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In creepy Reddit megathread, thousands of women recount the first time they were perved on by a grown man

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So there’s a giant, growing, and extremely creepy megathread up on Reddit at the moment, and for once, the creepiness isn’t coming from inside the Reddit. Well, less of the creepiness is coming from Reddit than you might expect.

Yesterday, you see, a Redditor known as BA_Baracus posted a couple of simple questions to AskReddit: Women of Reddit, when did you first notice that men were looking at you in a sexual way? How old were you and how did it make you feel?

This wasn’t the first time he’d posted a question to his fellow Redditors; he’s posted a bunch, including “People of reddit with eyes that point in different directions, which one of them is usually looking at me?” and, er, “Recent rape victims of Reddit, how did it happen, and what the hell were you doing in India?” None of these questions got much of a response.

But this time, well, thousands of “women of Reddit” stepped forward to tell the horrifying yet in most cases completely unsurprising stories of the first time men started perving on them, in many cases before they were even teenagers.

Here’s a sampling of some of their stories. TRIGGER WARNING for extreme fucking creepiness.

Age 8, followed to a department store changing room

intoon 130 points 1 day ago  Holy shit, this thread is depressing, but (sadly,) makes me feel like I'm not alone. I was 8, had wandered away from my mom at Kmart. A creepy 40 something white guy in construction attire stared at my chest and butt, and followed me all around the store. I even went into the changing room to get away from him (stupid idea I know, but c'mon, I was 8!) he FOLLOWED ME INTO THE CHANGING ROOM. Tried to pull and shake the locked stall door open that I was hiding behind. I sat, curled into a ball on the changing seat, staring at his dirty work boots just on the other side of that door, terrified. Thank god a woman walked in to try on some clothes, saw him, and screamed at him to get out. After he had left, I ran out and found my Mom. I will never forget how frightened I was. I had no idea what he wanted with me, but the way he stared and his aggression trying to pull that changing room door open made me feel so sick and ashamed of my body and I wondered what I had done to make him come after me. I'm so crazy over protective with my kids and I'm sure some of it stems from that incident. I have to fight my anxiety anytime I take them to a park, or museum or even family gathering. They are always within my sight.

Age 8, molested by a landlord

DevilNTheDeepBlueSea 86 points 1 day ago  I was 8 when a landlord in Germany put his hands down my pants while I was feeding a rabbit he gave me. I ran away, he butchered the bunny that afternoon. I was 11 when a relative of my mother's husband (in his mid-thirties) tried to French kiss me. I told my mother & she found that "hard to believe". I was 16 and almost raped by 2 older guys (mid 20s) in a parking lot in Hawaii (daylight), until a construction worker walked up to stop it. At 17 I worked for a mobile equine vet who once called me in to his office where he was masturbating. I quite that job & caught hell from parents for being fickle. At 18 I was fired from a job for not giving head to a manager, embarrassed (AGAIN), I lied to friends/family about something stupid that I did to cause the job loss. I was 20 when a friend of my aunt offered me a ride home, he tried to rape me, that turned into a fist fight with him leaving mad & calling me crazy. At 26 a small animal veterinarian (50s) tried to corner/fondle me & 2 other assistants regularly. My husband thought women exaggerate these types of things, that it's rare. We're divorced. Should I continue? No, I did not dress provocative or act "flirty". And I don't think it matters if you're beautiful or just a girl. Or how old or experienced. It's insulting, shameful, & almost always very hurtful.

Age 12, at a bus stop

Cuddlebunz 208 points 1 day ago  I remember the first time pretty clearly. I was a mix of scared/angry/confused and I was only twelve years old. I was waiting at a bus stop alone, when a guy who was probably in his late twenties/early thirties came riding past on his bike. He slowed right down and whistled at me. When I ignored him, he turned on his bike and slowly rode right past me. I remember being pretty freaked out at how he leered at me. Twelve year old me had no idea what to do. He turned around and rode by again. Luckily a woman showed up to the same stop so I moved to stand near her. He finally rode off when he saw I wasn't by myself anymore (or maybe was bored I wasn't responding?) It was fucked up. Some men can be so disgusting.

