So there’s a giant, growing, and extremely creepy megathread up on Reddit at the moment, and for once, the creepiness isn’t coming from inside the Reddit. Well, less of the creepiness is coming from Reddit than you might expect.
Yesterday, you see, a Redditor known as BA_Baracus posted a couple of simple questions to AskReddit: Women of Reddit, when did you first notice that men were looking at you in a sexual way? How old were you and how did it make you feel?
This wasn’t the first time he’d posted a question to his fellow Redditors; he’s posted a bunch, including “People of reddit with eyes that point in different directions, which one of them is usually looking at me?” and, er, “Recent rape victims of Reddit, how did it happen, and what the hell were you doing in India?” None of these questions got much of a response.
But this time, well, thousands of “women of Reddit” stepped forward to tell the horrifying yet in most cases completely unsurprising stories of the first time men started perving on them, in many cases before they were even teenagers.
Here’s a sampling of some of their stories. TRIGGER WARNING for extreme fucking creepiness.
Age 8, followed to a department store changing room
Age 8, molested by a landlord
Age 12, at a bus stop
11 or 12, walking to and from school
Age 12, waiting for carryout
Age 11, creepy step-grandfather
Age 12, creepy step-uncle
Age 10, wearing a Lion King backpack and light-up shoes
Age 12, creepy cell phone salesman
Age 11, walking home from the beach
Age 12, in Blockbuster (with bonus Reddit creepiness)
14, eating a lollipop
Age 12, eating a banana
Naturally, some Redditors decided to add to the creepiness:
And all this makes pretty clear just why we need age of consent laws:
Of course, many of these creepy guys are well aware that the targets of their creepiness are a long way away from being “legal.”
Check out the thread for countless more stories like this.
H/T — u/Iwillpixiecutyou on Reddit
Paradoxical, that is horrible, and I’m so sorry that you had to experience that.
I’m sorry that these things seem all too common.
I kind of feel grateful that I had such a sheltered childhood (although being sheltered wasn’t too great, either).
One time when I was 14, and late for school, I picked up a banana to eat on my way to the bus stop, and my mum wouldn’t let me leave the house until I’d finished it in front of her, in case some random weirdo found the sight of me in my school uniform, cramming fruit into my mouth, “too suggestive”.
I’ve probably spent more time worrying about imaginary creeps than I’ve ever encountered actual creeps.
Although when I was 12, I went swimming with a boy-friend who stuck his head over the cubicle wall “to talk to me” while I was changing. He perhaps was the kind of idiot who might be clueless enough to do that without thinking, but it was a long time before I would hang out with him again, and never alone. We’re still somewhat good friends, oddly enough, but I will never fully trust him. Especially not after he asked me via PM, aged 17 (and my best friend, it transpired) if I’d be into some hardcore BDSM stuff.*
And my best friend also had a stalker for a while, y’know, the NiceGuy(TM), who writes bad poetry and has Sad-feels at his unrequited love. He turned up on my doorstep once to turn his affections onto me. I flatly refused him, and he actually took that on board, thank God. He was universally known as “Creepy [Firstname]”, so the forewarning was useful.
The one really creepy incident I can think of is that I went out on a hike with my best friend, during the summer holidays (aged 15 or 16?) and as we were passing through the edge of town to get on the country road leading to the woods, the traffic was stopped at the junction. And this sweaty, balding man in a white van, or a flatbed (I forget which) tried to offer us a lift. He was clearly headed in the opposite direction to where we were going, and we were able to laugh it off, but that was the first (and thankfully only) blatant attempt to get me into a van.
And thanks to mostly frequenting the kind of woefully under-populated nightclub nights, that you wonder how they stay open, the one time I’ve been creeped on by a group of drunk, shirtless blokes on a dancefloor (“You should take your top off, too!”), I was able to hide with my friend behind the mixing desk until they got bored and buggered off.
So I count myself extremely fortunate.
Like in hindsight, they were all mostly bizarre and funny, like we mostly just went “Eeeeeew!” and giggled about it afterwards.
There has only been one time I’ve ever felt sexually threatened, I was 18, and it was an off-key statement made by a family member, which they have since denied meant anything sexual or weird, but… Ugh. That’s the one time I felt my blood freeze.
