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In creepy Reddit megathread, thousands of women recount the first time they were perved on by a grown man

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So there’s a giant, growing, and extremely creepy megathread up on Reddit at the moment, and for once, the creepiness isn’t coming from inside the Reddit. Well, less of the creepiness is coming from Reddit than you might expect.

Yesterday, you see, a Redditor known as BA_Baracus posted a couple of simple questions to AskReddit: Women of Reddit, when did you first notice that men were looking at you in a sexual way? How old were you and how did it make you feel?

This wasn’t the first time he’d posted a question to his fellow Redditors; he’s posted a bunch, including “People of reddit with eyes that point in different directions, which one of them is usually looking at me?” and, er, “Recent rape victims of Reddit, how did it happen, and what the hell were you doing in India?” None of these questions got much of a response.

But this time, well, thousands of “women of Reddit” stepped forward to tell the horrifying yet in most cases completely unsurprising stories of the first time men started perving on them, in many cases before they were even teenagers.

Here’s a sampling of some of their stories. TRIGGER WARNING for extreme fucking creepiness.

Age 8, followed to a department store changing room

intoon 130 points 1 day ago  Holy shit, this thread is depressing, but (sadly,) makes me feel like I'm not alone. I was 8, had wandered away from my mom at Kmart. A creepy 40 something white guy in construction attire stared at my chest and butt, and followed me all around the store. I even went into the changing room to get away from him (stupid idea I know, but c'mon, I was 8!) he FOLLOWED ME INTO THE CHANGING ROOM. Tried to pull and shake the locked stall door open that I was hiding behind. I sat, curled into a ball on the changing seat, staring at his dirty work boots just on the other side of that door, terrified. Thank god a woman walked in to try on some clothes, saw him, and screamed at him to get out. After he had left, I ran out and found my Mom. I will never forget how frightened I was. I had no idea what he wanted with me, but the way he stared and his aggression trying to pull that changing room door open made me feel so sick and ashamed of my body and I wondered what I had done to make him come after me. I'm so crazy over protective with my kids and I'm sure some of it stems from that incident. I have to fight my anxiety anytime I take them to a park, or museum or even family gathering. They are always within my sight.

Age 8, molested by a landlord

DevilNTheDeepBlueSea 86 points 1 day ago  I was 8 when a landlord in Germany put his hands down my pants while I was feeding a rabbit he gave me. I ran away, he butchered the bunny that afternoon. I was 11 when a relative of my mother's husband (in his mid-thirties) tried to French kiss me. I told my mother & she found that "hard to believe". I was 16 and almost raped by 2 older guys (mid 20s) in a parking lot in Hawaii (daylight), until a construction worker walked up to stop it. At 17 I worked for a mobile equine vet who once called me in to his office where he was masturbating. I quite that job & caught hell from parents for being fickle. At 18 I was fired from a job for not giving head to a manager, embarrassed (AGAIN), I lied to friends/family about something stupid that I did to cause the job loss. I was 20 when a friend of my aunt offered me a ride home, he tried to rape me, that turned into a fist fight with him leaving mad & calling me crazy. At 26 a small animal veterinarian (50s) tried to corner/fondle me & 2 other assistants regularly. My husband thought women exaggerate these types of things, that it's rare. We're divorced. Should I continue? No, I did not dress provocative or act "flirty". And I don't think it matters if you're beautiful or just a girl. Or how old or experienced. It's insulting, shameful, & almost always very hurtful.

Age 12, at a bus stop

Cuddlebunz 208 points 1 day ago  I remember the first time pretty clearly. I was a mix of scared/angry/confused and I was only twelve years old. I was waiting at a bus stop alone, when a guy who was probably in his late twenties/early thirties came riding past on his bike. He slowed right down and whistled at me. When I ignored him, he turned on his bike and slowly rode right past me. I remember being pretty freaked out at how he leered at me. Twelve year old me had no idea what to do. He turned around and rode by again. Luckily a woman showed up to the same stop so I moved to stand near her. He finally rode off when he saw I wasn't by myself anymore (or maybe was bored I wasn't responding?) It was fucked up. Some men can be so disgusting.