11 or 12, walking to and from school

mermaids_singing 856 points 1 day ago  11 or 12. I remember walking to and from school (6th grade in the US) and having guys yell stuff out of cars. A couple times I had to hide out in a local coffee shop on the route home because I was getting harassed. Once because a carful of maybe late teens/early 20's dudes kept circling the block and asking me to ride with them and once because some older dude was walking the same way and kept talking about my tits and ass. I was 12 and had no idea how to deal with this so I started wearing baggy boy clothes....it lessened but didn't stop. I spent years working htrough my issues over this.

Age 12, waiting for carryout

WinstonScott 1052 points 1 day ago  When I was 12, my mom and I were at a small, carry-out only restaurant waiting for our order to be ready. This older guy, who looked like he was about 20 came in. He just stared at me, open-mouthed. I had to walk past him to fill my drink, and he said, "Hey baby. Give me some of that T & A." I didn't even know what T & A was! He even positioned himself so I would have to walk past him again when we left the restaurant, and he made another comment where he called me "Princess." Anyway, when we got in the car, I just broke down crying. I was so ashamed. My mom had had no idea that any of that had just occurred, and I told her that I didn't know what I had done wrong. I thought for sure I must have looked him at or done something to make him think that it was OK to talk and look at me like that. My mom assured me that it was nothing that I had done, and I that now that I was developing, things like that were going to happen a lot more frequently. If I had been older, the whole incident would have been fairly innocuous. But I was only 12 (and I definitely looked very young even though I had boobs and hips) so it was mildly traumatizing. What I find so disturbing now that I'm an adult, is how frequently, older, grown men would look and make sexual comments at me from the ages of 12-17. Like I said before, I looked very young, and I didn't dress provocatively. There's no way they could have mistaken me for 18+.

Age 11, creepy step-grandfather

vodka_titties 1579 points 1 day ago  I was 11. I had started to grow my boobs, and my step grandfather cornered me in my parents room one day. He stuck his tongue in my mouth and grabbed my boobs. I didn't know what to do so I pushed him away a little, said "abuelito did you want a hug?", and hugged him. Ughhh. I was scared I was going to get in trouble and that my parents would think I was making it up. They believed me, but just told me to avoid him for the rest of his stay.

Age 12, creepy step-uncle

BattleReady 2658 points 1 day ago  I was 12. I remember I was doing yard work for a step-uncle when he would constantly casually make "Huh" sounds and stand directly behind me when I would pull weeds. Suspicions were confirmed when he took me to lunch at the mall and offered to buy me tiny dresses and low cut shirts. I stopped associating with my step family after that as that's all they ever did.

Age 10, wearing a Lion King backpack and light-up shoes

lionking

Age 12, creepy cell phone salesman

Serae 3700 points 1 day ago  This...1999 or 2000? I was 12 and my mom was getting me a cell phone. This was before cell phone were as common for kids to have. I came home with my cellphone and got my first call. It was the young guy who set us up with the phone and the plan. He called to tell me that he thought I was hot and that he has my number since he set me up with my phone. I just small talked him, being overly nice as I wasn't really sure what to do. My mom noticed me on the phone and asked who I would even be calling (the phone as basically to call her and only her). I told her that the guy that sold us the phone was trying to get a date with me. She grabbed the phone and yelled into it, "She's 10 years old and you should be ashamed! If you ever call again I'll go to the police." He got off the phone quickly. I looked at my mom and said, "But...I'm 12?" "He needs to feel the additional shame of being a pig." And that was the moment I first noticed that someone was looking at me in a sexual way. My mother ended up going to the store and getting the guy fired. Apparently this wasn't the first time he'd used his job to get numbers of women to call. This time he got fired. That was also the year other things occurred, but this was the first.

Age 11, walking home from the beach

ALighterShadeOfPale 3919 points 1 day ago  Around age 11, myself and my cousin (she was also 11) were walking from the beach to the cottage (in shorts and t shirts). A car with three men began driving slowly next to us, asking for directions and for us to get in to show them where some campground was. We went into a convenience store and used their phone to call our grandmother to come get us. (Pre cellphones). The men were parked in the parking lot and followed our car to the cottage, which was set back from the road, had to go through trees and such to get to it. They parked out on the road by the entrance. My uncle (cousin's father) was told they were parked there and went out with his shot gun to ask if there was any problems. They didn't stick around. From that point on I became more aware of the yelling out car windows, the stares, the requests to get into vehicles (seriously, guys, does this ever work?)

