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In creepy Reddit megathread, thousands of women recount the first time they were perved on by a grown man

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So there’s a giant, growing, and extremely creepy megathread up on Reddit at the moment, and for once, the creepiness isn’t coming from inside the Reddit. Well, less of the creepiness is coming from Reddit than you might expect.

Yesterday, you see, a Redditor known as BA_Baracus posted a couple of simple questions to AskReddit: Women of Reddit, when did you first notice that men were looking at you in a sexual way? How old were you and how did it make you feel?

This wasn’t the first time he’d posted a question to his fellow Redditors; he’s posted a bunch, including “People of reddit with eyes that point in different directions, which one of them is usually looking at me?” and, er, “Recent rape victims of Reddit, how did it happen, and what the hell were you doing in India?” None of these questions got much of a response.

But this time, well, thousands of “women of Reddit” stepped forward to tell the horrifying yet in most cases completely unsurprising stories of the first time men started perving on them, in many cases before they were even teenagers.

Here’s a sampling of some of their stories. TRIGGER WARNING for extreme fucking creepiness.

Age 8, followed to a department store changing room

intoon 130 points 1 day ago  Holy shit, this thread is depressing, but (sadly,) makes me feel like I'm not alone. I was 8, had wandered away from my mom at Kmart. A creepy 40 something white guy in construction attire stared at my chest and butt, and followed me all around the store. I even went into the changing room to get away from him (stupid idea I know, but c'mon, I was 8!) he FOLLOWED ME INTO THE CHANGING ROOM. Tried to pull and shake the locked stall door open that I was hiding behind. I sat, curled into a ball on the changing seat, staring at his dirty work boots just on the other side of that door, terrified. Thank god a woman walked in to try on some clothes, saw him, and screamed at him to get out. After he had left, I ran out and found my Mom. I will never forget how frightened I was. I had no idea what he wanted with me, but the way he stared and his aggression trying to pull that changing room door open made me feel so sick and ashamed of my body and I wondered what I had done to make him come after me. I'm so crazy over protective with my kids and I'm sure some of it stems from that incident. I have to fight my anxiety anytime I take them to a park, or museum or even family gathering. They are always within my sight.

Age 8, molested by a landlord

DevilNTheDeepBlueSea 86 points 1 day ago  I was 8 when a landlord in Germany put his hands down my pants while I was feeding a rabbit he gave me. I ran away, he butchered the bunny that afternoon. I was 11 when a relative of my mother's husband (in his mid-thirties) tried to French kiss me. I told my mother & she found that "hard to believe". I was 16 and almost raped by 2 older guys (mid 20s) in a parking lot in Hawaii (daylight), until a construction worker walked up to stop it. At 17 I worked for a mobile equine vet who once called me in to his office where he was masturbating. I quite that job & caught hell from parents for being fickle. At 18 I was fired from a job for not giving head to a manager, embarrassed (AGAIN), I lied to friends/family about something stupid that I did to cause the job loss. I was 20 when a friend of my aunt offered me a ride home, he tried to rape me, that turned into a fist fight with him leaving mad & calling me crazy. At 26 a small animal veterinarian (50s) tried to corner/fondle me & 2 other assistants regularly. My husband thought women exaggerate these types of things, that it's rare. We're divorced. Should I continue? No, I did not dress provocative or act "flirty". And I don't think it matters if you're beautiful or just a girl. Or how old or experienced. It's insulting, shameful, & almost always very hurtful.

Age 12, at a bus stop

Cuddlebunz 208 points 1 day ago  I remember the first time pretty clearly. I was a mix of scared/angry/confused and I was only twelve years old. I was waiting at a bus stop alone, when a guy who was probably in his late twenties/early thirties came riding past on his bike. He slowed right down and whistled at me. When I ignored him, he turned on his bike and slowly rode right past me. I remember being pretty freaked out at how he leered at me. Twelve year old me had no idea what to do. He turned around and rode by again. Luckily a woman showed up to the same stop so I moved to stand near her. He finally rode off when he saw I wasn't by myself anymore (or maybe was bored I wasn't responding?) It was fucked up. Some men can be so disgusting.