11 or 12, walking to and from school

mermaids_singing 856 points 1 day ago  11 or 12. I remember walking to and from school (6th grade in the US) and having guys yell stuff out of cars. A couple times I had to hide out in a local coffee shop on the route home because I was getting harassed. Once because a carful of maybe late teens/early 20's dudes kept circling the block and asking me to ride with them and once because some older dude was walking the same way and kept talking about my tits and ass. I was 12 and had no idea how to deal with this so I started wearing baggy boy clothes....it lessened but didn't stop. I spent years working htrough my issues over this.

Age 12, waiting for carryout

WinstonScott 1052 points 1 day ago  When I was 12, my mom and I were at a small, carry-out only restaurant waiting for our order to be ready. This older guy, who looked like he was about 20 came in. He just stared at me, open-mouthed. I had to walk past him to fill my drink, and he said, "Hey baby. Give me some of that T & A." I didn't even know what T & A was! He even positioned himself so I would have to walk past him again when we left the restaurant, and he made another comment where he called me "Princess." Anyway, when we got in the car, I just broke down crying. I was so ashamed. My mom had had no idea that any of that had just occurred, and I told her that I didn't know what I had done wrong. I thought for sure I must have looked him at or done something to make him think that it was OK to talk and look at me like that. My mom assured me that it was nothing that I had done, and I that now that I was developing, things like that were going to happen a lot more frequently. If I had been older, the whole incident would have been fairly innocuous. But I was only 12 (and I definitely looked very young even though I had boobs and hips) so it was mildly traumatizing. What I find so disturbing now that I'm an adult, is how frequently, older, grown men would look and make sexual comments at me from the ages of 12-17. Like I said before, I looked very young, and I didn't dress provocatively. There's no way they could have mistaken me for 18+.

Age 11, creepy step-grandfather

vodka_titties 1579 points 1 day ago  I was 11. I had started to grow my boobs, and my step grandfather cornered me in my parents room one day. He stuck his tongue in my mouth and grabbed my boobs. I didn't know what to do so I pushed him away a little, said "abuelito did you want a hug?", and hugged him. Ughhh. I was scared I was going to get in trouble and that my parents would think I was making it up. They believed me, but just told me to avoid him for the rest of his stay.

Age 12, creepy step-uncle

BattleReady 2658 points 1 day ago  I was 12. I remember I was doing yard work for a step-uncle when he would constantly casually make "Huh" sounds and stand directly behind me when I would pull weeds. Suspicions were confirmed when he took me to lunch at the mall and offered to buy me tiny dresses and low cut shirts. I stopped associating with my step family after that as that's all they ever did.

Age 10, wearing a Lion King backpack and light-up shoes

lionking

Age 12, creepy cell phone salesman

Serae 3700 points 1 day ago  This...1999 or 2000? I was 12 and my mom was getting me a cell phone. This was before cell phone were as common for kids to have. I came home with my cellphone and got my first call. It was the young guy who set us up with the phone and the plan. He called to tell me that he thought I was hot and that he has my number since he set me up with my phone. I just small talked him, being overly nice as I wasn't really sure what to do. My mom noticed me on the phone and asked who I would even be calling (the phone as basically to call her and only her). I told her that the guy that sold us the phone was trying to get a date with me. She grabbed the phone and yelled into it, "She's 10 years old and you should be ashamed! If you ever call again I'll go to the police." He got off the phone quickly. I looked at my mom and said, "But...I'm 12?" "He needs to feel the additional shame of being a pig." And that was the moment I first noticed that someone was looking at me in a sexual way. My mother ended up going to the store and getting the guy fired. Apparently this wasn't the first time he'd used his job to get numbers of women to call. This time he got fired. That was also the year other things occurred, but this was the first.

