We Hunted the Mammoth is now seeking “money” to ostensibly pay for “legal advice” in order to spite the Honey Badger Brigade and hold them accountable for annoying me by raising more than $20,000 — no really — to finance a completely ridiculous lawsuit that I will bet a million imaginary dollars will never actually be filed against the Calgary Expo for tossing them out.
On April 30th 2015, sometime after 3:37 AM, I saw a Tweet (hereafter known as “the Tweet”) noting that the Honey Badgers had raised more than $20,000 so far from some very, very gullible people, up from $14,000 only a few days ago, and this made me wonder how I could get my own hands on a similarly enormous pile of sweet sweet cash for no good reason. After “consultation” with a number of “legal” “experts” I have decided to pursue “legal action” myself.
I feel, based on no recognized legal principle that I am aware of, that the Honey Badger Brigade has somehow violated my rights by raising so much money and I demand recompense forthwith, ipso facto lorem ipsum.
With the help of “legal counsel” I will be “filing” a “lawsuit” to compel the Honey Badgers to give the entire amount they have raised to me.
All funds submitted to this fundraiser will be used for “legal costs” and/or costs directly related to me wanting to “spend money” on “stuff.”
At this time I am unsure what my total expenses will be as I pursue “legal action” by which I mean possibly making a video or videos of an animated cat wearing a bow tie and giving a press conference spelling out why I find the Honey Badgers so annoying and why this means they owe me tens of thousands of dollars.
As per stuff I just made up in my head, a preliminary cost estimate for taking “legal action” is $40k, which would cover the cost of such a video ($0) plus “expenses” for “stuff.”
If anyone is willing to donate the entire $40,000, you can have one of my cats. (Not really, but I’ll give you the name of the shelter I got mine at.)
Seriously, feel free to donate FOR JUSTICE. I will post a running tab of the total here, and will also provide frequent updates on Twitter assuming some of you actually send me money for this. Please specify that your donation is intended “to spite the Honey Badgers.”
RAISED SO FAR: $340.05, an internet cat monocle, and a picture of monopoly money.
UPDATE 5/1/15: The total is now $480.31, just $39,529 short of the goal! THANKS!!!
NOTE: If you would prefer to donate money to charity to spite the Honey Badgers, please post the amount you have donated in the comments below and I will keep a running tab of that as well.
Thank you.
And if there are any Honey Badgers reading this now, be warned: you will be “hearing” from my “lawyers” soon.
While I can’t donate real dollars, here, have this internet monocle to put on your cat. *offers*
$20,000 US Jesus Christ who are all of these donators and how can I get them to pay into the “Viscaria and Boyfriend were Both Laid Off Last Wednesday” fund? Do I have to hate women?
@viscaria – you could always pretend to hate women and raise the money that way. These people will pay into anything if you can somehow spin it into hurting women.
This is the first thing I’ve donated cash money to in a long time. Well done.
Maybe you could get the kid that cosplayed as a lawyer for the supreme court in the anti gay case to work for you.
He looks and sounds like a complete nit so you can probably get him to read off anything that you want.
Heck, replace the latin with High Elvish and that manchild probably wouldn’t even notice.
The best part is that he was so incompetent that he probably wouldn’t even notice if you paid him in Manboobfunbucks.
@Johanna theres a joke in a comic about a school for super hero kids that they get funding for feild trips to the moon by submitting it to a hero hating senator as ‘shooting metahumans into space’
If you think about it.In a unscrupulous way.the smart move would be to “donate” their own money to themselves just to inflate the numbers and generate buzz. Wonder If they ever did that. Sees like something they would do..this whole expo trip feels like theater.
I have negative monies, but this is the best fundraising pitch I’ve ever seen.
The Honey Badger total is “pledges”. Have they actually taken a dollar from anyone yet?
I pitched in, lol. Fight annoyance with annoyance!
Oh good question..making this look like a massive success benefits them..and if it’s pledges, not hard cash sent before counted. I would again be surprised if they didn’t manipulate this PR stunt.
Please use my donation as a “filing fee”.
The whole damned thing is amazing – they literally signed an exhibitor agreement that said they could be kicked out of the event without cause by the Con staff (which is pretty standard – as conventions want to legally protect themselves from THIS EXACT THING).
If it ever went to court, it would get tossed out immediately.
Which is why I stand by the position that the whole HB fundraiser is a scam… and I don’t know what I think about MRAs scamming other MRAs.
LOL! David that was some comedy gold right there. Does that work for a donation? 😉
Welp, I’m all in.
I have sold my house
http://vignette1.wikia.nocookie.net/monopoly/images/4/4b/Monopoly1-_house.jpg/revision/latest?cb=20061224003237
and am donating the proceeds to David.
https://encrypted-tbn3.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcTcE6-FuzQQmQldhsReKhIEcdLol3yMhqQOC5SvWXRNYRiIEFLhIQ
But the title is still mine. No way am I selling him St. Charles’ Place.
@Viscaria: That sucks that you both got laid off. I’m crossing my fingers that you find something, fast!
@WindRider: PS238?
Cuss you, embedding mammoth!
Eeeee, I wrote a letter at work and my boss said it was very good!
@Viscaria
Oh damn. I’m sorry you both got laid off. I second what Falconer said.
I think the only thing standing in the way of this scammy fundraiser is AVFM’s “we need tens of thousands of dollars for security, even though you can hire an off-duty police officer for eight hours for $200” fundraiser. That one was so obviously, transparently a scam, and as far as I’m aware no accounting of what happened to the money was ever provided to donors. That experience might have warned some of them that they shouldn’t just fork over funds without any kind of accountability.
Neither do I.
Thanks Falconer and Myriad. It’s a shit time for sure, but we will make it through.
ESPECIALLY if you all donate to Boyfriend’s legal fund to sue our previous employer! Sure, technically he has signed away the right to make any legal challenges, but the HR professional who gave him his package was a LADY WOMAN (aren’t they all amirite stupid made up girl jobs) who tricked him with her wiles.
For my part, I will be immediately seeking work in the coal mining field, because it’s not right that men do all the dangerous jobs.
Kitty lawyers are adorable. There’s one working for Feminist Frequency. Ethics in kitty hiring?
Trick question: Kitty hiring is always ethical. :3
This post is a thing of beauty.
Viscaria: That really sucks. Hugs.
Oops, I just made a donation but forgot to specify it was “to spite the Honey Badgers”: from upstate NY about 5 minutes ago, if that helps you identify it.
Sure it’s cash you want or Fancy Feast for your ‘legal team.” 🙂