* There’s nothing wrong with BDSM, until you start propositioning your acquaintances inappropriately… especially if you ask one of them if she’d f*ck a horse while you watch. (I know he lived near some stables, I really hope he never tried to molest any. Or molest anyone with one).
davidknewton-
Yeah, this exact thing is part of the reason I personally state that I have raised as if male privilege. I got a lot of shit when young because I was an ace trans girl with little awareness of either, but I never got creepily sexualized constantly by older dudes and I never had to deal with any of the constant undermining of confidence that a lot of people who are AFAB have had to go with.
There’s definitely a reason why most people sharing their stories say that the harassment tapered off once they hit adulthood. These predatory shitstains zero in on vulnerability, and get a sick thrill out of forcing their sexuality onto people who are unable to fight back.
As for me, I never developed past an A-cup, and I’m asexual and kind of oblivious to being ogled; it just never really occurs to me that people might be viewing me in a sexual manner. So I have absolutely no idea at what age people started eyeing me up.
That said, I was in grade 7, age 12, when I was first sexually harassed. I was a quiet, cripplingy shy preteen who ended up being a social pariah in junior high, for background. I had a drama class where most of the room was an open ‘stage’ type area, and had one long bench along one wall that we sat when we weren’t on our feet. A group of classmates (boys and girls) noticed this and focused on me, talked to me for a class or two. One guy in particular made sure he always was sitting next to me on the bench. They were reasonably friendly to begin with, and I started to hope I could make some new friends. Then Dude #1 waits until the teacher left the room, put his hand on my leg, and said “Can I put my dick in your ear?” (Yes, ear. Don’t ask me why, I don’t even know.) I responded with “What? No!” and the whole group burst out laughing. I avoided those people as much as I could and stuck like glue to the teacher after that. It never even occured to me to tell anyone.
It’s definitely not as bad a story as it could have been, (at least he was my age? ugh, I can’t believe someone who’s been harassed can be considered ‘lucky’ for that), but ergh, what a gross experience. I hope the kid who harassed me learned better and is a guy who would never treat a woman so disrespectfully now, but I don’t have much faith that is the case.
In regards to female obesity, you’re damned if you do and damned if you don’t when it comes to (unwanted) male attention.
I’d suffered from childhood obesity, so when I hit age 11-13 and became extremely body conscious I made myself become more active, restricted what I ate, and lost weight.
Then the shopkeeper at our local newsagents started this strange ritual, which carried on for a good couple of years. After I’d bought something, which was most mornings before school when I was waiting for the bus and had nothing else to do, he would hand me back my change and then grab my hand, caressing it whilst I looked away. Eventually he’d stop, step back and dismiss me with a nod and a smile. I’d served my purpose. I remember thinking, at 13, “I guess this is what happens. This is just part of it”. Part of growing up, part of being a young woman and part of being ‘conventionally attractive’.
All the normalizing thoughts in the world didn’t stop the feelings of shame and nausea, though.
@Paradoxical, I’m so sorry. I hope you’ve had all the support you need around you. We’re here for you too, with hugs and tea if you want them.
I was 11. It was an offer of cunnilingus from two men in a jeep about ten feet from where I was waiting at a light. I didn’t know what the words they said meant, but I knew it made me feel dirty and ashamed.
I’m so sorry about what happened to you, Paradoxical. That’s horrendous. I hope you’re in a much better and safer place now, and that you can heal in safety.
Warm thoughts and e-support to everyone else who has been victimized and assaulted, too. I wish so much that we lived in a world where that never happens to anyone.
Its sad to say that all of this is endemic in society and zero is being done to teach appropriate behaviour in men. I read all this in absolute dismay as I have 9 & 6 yo daughters. I only read about five or so of David’s examples before switching to the comments.
I was thinking what can I do as a father so it doesn’t happen to my daughters as I then suddenly realised its already happened. I was sitting on a bus next to my daughter who was 8, we were in our was to a museum. I suddenly noticed this guy sitting behind us who was muttering, lean forward an whisper to my daughter. I immediately intervened and stated that he should talk to me as I’m the father. He got up and got off the bus, I asked my daughter what had been said and she he’d asked if she likes funfairs and could he take her.
It was a totally OMG situation, the upshot is my daughter is now well aware if what she calls “creepy men” and knows to tell a responsible adult immediately.
I don’t see why I should have to educate my daughters to deal with this, men should have been educated NOT to behave like this, it is endemic and there is now way to avoid that reality.
Wow, this made me literally sick to my stomach and has brought back really terrible memories of my own preteen/ early teen years.
Reblogged this on Startled Octopus.