Age 11, walking home from the beach

ALighterShadeOfPale 3919 points 1 day ago  Around age 11, myself and my cousin (she was also 11) were walking from the beach to the cottage (in shorts and t shirts). A car with three men began driving slowly next to us, asking for directions and for us to get in to show them where some campground was. We went into a convenience store and used their phone to call our grandmother to come get us. (Pre cellphones). The men were parked in the parking lot and followed our car to the cottage, which was set back from the road, had to go through trees and such to get to it. They parked out on the road by the entrance. My uncle (cousin's father) was told they were parked there and went out with his shot gun to ask if there was any problems. They didn't stick around. From that point on I became more aware of the yelling out car windows, the stares, the requests to get into vehicles (seriously, guys, does this ever work?)

Age 12, in Blockbuster (with bonus Reddit creepiness)

Flowsephine 4673 points 1 day ago*  I remember being in Blockbuster when I was 12 and having a man comment on my ass loud enough that multiple people turned around to glare at him. When my shocked mother informed him of my age he turned bright red and left the store. Edit: I can save a lot of you a lot of time and tell you that I HAVE NOT posted in /r/gonewild. The most you'll find in my post history is a very cute dog. Edit 2: As requested, here's the dog. 75% Australian Shepherd and 25% Heeler. I'm so glad he's been eye bleach for a lot of you, but don't forget what we are actually here to discuss.

14, eating a lollipop

glitterbugged 5006 points 1 day ago  I was 14 in a restaurant with my parents, sucking on a lollipop, when some dude approached to let me know that he wished he was the lollipop. I thought my dad might actually murder him. Age 12, eating a banana

sakana-no-ko 3577 points 1 day ago  This is sort of like what happened to my sister! We were at a fair and eating frozen chocolate covered bananas. I was 17 and she was 12. This white guy walked up to her and goes "Wow, it looks like you're eating a big black dick! Ha! You look good eating dick" and then a black guy behind him goes "Wish it was mine!" What disturbs me the most about that is I was right there, eating one too, and while I looked young, I could have been legal. She at 12 looked more like she was 10, she was so young looking and they chose to prey on her instead of an adult-looking target.

Naturally, some Redditors decided to add to the creepiness:

pretendtrainw00w00 2825 points 1 day ago*  When I was about ten years old, I developed breasts but hadn't really noticed yet. I was wearing a shirt with no bra, when a boy in my class kept passing my desk over and over again. About the fifth time, I looked up at him to see what was going on, and he was staring right down the v-neck of my top. That was the moment my entire damn life changed. Edit: For those wondering what it is like to be a woman, the creepy PMs have officially started. From a post speaking about my breasts when I was 10.

And all this makes pretty clear just why we need age of consent laws:

CheezIt624 3453 points 1 day ago*  I was 12, already gone through puberty and was pretty developed. I learned very quickly that men don't care if you're 12 as long as you LOOK like you're 17-18. This is why I argue so strongly for consent laws. I was fucking 12 with Beanie Babies and Sweet Valley High books and shit, and grown men were trying to fuck me because I was a C cup and looked older. And I liked the attention, because all any girl wants is to feel wanted and mature and adult. It's why we start fantasizing about our first cars and sneak cigarettes from our parents - we want to feel older and cool. I didn't know I could say no to these men, and I felt so much older and mature when they'd pay attention to me, and so that began a rough few years of letting men have sex with me. I phrase it that way because that's what it was - did I say yes? Yes. Did I want to? No. I was scared to say no to these older guys. It took till maybe 18 or so before I realized I didn't have to do anything I didn't want to. Edit: And I've already received my first PM saying 12 year old slutty me wanted it.

Of course, many of these creepy guys are well aware that the targets of their creepiness are a long way away from being “legal.”