11 or 12, walking to and from school

mermaids_singing 856 points 1 day ago  11 or 12. I remember walking to and from school (6th grade in the US) and having guys yell stuff out of cars. A couple times I had to hide out in a local coffee shop on the route home because I was getting harassed. Once because a carful of maybe late teens/early 20's dudes kept circling the block and asking me to ride with them and once because some older dude was walking the same way and kept talking about my tits and ass. I was 12 and had no idea how to deal with this so I started wearing baggy boy clothes....it lessened but didn't stop. I spent years working htrough my issues over this.

Age 12, waiting for carryout

WinstonScott 1052 points 1 day ago  When I was 12, my mom and I were at a small, carry-out only restaurant waiting for our order to be ready. This older guy, who looked like he was about 20 came in. He just stared at me, open-mouthed. I had to walk past him to fill my drink, and he said, "Hey baby. Give me some of that T & A." I didn't even know what T & A was! He even positioned himself so I would have to walk past him again when we left the restaurant, and he made another comment where he called me "Princess." Anyway, when we got in the car, I just broke down crying. I was so ashamed. My mom had had no idea that any of that had just occurred, and I told her that I didn't know what I had done wrong. I thought for sure I must have looked him at or done something to make him think that it was OK to talk and look at me like that. My mom assured me that it was nothing that I had done, and I that now that I was developing, things like that were going to happen a lot more frequently. If I had been older, the whole incident would have been fairly innocuous. But I was only 12 (and I definitely looked very young even though I had boobs and hips) so it was mildly traumatizing. What I find so disturbing now that I'm an adult, is how frequently, older, grown men would look and make sexual comments at me from the ages of 12-17. Like I said before, I looked very young, and I didn't dress provocatively. There's no way they could have mistaken me for 18+.

Age 11, creepy step-grandfather

vodka_titties 1579 points 1 day ago  I was 11. I had started to grow my boobs, and my step grandfather cornered me in my parents room one day. He stuck his tongue in my mouth and grabbed my boobs. I didn't know what to do so I pushed him away a little, said "abuelito did you want a hug?", and hugged him. Ughhh. I was scared I was going to get in trouble and that my parents would think I was making it up. They believed me, but just told me to avoid him for the rest of his stay.

Age 12, creepy step-uncle

BattleReady 2658 points 1 day ago  I was 12. I remember I was doing yard work for a step-uncle when he would constantly casually make "Huh" sounds and stand directly behind me when I would pull weeds. Suspicions were confirmed when he took me to lunch at the mall and offered to buy me tiny dresses and low cut shirts. I stopped associating with my step family after that as that's all they ever did.

Age 10, wearing a Lion King backpack and light-up shoes

lionking

Age 12, creepy cell phone salesman

Serae 3700 points 1 day ago  This...1999 or 2000? I was 12 and my mom was getting me a cell phone. This was before cell phone were as common for kids to have. I came home with my cellphone and got my first call. It was the young guy who set us up with the phone and the plan. He called to tell me that he thought I was hot and that he has my number since he set me up with my phone. I just small talked him, being overly nice as I wasn't really sure what to do. My mom noticed me on the phone and asked who I would even be calling (the phone as basically to call her and only her). I told her that the guy that sold us the phone was trying to get a date with me. She grabbed the phone and yelled into it, "She's 10 years old and you should be ashamed! If you ever call again I'll go to the police." He got off the phone quickly. I looked at my mom and said, "But...I'm 12?" "He needs to feel the additional shame of being a pig." And that was the moment I first noticed that someone was looking at me in a sexual way. My mother ended up going to the store and getting the guy fired. Apparently this wasn't the first time he'd used his job to get numbers of women to call. This time he got fired. That was also the year other things occurred, but this was the first.

Age 11, walking home from the beach

ALighterShadeOfPale 3919 points 1 day ago  Around age 11, myself and my cousin (she was also 11) were walking from the beach to the cottage (in shorts and t shirts). A car with three men began driving slowly next to us, asking for directions and for us to get in to show them where some campground was. We went into a convenience store and used their phone to call our grandmother to come get us. (Pre cellphones). The men were parked in the parking lot and followed our car to the cottage, which was set back from the road, had to go through trees and such to get to it. They parked out on the road by the entrance. My uncle (cousin's father) was told they were parked there and went out with his shot gun to ask if there was any problems. They didn't stick around. From that point on I became more aware of the yelling out car windows, the stares, the requests to get into vehicles (seriously, guys, does this ever work?)

