Categories
a woman is always to blame antifeminism empathy deficit entitled babies feminism irony alert men who should not ever be with women ever misogyny rape culture sexual harassment straw feminists threats

Feminist activist Grace Mann murdered; blogger blames her death on feminist jokes about misandry

Murdered feminist activist Grace Mann
Murdered feminist activist Grace Mann

Last month, police say, University of Mary Washington student and feminist/LGBT activist Grace Mann was murdered — bound and asphyxiated by a male housemate and fellow student.

An antifeminist blogger is blaming her death on feminist jokes about misandry. 

As Mike Oelke of the Feminism is a Fraud blog sees it, Mann’s death was the inevitable result of the unwillingness of feminists to “learn misandry is not a joke.” In an older post, Oelke had predicted that

one day a feminist wearing an “ironic” KILL ALL MEN t-shirt will walk down the wrong street, enter the wrong room and encounter the wrong man; a man that does not value her as a woman and chooses not to treat her as an equal. The man will not see the t-shirt as ironical humor, but be offended and beat her savagely, laughing as he licks the tears from her crying eyes.

WIth Mann’s death, he says, this “prediction has somewhat been proven true.”  And he promises that there will be more violence directed at feminists who

constantly laugh off their misandry as a joke, while treating misogyny like a scourge. Some types of males are going to take that badly with predictable results.

While he says he doesn’t “feel good” about his prediction “somewhat” coming true, he also claims that

this young woman’s death serves a purpose. She “Took one for the team.”

That callous and cruel last line, whatever Oelke meant by it, seems more than a little ironic given the facts of the case.

While we still don’t know the motive of the man who allegedly murdered her, Mann’s death took place on a campus that feminist activists say has become an increasingly hostile environment for them.

The campus group Feminists United — of which Mann was a member  — has faced a barrage of  harassment and threats online and on campus since last fall when it started to “expose the insidious misogyny and hatred” on campus, as the group’s president Paige McKinsey put it in an op-ed for the school paper in January.

The most egregious example of this “insidious misogyny” was the violent chant — celebrating the rape of dead “whores” — that the school rugby team performed at a party last fall. Surreptitiously recorded by a (male) friend of McKinsey who happened to be at the party, the noxious chant was brought to the administration’s attention by Feminists United last November.

Once the school began disciplinary actions against the team earlier this year, its supporters reacted with outrage — and an even bigger wave of harassment against campus feminists, including hundreds of threatening comments made on the anonymous chat app Yik Yak.

There were rape threats and numerous vicious, sexually explicit personal attacks against McKinsey; Mann was also targeted and threatened with rape. One supporter of the team warned that feminists would “burn” if the team was suspended and that “there will be no survivors.” Another threatened that “Dandy’s about to kill a bitch … or two.” When Feminists United reported these threats to the school administration, they were reportedly told that the school could do little about them.

The rugby team was suspended in March. Mann, a prominent member of the group whose activism led to the team’s suspension, was murdered in April. The suspect, a returning student named Steven Vander Briel, was a former member of the rugby team.

And while there is as yet no clear evidence that there is any connection between the suspension of the team and her murder, it is hard not to wonder if she was killed, not for any ironic jokes about misandry, but for challenging the culture of violent misogyny that seems to infect the Fredericksburg, Virginia, campus.

Mann, who was gay, was not involved with Vander Briel, police say; she was assaulted during what was supposed to be a brief stop at her home after returning from a Day of Silence event to raise awareness about bullying and harassment directed against LGBT folks.

In the wake of Mann’s murder, Feminists United, along with the Feminist Majority Foundation, has filed a Title IX complaint with the Department of Education charging the University of Mary Washington with a “systemic failure to protect” members of the group “from a sexually hostile school environment, from sex-based cyber assaults, and from threats of physical and sexual violence.”

At a media event on campus announcing the complaint last Thursday, Frederickburg.com reports,

Attorney [Debra] Katz said the complaint does not allege that the university caused Mann’s death, but that it “failed to act in the face of vicious abuse and ridicule” Mann suffered.

According to Frederickburg.com, Julia Michels, a University of Mary Washington student and one of the complainants in the Title IX complaint, said at the media event that while

she hopes the threats did not have anything to do with Mann’s death … when she heard the news … her thoughts immediately went to the threats.

