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Plate Sextonics: Your crockery-related Red Pill questions answered at last!

What a dish!
What a dish!

Reddit’s Red Pillers are so obsessed with the idea of “spinning plates” — casually dating more than one woman at a time — that when I visit their various subreddits I sometimes feel like I’ve wandered into a convention of crockery fetishists (not that there’s anything wrong with that). You know, the sort of guys who, when they do the dishes, really do the dishes, wink wink nudge nudge.

Apparently plate-spinning can be a pretty tricky business. Here are an assortment of plate-related queries I found in the Ask The Red Pill subreddit — and my answers.

plate4

Plates get bored when they’re stuck in a dusty old cupboard all day. Take her out, give her a few turns in the microwave with a slice of leftover pizza, make a meal of it!

plate6

Next them! Nobody likes an old plate with a lot of cracks in it.

platetext

Cut her some slack. Plates don’t have thumbs.

plate13

Let her sit in the sink for a while. MAINTAIN FRAME!

plate14

Has she climbed into a box with a number of other plates wrapped in your clothing? She may be planning to move out on you!

plate19

Food. Dishwasher liquid. Cupboards.

plate21

Did you really “acquire” the plate without realizing it, or were you shoplifting? You were shoplifting, weren’t you?

plate23

Serious questions only! Plates don’t have eyes. Are you sure you’re not dating a potato?

plate24

I find witchcraft to be quite effective, though sometimes I accidentally turn my friends into newts. (They get better.)

plate25

Bed Bath and Beyond?

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fruitloopsie
fruitloopsie
5 years ago

“Above” not “about”

weirwoodtreehugger
5 years ago

She probably would like them if they had food on them.

friday jones
friday jones
5 years ago

And the dish ran away with the spoon, after which they forked until the cows jumped home.

friday jones
friday jones
5 years ago

Elvis commemorative plates have eyes. Not as many as a potato, but much more smoldering.

Aunt Edna
Aunt Edna
5 years ago

@weirwoodtreehugger:

“Licked. Damn autocorrect changed it to liked.”

And the difference…? 😉

Viscaria
Viscaria
5 years ago

HahaI,thanks, ParadoxicalIntention and Gaebolga. It’s like calling a pretty vase an “explodinator.” Too much name for what it is, is all I’m saying.

Aunt Edna
Aunt Edna
5 years ago

@because reasons:

“It’s like the trophy-wife thing…the guy might not even like his wife, let alone love her, but she sure is a pretty prize to show off to the other doods.”

That reminds me of the Curious Case of Redpillian Arithmetic as explicated on The (ir)Rational Male blog, under the relatively recent post on Trophy Wives (?) (I think that was the title; I’m too lazy to look it up now).

The Irrational Male Himself went to great lengths to try to prove that men aren’t ever interested in showing in public with attractive women — nor dump “old” women for newer, prettier models — to enhance their status. They do it only because something else (they just love boning young, attractive women, is all, IIRC).

Well, I think that was the gist of that post — it’s usually hard to tell, given the convoluted verbosity involved.

Anyway, it was hilarious to watch the IMHimself and his commenters tell themselves and anyone who’d listen that “inferior” women (the old, ugly ones) can subtract from a man’s status, but the new “trophy” models never add to it, no way Jose. It was, of course, another way to (pretend to) discount the importance of women in men’s lives and to deny well-known and not-so-noble male tendencies and behaviors.

Curiously, none of the Rational and Logic-Based Men there stopped for one second to ponder that if we can subtract from something, we can also add to it. They were all adamant that the status influence works only one way, if it is there at all.

That was one of the funniest disturbing things, among so many others one can always count on finding there.

Banana Jackie Cake, the Best Jackie and Cake! Yum! (^v^)
Banana Jackie Cake, the Best Jackie and Cake! Yum! (^v^)
5 years ago

There seriously needs to be a SLEW of joke posts in that thread, for real.

I have too many plates!
Seriously, my parents and both sets of grandparents sent me all different sets of plates. They’re all really nice, but I have my own which I prefer.
[picture of plate sets]
Prices are negotiable.

I’m having trouble balancing just two plates!
Should I have started with those trick plates that have the indent for sticks or should I start with just one regular one and start from there? My patio is filled with plate shards and I NEED to learn this trick for my niece’s b-day party in a month.

I have a large collection of plates.
I mostly collect ones with kittens, but I also have a soft spot for carousels horses. What plates do you collect?

