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Plate Sextonics: Your crockery-related Red Pill questions answered at last!

What a dish!
What a dish!

Reddit’s Red Pillers are so obsessed with the idea of “spinning plates” — casually dating more than one woman at a time — that when I visit their various subreddits I sometimes feel like I’ve wandered into a convention of crockery fetishists (not that there’s anything wrong with that). You know, the sort of guys who, when they do the dishes, really do the dishes, wink wink nudge nudge.

Apparently plate-spinning can be a pretty tricky business. Here are an assortment of plate-related queries I found in the Ask The Red Pill subreddit — and my answers.

plate4

Plates get bored when they’re stuck in a dusty old cupboard all day. Take her out, give her a few turns in the microwave with a slice of leftover pizza, make a meal of it!

plate6

Next them! Nobody likes an old plate with a lot of cracks in it.

platetext

Cut her some slack. Plates don’t have thumbs.

plate13

Let her sit in the sink for a while. MAINTAIN FRAME!

plate14

Has she climbed into a box with a number of other plates wrapped in your clothing? She may be planning to move out on you!

plate19

Food. Dishwasher liquid. Cupboards.

plate21

Did you really “acquire” the plate without realizing it, or were you shoplifting? You were shoplifting, weren’t you?

plate23

Serious questions only! Plates don’t have eyes. Are you sure you’re not dating a potato?

plate24

I find witchcraft to be quite effective, though sometimes I accidentally turn my friends into newts. (They get better.)

plate25

Bed Bath and Beyond?

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rennydiokno2015
5 years ago

Reblogged this on My Bloggerdiok.

Declan
Declan
5 years ago

Urgh, as somebody who actually is dating two women, these guys are really making me angry that they think this is how it works. They’re people, not pieces of cutlery, you dingbats. This definitely does remind me of *some* kind of crock though.

Jimbtho
Jimbtho
5 years ago

I find the way these dudes talk about ‘plates’ intensely disturbing. They can’t even use terms like FB because that would be, well, too humanizing.

Boy_Chicken
Boy_Chicken
5 years ago

What about bowls?

numerobis
numerobis
5 years ago

Potential plates at BB&B, but then I see the price and I hit up that thrift shop instead. The plates there are way cheaper. While I’m there I can get some cheap wine glasses at the same time — plates dig wine glasses.

Flying Mouse
Flying Mouse
5 years ago

Newbie question on a plate I acquired without realizing what I was doing.

Oh, those fellas do get all twisted up about manners and etiquette. It’s adorable. Don’t worry, dear, sooner or later everybody ends up with an extra dish after a potluck. Just send it back where it belongs, preferably with a nice note about how much you enjoyed the Jell-O salad. Simple and pleasant!

Bina
Bina
5 years ago

Dudes, beware…if you refer to women as “plates”, sooner or later, that dish is gonna run away with the spoon!

Flying Mouse
Flying Mouse
5 years ago

Dudes, beware…if you refer to women as “plates”, sooner or later, that dish is gonna run away with the spoon!

Boy, then they’ll be forked!

Viscaria
Viscaria
5 years ago

Most of our plates are from Ikea. Good luck, intrepid Red Pill shoppers!

lkeke35
5 years ago

You guys are hialrious! So is this post!

I guess its just too much to ask that they refer to women as..you know, women.

loganbacon
loganbacon
5 years ago

Hmm, so sexy when my man refers to me as an inanimate object. Hawt.

Viscaria
Viscaria
5 years ago

I rolled my eyes at the “asked an old plate over to watch a movie. Actually watched a movie” one. You asked someone you used to go out with over on false pretenses and then she actually did the thing you claimed you wanted to do? I dunno, man, she sounds like a stuck up b*tch to me. 9_9

Annie Squidface
5 years ago

As always, I love the usernames. What a bunch of psychopaths.

Fnoicby
Fnoicby
5 years ago

This reminds me, I need a new set of plates. I’m just going to go the ikea route – they will all end up chipped or broken in a few years so why spend big money, I say.

Bina
Bina
5 years ago

I rolled my eyes at the “asked an old plate over to watch a movie. Actually watched a movie” one. You asked someone you used to go out with over on false pretenses and then she actually did the thing you claimed you wanted to do? I dunno, man, she sounds like a stuck up b*tch to me. 9_9

I’m guessing she also picked his hand off her knee and deposited it firmly in his lap when he tried to bust a move on her. Oh the ignominy and humiliation!

sunnysombrera
5 years ago

What do you do when a friend wants to borrow your best plates for a dinner party?