I_Dont_Own_A_Cat 1151 points 1 day ago*  I was 12, already gone through puberty and was pretty developed. I learned very quickly that men don't care if you're 12 as long as you LOOK like you're 17-18. The worst part is that plenty of men who catcall well-developed young teens don't really think they look 17 or 18. They know perfectly damn well they are catcalling 11-15 year olds. They know perfectly damn well 11-15 year olds are "easier" and safer to harass, for the reasons you stated in your post. My body developed pretty young, but I remain short and babyfaced. Even in my early 20s, I occasionally would get hit on by adult men who said or did things that indicated they thought I was very young with big breasts. Asking where I went to high school, etc. Those men didn't think that I was older-looking, they specifically targeted that I was very young-looking. Two different times I've had a men flat out say state, with mild disappointment, they thought I was younger when I told them my age, once after randomly asking if I like to party and offering to buy me alcohol while I was walking down the street.

Check out the thread for countless more stories like this.

H/T — u/Iwillpixiecutyou on Reddit

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Linax5
Linax5
9 years ago

our society doesnt even judge those assholes. They can get away with everything.

Why is it that some men arent ashamed of themselves…talking sexual to random women?
Really, thats so tasteless…no class at all. To me they are just disgusting.

Kibblet (@Kibblet)
9 years ago

Facebook blocked me from looking at this, and then tried to block me from sharing this. I complained to them that this was an error.

Linax5
Linax5
9 years ago

even women in a bikini or a super slutty skirt don’t derserve being fucking harassed. OH yeah those women want attention. Attention doesnt equal ”Now I can treat her like shit eventhough I know how shitty she will feel”

Treat them like whores? I don’t know where you live, but treating someone ”like a whore” is the same as treating people with basic respect.
Cause even ”whores” are people that need to be respected.

Thats for all the apologists out threre.

Linax5
Linax5
9 years ago

i was wearing a short skirt and some dude said something like ”I would really want to fuck that body”

I responded ”let me alone, I don’t want to talk to you”

He followed me a while until my boyfriend came up and he finally left

(I was 16)

Nothing I wear makes it okay to be such an asshole. He could have just looked at me and thats it…or maybe just approached my in a respecftul way? like normal human beings do?

Is this impossible for men? to respect women? really that fucking hard?

I told no one, because I know that they would rather judge my outfit and make me feel like shit even more

lkeke35
9 years ago

Paradoxical Intention: Oh, I had no idea that was a thing. I mean I knew giving them fake numbers was a thing but I didn’t know there was a special service for this.

Bina: I m pretty sure I’m correct about this because of all the accounts I’ve heard, of young men being pushed out of these various Mormon Sects, to fend for themselves, once they reach puberty. The leader doesn’t want competition from the young men in the cult and will find a way to get them out of the way. Especially if they’re interested in a girl that the leader might want for himself or one of his friends.

lkeke35
9 years ago

And here’s some brain bleach. I thought these were the funniest things I saw last year:

http://youtu.be/S7znI_Kpzbs

http://youtu.be/iYDS8n_6I00

GrumpyOldMangina
9 years ago

Regarding the Fundamentalist (Polygamist) Mormons, simple arithmetic makes it clear that if every man is to have two or three (or more) wives, most of the boys have to be kicked out of the group. They find some excuse to do this when the boys are in their late teens. The power of the leader is based on the fact that he gets to decide who stays and gets wives — and he can reassign wives from one man to another (none of these are legal marriages) for whatever reason he wants. The girls are kept isolated from the outside world — no TV, no radio, no movies, no books or magazines — so they have no idea of what the normal world is like. For the girls, it’s basically a prison camp, or perhaps even worse.

M.
M.
9 years ago

By the way, lurking MRAs and not-an-MRA-buts: This is why #NotAllMen was followed by #YesAllWomen. Not “Stealing your spotlight” or “Misandry.” THIS.