Bina
Bina
5 years ago

If these guys devoted even a tenth as much energy to actually maintaining relationships as they do to writing hilariously wrong-ass bullshit about them, they might actually gain some insights…like how all “rational” redpillian sex-math is about as useful as a smashed plate.

Spindrift
Spindrift
5 years ago

I think these guys would be much more interesting (from a dating perspective) if they really did collect decorative plates. It’s not a common hobby, but it’s much more endearing than their misogyny is.

freemage
5 years ago

Aunt Edna | April 10, 2015 at 3:33 pm

Anyway, it was hilarious to watch the IMHimself and his commenters tell themselves and anyone who’d listen that “inferior” women (the old, ugly ones) can subtract from a man’s status, but the new “trophy” models never add to it, no way Jose. It was, of course, another way to (pretend to) discount the importance of women in men’s lives and to deny well-known and not-so-noble male tendencies and behaviors.

Curiously, none of the Rational and Logic-Based Men there stopped for one second to ponder that if we can subtract from something, we can also add to it. They were all adamant that the status influence works only one way, if it is there at all.

So, wait, they think that a single guy is already at Peak Status, and therefore he can never do any better than to get a woman who does not detract from that lofty state? By this reasoning, ‘trophy wives’ would be a bad bet, since they’ll eventually age (and thus ‘depreciate’). Far better for a man concerned about feminine effect on status to remain forever single and pure.

Better for the potential wives, too, I would imagine.

Buttercup Q. Skullpants
Buttercup Q. Skullpants
5 years ago

Red pill theory: total crockery.

I always thought chargers, besides being decorative, were there to catch any drips that might otherwise spill onto the tablecloth. Which means they’re the equivalent of a wingman, maybe?

a man will have a natural, subconscious (but not exclusively) understanding that if one prospect does not expand, others very well may.

Well, but this is where the plate spinning analogy fails. More plates aren’t better. More plates just means the person is expending less and less energy on each individual plate, giving each one the least amount of perfunctory interaction needed to keep it spinning. When a one-plate guy comes along who has more energy to devote to spinning (and has better movies and hoodies), then that plate’s going to be vanishing from the Red Pill act, pronto. Ditto all the plates that crash to the floor due to inattention, or sloppy handling.

Actually, the whole thing is stupid, because it reduces female interest to a mindless Newtonian motion, and relationships to a burdensome, pointless circus act. Dudes, just take up sword swallowing instead. You’ll be a lot happier.

Integral
Integral
5 years ago

This is wildly off-topic but does a charger serve a purpose beyond looking pretty? It’s just that the name is so dynamic that I’ve always thought it was supposed to actively do something.

Maybe its purpose is to make people charge more useless crap to their credit cards.

baroncognito
5 years ago

My plates are pewter because they’re much less likely to break when I inevitably drop them.

Paradoxical Intention
5 years ago

From the “Rational” Male article:

When a man spins more plates, when he has irons in the fire, when he is pursuing multiple women simultaneously, when he has options equally worth exploring, a man will have a natural, subconscious (but not exclusively) understanding that if one prospect does not expand, others very well may.

Here’s my question: Why would I want to have a relationship with someone like this?

I understand if they’re in a poly relationship, that I’m cool with. But to hit me with “Well, if you’re not going to do it, I’ve got plenty of other “plates” who will!” smacks of entitlement and insecurity to the nth degree. It just seems like a way to rope women into doing what you want by threatening to leave them because you have “better options” on hand.

It’s so easy to coerce a woman in that situation. Though, I imagine that’s the point.

baroncognito | April 10, 2015 at 5:53 pm
My plates are pewter because they’re much less likely to break when I inevitably drop them.

If I had pewter plates, I’d feel like a viking. Or a Skyrim character. Though I don’t know how much overlap there is ‘tween the two.

ashley
ashley
5 years ago

I feel like a couple dozen undercover feminists should go in there and actually start asking honest plate-related questions, pretending to be just random people who assumed the subreddit really was about plates and now they’ve found a home in the subreddit. It would be funny to see their weird convoluted answers to honest questions about plates before they figure out that some of the newer members actually are talking about plates.

Binjabreel
5 years ago

This makes me think of one of my favorite onion side-headlines:
A picture of two really drunk girls captioned with “FASHION PLATE SMASHED”

Bina
Bina
5 years ago

“What brand of plates do you prefer? Mikasa, or Hutschenreuther?”

suffrajitsu
suffrajitsu
5 years ago

Um, these guys know it’s a helluva lot easier to spin one plate than to spin many at once, right?

contrapangloss
5 years ago

“Say you have a plate and you have a pole. How do you actually start the plate spinning? Why spinning plates and not juggling? Is juggling any easier?”