“I know she had been mentioned by name on Yik Yak, and I know she was scared, as I am,” Michels said. “I know she was angry, as I am. Most of all, I know she was disappointed in her school for failing to protect her, just as I am disappointed at UMW for failing me.”

We will know in time, one can only presume, what motivated Mann’s murderer. But the damage that can be done by the sort of violent misogyny that she and other members of Feminists United were subjected to on the University of Mary Washington campus — and which her friends still face — is already very clear.

“Misandry” is a joke. Misogyny can kill.

NOTE: This discussion thread is a NO TROLLS, NO MRAs, etc thread. If you’re a troll, an MRA or similar and you comment in this thread you will be banned. 

EDIT: I have added a few things to highlight Mann’s LGBT activism.

Subscribe
Notify of
guest

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

243 Comments
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
misseb47
misseb47
5 years ago

That is absolutely disgusting. It is seriously like there are no depths these MRA arseholes go. Yeah, a human rights group my arse! My heart goes out to her family. 🙁

misseb47
misseb47
5 years ago

Sorry, won’t go.

Star Lady
5 years ago

I. Can’t. Even.

What most people said about most of it.

Also:
The university completely blew off the reports of harrassment and violent threats, even though the women sent them 200 examples (Huff Po)
It’s just struck me that this is the flipside of mansplaining.
“Whatever I say, however ignborant, is worth listening to because I’m male.”
vs
“Whatever you say, no matter how important and no matter how much evidence you’ve got, can’t possible be worth taking seriously because you’re female.”

Which partly explains this weird tendency to treat domestic violence like some other, less serious form of violence. By and large, it’s only women complaining, so the powers that be assume that it can’t be serious.
(Yes, I realise there are male victims, but politicians and the media tend to ignore them.)

Jenny (@dontgiveah00t)

@saintluger, I’m assuming that is supposed to be satire? I certainly hope so.

M.
M.
5 years ago

I know this isn’t tagged as being a troll-free thread, but I’m emailing David anyway.

Spindrift
Spindrift
5 years ago

@M.

Good idea, this guy is disturbing.

sunnysombrera
5 years ago

Do it, M.

saintluger, normally I would argue with your comment but your comment is too disgusting and just too fucking wrong to bother with. You do not deserve a chance to express yourself further, and you can freeze peach all the live long day but views like yours are dangerous and people like you NEED to have no voice.

Flying Mouse
Flying Mouse
5 years ago

@M – Thanks! I was about to summon the Dark Lord myself.

Even if saintluger is trying to be sarcastic, it ain’t working.

sunnysombrera
5 years ago

@Jenny
I have 99% certainty that saintluger wasn’t being satirical. I think he would have done without the “women are children” comment at the end if he was.

Christina Nordlander
5 years ago

My thoughts are with Mann’s family and friends. God, this is depressing and vile.

weirwoodtreehugger
5 years ago

He necro’d a thread to give the same shitty rant, pretty much. I don’t think it’s satire.

brooked
brooked
5 years ago

I don’t have time to leave a substantial comment but, whether it’s satire or a troll, I suggest saintlugar’s comment should deleted. Now’s not the time to humor MRA’s moral turpitude and/or deal with their bullshit.

brooked
brooked
5 years ago

*should be deleted.

Johanna Roberts
5 years ago

Wow, @saintlurger, that comment isn’t disturbing and disgusting at all, she said sarcastically. In all seriousness, not the time or the place for satire if it WAS that, if it wasn’t… well… maybe one day you’ll develop enough empathy to join the human race but I’m not holding out much hope.

Lea
Lea
5 years ago

My god. That poor women. This is such a fucked world with such fucked up people in it. I hope her killer never sees the outside of a prison cell ever again.

But, but, but…death threats shouldn’t be taken seriously. They’re just trolling, right? That’s not terrorism, right? MRAs told me so and they would never lie or minimize abuse. /s

If this university is successfully sued Facebook, Twitter and other colleges will have to do something about the terrorism they are allowing to happen.

Lea
Lea
5 years ago

The cops need to keep an eye on Mike Oelke instead of terrorizing black communities.