Bryce
Bryce
9 years ago

Although the question is rightly centers around girls/women’s experiences, there are male children of these creeps who have to live with some of the psychological fallout.

At 21 I was finally told what the old man was: a couple of rungs down from you’re garden variety kiddy fiddler. Thankfully I was too young to retain any memories. I always knew something was off with him. – particularly when he took me out in my teens, hewas buying drugs, wanted to take me to strip clubs and worse…

It’s somewhat of an existential nightmare to be aware of this as a young male. I grew older paranoid that I’d might have inherited his ‘inclination’; that it would suddenly manifest as an attraction to children, or that people would find out and assume the worst. And how exactly do you explain this to a partner and at what point? Although I suppose women would want to be compassionate, end of the day the majority will be very wary about partnering up with the son of the pedophile – a basic instinctual urge to avoid ‘bad genes’ and any increased likelihood of harm coming to their children. Can’t say I blame them.

Drdg
Drdg
9 years ago

This is so depressing but familiar at the same time. Which, of course, makes it even more depressing.
I started to get unwanted and creepy attention very early. However, I consider myself lucky, because my parents provided informative sex-ed with a very healthy attitude. Before I started to go to school I already knew where do babies come from and why exactly I shouldn’t get into strangers’ cars. (By the way, it was quite uncommon for children to be so well informed in post-soviet 90-ties society.) This awareness helped me to react properly on many occasions. I usually ignored or bitch-faced inappropriate comments, and immediately pushed back if someone was trying to grope me.

Therefore I find it horrifying that currently some politicians at my country are seriously trying to push “the virtuous education law” through – similar to abstinence only sex-ed in concept. Judging by my experience, the more informed children are, the more capable they are to identify inappropriate behavior and react accordingly. What my society needs right now is more open discussions about the serious slut-shaming problem we have, about the deeply rooted homophobia and transphobia, etc. Which is what some more progressive politicians have been trying to do, for example, by introducing children books that talk about gender as a cultural construct. And that is the response by the conservatives – “lets restore the soviet morality where there was no such thing as sex and babies were delivered by starks according to the Five Year Plan”.

dashapants
dashapants
9 years ago

I live in a large city. When I was thirteen, I was walking home from school with three of my classmates, two boys and another girl. We walked her to her apartment building, and one of the boys disappeared, presumably to walk her to her door, but it soon became obvious that it was more along the lines of making out in some dark corner. His friend then thought that it was a great idea to try to shove his hands into my pants right there in the building lobby in broad daylight. I threw him into a wall and left the building at a brisk clip. At this point, both boys followed me threateningly all the way to where I had to slam my apartment door in their face, at which point they backed off because they saw my dad.

When I was fourteen, a man on the metro decided to re-enact porn by sidling up to me from behind in a crowded train car, sliding his hand between my legs, and proceeding to creep upwards. I trapped his hand between my thighs, then grabbed it by the wrist, and once the doors slid open shoved him off the train. The only reason it was possible to do that was because the train was too crowded for him to retaliate and he probably didn’t want to be seen hitting a fourteen-year-old girl.

Later that week, on the way to the library, a man followed me, bumped into me from behind, fell in front of my feet, and attempted to accuse me of pushing him. When I ignored this, he followed me angrily to the library and all through the library, hissing sexual insults, until I got library security to detain him so that he would not follow me home and find out where I lived.

When I was fifteen, a man sat next to me on the train and within five minutes had his hand on my thigh. My jacket was in my lap and he thought that nobody would see what he was doing under it. I opened my messenger bag, took out a knife I generally carry with me for non-violent box-cutting purposes, removed the jacket, and told him that he was going to move his hand or lose it. He left the train immediately. Everyone else on that train car kept well clear of me for the rest of the ride.

And this is just a small random sampling of pervs that infested my teenage years.