“So, do you actually notice any difference between soft and hard paste porcelain plates?”

“What if my plate is plastic?”

All real questions, having to do with fun things to do with real plates, or replacing plates that small children destroyed, or potential things like BPA that some folks want to avoid…

…that would probably get really bizarre answers.

because reasons
because reasons
5 years ago

Isn’t the point (in their minds) to just bang teh feeeeeemales and move on? So who cares why she didn’t text back, or why she’s won’t give you head. And what’s she doing in your hoodie?? Plates should never be in your presence long enough to acquire your clothing! These guys are doing it all wrong!

Honestly, plates are something you invest in, like a couch or tv. You’re going to use it for a long time, so you need to get something you like. They have no intention of using these “plates” for any longer than it takes to get their dicks wet and move on, so I really do think “paper plates” is more appropriate. Wait…why am I trying to logic their nonsense? Damn you, RedPillers!

Flying Mouse
Flying Mouse
5 years ago

“My plate was really pretty until I ran it through the dishwasher. Now it’s just kind of plain. The color is dull and it has boring rims. I think I was tricked by the fancy glaze and the nice lighting in Target. Don’t be fooled like I was.”

because reasons
because reasons
5 years ago

@Flying Mouse
“If I knew that’s what my plate *really* looked like, I never would have fucked it. I feel so dirty and betrayed!”
LOL

Tessa
5 years ago

Sooo is the “plate spinning” deal up front? Is this a bunch of non-exclusive relationships? Or are these guys in a few relationships in which their partners think they’re exclusive? The dehumanization to inanimate objects really bothers me, either way, and leads me to think it’s more the latter. Why be upfront and honest with something you don’t see as anything but something to keep spinning.

misseb47
misseb47
5 years ago

Bina-“Dudes, beware…if you refer to women as “plates”, sooner or later, that dish is gonna run away with the spoon!”

LOL!

misseb47
misseb47
5 years ago

ashley-“I feel like a couple dozen undercover feminists should go in there and actually start asking honest plate-related questions, pretending to be just random people who assumed the subreddit really was about plates and now they’ve found a home in the subreddit. It would be funny to see their weird convoluted answers to honest questions about plates before they figure out that some of the newer members actually are talking about plates.”

That’s a great idea! That would confuse the hell out of them. I also think we should totally ask them some of contrapangloss’s questions. Especially the first one. 😀

opium4themasses
5 years ago

Not sure why plates would want to spoon these guys. If they just dated a knife (guy tm) from the start, they could get off the carrousel much more quickly. I am just going to table these lazy susans and ladle my own way.

Shaenon
5 years ago

Sooo is the “plate spinning” deal up front? Is this a bunch of non-exclusive relationships? Or are these guys in a few relationships in which their partners think they’re exclusive? The dehumanization to inanimate objects really bothers me, either way, and leads me to think it’s more the latter. Why be upfront and honest with something you don’t see as anything but something to keep spinning.

I browsed the threads because I wanted to find out what to talk about with a plate (Pasta stains? Lemon fresh scent? Whether all those teacups are Mrs. Potts’s biological children?), and honestly… About two-thirds of these guys are in more or less normal dating situations and trying to spin every normal, boring thing they do as some kind of alpha move. Most of their problems happen when they stop acting like humans and pull dumbass Red Pill crap on women who previously liked them.

The other third are genuine abusers and/or making shit up.

For the record, the Red Pillers didn’t have many ideas for things to talk about with a plate, but I did learn that if a girl wears your hoodie she’s either acknowledging your high value as an alpha (and is probably chemically addicted to your man scent) or launching a sinister plot to trick you into being her boyfriend. No one agreed with the guy who wrote, “You left clothes at her house and she decided to wear them…It’s not rocket science.”

alaisvex
alaisvex
5 years ago

@Shaenon,

There is some serious hamstering going on at AskRP subreddit. Every time their “alpha” behavior causes problems, their gf is just shittesting. If she later forgives the behavior, that proves that it was just a shit test. If she does not, which seems to be more common, then it means that the would-be alpha failed the shit test.

sunnysombrera
5 years ago

@alaisvex

“MY gf came in early and caught me having sex with another girl. She’s now all upset and saying I cheated on her. How do I pass this shit test?”

weirwoodtreehugger
5 years ago

Isn’t it cute how these guys act like expecting basic human decency is some sort of unfair test.

sunnysombrera
5 years ago

@WWTH
Pretty much, since they often expect to be rewarded for basic courtesy with sex. When she doesn’t put out, they throw a tantrum.