Age 12, in Blockbuster (with bonus Reddit creepiness)

Flowsephine 4673 points 1 day ago*  I remember being in Blockbuster when I was 12 and having a man comment on my ass loud enough that multiple people turned around to glare at him. When my shocked mother informed him of my age he turned bright red and left the store. Edit: I can save a lot of you a lot of time and tell you that I HAVE NOT posted in /r/gonewild. The most you'll find in my post history is a very cute dog. Edit 2: As requested, here's the dog. 75% Australian Shepherd and 25% Heeler. I'm so glad he's been eye bleach for a lot of you, but don't forget what we are actually here to discuss.

14, eating a lollipop

glitterbugged 5006 points 1 day ago  I was 14 in a restaurant with my parents, sucking on a lollipop, when some dude approached to let me know that he wished he was the lollipop. I thought my dad might actually murder him. Age 12, eating a banana

sakana-no-ko 3577 points 1 day ago  This is sort of like what happened to my sister! We were at a fair and eating frozen chocolate covered bananas. I was 17 and she was 12. This white guy walked up to her and goes "Wow, it looks like you're eating a big black dick! Ha! You look good eating dick" and then a black guy behind him goes "Wish it was mine!" What disturbs me the most about that is I was right there, eating one too, and while I looked young, I could have been legal. She at 12 looked more like she was 10, she was so young looking and they chose to prey on her instead of an adult-looking target.

Naturally, some Redditors decided to add to the creepiness:

pretendtrainw00w00 2825 points 1 day ago*  When I was about ten years old, I developed breasts but hadn't really noticed yet. I was wearing a shirt with no bra, when a boy in my class kept passing my desk over and over again. About the fifth time, I looked up at him to see what was going on, and he was staring right down the v-neck of my top. That was the moment my entire damn life changed. Edit: For those wondering what it is like to be a woman, the creepy PMs have officially started. From a post speaking about my breasts when I was 10.

And all this makes pretty clear just why we need age of consent laws:

CheezIt624 3453 points 1 day ago*  I was 12, already gone through puberty and was pretty developed. I learned very quickly that men don't care if you're 12 as long as you LOOK like you're 17-18. This is why I argue so strongly for consent laws. I was fucking 12 with Beanie Babies and Sweet Valley High books and shit, and grown men were trying to fuck me because I was a C cup and looked older. And I liked the attention, because all any girl wants is to feel wanted and mature and adult. It's why we start fantasizing about our first cars and sneak cigarettes from our parents - we want to feel older and cool. I didn't know I could say no to these men, and I felt so much older and mature when they'd pay attention to me, and so that began a rough few years of letting men have sex with me. I phrase it that way because that's what it was - did I say yes? Yes. Did I want to? No. I was scared to say no to these older guys. It took till maybe 18 or so before I realized I didn't have to do anything I didn't want to. Edit: And I've already received my first PM saying 12 year old slutty me wanted it.

Of course, many of these creepy guys are well aware that the targets of their creepiness are a long way away from being “legal.”

I_Dont_Own_A_Cat 1151 points 1 day ago*  I was 12, already gone through puberty and was pretty developed. I learned very quickly that men don't care if you're 12 as long as you LOOK like you're 17-18. The worst part is that plenty of men who catcall well-developed young teens don't really think they look 17 or 18. They know perfectly damn well they are catcalling 11-15 year olds. They know perfectly damn well 11-15 year olds are "easier" and safer to harass, for the reasons you stated in your post. My body developed pretty young, but I remain short and babyfaced. Even in my early 20s, I occasionally would get hit on by adult men who said or did things that indicated they thought I was very young with big breasts. Asking where I went to high school, etc. Those men didn't think that I was older-looking, they specifically targeted that I was very young-looking. Two different times I've had a men flat out say state, with mild disappointment, they thought I was younger when I told them my age, once after randomly asking if I like to party and offering to buy me alcohol while I was walking down the street.

Check out the thread for countless more stories like this.

H/T — u/Iwillpixiecutyou on Reddit

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AltoFronto
AltoFronto
9 years ago

Paradoxical, that is horrible, and I’m so sorry that you had to experience that.

I’m sorry that these things seem all too common.