I wasn’t initially going to post this, because it sounds a lot like I am saying to everyone else “why didn’t you fight back” but that’s not it. What I am saying is do it, fight back, in all these molesting bastards’ minds there is a spot where they hide from themselves the evil that they do, and if you make a fuss of any magnitude, they can’t do it anymore, they have to look at what they are doing, and one of two things happens, they either run like the little cowards that they are or they double down, by which I mean that they will step back and try to make you look like a crazy person or like it’s your fault. You are not a crazy person and it’s not your fault. A lot of girls and even fully grown women say nothing, because when things like this happen, they start out with some less than creepy touch or look that makes you feel uncertain if there’s anything happening that is even wrong. In my experience, if you noticed anything at all, then there’s something there to notice. Don’t let them get away with it. Don’t be polite. Don’t let anybody sweep it under the rug. And if it has already happened and maybe you were four years old and could do nothing, then I am truly sorry, people can be such bastards, and I wish I had a time machine so that I could have been there to punch them. I’m painfully stunned (but not at all surprised) by all the things that I have read so far.

Spaceman
Spaceman
9 years ago

(Long time reader….Finally came out of the silence because this is too important to to talk about)

I am sorry. First I am sorry so many women have to deal with this on a daily basis.
Secondly I am sorry because I was likely one of those teenage boys years ago who looked in “creepy” ways. Thankfully I never directly catcalled our touched inappropriately, it was more just I stared far too much at the cute girl in class. Some may think of it as no big deal, but I feel really ashamed of doing it back then.

So sorry. I know better now, but it took education from listening to the experiences of my sister, wife and others during college to really open my eyes. That is where I think for guys you will get the biggest opportunity for change. I honestly do not think many of the young boys doing such things think it is harmful, hurtful or anything as such. They also likely don’t realize it is an all-day, every day thing for the women they are targeting. That their one moment was just on top of a giant pile of shit their target had to deal with that day. I know I didn’t think of that back then.

That is why I really think sex-ed should not only be mandatory at a younger age, but also deal far more on education of things like this. Teach soon to be teenage boys that anything like this is not appropriate and more harmful than they think it to be. Make that catcalling video and threads like this required viewing and reading so they can place themselves in others shoes.

I hope when my son gets old enough, talking to him about these subjects will help him too.

You won’t get everyone, but you will save some from becoming horrible jerks, rapists and abusers.

———————————————–

On a side note: All of you are damn brave for telling these stories. Thank you.

AllieCat84
AllieCat84
9 years ago

This wasn’t the first time, but it was the most shocking. My older sister and I went to the mall to grab a last minute gift right after she got her license. She was 17, I was 12. We were in a hurry so she parked in the back of the parking lot. While walking back to the car, we noticed a car creeping along beside us. We turned to look about the same time, saw, and ran back to the car. The guy had his pelvis in the window and was jacking off and watching us. It was creepy as hell, but 18 years later, I’m still kind of impressed by the skill it must have taken to control the speed and direction of the car while his pelvis was up in the window. He was still a prev of course, but a skilled perv. That probably took practice.

NowAnEngineerGirl
NowAnEngineerGirl
9 years ago

Probably not the first time, but definitely one of the worst was when I was on vacation with my family. I was 12, underdeveloped as fuck. Went to a souvenir store and wanted to try on some T-shirts. While wearing the shirt out in the store the male staff asked me if I wanted another size while touching the T-shirt, right where my nipple was. When I backed away he seemed annoyed and was looking around a bit stressed. His colleague also started harassing me, saying I was pretty and wanting to stand really close behind me.

My parents were too busy looking at souvenirs to notice. I freaked out a bit and went to my little sister, only 6 at the time and thought her presense would make them back-off, but no, even holding her hand he went to stand behind me, touching my ass – I told him to stop but didn’t wait for a reaction. I went to my parents.

I didn’t tell my parents anything, I felt so ashamed even though I hadn’t done anything. To this day I haven’t told them. I just told them I liked the shirt I was wearing so I did not have to go back to the changing room. We left the store after my parents paid for the shirt.

