We Hunted the Mammoth is now seeking “money” to ostensibly pay for “legal advice” in order to spite the Honey Badger Brigade and hold them accountable for annoying me by raising more than $20,000 — no really — to finance a completely ridiculous lawsuit that I will bet a million imaginary dollars will never actually be filed against the Calgary Expo for tossing them out.
On April 30th 2015, sometime after 3:37 AM, I saw a Tweet (hereafter known as “the Tweet”) noting that the Honey Badgers had raised more than $20,000 so far from some very, very gullible people, up from $14,000 only a few days ago, and this made me wonder how I could get my own hands on a similarly enormous pile of sweet sweet cash for no good reason. After “consultation” with a number of “legal” “experts” I have decided to pursue “legal action” myself.
I feel, based on no recognized legal principle that I am aware of, that the Honey Badger Brigade has somehow violated my rights by raising so much money and I demand recompense forthwith, ipso facto lorem ipsum.
With the help of “legal counsel” I will be “filing” a “lawsuit” to compel the Honey Badgers to give the entire amount they have raised to me.
All funds submitted to this fundraiser will be used for “legal costs” and/or costs directly related to me wanting to “spend money” on “stuff.”
At this time I am unsure what my total expenses will be as I pursue “legal action” by which I mean possibly making a video or videos of an animated cat wearing a bow tie and giving a press conference spelling out why I find the Honey Badgers so annoying and why this means they owe me tens of thousands of dollars.
As per stuff I just made up in my head, a preliminary cost estimate for taking “legal action” is $40k, which would cover the cost of such a video ($0) plus “expenses” for “stuff.”
If anyone is willing to donate the entire $40,000, you can have one of my cats. (Not really, but I’ll give you the name of the shelter I got mine at.)
Seriously, feel free to donate FOR JUSTICE. I will post a running tab of the total here, and will also provide frequent updates on Twitter assuming some of you actually send me money for this. Please specify that your donation is intended “to spite the Honey Badgers.”
RAISED SO FAR: $340.05, an internet cat monocle, and a picture of monopoly money.
UPDATE 5/1/15: The total is now $480.31, just $39,529 short of the goal! THANKS!!!
NOTE: If you would prefer to donate money to charity to spite the Honey Badgers, please post the amount you have donated in the comments below and I will keep a running tab of that as well.
Thank you.
And if there are any Honey Badgers reading this now, be warned: you will be “hearing” from my “lawyers” soon.
Hilarious! Especially “ipso facto lorem ipsum.” I made a donation to you and your “legal team”.
I wonder, David, is your attorney also with Peepaws, Peepaws, & Goldstein? 🙂
do you think if I donate negative monies to the Honey Badgers I will then have money to donate to WHTM?
Inquiring dykes want to know…
Dear Honey Badger Brigade,
I will sue you on the grounds that you do not get to appropriate awesome animals. Have none of your legal aids determined that you blatantly broke the contract and thus got fairly evicted?
-The Ferret offices & Co.
Res ipsa loquitur — illegitimi non carborundum
Using humor on a group of people who have had their sense of humor surgically excised always seems a bit unfair — but boy is it fun.
The money’s actually going towards Temptations and cat litter, isn’t it?
I do.
Scamming people is bad and people who do it should feel bad. And be prosecuted when possible.
That being said, If it’s gonna happen without consequences anyway, I can’t think of a more deserving group for it to happen to. I mean, it’s not like they’re going to spend a dime on anything that would actually help someone else, anyway.
My cat would surely be an asset to the legal team. After all, his name is Darrow! He will accept payment in the form of Tuna or Gritty Kitty litter.
I am “happy” to send you “money” for this appeal.
My own cats are expert negotiators, they’ve already gotten me to buy them a catgenie.
@trae dorn
“The whole damned thing is amazing – they literally signed an exhibitor agreement that said they could be kicked out of the event without cause by the Con staff ”
how do you know? where can i see proof of this?