I kind of feel grateful that I had such a sheltered childhood (although being sheltered wasn’t too great, either).
One time when I was 14, and late for school, I picked up a banana to eat on my way to the bus stop, and my mum wouldn’t let me leave the house until I’d finished it in front of her, in case some random weirdo found the sight of me in my school uniform, cramming fruit into my mouth, “too suggestive”.
I’ve probably spent more time worrying about imaginary creeps than I’ve ever encountered actual creeps.

Although when I was 12, I went swimming with a boy-friend who stuck his head over the cubicle wall “to talk to me” while I was changing. He perhaps was the kind of idiot who might be clueless enough to do that without thinking, but it was a long time before I would hang out with him again, and never alone. We’re still somewhat good friends, oddly enough, but I will never fully trust him. Especially not after he asked me via PM, aged 17 (and my best friend, it transpired) if I’d be into some hardcore BDSM stuff.*

And my best friend also had a stalker for a while, y’know, the NiceGuy(TM), who writes bad poetry and has Sad-feels at his unrequited love. He turned up on my doorstep once to turn his affections onto me. I flatly refused him, and he actually took that on board, thank God. He was universally known as “Creepy [Firstname]”, so the forewarning was useful.

The one really creepy incident I can think of is that I went out on a hike with my best friend, during the summer holidays (aged 15 or 16?) and as we were passing through the edge of town to get on the country road leading to the woods, the traffic was stopped at the junction. And this sweaty, balding man in a white van, or a flatbed (I forget which) tried to offer us a lift. He was clearly headed in the opposite direction to where we were going, and we were able to laugh it off, but that was the first (and thankfully only) blatant attempt to get me into a van.

And thanks to mostly frequenting the kind of woefully under-populated nightclub nights, that you wonder how they stay open, the one time I’ve been creeped on by a group of drunk, shirtless blokes on a dancefloor (“You should take your top off, too!”), I was able to hide with my friend behind the mixing desk until they got bored and buggered off.

So I count myself extremely fortunate.

Like in hindsight, they were all mostly bizarre and funny, like we mostly just went “Eeeeeew!” and giggled about it afterwards.
There has only been one time I’ve ever felt sexually threatened, I was 18, and it was an off-key statement made by a family member, which they have since denied meant anything sexual or weird, but… Ugh. That’s the one time I felt my blood freeze.

* There’s nothing wrong with BDSM, until you start propositioning your acquaintances inappropriately… especially if you ask one of them if she’d f*ck a horse while you watch. (I know he lived near some stables, I really hope he never tried to molest any. Or molest anyone with one).

Cerberus
Cerberus
9 years ago

davidknewton-

Yeah, this exact thing is part of the reason I personally state that I have raised as if male privilege. I got a lot of shit when young because I was an ace trans girl with little awareness of either, but I never got creepily sexualized constantly by older dudes and I never had to deal with any of the constant undermining of confidence that a lot of people who are AFAB have had to go with.

Catalpa
Catalpa
9 years ago

There’s definitely a reason why most people sharing their stories say that the harassment tapered off once they hit adulthood. These predatory shitstains zero in on vulnerability, and get a sick thrill out of forcing their sexuality onto people who are unable to fight back.

As for me, I never developed past an A-cup, and I’m asexual and kind of oblivious to being ogled; it just never really occurs to me that people might be viewing me in a sexual manner. So I have absolutely no idea at what age people started eyeing me up.

That said, I was in grade 7, age 12, when I was first sexually harassed. I was a quiet, cripplingy shy preteen who ended up being a social pariah in junior high, for background. I had a drama class where most of the room was an open ‘stage’ type area, and had one long bench along one wall that we sat when we weren’t on our feet. A group of classmates (boys and girls) noticed this and focused on me, talked to me for a class or two. One guy in particular made sure he always was sitting next to me on the bench. They were reasonably friendly to begin with, and I started to hope I could make some new friends. Then Dude #1 waits until the teacher left the room, put his hand on my leg, and said “Can I put my dick in your ear?” (Yes, ear. Don’t ask me why, I don’t even know.) I responded with “What? No!” and the whole group burst out laughing. I avoided those people as much as I could and stuck like glue to the teacher after that. It never even occured to me to tell anyone.