Everytime I read stories like these, I always am reminded of just how lucky I am to have been born male and to identify as a man.
Seriously, I hear stories like this ALL the time from women.
Do you want to know how many times things like this have happened to me?
0 times.
Do you want to know how many guys I know who have experienced this?
0.
Now, of course I know that there are guys who unfortunately end up experiencing this too. However, the fact of the matter is, those of us who present as masculine (typically) are much less likely to experience this shit.
@autosoma:
That’s why we so desperately need feminism advancing its radical notion that girls and women are people.
Well, this all makes me feel quite ill. I had an uncle that french-kissed my sister in her teens. We both were grabbed (not at the same time) and made to sit on his lap and then he commenced to fondle our thighs. When I was about 13 I was walking out of a bookstore after dark when some guys in a car drove by hooting and hollering stuff I didn’t at the time even know the meaning of. Why why why do we as a society tolerate our girls having to go through this stuff? It’s like Ikeke says, “It’s really all of a piece, isn’t it. From the micro to the macro level men feel as if they have the right to police and control women’s bodies. All the time, everywhere.” This is the reality for women, which makes me really hate the whole “women control us because ass” bullshit of the Warren Farrells of the world.
Hi just after some advice. My friend it’s a single mother who has just found out her 13 year old son has been having sex with two girlfriends one seventeen the other twelve. When she asked him about it he said that’s what men who have taken the red pill do. Obviously this led to her finding out about the manosphere and now she’s worries he’s growing up with these views. What do you think she should do?
@Alan:
Re: effects on physical development
No doubt there is a strong connection. I have a vivid example from my personal experience, but after I typed it up here, I decided not to share it. That stuff is still so hard, even after such a long time.
This redditor is doing all of us secret keepers a big favor, whether he realizes it or not. But I wonder about his motives. Is it just a prurient interest? How dispiriting, if that’s the case.
Of course my previous comment was just about what happened when I was a teenager (early teens). I don’t know a single woman who has not bee harassed on the street at some point if not made to feel endangered by men. I couldn’t even walk my infant son in a stroller without getting lewd remarks from guys passing by. Or one time in a parking lot outside a convenience store where some guy made a comment he thought (?) was a compliment and when I ignored him called me a bitch. And so on and so on. For a woman, being out in public is like walking a minefield.
I feel lucky.
I really can’t remember any incidents when I was younger of older men creeping on me. Especially since I had big boobs for my teenage years and a relatively slim waist. Maybe it was cause I’ve blocked out the memories, maybe it’s because I was pretty naive and innocent so I didn’t recognise any small red flags when I saw them. I remember walking home from school, and a couple of boys my age rode past on a bike. One pulled down his pants to show his ass and yelled “Suck my dick, bitch!” I was a bit shaken but I chalked it up to idiot boys being idiots (I also went to an all-girls high school).
Honestly I don’t think street harassment really began until I hit adulthood, and even then it hasn’t been that common.
Agreed, it saddens me that its considered a radical notion, I was brought up by my grandmother to act upon and step in when ever I saw inappropriate behaviour.
Neatly 30 years ago I was sitting in a quiet quiet country pub there was me an old lumpish man an a couple of parents with a 10-ish yo daughter. The parents disappeared somewhere, the old man immediately turned to the girl and asked if she was “wearing stockings” in a salacious way.
I went “oi fella, you can’t say that, she’s a kid”
He went “I drunk there all the time I can do what I want”
I followed up with “well I can call the police or give a filthly old fuck a kicking – which is it to be?”
Unsurprisingly, I got barred from the pub for being aggressive. I was young 19, I didn’t tackle it in a decent way, but its been a frequent occurrence in my life telling other men not to behave like that.
Thank you for being a decent man, autosoma.
As I read the reddit comments, I’m thinking of my own experiences and realizing how ‘normal’ such harassment and abuse becomes in almost every woman’s life. My own personal examples would easily fill a page, and would include male relatives, a trusted priest, and a therapist. I wouldn’t even bother recounting the random strangers, that’s how ‘normal’ it has been.
It’s disheartening, to say the least. Especially when the abuse and harassment come from men whom we are taught to trust and whose job it is to protect us as children. I sincerely wish we could change it, but I’m not very optimistic. Although the existence of decent men, present company very much included, gives me hope, sometimes.
@Paradoxical Intention:
I’m so sorry. We hear you.
May he rot in hell. May all of them do.