What if my three year old niece drops a plate by accident?

I can’t get this pasta sauce stain off my plate, help!

estraven
estraven
5 years ago

Ah. I wondered what that whole “spinning plates” thing was. Slow on the uptake . . .

Aunt Edna
Aunt Edna
5 years ago

It’s heartwarming to see so many men giving so much attention to domestic matters. Taking good care of kitchenware saves one much time and money in the long run, not to mention making life more pleasant. I hope they remember to polish their silverware, too!

tralala
tralala
5 years ago

Took out all three of my plates at the same time.

http://www.craftster.org/pictures/data/500/medium/233870_24Sep10_2010-09-22_12_25_00.jpg

Am I doing it right?

freemage
5 years ago

Annie Squidface | April 10, 2015 at 9:34 am

As always, I love the usernames. What a bunch of psychopaths.

Oddly, most of them aren’t particularly offensive. A few are a bit grandiose, but nothing rapey, which is actually a step up from most of the manosphere Reddit threads I’ve seen.

Tina S
Tina S
5 years ago

I will never look at plates the same again.

Thalia
Thalia
5 years ago

@tralala, those plates are awesome!

This post is funny, but not actually hateful for a change (OK, except for the guy who’s bitching because his “plate” won’t give him head). Once upon a time I used to lurk on a Rules Girl forum, because it was freakishly fascinating. One of the women referred to updating her online dating profiles as “baiting the lobster traps,” so “lobster” became forum shorthand for guy you are dating or might date. Some of the things said there were awful, but the lobster bit was pretty charming. And I can see lobsters and plates being very happy together — especially if there’s a little cup of melted butter.

The Rules Girls were also big on multiple dating.

Tanya Nguyen
5 years ago

Women are plates. All open, and round and flat. Usually white, but from china – which is quite the deal, when you think of it.

So with that in mind, it would suggest MRA are sippy cups. Only useful if the partner’s maturity level or experience in the dating field is a few years old, shaped like a cartoon character, and stuck in a box to be hidden from polite society for the rest of it’s natural life.

Robert
Robert
5 years ago

Didn’t Granny Weatherwax say that all evil starts with treating people as things?

This was a more literal interpretation of the metaphor than I would have expected.

NicolaLuna
NicolaLuna
5 years ago

I can’t help wondering if these guys would get any pleasure from spinning plates if they didn’t brag about it. I’m guessing no.

That’s assuming the plates they are spinning aren’t fictional. I don’t know which is sadder.

gilshalos
5 years ago

@Fnoicby – Buying plates from Ikea for cheapness..?
You’re doing it wrong!
I buy plates from charity shops. You can get really nice plates for very little cash.

weirwoodtreehugger
5 years ago

I have my grandmother’s china plates. They’re from occupied Japan. I only like submissive Asian plates. Those slutty white American plates that I have keep getting melted cheese all over them and they keep getting liked by my cat. White American plates are a disgrace.

weirwoodtreehugger
5 years ago

Licked. Damn autocorrect changed it to liked.

katz
5 years ago

Suddenly the AVFM commemorative plate makes a lot more sense.

AbsintheDexterous
5 years ago

I would laugh if someone started asking questions about literal plates. And because I can’t keep these thoughts out of my head…

She’s really fine china but yet you treat her like Styrofoam.
She’s got an attractive pattern…I’d put her on a registry.
She’s got a few chips but she’s still usable. (barf!)
Would you ever consider a platter?

I…I can’t stop.

And for the guy whose plates have started wearing their clothing, are you a klutz? If you keep dropping your plate, she may have to take protective measures.

gilshalos
5 years ago

For a non-literal reaction to the ‘plate who started wearing my clothing’. I uh, I have acquired tops from most of my longish term relationships. This has nothing to do with my feelings for them, but liking for the tops.
In fact, I normally buy tops and jogging pants from the men’s section cos the measurements/styles suit me better.

Thalia
Thalia
5 years ago

If you use a full plate setting with salad plates and a charger, is that, like, a four-way?

gilshalos
5 years ago

And by ‘suit me’ I mean are comfortable to wear

Buttercup Q. Skullpants
Buttercup Q. Skullpants
5 years ago

The sad thing is, real plates get treated with more tenderness and care than TRP plates.