It’s definitely not as bad a story as it could have been, (at least he was my age? ugh, I can’t believe someone who’s been harassed can be considered ‘lucky’ for that), but ergh, what a gross experience. I hope the kid who harassed me learned better and is a guy who would never treat a woman so disrespectfully now, but I don’t have much faith that is the case.

Misha
Misha
9 years ago

“I suspect this may be the reason behind a lot of female obesity, though” … I wouldn’t be surprised if some girls are attempting to head off adult attention for traumatic reasons.

In regards to female obesity, you’re damned if you do and damned if you don’t when it comes to (unwanted) male attention.

I’d suffered from childhood obesity, so when I hit age 11-13 and became extremely body conscious I made myself become more active, restricted what I ate, and lost weight.

Then the shopkeeper at our local newsagents started this strange ritual, which carried on for a good couple of years. After I’d bought something, which was most mornings before school when I was waiting for the bus and had nothing else to do, he would hand me back my change and then grab my hand, caressing it whilst I looked away. Eventually he’d stop, step back and dismiss me with a nod and a smile. I’d served my purpose. I remember thinking, at 13, “I guess this is what happens. This is just part of it”. Part of growing up, part of being a young woman and part of being ‘conventionally attractive’.

All the normalizing thoughts in the world didn’t stop the feelings of shame and nausea, though.

@Paradoxical, I’m so sorry. I hope you’ve had all the support you need around you. We’re here for you too, with hugs and tea if you want them.

Deoridhe
9 years ago

I was 11. It was an offer of cunnilingus from two men in a jeep about ten feet from where I was waiting at a light. I didn’t know what the words they said meant, but I knew it made me feel dirty and ashamed.

Catalpa
Catalpa
9 years ago

I’m so sorry about what happened to you, Paradoxical. That’s horrendous. I hope you’re in a much better and safer place now, and that you can heal in safety.

Warm thoughts and e-support to everyone else who has been victimized and assaulted, too. I wish so much that we lived in a world where that never happens to anyone.

autosoma
9 years ago

Its sad to say that all of this is endemic in society and zero is being done to teach appropriate behaviour in men. I read all this in absolute dismay as I have 9 & 6 yo daughters. I only read about five or so of David’s examples before switching to the comments.

I was thinking what can I do as a father so it doesn’t happen to my daughters as I then suddenly realised its already happened. I was sitting on a bus next to my daughter who was 8, we were in our was to a museum. I suddenly noticed this guy sitting behind us who was muttering, lean forward an whisper to my daughter. I immediately intervened and stated that he should talk to me as I’m the father. He got up and got off the bus, I asked my daughter what had been said and she he’d asked if she likes funfairs and could he take her.

It was a totally OMG situation, the upshot is my daughter is now well aware if what she calls “creepy men” and knows to tell a responsible adult immediately.

I don’t see why I should have to educate my daughters to deal with this, men should have been educated NOT to behave like this, it is endemic and there is now way to avoid that reality.

Lisa
Lisa
9 years ago

Wow, this made me literally sick to my stomach and has brought back really terrible memories of my own preteen/ early teen years.

startledoctopus
9 years ago

Reblogged this on Startled Octopus.

NintenEthan
NintenEthan
9 years ago

Everytime I read stories like these, I always am reminded of just how lucky I am to have been born male and to identify as a man.
Seriously, I hear stories like this ALL the time from women.
Do you want to know how many times things like this have happened to me?
0 times.
Do you want to know how many guys I know who have experienced this?
0.
Now, of course I know that there are guys who unfortunately end up experiencing this too. However, the fact of the matter is, those of us who present as masculine (typically) are much less likely to experience this shit.

Aunt Edna
Aunt Edna
9 years ago

@autosoma:

That’s why we so desperately need feminism advancing its radical notion that girls and women are people.

estraven
estraven
9 years ago

Well, this all makes me feel quite ill. I had an uncle that french-kissed my sister in her teens. We both were grabbed (not at the same time) and made to sit on his lap and then he commenced to fondle our thighs. When I was about 13 I was walking out of a bookstore after dark when some guys in a car drove by hooting and hollering stuff I didn’t at the time even know the meaning of. Why why why do we as a society tolerate our girls having to go through this stuff? It’s like Ikeke says, “It’s really all of a piece, isn’t it. From the micro to the macro level men feel as if they have the right to police and control women’s bodies. All the time, everywhere.” This is the reality for women, which makes me really hate the whole “women control us because ass” bullshit of the Warren Farrells of the world.

the bitterest pill
the bitterest pill
9 years ago

Hi just after some advice. My friend it’s a single mother who has just found out her 13 year old son has been having sex with two girlfriends one seventeen the other twelve. When she asked him about it he said that’s what men who have taken the red pill do. Obviously this led to her finding out about the manosphere and now she’s worries he’s growing up with these views. What do you think she should do?