Very educational. I feel like this should be compulsory reading on some level. I’ve always been the kind of guy who has mostly female friends, and I do remember the awakening in my early/mid 20s when I realized every woman I knew had these stories too. Fucking gross.
Also, related to autosoma’s comment: You can get in so much trouble just for speaking up against harassment and bigotry. I know I was not very well liked by some at my previous workplace, teaching the Swedish language to immigrants, because of the backlash from trying to be a decent person. I don’t know what the solution is.
@DavidFutrelle
THANK YOU for spreading this!!! You are awesome.
Could you shout-out my reddit username u/Iwillpixiecutyou for the credit?
I really feel guilty. I am a cis het female..and I have never been catcalled or otherwise harassed or abused.. Genuinely. The most horriffic thing I could call up is a male classmate at 15 putting a hand on my leg and asking if I wanted to discuss the Marquis de Sade. And that didn’t traumatise me.
But I have always felt bad and dirty anyways.
I never understood people.
It took till my 3rd year at Uni before I found friends who understood my comments and jokes, liked the same books/films/music and didn’t think I was crazy. And they were all male gamers. (Which is why the thought of GamerGate really got to me).
I could trust them totally.
If I was terriffied of hurting myself I could turn up in their room, including sharing a bed, and they never made a single move, but just made me feel safe.
Virtual hugs for all fellow survivors of abuse and harassment. Maybe I missed something but reading the OP, it seemed to me that the guy who kicked this off did so so that he could sit back, read these kind of stories, and get his jollies. And that’s definitely what a lot of the commenters are doing.
As for my personal experience, I have no idea when it started but it was as young as 4 and most likely younger. I had creepy male relatives and was around creepy males from school-age up (classmates and random strangers), but most of it came from my own father. I think the most fucked up part (as many here have said) is that when you’re a young child, you don’t really know what’s going on. You may feel uneasy or that something’s “off” but you don’t know it’s straight up abuse. You kind of think “Oh, I guess this is what you can expect from guys.” And that really screws up how you relate to men in the future. At least for me, anyways. As an example of how twisted my point of view was, I couldn’t imagine a friend’s father NOT being a creepster molester-I kept asking her “Are you SURE he doesn’t touch you inappropriately?” And the whole time, it was happening to me. Even now I can’t see a sitcom, movie, or real-life family where the dad seems all cool and loving without thinking “Yea, I bet he’s actually molesting those kids…something’s not right there.” Fuck!
And like all that wasn’t enough, I had to deal with the usual pervy men shit. I remember being 8 and a fellow classmate making that v symbol with his fingers and sticking out his tongue in between them…at me. I doubt he really knew what it meant, and I sure as hell didn’t. I asked my mom and she was so upset a boy my age had done that. Then there were the creepsters leering and catcalling my all my years of walking home from school. and the list goes on and on.
tl;dr This is so common it’s disgusting.
@autosoma, also thanking you for being a good person and standing up to assholes.
Something in your post got me thinking though. The dude said “I can do what I want.” I think that’s a confession of what most harassers or creeps think when they do what they do? It’s entitlement in a six-word nutshell.
@gilshalos The fact that those guys did nothing to harm you punches a huge fucking hole in rape culture when dickbags go “she was in his room what did she expect??” It’s like that graduate who gave a lecture on consent once and said that she’d been in a guys room while drunk several times, and the reason she wasn’t raped is because she wasn’t with a rapist.
God I hate the way rape culture demonizes male sexuality. Not age of consent laws, not feminism, rape culture. When people spread a narrative that it’s normal for a man to rape under X circumstances (and thus the rape is the woman’s fault) THEY are the ones saying that all men are rapists! THEY are the ones calling good men wicked monsters! THEY are the ones being misandrist!
Sorry I went off on a tangent rant there. (tangerant? Please let’s make that a word. 😛 )
@aunt Edna – oooo!!! Wouldn’t call myself decent – I just have a moral compass given to me by my grandmother and I try to stick to the path. Also DecentMan ™ sounds like a knock off of NiceGuy(tm).
@dhag85 The personal solution his simple stick to your guns and don’t let the attitudes against it get to you.
I had a colleague who was niceguy(tm) and stalked a very junior member of staff using his senior position. Of course the girls complaints against him weren’t dealt with effectively, she mentioned that he was a creepster in passing to me and how he was showing off about knowing everyone’s salaries etc because he was the payroll database admin. I used this to report him, he was sacked for inappropriate use of company data not inappropriate sexual behaviour to a company employee.