Viscaria
Viscaria
5 years ago

This is wildly off-topic but does a charger serve a purpose beyond looking pretty? It’s just that the name is so dynamic that I’ve always thought it was supposed to actively do something.

because reasons
because reasons
5 years ago

I guess this is what an alpha looks like?comment image
What happens if you’re lazy, like me, and use paper plates? I wonder how the use of “plates” got started, because this is boggling my brain. Is it because the sandwiches women are supposed to make men are usually served on plates? I got nothin.

The “What do I do if my plate doesn’t give me head” one made me chuckle. Hmm, idk, have you ever thought that if you *licked your plate clean* every once in a while, it might return the favor? Oh, I forgot…these guys just grab two plate, some lube, and jam their boners in between them until they get off. Then they leave the plates in the sink for someone else to clean. UGH.

Thalia
Thalia
5 years ago

It’s because you have to keep spinning the plates to keep them in the air, I assume. Like “juggling” multiple dates — if you don’t pay attention to any of them for a while, they “drop” and the more you have, the harder it becomes. Which as long as you’re truthful with the “plates,” I don’t see anything wrong with dating more than one person at a time, if you have the energy for that sort of thing …

Paradoxical Intention
5 years ago

Dinner parties must be so awkward for them.

Oh, what am I saying? The only way these jerks would be invited to a nice dinner party is if they somehow managed to throw one themselves.

But then who would make the sammiches?

Paradoxical Intention
5 years ago

Viscaria | April 10, 2015 at 1:19 pm
This is wildly off-topic but does a charger serve a purpose beyond looking pretty? It’s just that the name is so dynamic that I’ve always thought it was supposed to actively do something.

A quick Google search tells me that they are large plates you’re not meant to eat off of. For the most part, they just sit there and look pretty.

Sometimes they are removed as soon as the guests sit down for their food, other times they’re removed right before dessert if they compliment the other dinnerware.

Buttercup Q. Skullpants
Buttercup Q. Skullpants
5 years ago

Plate spinning is something you do to impress an audience, which says a lot about the mindset of these guys.

I wonder if they get all bent out of shape at the idea that some other guy’s meal may have touched a plate before theirs. That’s why plates have to be disposable paper, but also priceless Wedgewoods. And also unbreakable and self-washing.

mayimoktoo
mayimoktoo
5 years ago

Goldurn it! All the good dishware puns are taken!

because reasons
because reasons
5 years ago

I found this article that explains why “spinning plates” is good and makes you a ManlyMan:
http://therationalmale.com/2011/08/19/plate-theory-2/

From the article:

When a man spins more plates, when he has irons in the fire, when he is pursuing multiple women simultaneously, when he has options equally worth exploring, a man will have a natural, subconscious (but not exclusively) understanding that if one prospect does not expand, others very well may.

Yes, this is a great way to live your life! Always keep your options open, because surely, something better will come along. Why settle down with a woman you love (like a total beta), when there could be some HB10 on the horizon? Oh my fucking god.

because reasons
because reasons
5 years ago

RedPillers got nothing on these ladies:
http://diablo.incgamers.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/06/Spinning-Plates.jpg
Does this count as misandry? *snurk*

Ellesar
5 years ago

Robert – the elves are the embodiment of this way of thinking – they are the absolute psychopaths of Discworld.

because reasons
because reasons
5 years ago

@Buttercup

Plate spinning is something you do to impress an audience, which says a lot about the mindset of these guys.

I wonder if they get all bent out of shape at the idea that some other guy’s meal may have touched a plate before theirs. That’s why plates have to be disposable paper, but also priceless Wedgewoods. And also unbreakable and self-washing.

THIS! All of this! “Look how many plates I have spinning, you guyz! Am I worthy yet??” It’s like the trophy-wife thing…the guy might not even like his wife, let alone love her, but she sure is a pretty prize to show off to the other doods.

Shadow
Shadow
5 years ago

@WWTH

Licked. Damn autocorrect changed it to liked.

Your cat’s NOT on facebook? Those still exist?!!!

Gaebolga
Gaebolga
5 years ago

@ Viscaria

This is wildly off-topic but does a charger serve a purpose beyond looking pretty? It’s just that the name is so dynamic that I’ve always thought it was supposed to actively do something.

While this was probably not their originally intended purpose, my family uses chargers when we’re eating on the couch and the plates are too hot to hold comfortably – either because of the food on them or because they were in the microwave.

fruitloopsie
fruitloopsie
5 years ago

Red pillars should take lessons from the people about and this guy
http://youtu.be/Zhoos1oY404