Hey Oelke,

Fuck you scum. You ain’t scary. What you are is motivating. I’m moving to a capitol city as soon as I can sell my house. (Yes, seriously. We’re gonna liquidate and roll out with the whole fam damnly.) When I get there I will be volunteering for every feminist org that will have me. I don’t think I’m the only feminist who read your obvious MRA wank fodder and said, “Enough”. Years ago I stopped being involved in meatspace activism. It’s time I got back to it. Thanks for the push. You have threats and violence. I have a mind and a voice and I’m going to be using them more and more often. You may want to take cover.

mildlymagnificent
5 years ago

Which partly explains this weird tendency to treat domestic violence like some other, less serious form of violence. By and large, it’s only women complaining, so the powers that be assume that it can’t be serious.

Most importantly, it’s been invisible for so long. This item by a reporter talking about how, despite doing the crime and court reporting, IP/ domestic violence was not often reported.

http://www.abc.net.au/news/2015-05-08/davoren-maintaining-the-veil-of-silence-around-domestic-violence/6455060

Unless the circumstances were extraordinary or the perpetrator, or victim for that matter, was a household name and my editor could argue it was in the public’s interest, much of what I saw and heard was never relayed to our readers.

A triple murder would get the public’s attention. It might even make the front page and sell a few more newspapers, but unless there was a significant twist in the routine man-bashes-wife-for-not-doing-as-she’s-told scenario, the domestic assaults were never going to make it into print. Besides, there were so many of them, if we covered one we would have to cover dozens, and the entire newspaper would simply become a morbid testament to familial and societal dysfunction.

Bina
Bina
5 years ago

Apropos threats and Freeze Peach, there’s a petition in need of signing here:

https://www.change.org/p/facebook-include-threats-of-sexual-violence-and-sexual-harassment-in-reporting-options

And gee, I’m so sorry I missed that idiot troll. /s

Spindrift
Spindrift
5 years ago

@Bina

Petition signed.

Lea
Lea
5 years ago

PussyPowerTantrum, the Lousy Flouncer ,

Right? Oh no! They are threatening to do to me what I am forced to fear everyday. How ever will I deal with a fear that I have lived with since I was 5.

I have generalized anxiety that can turn into deep depression. I took too much stress for too long and part of me snapped. My body thinks nearly everything is a reason to panic. I’ve been like this for a while. It isn’t that it doesn’t hurt. It really, really fucks with me. It can be paralyzing and humiliating. I hate it. But, I’m used to it. I know I can live with pulse pounding, shaking, sweating fear because some days I feel it just for stepping out my door. It hasn’t killed me yet, but my body isn’t always my friend. I’m far more afraid of myself than I could ever be of anyone else. Nobody can hurt me like I already do and that’s just how I live.

MRA terrorists,
*Bane voice*
You think fear is your ally? You merely adopted terror. I was born in it, molded by it.

Shalimar
Shalimar
5 years ago

@PussyPowerTantrum

So this is a LITERAL “men are afraid women will laugh at them; women are afraid men will kill them” situation?

Yeah, Oelke’s post and threats are exactly that.

oknaija
5 years ago

Reblogged this on ok Naija!.

freemage
5 years ago

samantha | May 10, 2015 at 6:45 pm

And yet, while we’ve got a worse chance of being attacked by sharks (one in 11.5 million, according to the University of Florida’s International Shark Attack File) than to be raped (1 in 5) or assaulted by a man (and your chances are higher if you’ve been previously abused), it’s still considered smart to avoid sharks, but silly, “hostile”, and “misandry” to avoid men because of a (perfectly logical, statistically speaking) fear for your own safety.

Well, as we all know, it is not NICE to be frightened of men. After all, they have feelings…they have needs. I wonder how many of us have ignored that little voice inside that tells us to watch out and sends us feelings that we may be in danger. And I wonder how many of us have died, been assaulted or raped as a result. But we are taught to ignore the signals because We. Are. Supposed. To. Be. NICE!!! We are women, we are ladies and everyone else (usually male) matters more. Goddesses above and below, but I hate that four letter word!