Aunt Edna
Aunt Edna
9 years ago

@Alan:

Re: effects on physical development

No doubt there is a strong connection. I have a vivid example from my personal experience, but after I typed it up here, I decided not to share it. That stuff is still so hard, even after such a long time.

This redditor is doing all of us secret keepers a big favor, whether he realizes it or not. But I wonder about his motives. Is it just a prurient interest? How dispiriting, if that’s the case.

estraven
estraven
9 years ago

Of course my previous comment was just about what happened when I was a teenager (early teens). I don’t know a single woman who has not bee harassed on the street at some point if not made to feel endangered by men. I couldn’t even walk my infant son in a stroller without getting lewd remarks from guys passing by. Or one time in a parking lot outside a convenience store where some guy made a comment he thought (?) was a compliment and when I ignored him called me a bitch. And so on and so on. For a woman, being out in public is like walking a minefield.

sunnysombrera
sunnysombrera
9 years ago

I feel lucky.

I really can’t remember any incidents when I was younger of older men creeping on me. Especially since I had big boobs for my teenage years and a relatively slim waist. Maybe it was cause I’ve blocked out the memories, maybe it’s because I was pretty naive and innocent so I didn’t recognise any small red flags when I saw them. I remember walking home from school, and a couple of boys my age rode past on a bike. One pulled down his pants to show his ass and yelled “Suck my dick, bitch!” I was a bit shaken but I chalked it up to idiot boys being idiots (I also went to an all-girls high school).

Honestly I don’t think street harassment really began until I hit adulthood, and even then it hasn’t been that common.

autosoma
9 years ago
Reply to  Aunt Edna

Agreed, it saddens me that its considered a radical notion, I was brought up by my grandmother to act upon and step in when ever I saw inappropriate behaviour.

Neatly 30 years ago I was sitting in a quiet quiet country pub there was me an old lumpish man an a couple of parents with a 10-ish yo daughter. The parents disappeared somewhere, the old man immediately turned to the girl and asked if she was “wearing stockings” in a salacious way.

I went “oi fella, you can’t say that, she’s a kid”
He went “I drunk there all the time I can do what I want”
I followed up with “well I can call the police or give a filthly old fuck a kicking – which is it to be?”

Unsurprisingly, I got barred from the pub for being aggressive. I was young 19, I didn’t tackle it in a decent way, but its been a frequent occurrence in my life telling other men not to behave like that.

Aunt Edna
Aunt Edna
9 years ago

Thank you for being a decent man, autosoma.

As I read the reddit comments, I’m thinking of my own experiences and realizing how ‘normal’ such harassment and abuse becomes in almost every woman’s life. My own personal examples would easily fill a page, and would include male relatives, a trusted priest, and a therapist. I wouldn’t even bother recounting the random strangers, that’s how ‘normal’ it has been.

It’s disheartening, to say the least. Especially when the abuse and harassment come from men whom we are taught to trust and whose job it is to protect us as children. I sincerely wish we could change it, but I’m not very optimistic. Although the existence of decent men, present company very much included, gives me hope, sometimes.

Aunt Edna
Aunt Edna
9 years ago

@Paradoxical Intention:

I’m so sorry. We hear you.

May he rot in hell. May all of them do.

dhag85
dhag85
9 years ago

Very educational. I feel like this should be compulsory reading on some level. I’ve always been the kind of guy who has mostly female friends, and I do remember the awakening in my early/mid 20s when I realized every woman I knew had these stories too. Fucking gross.

Also, related to autosoma’s comment: You can get in so much trouble just for speaking up against harassment and bigotry. I know I was not very well liked by some at my previous workplace, teaching the Swedish language to immigrants, because of the backlash from trying to be a decent person. I don’t know what the solution is.

tralala
tralala
9 years ago

@DavidFutrelle

THANK YOU for spreading this!!! You are awesome.