What I want to know is why they set the “I did good” bar so low for themselves but so high for everyone else, particularly women. Egads, what if the girls they were dating started demanding jewellery for not cheating on them? Imagine the uproar from those douchebags.

Paradoxical Intention
5 years ago

weirwoodtreehugger | April 11, 2015 at 8:23 am
Isn’t it cute how these guys act like expecting basic human decency is some sort of unfair test.

It’s almost like they’re mad feeemales get to set a standard for their own treatment at all. What’s sad is that when the bar is set at “basic human decency”, it’s curb height, and some assholes still manage to trip over that.

I have a guilty pleasure of reading blogs like okcreepsters on tumblr where (mostly) women submit screencaps (with names and pictures, and other personal info edited out) of their horrific conversations with creepy dudes from different websites like OKC or Tinder.

I imagine the surprise isn’t great, but it always seems like a lot of cishet guys don’t understand that everyone has boundaries and no, no woman is going to lower their specific boundaries that are there for a reason for said creeper and their almighty cishet peen.

Most of the time it’s either jerks who insist that “age is just a number” when women say “no thank you, you’re out of my age range (which I stated on my profile that you most likely didn’t read)”, or it’s the “Those numbers don’t mean anything!” when it comes to OKC’s match rating based on questions you can answer for your profile.

It always gets me that these guys are more about quantity over quality. Rather than take the time to read someone’s profile and find out what kind of a person they are (which is a huge advantage over approaching them irl that these assholes refuse to take advantage of), some guys would rather just message a woman about their peen or their kink.

And when called out on it they just whine about how they have to message so many women to get noticed that they don’t have time to actually read the profiles, they just have to get out two to five hundred messages a day (or so they claim).

It never occurs to them that maybe if they spent a little less time casting a wide shitty net made up of useless copypasta messages, dick picks that are creepy and unwanted, and self-pity, and a little more time casting a smaller net made up of genuine interest and using the information provided to strike up a conversation, they’d have better luck.

weirwoodtreehugger
5 years ago

It’s like they’re so solipsistic that they cannot grasp the fact that strangers don’t give a rat’s ass about their boner feels.

epitome of incomprehensibility

I feel like a couple dozen undercover feminists should go in there and actually start asking honest plate-related questions, pretending to be just random people who assumed the subreddit really was about plates and now they’ve found a home in the subreddit. It would be funny to see their weird convoluted answers to honest questions about plates before they figure out that some of the newer members actually are talking about plates.

Which is better, to get matching plates (for stability) or plates with different patterns (for variety)?

Plates with gilded edges: classy or tacky?

Is it true that plates that are blue/purple/green reduce your appetite?

How far do the edges of a plate have to be raised before the plate is actually a bowl?

Hand-washing vs. dishwashers: any thoughts?

What do you do if you took a ceramic plate to a picnic just to increase your perceived social status and then it cracked and embarrassed you? (Totally hypothetical).

Shaenon
5 years ago

Most of the time it’s either jerks who insist that “age is just a number” when women say “no thank you, you’re out of my age range (which I stated on my profile that you most likely didn’t read)”, or it’s the “Those numbers don’t mean anything!” when it comes to OKC’s match rating based on questions you can answer for your profile.

It’s a guilty pleasure of mine too. Sadly, I get the impression that a lot of the “age is just a number guys” deliberately message young women who say they don’t want to date older men in order to argue them out of it and/or yell at them for being so unfair. Some random woman on the Internet not being interested is such a blow to their ego that they have to pick a fight over it.

Robert
Robert
5 years ago

Curious how few of the ‘age is just a number ‘ doodz are willing the consider a woman their own age. I’ve dropped in at creepypms and some of those exchanges are truly disturbing. My least favorite are the ones who start out with ‘oh, you are so beautiful, is would love to make you happy ‘ and turn into fulminating mounds of verbal filth upon being rejected

Again, I am astonished at how hard things are for cis het men.

The Knitting Cinephile
The Knitting Cinephile
5 years ago

Hey Red Pills, you break a plate, you’ll get shards. Just sayin.

Bina
Bina
5 years ago

Whether all those teacups are Mrs. Potts’s biological children?

Well, at least we know Chip is one off the ol’ block… >rimshot<

“MY gf came in early and caught me having sex with another girl. She’s now all upset and saying I cheated on her. How do I pass this shit test?”

Sorry, dude. You’re a shit. Of course you flunk every time.