And don’t forget, Samantha, if you do happen to be nice to the wrong guy, and get attacked, well, that’s all on you, too. I can confirm that this is the message guys get throughout our lives–that women who were attacked by men in some way should’ve been responsible for preventing it, and it was okay for us to judge them for failing to do so.

How deep is the message? The first time I was told by a friend (in high school) that she’d been raped, I quietly made special headspace that said she was the exception–not like ‘those other girls’. Second time, in college? Same thing. Third time, also in college? I finally figured out that this was how the script fucking goes, and it wasn’t the victim’s fault, ever. The only good thing about the learning process was that I was just evolved enough to not make any comments about whose fault it was–simply offer support and, when one of them did self-blame, assure them that the weight was on the guy, not her.

samantha
5 years ago

because she was a child minded idiot – like the rest of them.
women ARE children their entire lives.
watch them they prove it constantly.

@saintluger
Excuse me?!?!?!? Does the name Nicolae Ceaușescu ring any bells for you? No? Well, allow me to enlighten you. He was the first president of Romania, from the late ’60’s to his overdue death in 1989. You see, he thought about the people of his country the way you and your ilk think about women. He treated his people with contempt and cruelty, like so many of yours treat women. It did not end well for him and his nasty wife.

Now, I do not advocate harming and killing anyone, but there comes a time, historically speaking, when people will simply no longer put up with being treated like so much garbage. Just saying…

teabug
teabug
5 years ago

Can’t express… But I do know perfectly well why we need feminism. MRA’s: there is absolutely NO chicken-and-the-egg situation here.

Flying Mouse
Flying Mouse
5 years ago

@Lea

I don’t think I’m the only feminist who read your obvious MRA wank fodder and said, “Enough”. Years ago I stopped being involved in meatspace activism. It’s time I got back to it. Thanks for the push. You have threats and violence. I have a mind and a voice and I’m going to be using them more and more often. You may want to take cover.

YES.

As soon as I get my little guy in fall pre-K, I’m there with you. The news article mildlymagnificent posted upthread sparked me yesterday, and your call-to-arms has firmed my resolve. There aren’t any feminist organizations down my way, but there are food pantries, a homelessness outreach, the Girl Scouts, and a DV shelter. I’m pretty sure that they could all use some help. I’m going to have a little more time come September. I intend to use it wisely.

HeatherN
5 years ago

Oelke is apparently disturbingly content to prove that Atwood quote true. Like, the whole point of the “men are afraid women will laugh at them, women are afraid men will kill them.” quote is to shock folks so they realize how messed up the situation is.

But here’s Oelke and other MRAs saying, essentially – that the quote is not only accurate, but just and right. They seem to think it absolutely fine that a man respond to being laughed at by a woman by killing her. This shit is so disturbing.

Miles Vorkosigan
5 years ago

Because the constant street harassment, death threats, rape threats, income discrimination, reproductive freedom discrimination, actual assault and the constant need for vigilance against it, lest one be blamed for allowing it to happen–and they’ll ALWAYS find a way to argue that it was her fault—all of that is NO DIFFERENT from the humiliation of being called out on misogynist bullshit, or ridicule involving neckbeards or Fedoras. I mean, clearly the dudes are the true victims here, right?

Be interesting to see the reaction if, one day, a dude-bro with a “funny” “If she won’t give it, take it” shirt walked down the wrong street and threatened the wrong woman–a woman who had learned from experience to be vigilant, who valued herself as a woman, who took threats seriously and who had the means and the will to defend herself. If that woman did not see his shirt, or his “Hey babe, you look lonesome; I think you better come with me” as “ironic” or “socially awkward but well intentioned” or “just an alpha male spraying a little alpha-pee, no real harm meant”–but was instead terrified, and mindful of the many other women who let their guard down just for a moment and ended up dead–and killed him. No savage laughter, no crying eyes except maybe her own–but the dead body was his and not hers.

What do you suppose would happen then? Would anyone opine that “some types of females take violent misogyny badly, with predictable results”?

Bette Hopper
Bette Hopper
5 years ago

This is so horrible.

Speaking out against rape/the foul sexual entitlement and brutality of far too many men = hating men. Got it.

So, does that mean that speaking out against people who torture kittens = hating kitten torturers?