Lea
Lea
9 years ago

I was in kindergarten. He was a strange man who tried to get me to get in his truck. He told me he’d take me to school so I wouldn’t have to wait for the bus. I declined, but not because I was afraid. I liked my bus. My bus driver was a nice lady. I didn’t know rape was a thing or that there were men who raped little girls for fun.

I have no doubt I would not be here now had I gotten in that truck. I don’t know if that counts as being “perved” on or not.

sunnysombrera
sunnysombrera
9 years ago

Lea, that absolutely counts as being perved on.

Hambeast, Social Justice Hoo-Ha Glitterer
Hambeast, Social Justice Hoo-Ha Glitterer
9 years ago

That’s the one time I felt my blood freeze.

That’s an apt way of putting it; I’ve always had trouble expressing how I felt my one time:

When I was 14, I was babysitting for a couple that lived about 5 miles from my home (so walking to and from wasn’t in the cards.) My mom generally dropped me off and one of them would take me home, always without incident. It was probably the third time I’d been there, so there were no previous warning bells at all.

This time, after the parents came home (she a little tipsy, him a bit more so) and I had been paid, the husband said he would take me home. The wife told him she would do it because she hadn’t had as much to drink. When he started insisting, that’s when my blood froze. This went on for a fair few minutes and I was so scared that he would convince his wife to let him drive me, I was actually dizzy with my pulse roaring in my ears. I still don’t know what it was about that incident set off the alarm bells since he’d never overtly perved on me before, but boy, does the memory still make me shaky.

I even thought about picking up the phone and calling my mom, but I didn’t know what I would actually say to her about why I needed her to come get me (this was before the days of serious drunk driving awareness, so that wouldn’t have been a “good” excuse.)

Lea
Lea
9 years ago

By 5th grade I had breasts. Boys made made fun of me for it and popped my bra straps until I had blood blisters on my back. starting the next year I had to ride the bus with boys from the highschool (some of whom also lived in my neighborhood). They sexually harassed me, threatened me, called me horrible things, made fun of how tight my vagina was and fat shamed me though I was in fact thin at the time. That happened to me everyday until I could drive. Not all the boys did it, but they all laughed. No girls stood up for me. They were either too scared or thought I deserved it. Not even the bus driver said a peep.

Once I slapped a boy on my bus because he would not stop forcing a girl’s face against his crotch. I had to see the principal for being violent. I would end up seeing him for profanity later too. You can laugh while you sexually assault a girl, but you cannot call people mean names for doing so. People started to call me crazy.

I would end up getting pretty scrappy by the time I got out of highschool. The nerdy little pacifist had been punched right out of me.

Still, in college I had a stalker. When I reported him, they told him I was the one who did so and that was all. Another faculty member warned me that they had not kept my name private. I stopped going to my night classes. I carried a knife and a body alarm because women got raped on campus. (which was treated as par for the course) I’d yet to see anyone convicted for it, even though those women could identify their rapists. I did not think my chances were much better.

It was apparently his hobby. He stalked other women on and off campus. He finally got kicked out for stalking a professor. By then, I’d left school.

I’ve heard several of my teenage guy chums lament as adult men how crazy women are and how broken. (most often in response to those women not fucking them). I’m like, “No shit?” I wonder why that is, asshole?”

I no longer consider those guys my friends.

Lea
Lea
9 years ago

It was seeing people on television talk shows telling their stories of abuse that finally got me to thinking “I’m not crazy, this wasn’t MY fault, and I don’t have to be silent or ashamed anymore!”

My mother would watch those shows and make fun of the people who were on TV “for the attention” and how they should “get over it”.

When I was molested it was by an older girl. I was in second grade. I was groomed, threatened etc. I didn’t tell anyone for years. I told some friends in high school. Many of them turned out to have seen much worse. I’m sure the girl who did it saw worse too. I still feel as if my experience doesn’t count as sexual assault, though I know it does. It still FEELS like I’m overreacting and I should “get over it”. I never told my parents.

