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Red Pill douchebags clarify proper blowjob-demanding etiquette

Wassssup?
Wasssup?

On Reddit’s Ask The Red Pill subeddit, a fellow called ThreeEyez comes to the group with a romantic conundrum:

I’ve known some guys to say that they just chill with a girl and just ask her for some head so they don’t have to kiss her. Usually I figured you have to escalate with a chick like make out with her, get her horny, etc. In my case, thats what I usually have to do. Has anybody else had success in just asking?

While one rude fellow tries to derail the conversation with some totally irrelevant comments (“You don’t enjoy kissing? Perhaps you suck at kissing”) others rally and give young ThreeEyez some highly useful advice.

As the Red Pill collective see it, there are many correct ways to handle the whole “how do I get my dingus in her piehole tout suite without breaking frame or having to kiss aforementioned icky piehole” question.

Here, inquiring fellows, are eight of them, none of which require treating the piehole-haver as an actual  human being, and only some most of which could possibly get you arrested for indecent exposure and/or sexual assault.

1) The Pull Out the General Method

“Avoid asking her for anything, that’s not the red [pill] way to go. It’s better to be declarative, whip out the general, smile at her and go with somethin’ sultry like ‘this is where you suck my dick beautiful…'” 

2) The Stick it in Her Face Method

“Stick it in her face and say ‘suck my dick.'” 

3) The “Wassup” Method

“[P]ulling it out and looking her in the face or pulling it out and saying, ‘Wassup?'” 

4) The Excuse Me While I Whip This Out Method

“I just whip it out. She usually knows what to do with it. If she backs off, well then you weren’t going anywhere with her anyway.”

5) The “Eyes Have It” Method

“Look into her eyes, hold eye contact 5 sec. then turn my head to my dick, this results in ‘she knows. i know. my dick knows. her pussy knows’.”

6) The Unbutton Unmethod

“I just stand close to my wife and unbutton my pants, she knows what to do.”

7) The Shove Her Face in Your Junk Method

“You shouldn’t have to ask. I usually just use my body to get her there. If she doesn’t want to suck your dick she either has hang-ups with cock, or she’s probably not that into you.”

8) The Shove Her Hands In Your Pants Method

“[P]ut their hand down your pants when your dick is hard or halfway hard and theyll know whats up. thats what i do. literally been sitting on the couch w my gf and did that. worked. i only date girls who are pretty cool usually and not annoying cunts i want to kick in the face.”

What a romantic!

NOTE: As this is the Ask The Red Pill subreddit, you need to remember that phrases like “I usually” and “I just” should be generally taken to mean “I saw this in a porno” and/or “I desperately wish this were true.”

 

 

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Lady Mondegreen
Lady Mondegreen
5 years ago

“Avoid asking her for anything, that’s not the red [pill] way to go.

http://www.ar15.com/media/mediaFiles/1715/18364.JPG

Max
Max
5 years ago

They all read like jokes. I hope no one takes them seriously. If that’s how you really want to approach your partner outside of some incredibly rare circumstance where it would be appropriate, it seems to me you’d be better off getting a sex doll. I guess it’s not “Red Pill” to be getting it on with a mannequin, but treating a person like a mannequin is horrible and ridiculous. Wouldn’t the blow job be more rewarding if she’s doing it because she wants to, not because you put her in a weird situation? Assuming any of these could work. The red pill must have an insane level of mercury.

Paradoxical Intention
5 years ago

Max, we appreciate the sentiment, but can we not use ableism here? A lot of us here are mentally ill, and it’s not okay.