Sadly, there’s really no equivalent, is there? The very specific nature of desiring women/not always being able to have them and wanting to dominate and hurt them because of it yet still desiring them creates a toxic circular turd in the toilet bowl that makes the relationship so many men seem to have to women impervious to reason (and/or flushing). Granted these are misogynist men, but unless I’m missing something, there sure are an awful lot of them.

If you say that you don’t like me expressing/acting on nothing but hate toward you, *you’re* the REAL hater! Not letting me oppress you is oppressing me! Besides, I don’t really hate you, I just want to keep you down and control your body and rape you and pay you less for the same work and objectify, harass and sexualize you 24/7. What’s the problem? You’re all so dramatic with your misogyny this and misogyny that. So illogical!

Truly, it is amazing how the language of the oppressed has been stolen by the oppressors to confuse and gaslight the shit out of everybody. The conservatives are masters at it.

Speak out against patriarchy and they’ll KILL you. If that’s not terrorism I don’t know what is.

But you know what? Women aren’t going to stop speaking out. Not now. Not ever.

Oh, and hey, Mike Oelke, go f*ck yourself.

Alan Robertshaw
Alan Robertshaw
5 years ago

So, does that mean that speaking out against people who torture kittens = hating kitten torturers?

A better analogy might be that speaking out against kitten torturers = all hating cat owners.

It’s illuminating that they assume that calling out rape and sexual entitlement *is* an attack on men generally; as if those actions are an essential facet of what it means to be a man.

Which of course, in their world, it is.

Paradoxical Intention
5 years ago

@Alan: I agree, that’s a far better analogy. One that can be slightly tweaked as needed too: Hating animal abusers = hating all pet owners for example.

It’s illuminating that they assume that calling out rape and sexual entitlement *is* an attack on men generally; as if those actions are an essential facet of what it means to be a man.

And it’s also very sad, and frightening even. The fact that they think they need to subjugate and torture women in order to be a “man” is patriarchy incarnate.

weirwoodtreehugger
5 years ago

Somewhat related, reactionary oppressed white dudes are having a huge meltdown because a black woman college professor called white men the problem population on twitter. http://jezebel.com/black-professor-saida-grundy-criticized-for-tweets-on-w-1703719773

Bette Hopper
Bette Hopper
5 years ago

@ Alan Robertshaw:

Yes, I was struggling with the analogy. I knew something about it wasn’t right but that’s what I get for trying to logik when it comes to anti-feminists.

It’s illuminating but it’s very frustrating — the “man-hating” thing. It’s been twisted that way for so long. It’s really evo-psych* though, isn’t it, the “I can’t help but rape you and see you solely sexually,” blah blah blah? In their minds they “can’t help it,” because they are “hardwired” that way, so not liking it is hate of what they “naturally” are.

Remember those “Stop demonizing male sexuality” posters that some of these numbnuts were carrying at the numbnut conference? Hate to break to you buddy numbnuts, but when your “sexuality” hurts women, I have no qualms demonizing the shit out of it. It’s a fabulous system of justification they’ve got going on though, no? No socially created masculinity napalm going on here. It’s natural!

Never mind that it’s very, very “natural” to not enjoy being seen as a fuckbot 24/7, being raped, or told what to do with one’s own uterus.

*New name for “natural order,” same old shit.

M.
M.
5 years ago

What do you suppose would happen then? Would anyone opine that “some types of females take violent misogyny badly, with predictable results”?

Feminism would immediately be classified as an ISIS-level terrorist group, because one dead man equals a thousand dead women. … God, I wish I was being facetious there.

Bina
Bina
5 years ago

I’m pretty sure that this is germane to the discussion, no?

http://exgynocraticgrrl.tumblr.com/post/118669854859/theprettyfeminist-for-the-people-asking-for

Hard evidence of the climate of hostility faced by Grace Mann and other feminists, specifically from the rugby team. Of which her killer was once a member.

But noooooooo, women fearing/denouncing these guys are the REAL baddies, right?

Policy of Madness
Policy of Madness
5 years ago

But look at what you’re doing here. What it looks like is a bunch of people on the team or connected to it were rightfully offended that they were being accused of predation and criminality because of a stupid song so they were sounding off about it on Yik Yak. One of the messages called FUC a “hate group,” and I’m inclined to agree, unless you can’t see that bigotry functions by demonization and hating groups who make us feel afraid.

