Reddit’s Red Pillers are so obsessed with the idea of “spinning plates” — casually dating more than one woman at a time — that when I visit their various subreddits I sometimes feel like I’ve wandered into a convention of crockery fetishists (not that there’s anything wrong with that). You know, the sort of guys who, when they do the dishes, really do the dishes, wink wink nudge nudge.
Apparently plate-spinning can be a pretty tricky business. Here are an assortment of plate-related queries I found in the Ask The Red Pill subreddit — and my answers.
Plates get bored when they’re stuck in a dusty old cupboard all day. Take her out, give her a few turns in the microwave with a slice of leftover pizza, make a meal of it!
Next them! Nobody likes an old plate with a lot of cracks in it.
Cut her some slack. Plates don’t have thumbs.
Let her sit in the sink for a while. MAINTAIN FRAME!
Has she climbed into a box with a number of other plates wrapped in your clothing? She may be planning to move out on you!
Food. Dishwasher liquid. Cupboards.
Did you really “acquire” the plate without realizing it, or were you shoplifting? You were shoplifting, weren’t you?
Serious questions only! Plates don’t have eyes. Are you sure you’re not dating a potato?
I find witchcraft to be quite effective, though sometimes I accidentally turn my friends into newts. (They get better.)
Bed Bath and Beyond?
@Fnoicby – Buying plates from Ikea for cheapness..?
You’re doing it wrong!
I buy plates from charity shops. You can get really nice plates for very little cash.
I have my grandmother’s china plates. They’re from occupied Japan. I only like submissive Asian plates. Those slutty white American plates that I have keep getting melted cheese all over them and they keep getting liked by my cat. White American plates are a disgrace.
Licked. Damn autocorrect changed it to liked.
Suddenly the AVFM commemorative plate makes a lot more sense.
I would laugh if someone started asking questions about literal plates. And because I can’t keep these thoughts out of my head…
She’s really fine china but yet you treat her like Styrofoam.
She’s got an attractive pattern…I’d put her on a registry.
She’s got a few chips but she’s still usable. (barf!)
Would you ever consider a platter?
I…I can’t stop.
And for the guy whose plates have started wearing their clothing, are you a klutz? If you keep dropping your plate, she may have to take protective measures.
For a non-literal reaction to the ‘plate who started wearing my clothing’. I uh, I have acquired tops from most of my longish term relationships. This has nothing to do with my feelings for them, but liking for the tops.
In fact, I normally buy tops and jogging pants from the men’s section cos the measurements/styles suit me better.
If you use a full plate setting with salad plates and a charger, is that, like, a four-way?
And by ‘suit me’ I mean are comfortable to wear
The sad thing is, real plates get treated with more tenderness and care than TRP plates.
This is wildly off-topic but does a charger serve a purpose beyond looking pretty? It’s just that the name is so dynamic that I’ve always thought it was supposed to actively do something.
I guess this is what an alpha looks like?
What happens if you’re lazy, like me, and use paper plates? I wonder how the use of “plates” got started, because this is boggling my brain. Is it because the sandwiches women are supposed to make men are usually served on plates? I got nothin.
The “What do I do if my plate doesn’t give me head” one made me chuckle. Hmm, idk, have you ever thought that if you *licked your plate clean* every once in a while, it might return the favor? Oh, I forgot…these guys just grab two plate, some lube, and jam their boners in between them until they get off. Then they leave the plates in the sink for someone else to clean. UGH.
It’s because you have to keep spinning the plates to keep them in the air, I assume. Like “juggling” multiple dates — if you don’t pay attention to any of them for a while, they “drop” and the more you have, the harder it becomes. Which as long as you’re truthful with the “plates,” I don’t see anything wrong with dating more than one person at a time, if you have the energy for that sort of thing …
Dinner parties must be so awkward for them.
Oh, what am I saying? The only way these jerks would be invited to a nice dinner party is if they somehow managed to throw one themselves.
But then who would make the sammiches?
A quick Google search tells me that they are large plates you’re not meant to eat off of. For the most part, they just sit there and look pretty.
Sometimes they are removed as soon as the guests sit down for their food, other times they’re removed right before dessert if they compliment the other dinnerware.
Plate spinning is something you do to impress an audience, which says a lot about the mindset of these guys.
I wonder if they get all bent out of shape at the idea that some other guy’s meal may have touched a plate before theirs. That’s why plates have to be disposable paper, but also priceless Wedgewoods. And also unbreakable and self-washing.
Goldurn it! All the good dishware puns are taken!
I found this article that explains why “spinning plates” is good and makes you a ManlyMan:
http://therationalmale.com/2011/08/19/plate-theory-2/
From the article:
Yes, this is a great way to live your life! Always keep your options open, because surely, something better will come along. Why settle down with a woman you love (like a total beta), when there could be some HB10 on the horizon? Oh my fucking god.
RedPillers got nothing on these ladies:
http://diablo.incgamers.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/06/Spinning-Plates.jpg
Does this count as misandry? *snurk*
Robert – the elves are the embodiment of this way of thinking – they are the absolute psychopaths of Discworld.
@Buttercup
THIS! All of this! “Look how many plates I have spinning, you guyz! Am I worthy yet??” It’s like the trophy-wife thing…the guy might not even like his wife, let alone love her, but she sure is a pretty prize to show off to the other doods.
@WWTH
Your cat’s NOT on facebook? Those still exist?!!!
wwth, I’m imagining you putting pics of your plates on Facebook and your cat sitting at a laptop diligently “liking” them all.
ninjaed!
@ Viscaria
While this was probably not their originally intended purpose, my family uses chargers when we’re eating on the couch and the plates are too hot to hold comfortably – either because of the food on them or because they were in the microwave.
Red pillars should take lessons from the people about and this guy
http://youtu.be/Zhoos1oY404