When I was a teen my mother found a secret diary of sorts. I found out I had been right to keep my mouth shut. She was furious with me over what she read. My family still does not believe that or any other abuse ever happened to me. Apparently the hidden diary had been a prop in my master plan to hurt my mother.

Can you say, “Lea’s family is FUUUUCKED up?”

I knew you could.

http://media1.break.com/breakstudios/2011/9/16/snl%20mr%20robinsons%20neighborhood.jpg

Hambeast, Social Justice Hoo-Ha Glitterer
Hambeast, Social Justice Hoo-Ha Glitterer
9 years ago

Eh, it occurs to me that I didn’t finish the story.

The wife ended up taking shaken and relieved me home, apparently unaware of what I had been through*. And I never babysat for them again.

the end

*I could very well be wrong, though. I was so panicked, I don’t remember much after the blood chill.

contrapangloss
9 years ago

Hugs for all you brave, brave people.

I’ve had it really light, in comparison. I can count my obvious creepers without having to resort to toes, and (with the exception of one creepster my own age in high school) they didn’t try anything till I was 19. I was on a vacation, taking a walk alone in a park in Washington state, stalking kingfishers with my camera.

This dude started a conversation about photography while we wandered around. Me, being totally naive and from a small town where just talking to people is something you do, thought nothing of it and enjoyed the conversation.

When I looked at the time and said I should head back to my aunts, he decided the pleasantness of the conversation meant he should be able to give me a bear-hug and a kiss on the lips. I turned my head, once I realized what the hell was happening so it landed on an ear instead. He acted shocked that I had done so.

He was easily in his 40s.

I very politely said goodbye and walked to my aunts house by a different, longer route. I broke into a run after I rounded the first corner and kept looking over my shoulder to make sure he wasn’t following.

I was 19, nearly an adult.

It kills me that so many people had to deal with that kind of stuff (and worse) as kids, because it was terrifying enough at 19.

Lea
Lea
9 years ago

My daughter was 16 when a man approached her in the park and asked if she wanted a job as an exotic dancer. That same week an adult man tried to get her to get in his car “for a ride”. He kept circling the park and slowing down when he got close to her. He stopped a second time to tell her he wouldn’t bite. The same summer a strange man at the mall hit on her for the first time. She was so skeeved out. It is freaky for a girl to have adult men creep on them. (Hell, it’s creepy for adult women.)

From what I’ve read and heard, she’s one of the lucky ones.

potterchik
potterchik
9 years ago

Not going to reddit, because, well, reddit. But:

I was 11 years old, walking with my parents, my older sister, and my three year old brother to see fireworks. We walked by a family sitting on the curb, also waiting the the fireworks. The man crudely propositioned me – right in front of my family and his (I guess) wife or girlfriend, and her child.

So gross.

because reasons
because reasons
9 years ago

@Lea

My family still does not believe that or any other abuse ever happened to me

This is sadly, too common and a big reason many of us don’t speak out or wait a very long time to do so. I’m sorry your family had that reaction, but fuck them! You still (from what I can tell in your comments) turned out to be an awesome person.

mildlymagnificent
9 years ago

For those who have, and those who haven’t, looked at that reddit thread, one thing really came home to me. (Once I got past the red glaze of rage at all the stories starting with I was 8 … I was 11… I was 5 … followed by very similar details.)

The long term effects were devastating. Some of them for the length of a holiday. Some of them for 10 years or more.

I never walked on that path, went to the library, went to the pool, went to the icecream shop again. I cut my hair short. I changed my clothes to baggy concealing stuff. I stayed home for the rest of the summer. I never went out without my mum/aunt/brother. I put on weight so they wouldn’t notice me. I never wore make up again. I stopped smiling at people.