Thanks so much for the concern trolling. That’s exactly what this situation needed. Good to know that someone is always willing to step in and say what needs to be said: that women shouldn’t care that men feel free to murder them, because men’s feelings are so much more important than women’s lives.

M.
M.
5 years ago

It’s more likely that it was an attempt to make fun of the absurdity of assuming that the rugby team were rapists for singing a traditional chant with dirty lyrics.

… THE CHANT WAS LITERALLY ABOUT RAPING A DEAD WOMAN, YOU DUMB FUCK.

Go eat a bucket of Legos and wash it down with a gallon of Ex-Lax.

Policy of Madness
Policy of Madness
5 years ago

Uh, I don’t get it. Did you establish that their sexuality hurts women? Doesn’t the fact that you assume that it does prove their point, so wouldn’t they be right to remind you not to demonize their sexuality?

You’re partially right: you don’t get it. So why don’t you shut the fuck up and stop trolling this of all threads? Bette Hopper is discussing established patterns of behavior that are so well documented someone would have to be willfully obtuse to not know anything about them. Obviously that level of discourse is far above your head, and dragging it down to your level is not wanted.

Policy of Madness
Policy of Madness
5 years ago

First of all, reminding people not to form a lynch mob is not “concern trolling,” it’s called human decency and common sense.

It’s fucking concern trolling. A bunch of people on a blog’s comment board mourning a murdered woman and processing their fear and anguish about this situation is not a “lynch mob.” The term “lynch mob” has a meaning, a meaning that is inextricably racial in nature, so good job on being racially insensitive as well.

Take your shit someone else, I am in no mood and frankly I’m about to email the mods on your ass.

Myriad
Myriad
5 years ago

Hey Divided Line. Just some friendly advice-you should probably stop typing because you don’t know WTF you are talking about. I fully endorse POM and M said to you.

Fibinachi
5 years ago

Also – that’s two seperate issues. The evo psych idea and those signs are only connected by the idea that if the person holding was actually hurting someone with his sexuality that would be stupid and he should stop.

And the only way someone would think he might be hurting someone with his sexuality would be if, oh, say, random example, he participated in a conference run by a group that frequently uses:” don’t teach pedestrians to watch themselves! Teach busses not to run people over!” as their argument against teaching men not to rape.

Sooo, facts being as they are, its okay to demonize shit that hurts people, you don’t get the facts at hand and I’d suggest reading more before going of on a crusade of righteous indignation at someone’s words.

Banana Jackie Cake, the Best Jackie and Cake! Yum! (^v^)
Banana Jackie Cake, the Best Jackie and Cake! Yum! (^v^)
5 years ago
Policy of Madness
Policy of Madness
5 years ago

Ok, you realize those chants are common and they are old? Do you understand that the point of the chant is to be offensive and ridiculous?

Right, right, so misogyny being ancient and super-common makes it totes okay and nobody should care.

I’ve sent an email, because this is bullshit and this is the wrong thread for your bullshit.

M.
M.
5 years ago

Mods are on their way.

Oh noes! Censorship! Freeze peach! Blah blah etcetera.

M.
M.
5 years ago

Oops – email ninja’d. Guess they’ll have two, then. =P

Policy of Madness
Policy of Madness
5 years ago

I think it’s pretty obvious that I’m legitimately trying to have a debate with you.

I am usually okay with having Feminism 101 discussions, but this isn’t even 101 level. This is remedial Feminism 089 level. You’re additionally being confrontational and antagonistic, and because you’re completely ignorant of what, for instance, Bette Hopper was talking about, you therefore assume that what she’s talking about didn’t happen and isn’t a thing. You’re not only ignorant, you’re not only unwilling to learn, you’re being aggressively wrong.

I’m not wasting time on a fucking concern troll, except to tell you, again, that this is not the thread for you.

Johanna Roberts
5 years ago

@DL – because you ARE trolling. Overly wordy, piss poor, what about the men’s fee-fees concern trolling.

Policy of Madness
Policy of Madness
5 years ago

I’m literally laughing that “think of the men’s precious feelings” is being billed as “nuance.”