Could you shout-out my reddit username u/Iwillpixiecutyou for the credit?

gilshalos
9 years ago

I really feel guilty. I am a cis het female..and I have never been catcalled or otherwise harassed or abused.. Genuinely. The most horriffic thing I could call up is a male classmate at 15 putting a hand on my leg and asking if I wanted to discuss the Marquis de Sade. And that didn’t traumatise me.
But I have always felt bad and dirty anyways.
I never understood people.
It took till my 3rd year at Uni before I found friends who understood my comments and jokes, liked the same books/films/music and didn’t think I was crazy. And they were all male gamers. (Which is why the thought of GamerGate really got to me).
I could trust them totally.
If I was terriffied of hurting myself I could turn up in their room, including sharing a bed, and they never made a single move, but just made me feel safe.

because reasons
because reasons
9 years ago

Virtual hugs for all fellow survivors of abuse and harassment. Maybe I missed something but reading the OP, it seemed to me that the guy who kicked this off did so so that he could sit back, read these kind of stories, and get his jollies. And that’s definitely what a lot of the commenters are doing.

As for my personal experience, I have no idea when it started but it was as young as 4 and most likely younger. I had creepy male relatives and was around creepy males from school-age up (classmates and random strangers), but most of it came from my own father. I think the most fucked up part (as many here have said) is that when you’re a young child, you don’t really know what’s going on. You may feel uneasy or that something’s “off” but you don’t know it’s straight up abuse. You kind of think “Oh, I guess this is what you can expect from guys.” And that really screws up how you relate to men in the future. At least for me, anyways. As an example of how twisted my point of view was, I couldn’t imagine a friend’s father NOT being a creepster molester-I kept asking her “Are you SURE he doesn’t touch you inappropriately?” And the whole time, it was happening to me. Even now I can’t see a sitcom, movie, or real-life family where the dad seems all cool and loving without thinking “Yea, I bet he’s actually molesting those kids…something’s not right there.” Fuck!

And like all that wasn’t enough, I had to deal with the usual pervy men shit. I remember being 8 and a fellow classmate making that v symbol with his fingers and sticking out his tongue in between them…at me. I doubt he really knew what it meant, and I sure as hell didn’t. I asked my mom and she was so upset a boy my age had done that. Then there were the creepsters leering and catcalling my all my years of walking home from school. and the list goes on and on.

tl;dr This is so common it’s disgusting.

sunnysombrera
sunnysombrera
9 years ago

@autosoma, also thanking you for being a good person and standing up to assholes.

Something in your post got me thinking though. The dude said “I can do what I want.” I think that’s a confession of what most harassers or creeps think when they do what they do? It’s entitlement in a six-word nutshell.

@gilshalos The fact that those guys did nothing to harm you punches a huge fucking hole in rape culture when dickbags go “she was in his room what did she expect??” It’s like that graduate who gave a lecture on consent once and said that she’d been in a guys room while drunk several times, and the reason she wasn’t raped is because she wasn’t with a rapist.

God I hate the way rape culture demonizes male sexuality. Not age of consent laws, not feminism, rape culture. When people spread a narrative that it’s normal for a man to rape under X circumstances (and thus the rape is the woman’s fault) THEY are the ones saying that all men are rapists! THEY are the ones calling good men wicked monsters! THEY are the ones being misandrist!

Sorry I went off on a tangent rant there. (tangerant? Please let’s make that a word. 😛 )

autosoma
9 years ago
Reply to  dhag85

@aunt Edna – oooo!!! Wouldn’t call myself decent – I just have a moral compass given to me by my grandmother and I try to stick to the path. Also DecentMan ™ sounds like a knock off of NiceGuy(tm).

@dhag85 The personal solution his simple stick to your guns and don’t let the attitudes against it get to you.

I had a colleague who was niceguy(tm) and stalked a very junior member of staff using his senior position. Of course the girls complaints against him weren’t dealt with effectively, she mentioned that he was a creepster in passing to me and how he was showing off about knowing everyone’s salaries etc because he was the payroll database admin. I used this to report him, he was sacked for inappropriate use of company data not inappropriate sexual behaviour to a company employee.