Thank you generous fighters for “freedom” and “justice!” So far I have raised $340.05, an internet cat monocle, and a picture of monopoly money, which is approximately $340.05, an internet cat monocle, and a picture of monopoly money more than anticipated! Only 39,659.95 to go!
@venny – If you have to sign an exhibitor’s agreement to get a stall, and they had a stall…uh..you do the math
Marinerachel, yes. One of my “attorneys” is quite fond of Temptations, and both love to poop!
Looks like venny’s upset he threw money at the HBB before realising the basis of their claim is a crock o’ shit.
It’s good to research these matters prior to investing in an effort!
Joking aside, I’m sorry you were both laid off! 🙁 Here’s hopes for better jobs quick. And 20 thousand imaginary internet dollars’ worth of hugs. * <3 *
venny wrote:
All attendees and exhibitors agree to abide by the convention rules and policies: http://www.calgaryexpo.com/faqs/
And, if you pick through them, you’ll find that people can have their badges to the event revoked by “authorized staff without compensation for whatever reason deemed fit.”
Just because you don’t read the fine print, doesn’t mean it doesn’t apply.
So, yeah, agreeing to all this was pretty dumb if they’re trying to sue for unlawful expulsion.
“The Exhibitor agrees to protect, keep, and save the CCEE, the promoter of the event, forever harmless from any damage(s) or charge (s) imposed for violations of any ordinance or regulation by the Exhibitor, his/her employees or agents, as well as failure to comply with the terms and agreements of this contract. Further, Exhibitors shall at all times protect, indemnify, save, and keep harmless CCEE against and from any loss, cost, damage, liability, or expense which arises out of or from or by reason of any act or omission of the Exhibitor, his/her employees, or agents.”
“The CCEE shall have the full power in the interpretation and enforcement of all contract regulations contained herein, and the power to make such amendments thereto, and such further rules and regulations as shall be considered necessary and proper,”
“The Comic & Entertainment Expo Committee reserves the right to remove any person(s) who does not comply with the rules and regulations outlined in the Exhibitor Agreement, and the policies and procedures outlined on the website. No refund shall be given to exhibitors who are removed from the show.”
That “CCEE shall have the full power in the interpretation and enforcement of all contract regulations contained herein” bit is damning.
I would like to also sue the Honey Badgers for appropriating my Hogwarts house’s mascot to do Nefarious Things with.
Hufflepuffs do not approve of their shenanigans. Neither do actual, live Honey Badgers.
Oh geez, venny’s back demanding proof that his adored Honey Badgers broke any of the Expo’s rules again.
venny, we’ve been over this.
I was watching Love Nature the other day and there was a piece on wildlife babies and a honey badger baby was featured. It was harassing some zebras who were giving it fuck off looks. The mom honey badger came to scoop it up, basically telling the baby to stop being a stupid shit and come with her but before leaving, she lunged and snarled at the zebras. When she did it they jumped back.
Side note, but I bought raspberry jam a while back and I’ve been trying to figure out what to put it on ever since. Finally cracked and am now eating chocolate frozen yogurt with raspberry jam. It’s ok but not fantastic.
Hufflepuffs? That reminds me. Somewhere or other I have a half-finished Gryffindor scarf that I was knitting for himself (a fair while ago now. No idea where it is.)
When I find it, I could donate that to the kitty kumforts kollektion. So that’s a pledge rather than a donation.
venny brings up the intriguing but unlikely possibility that maybe the HBB simply took over a table at the Expo without filling out the proper paperwork, meaning they were there without authorization from the start. Not exactly the slam-dunk argument you were hoping for, huh venny? In any case I doubt it, because the staff never mentioned it.
Thanks for all the many hugs! Between severance, EI, and savings, we’re in good shape. It’s just hard to read that number. $20,000 is more than what some people make in a year.
Last night I had a bowl of vanilla Ice cream that I put a big scoop of peanut butter and a bit of chocolate sauce on.
It’s not bad, but it’s still so good. ; u ;