Age 12, in Blockbuster (with bonus Reddit creepiness)

Flowsephine 4673 points 1 day ago*  I remember being in Blockbuster when I was 12 and having a man comment on my ass loud enough that multiple people turned around to glare at him. When my shocked mother informed him of my age he turned bright red and left the store. Edit: I can save a lot of you a lot of time and tell you that I HAVE NOT posted in /r/gonewild. The most you'll find in my post history is a very cute dog. Edit 2: As requested, here's the dog. 75% Australian Shepherd and 25% Heeler. I'm so glad he's been eye bleach for a lot of you, but don't forget what we are actually here to discuss.

14, eating a lollipop

glitterbugged 5006 points 1 day ago  I was 14 in a restaurant with my parents, sucking on a lollipop, when some dude approached to let me know that he wished he was the lollipop. I thought my dad might actually murder him. Age 12, eating a banana

sakana-no-ko 3577 points 1 day ago  This is sort of like what happened to my sister! We were at a fair and eating frozen chocolate covered bananas. I was 17 and she was 12. This white guy walked up to her and goes "Wow, it looks like you're eating a big black dick! Ha! You look good eating dick" and then a black guy behind him goes "Wish it was mine!" What disturbs me the most about that is I was right there, eating one too, and while I looked young, I could have been legal. She at 12 looked more like she was 10, she was so young looking and they chose to prey on her instead of an adult-looking target.

Naturally, some Redditors decided to add to the creepiness:

pretendtrainw00w00 2825 points 1 day ago*  When I was about ten years old, I developed breasts but hadn't really noticed yet. I was wearing a shirt with no bra, when a boy in my class kept passing my desk over and over again. About the fifth time, I looked up at him to see what was going on, and he was staring right down the v-neck of my top. That was the moment my entire damn life changed. Edit: For those wondering what it is like to be a woman, the creepy PMs have officially started. From a post speaking about my breasts when I was 10.

And all this makes pretty clear just why we need age of consent laws:

CheezIt624 3453 points 1 day ago*  I was 12, already gone through puberty and was pretty developed. I learned very quickly that men don't care if you're 12 as long as you LOOK like you're 17-18. This is why I argue so strongly for consent laws. I was fucking 12 with Beanie Babies and Sweet Valley High books and shit, and grown men were trying to fuck me because I was a C cup and looked older. And I liked the attention, because all any girl wants is to feel wanted and mature and adult. It's why we start fantasizing about our first cars and sneak cigarettes from our parents - we want to feel older and cool. I didn't know I could say no to these men, and I felt so much older and mature when they'd pay attention to me, and so that began a rough few years of letting men have sex with me. I phrase it that way because that's what it was - did I say yes? Yes. Did I want to? No. I was scared to say no to these older guys. It took till maybe 18 or so before I realized I didn't have to do anything I didn't want to. Edit: And I've already received my first PM saying 12 year old slutty me wanted it.

Of course, many of these creepy guys are well aware that the targets of their creepiness are a long way away from being “legal.”

I_Dont_Own_A_Cat 1151 points 1 day ago*  I was 12, already gone through puberty and was pretty developed. I learned very quickly that men don't care if you're 12 as long as you LOOK like you're 17-18. The worst part is that plenty of men who catcall well-developed young teens don't really think they look 17 or 18. They know perfectly damn well they are catcalling 11-15 year olds. They know perfectly damn well 11-15 year olds are "easier" and safer to harass, for the reasons you stated in your post. My body developed pretty young, but I remain short and babyfaced. Even in my early 20s, I occasionally would get hit on by adult men who said or did things that indicated they thought I was very young with big breasts. Asking where I went to high school, etc. Those men didn't think that I was older-looking, they specifically targeted that I was very young-looking. Two different times I've had a men flat out say state, with mild disappointment, they thought I was younger when I told them my age, once after randomly asking if I like to party and offering to buy me alcohol while I was walking down the street.

