boyfriend?). I’d be all “I am buying that entire row of bottles, they are all mine, and NOBODY is allowed to drink them at all, because I care for my fake boyfriend and don’t want him to die!” Whoever owns the club would make out like a bandit if this caught on, but at least it would keep some of these guys out of the emergency room.

opium4themasses
6 years ago

I am only 90ish miles from Waco. In fact, I had driven through the day before on the freeway that passes right by that Twin Peaks. I had even debated making that trip on Sunday instead. Good thing I wasn’t lazy that Saturday.

The idea of flirting with someone who is being paid to flirt just makes me feel sad. That seems to miss the whole point that makes it fun.

marinerachel
marinerachel
6 years ago

We have a Twin Peaks themed restaurant in Vancouver called Black Lodge and its actually pretty rad. The toilet has a woodland themed diorama you can gaze at whilst peeing.

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