We Hunted the Mammoth is now seeking “money” to ostensibly pay for “legal advice” in order to spite the Honey Badger Brigade and hold them accountable for annoying me by raising more than $20,000 — no really — to finance a completely ridiculous lawsuit that I will bet a million imaginary dollars will never actually be filed against the Calgary Expo for tossing them out.
On April 30th 2015, sometime after 3:37 AM, I saw a Tweet (hereafter known as “the Tweet”) noting that the Honey Badgers had raised more than $20,000 so far from some very, very gullible people, up from $14,000 only a few days ago, and this made me wonder how I could get my own hands on a similarly enormous pile of sweet sweet cash for no good reason. After “consultation” with a number of “legal” “experts” I have decided to pursue “legal action” myself.
I feel, based on no recognized legal principle that I am aware of, that the Honey Badger Brigade has somehow violated my rights by raising so much money and I demand recompense forthwith, ipso facto lorem ipsum.
With the help of “legal counsel” I will be “filing” a “lawsuit” to compel the Honey Badgers to give the entire amount they have raised to me.
All funds submitted to this fundraiser will be used for “legal costs” and/or costs directly related to me wanting to “spend money” on “stuff.”
At this time I am unsure what my total expenses will be as I pursue “legal action” by which I mean possibly making a video or videos of an animated cat wearing a bow tie and giving a press conference spelling out why I find the Honey Badgers so annoying and why this means they owe me tens of thousands of dollars.
As per stuff I just made up in my head, a preliminary cost estimate for taking “legal action” is $40k, which would cover the cost of such a video ($0) plus “expenses” for “stuff.”
If anyone is willing to donate the entire $40,000, you can have one of my cats. (Not really, but I’ll give you the name of the shelter I got mine at.)
Seriously, feel free to donate FOR JUSTICE. I will post a running tab of the total here, and will also provide frequent updates on Twitter assuming some of you actually send me money for this. Please specify that your donation is intended “to spite the Honey Badgers.”
RAISED SO FAR: $340.05, an internet cat monocle, and a picture of monopoly money.
UPDATE 5/1/15: The total is now $480.31, just $39,529 short of the goal! THANKS!!!
NOTE: If you would prefer to donate money to charity to spite the Honey Badgers, please post the amount you have donated in the comments below and I will keep a running tab of that as well.
Thank you.
And if there are any Honey Badgers reading this now, be warned: you will be “hearing” from my “lawyers” soon.
A few words on the wisdom of entrusting a school’s admissions policy, to a hat…..
Aw, c’mon now…that’s mean.
We Hufflepuffs are just more accepting and loving of everyone. We don’t have standards for you to have. We just accept you for who you are, whoever or whatever that may be!
You don’t need to be the most brave, or the most cunning, or the most intelligent, we Hufflepuffs love you just the way you are! You want to be a baker? Fuck yeah, friend, you bake those fucking cookies! You want to be a gardener? Hells yeah! You plant those magical flowers! You want to play Quidditch? Well sign me right the fuck up for the cheer-leading squad! You want to work for the Ministry of Magic? Here’s a good luck charm for your OWLs, because I know you need high scores and you can do it! You want to do something else? We will love and support the shit out of you!
When we’re housemates or friends or family or loved ones with someone, we’re the most loyal motherfuckers on the goddamned planet. We ride together, we die together. A’int no body fuckin’ with our clique. Hufflepuff means family, and family means we kick ass together and look fucking fab doing it.
And we may be excellent finders, but even I, a Hufflepuff going on over a decade now, can’t find a single fuck to give for the HuffleHaters.
My theory is that behind the scenes the Huffelpuffers have been secretly manipulating *everything* in the HP universe. They get Gryffindor and Slytherin to take each other out then they just pick up the pieces using Ravenclaw for muscle.
It’s the perfect scheme; who’d suspect them until it’s too late!
@Davidgerard
It saddens me to see Nick ‘The Honey Badger’ Cummins somehow related to these horrible ladies (and dudes.) Cummins expresses his ‘don’t give a shit’ by doing things like posing in speedos to help raise money for a charity to set up sustainable agriculture in rural Zimbabwe. And by giving up the chance to represent his country so he can earn more money to support the multiple members of his family who have severe cystic fibrosis.
