Reddit’s Red Pillers are so obsessed with the idea of “spinning plates” — casually dating more than one woman at a time — that when I visit their various subreddits I sometimes feel like I’ve wandered into a convention of crockery fetishists (not that there’s anything wrong with that). You know, the sort of guys who, when they do the dishes, really do the dishes, wink wink nudge nudge.
Apparently plate-spinning can be a pretty tricky business. Here are an assortment of plate-related queries I found in the Ask The Red Pill subreddit — and my answers.
Plates get bored when they’re stuck in a dusty old cupboard all day. Take her out, give her a few turns in the microwave with a slice of leftover pizza, make a meal of it!
Next them! Nobody likes an old plate with a lot of cracks in it.
Cut her some slack. Plates don’t have thumbs.
Let her sit in the sink for a while. MAINTAIN FRAME!
Has she climbed into a box with a number of other plates wrapped in your clothing? She may be planning to move out on you!
Food. Dishwasher liquid. Cupboards.
Did you really “acquire” the plate without realizing it, or were you shoplifting? You were shoplifting, weren’t you?
Serious questions only! Plates don’t have eyes. Are you sure you’re not dating a potato?
I find witchcraft to be quite effective, though sometimes I accidentally turn my friends into newts. (They get better.)
Bed Bath and Beyond?
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Urgh, as somebody who actually is dating two women, these guys are really making me angry that they think this is how it works. They’re people, not pieces of cutlery, you dingbats. This definitely does remind me of *some* kind of crock though.
I find the way these dudes talk about ‘plates’ intensely disturbing. They can’t even use terms like FB because that would be, well, too humanizing.
What about bowls?
Potential plates at BB&B, but then I see the price and I hit up that thrift shop instead. The plates there are way cheaper. While I’m there I can get some cheap wine glasses at the same time — plates dig wine glasses.
Oh, those fellas do get all twisted up about manners and etiquette. It’s adorable. Don’t worry, dear, sooner or later everybody ends up with an extra dish after a potluck. Just send it back where it belongs, preferably with a nice note about how much you enjoyed the Jell-O salad. Simple and pleasant!
Dudes, beware…if you refer to women as “plates”, sooner or later, that dish is gonna run away with the spoon!
Boy, then they’ll be forked!
Most of our plates are from Ikea. Good luck, intrepid Red Pill shoppers!
You guys are hialrious! So is this post!
I guess its just too much to ask that they refer to women as..you know, women.
Hmm, so sexy when my man refers to me as an inanimate object. Hawt.
I rolled my eyes at the “asked an old plate over to watch a movie. Actually watched a movie” one. You asked someone you used to go out with over on false pretenses and then she actually did the thing you claimed you wanted to do? I dunno, man, she sounds like a stuck up b*tch to me. 9_9
As always, I love the usernames. What a bunch of psychopaths.
This reminds me, I need a new set of plates. I’m just going to go the ikea route – they will all end up chipped or broken in a few years so why spend big money, I say.
I’m guessing she also picked his hand off her knee and deposited it firmly in his lap when he tried to bust a move on her. Oh the ignominy and humiliation!
What do you do when a friend wants to borrow your best plates for a dinner party?
What if my three year old niece drops a plate by accident?
I can’t get this pasta sauce stain off my plate, help!
Ah. I wondered what that whole “spinning plates” thing was. Slow on the uptake . . .
It’s heartwarming to see so many men giving so much attention to domestic matters. Taking good care of kitchenware saves one much time and money in the long run, not to mention making life more pleasant. I hope they remember to polish their silverware, too!
Took out all three of my plates at the same time.
http://www.craftster.org/pictures/data/500/medium/233870_24Sep10_2010-09-22_12_25_00.jpg
Am I doing it right?
Oddly, most of them aren’t particularly offensive. A few are a bit grandiose, but nothing rapey, which is actually a step up from most of the manosphere Reddit threads I’ve seen.
I will never look at plates the same again.
@tralala, those plates are awesome!
This post is funny, but not actually hateful for a change (OK, except for the guy who’s bitching because his “plate” won’t give him head). Once upon a time I used to lurk on a Rules Girl forum, because it was freakishly fascinating. One of the women referred to updating her online dating profiles as “baiting the lobster traps,” so “lobster” became forum shorthand for guy you are dating or might date. Some of the things said there were awful, but the lobster bit was pretty charming. And I can see lobsters and plates being very happy together — especially if there’s a little cup of melted butter.
The Rules Girls were also big on multiple dating.
Women are plates. All open, and round and flat. Usually white, but from china – which is quite the deal, when you think of it.
So with that in mind, it would suggest MRA are sippy cups. Only useful if the partner’s maturity level or experience in the dating field is a few years old, shaped like a cartoon character, and stuck in a box to be hidden from polite society for the rest of it’s natural life.
Didn’t Granny Weatherwax say that all evil starts with treating people as things?
This was a more literal interpretation of the metaphor than I would have expected.
I can’t help wondering if these guys would get any pleasure from spinning plates if they didn’t brag about it. I’m guessing no.
That’s assuming the plates they are spinning aren’t fictional. I don’t know which is sadder.