Check out the thread for countless more stories like this.

H/T — u/Iwillpixiecutyou on Reddit

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fruitloopsie
fruitloopsie
9 years ago

I didn’t read any of this but excuse me I need to pull a knife out of my heart 🙁

Paradoxical Intention
9 years ago

I sincerely hope that the OP asked this as a joke, and he’s going over every. Single. Response.

Paradoxical Intention
9 years ago

I’m also tempted to make a Reddit account just to post my story in there.

Amanda
Amanda
9 years ago

Gah…I saw on fb a whole bunch of people arguing how /clearly/ all those stories are made up for sensationalism. Because reasons. (Yeah time to hit the defriend button)

deezers
9 years ago

🙁

Banana Jackie Cake, the Best Jackie and Cake! Yum! (^v^)
Banana Jackie Cake, the Best Jackie and Cake! Yum! (^v^)
9 years ago

I can’t even.

Social Justice Shota
Social Justice Shota
9 years ago

I don’t think I want to check out that thread.

…I am morbidly curious about the MRA responses to that though.

Paradoxical Intention
9 years ago

@Amanda: This kind of stuff is great for a Facebook Friend Purge.

kravkernow
kravkernow
9 years ago

What is particularly disturbing is that in so many of these situations the victim was clearly a child.

Now I’m not saying it would be acceptable even if the victim was an adult; but it’s the fact that so many of these instances occurred in public areas with other people around and the perpetrator wasn’t worried about the reaction.

It seems analogous to the “I wouldn’t rape a woman” but then only defining rape as holding a knife to a stranger’s throat apologia.

Presumably these guys are rationalising things to themselves as “It’s not paedophilia if she’s….”

Actually, I had to stop there. I thought I might be able to come up with some rationalisation they might use, but I couldn’t think of one. I just don’t get it. I thought even the scuzziest of men drew the line at paedophilia.

davidknewton
davidknewton
9 years ago

These are awful, I’m really sorry to hear that this is how it happens for so many… let’s not mince words – young girls. When you grow up male, you never have this experience of having predators after you and never have to think about it – it’s only recently that I realized just how common it is.

Policy of Madness
Policy of Madness
9 years ago

I thought I might be able to come up with some rationalisation they might use, but I couldn’t think of one.

The rationalization goes like this: “That girl pleases my boner. I should tell her about it, because the pleasure of my boner is the most important thing in the world, and it will please my boner even more if I can make her uncomfortable. Also, she is clearly too young to have developed the defense mechanisms that older women have, so there will be almost no risk to me.” Then they carry through on this plan of action. It’s a risk/benefit analysis conducted from an entirely self-centered perspective, without even the glimmer of a thought that the girl in question is actually a person and that it’s wrong to harm her by shoving an adult man’s sexuality into her face.

theluckyfrog
9 years ago

It was never that dramatic for me. When my friends and I were between 12 and 14, we began to notice that young men sometimes shouted at us as we were walking down main streets. At the time we kind of liked it because it made us feel grown-up, but by 16 or so we understood the real implications and were completely uncomfortable and disgusted with our previous naivete.

When I was 18, I attended a summer program in a post-industrial town that was the worst place I’ve EVER encountered for catcalling. After the first few days there, none of us girls would walk alone. One time a truckload of guys pulled into a parking lot my group was crossing and circled us yelling before they sped off again.

I quickly picked up my local friend’s habit of flipping people off, but a 17 year old I hung out with was from the country and had never encountered this at all. She was very upset and kept asking us why the men were acting like that. After some consideration, I told her I thought they just needed us to *know* they were looking at us. A “look what I can do” sort of gesture. She didn’t buy it because she couldn’t understand why that would matter to anyone, but I still think I’m right on a level.

One day I was walking with her and a car honked coming up behind us. I spun around and was raising my hand to “salute” when I recognized my teacher and his wife, evidently heading home for the weekend. I managed to turn my gesture into a normal wave in time, thank god, because I’d have had to wait til Monday to explain that to them. Everyone thought it was pretty funny when I told the story, and it was, but that town got on my nerves and I was never so happy to return to my own city where I only get yelled at maybe one time per mile.