Basically Nick Cummins deserves the moniker of Honey Badger and them others do not.
Also I donated $3 to the Red Cross to help in Nepal, and also to help this legal fund.
I will donate $0.59 USD to this honey badger spite fund, because 59 a prime number and I just happen to have 59 cents of loose change in my wallet.
That might be enough to print off a couple pages of legal documentation/pokémon fanfiction, or maybe pay for a stick of gum, extra onions on a sandwich, or a brightly-colored sticker that says something in a fancy font, like “#YOLO”, “¿tienés un pajaro?” or “STUD MACHINE!!!”.
“@venny – If you have to sign an exhibitor’s agreement to get a stall, and they had a stall…uh..you do the math”
i meant where can i see proof that it said that in the contract
As spite is a powerful motivator, I’ve decided to make a donation to the Spite the Money Badgers fund. The amount was in proportion to the paycheck I got today. (Hint: starts with m, ends with eager.) I promise to send more when Paypal starts to accept gold pressed latinum.
I, as many preceding commenters, also find that it is high time to admit feline lawyers to the bar. It is only the logical next step after the well-precedented practice of calling animals to testify:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/02/19/police-dog-witness-statement-uk_n_2717815.html
Venny apparently didn’t read MY post which linked directly to Calgary Expo’s policy page.
But hey – it’s a fascinating technique to just ignore direct evidence and claim no one’s presented any.
Whoo!!! The total is now up to $480.31, just $39,529 short of the goal!
But seriously, thanks, and thanks to those who donated to charity!
This whole thing was a spur-of-the-moment joke, but actually I’m making some changes to the blog (nothing to do with the content) that are going to cost some actual money, and this will cover a good chunk of the costs!
Also, it seems to be annoying at least a couple of gamergaters, so there’s that.
@ space garbage
I *love* that police dog!
@Banana Jackie Cake
I also always end up in Slytherin somehow.
I saw it explained somewhere that the Houses could be described by two factors, one between philosophical and practical and the other between rule-following and rule-breaking.
So Gryffindor is the “practical, rule-breaking”
Hufflepuff is “practical, rule-following”
Ravenclaw is “philosophical, rule-following”
and Slytherin is “philosophical, rule-breaking”
I’ve also seen it “individual-centered” vs. “community centered” and “intellectual” vs. “active” which breaks down more like
Gryffindor is “individual, active”
Hufflepuff is “community, active”
Ravenclaw is “individual, intellectual”
and Slytherin is “community, intellectual”
Which explains the Gryffindor-Slytherin rivalry less about “good’ wizards vs. “bad” wizards than it is about cultural mismatch.
Venny, we’ve linked you to the rules and contracts pages of the Expo’s website multiple times on multiple threads now. We’re not going to keep doing your fact-checking. We’re not going to keep pointing out the specific clauses they broke, like I did for you a couple of times in the first HB Expo thread.
You’re acting like a goddamned toddler who keeps asking “Why?” every time someone explains something to you. The only difference is I understand that toddlers don’t have the same capacity for understanding that I, an adult, has. You are an adult. Fucking act like it.
Either Google it or go the fuck elsewhere with your JAQing off if you’re not even going to bother to read people’s responses or click links that people have provided you.
@maistrechat
Huh. That’s very interesting. Kinda explains some things about the characters, too.
If you ever remember where you read that from, can I get a link please?
This is pretty off topic, but Natalie Allman in the UK is trying to fight an absurdly misogynistic ruling that is forcing her to keep her abuser (John Hughes) in her life (and that of her children) . If anyone here can donate to her go fund me or help publicize it, that would be awesome. If you look up her story, be aware it is brutal and ugly. All the trigger warnings.
Sorry, David. I hope this is ok
@ Skye
That does make pretty grim reading. I actually posted something about Section 8 orders ages ago. Not in relation to this case specifically but generally. The post was to highlight this sort of situation though as a response to someone claiming that family courts were always biased towards women.
Please accept my “donation” of “eleventeen thousand million hundred dollars.”
Also, I for-serious donated $20 to the WWF. I dedicate that to your “cause.”