Dawn Incognito
Dawn Incognito
9 years ago

“Also, she is clearly too young to have developed the defense mechanisms that older women have, so there will be almost no risk to me I will have a better chance with her.”

Are they hoping that this 13-year-old will be the nymphet of their dreams? Or do they get off on fear?

I’m one of the lucky ones, I guess, having “only” been flashed on elementary school grounds at 12 or 13. I’ve heard so much worse and it just hurts my heart.

weirwoodtreehugger
9 years ago

When I had just turned 15 and was a late bloomer who looked younger, that was when I first started getting cat called. My friend who had just turned 13 and I walked about 2 or 3 miles to a pool we liked to frequent. We decided to count the number of whistles and shouts we got. It was over 30. Some of them were from teenage boys, but most were from adult men. We were naive and proud of the attention at the time, but the next year I got stalked for an entire day by a middle aged man. After that, I realized it wasn’t a complement, it was predatory behavior.

My friend was the girl I discussed in a different thread a few months ago who had a 24 year old boyfriend at age 14.

mildlymagnificent
9 years ago

And, true to form, other redditors are calling them names. See Cheezit624’s remark that she’s already received a PM telling her that “12 year old slutty me wanted it”.

Anyone who wants to make a Reddit account to tell their own story should be ready for those PMs. You might be willing to do a bit of skirmishing with a few lunkheads, but one thing you shouldn’t be is surprised. Might be worth thinking about possible responses or reports before you get started – then you’ll be pleasantly surprised when you get supportive rather than insulting messages.

Policy of Madness
Policy of Madness
9 years ago

Are they hoping that this 13-year-old will be the nymphet of their dreams? Or do they get off on fear?

My opinion is that, in general (there are exceptions), it’s nothing less or more than an expression of power. “I can make you uncomfortable, maybe even afraid, and it’s so effortless!” I don’t think they’re hoping or expecting to get laid (as a rule – again, exceptions). They just want to make some little girl upset because they enjoy having that kind of power. No different from pulling the wings off of flies, and with just as much moral weight invested in the action.

kravkernow
kravkernow
9 years ago

“They just want to make some little girl upset”

You know, in a way that’s even more creepy (if such were possible) than acting out of some misguided expression of inappropriate sexual attraction.

Although I suppose that does tie in with my thesis (that I keep repeating, sorry!) that on the whole MRA types sole rationale is that they get a kick from annoying/terrifying women. (Nothing to do with promoting men’s rights, or even actively trying to act against feminism)

suffrajitsu
suffrajitsu
9 years ago

@kraverknow

Sadly, I’ve heard of many.

“It’s not pedophilia if she looks older.”
“It’s not pedophilia if she’s a bad girl.”
“It’s not pedophilia if she totally wants it.”
“It’s not pedophilia if she’s already sexually experienced.”

See:
http://www.slate.com/blogs/xx_factor/2012/11/29/cleveland_texas_rape_case_defense_attorney_calls_pre_teen_victim_a_spider.html and also a horrifying amount of literary criticism arguing the 12-year-old was totally the manipulative one in “Lolita.”

Alan Robertshaw
9 years ago

Hey, why aren’t I Alan any more?

peristyle
peristyle
9 years ago

I have my own story, like everyone else here. It’s strange because reading those accounts, it makes me realize that this is just how things *are*. It wasn’t just me.

My story (I may share it later, but I don’t feel like it right now) is not the worst, but was of course traumatic. (Older boys groping a well-developed 11-year-old me.) The thing that I remember was the fear that *I* was to blame. *I* had done something wrong. That I “had it coming” even though I was the most sheltered, innocent 11 year old out there.

I think part of this belief came from having bullying against me ignored, not being listened to when I complained (at school to the teacher or at home to parents) when I wasn’t treated right. Authority figures (teachers, parents) often wouldn’t believe me. Why would they suddenly believe me now?

So I never told anyone, because I’d already been conditioned to believe that no one believes you anyway.

I don’t advocate believing kids when they make claims of molestation or abuse, just immediately believing them, because sometimes kids lie, and it’s pretty horrendous to be falsely accused. But to be automatically *not* believed is equally horrendous. All it does is condition you to expect that you’ll *never* be believed. It opens the door for becoming a victim of abuse over and over again, since you already believe that no one is going to be in your corner, that you’re on your own, and in fact, if something bad happens to you, *you’ll* be blamed for it. So you decide that it’s better to just never say anything.

Because of this early, unwanted, creepy attention, I gained weight in a not-so-subconscious attempt to make some of it go away. It kind of worked, but made my boobs and butt even bigger, so that wasn’t so good. In addition, we already know how angry weight gain on women makes some guys, so I got the creepy attention for the boobs and butt, as well as the anger for the weight gain.

The thing that makes me angry is that the weight gain was at least partly a response to the creepy attention, and yet I was constantly “blamed” for that too. I couldn’t win for losing. Lose weight, get creepy attention, or gain weight, and get creepy attention plus blame and hatred.

Alan Robertshaw
9 years ago

Oh, now I am again; weird.

@ suffrajitsu

Yeah, I can see people using those; but in many of the cases outlined there isn’t even that excuse. The victims were obviously just children acting and dressing in clearly childlike ways.

Policy of Madness
Policy of Madness
9 years ago

You know, in a way that’s even more creepy (if such were possible) than acting out of some misguided expression of inappropriate sexual attraction.

Oh, there’s definitely a sexual attraction component. Don’t let me mislead you in that respect. I just don’t believe that they’re doing it out of some wrongheaded notion that there is an actual possibility of getting laid. They’re doing it because they like to exert power (sexual power, I should have said) over persons who present as female, but adult women are less likely to cry and more likely to call the police. Girls make easier prey.

That’s what I’ve concluded from my experiences.

K
K
9 years ago

See, this isn’t a reason all men should be expected to walk on egg shells around every woman. BUT it is an example of why they need to be conscious of how women are treated sexually in the world, and consider that when they approach a woman who might find them threatening. They really do start to act like it’s an exaggeration after a while, and sadly it’s just not.

I wish I could remember at what preteen age men started catcalling or making lewd suggestions, but I spent a few hours being molested when I was 8, and after that, the kind of behavior in question is all kind of blurry timeline wise. I think I was 11 or 12 the first time the kids in my apartment complex had to report a creepy car with blacked-out windows stalking our bus stop.

But as we sadly know, most of these stories are just words and gestures – the real dangers are rarely from the outside. My molester might have been a stranger to me, but he didn’t pick me up at a store or in a van with candy – my babysitter lived with her mom, and her mom came home drunk with her boyfriend one night, while my sister and I were asleep on couches in their family room. She passed out, he didn’t, and I spent the night being frenched, fondled and asked if I was a virgin – in an accent that would’ve been thick enough if he hadn’t been shitfaced on really cheap beer – just trying to keep him quiet enough not to wake my little sister, lest he start messing with her.

This is the world women have to navigate. And not only is it not just the “pretty” girls, it’s too often the ones who are awkward or underwhelming, because they seem the most vulnerable to predators.

suffrajitsu
suffrajitsu
9 years ago

Okay, question:

When I was 7, my family went on a trip to Canada. We booked a tour and part of it involved boarding a boat somewhere (don’t remember where). My mom and I were hanging out on the deck with the other tourists when a white-haired man in his 60s or so struck up a conversation with us.

He commented on how pretty I was, which I wasn’t particularly weirded out by since I was 7 and lots of random adults will tell parents how cute their kids are at their age. Then he asked if I’d be his girlfriend. I thought that was kind of weird, but my mom was right there and I guess I thought he was teasing/flattering. I don’t even remember how the rest of the conversation went, but when we were about to leave he kissed me on the cheek. I don’t remember my mom reacting to it then but she complained about it to my grandma afterward.

I’ve wondered about it for a long time, but was I perved on by a pedophile or was it just an overly friendly old man coming across as creepy? I’ve thought about it since then and I feel like it was a really weird thing to do, but I can’t help but feel like I’m reading too much into it.

Alex
Alex
9 years ago

EW! EW! EW! EW! EW! EW! EW! EW! EW! EEEEEEEEEEEEW!
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Excuse me while I puke…

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