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no trolls allowed open thread

Open thread for personal stuff, April 2015 Hypnokitty Edition

 

You will be assimilated.
You will be assimilated.

Here’s an open thread for personal stuff, continued from here. You know the drill: No trolls, no MRAs/PUAs/MGTOWs etc, be nice. Email the mods/me if shit gets weird.

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Nequam
Nequam
5 years ago

Ah! To provide a cheerier start-off, I found some good books for my in-laws at the local library sale (I like gifting them with books, especially since we don’t get to see them very often; it’s another way of connecting) and I think I’ve found a good pre-sewn book block for my next bookbinding project (someone liked what I’d done well enough to ask me to make them a journal…).

Nequam
Nequam
5 years ago

Oh, and I met a big good-natured Newfoundland pup today. Emphasis on BIG. 7 months old and already close to 3′ at the shoulder…

Andrew Johnston
5 years ago

Well, I’m headed down to Arizona to help out the woman I mentioned at the top of the last thread. Not sure when I’ll be able to get out of town – my hope is this week, but that might not happen.

Things are going quite a bit better on her end than they were a month ago. She has a place to live, and the soon-to-be-ex has been leaving her alone for the most part. However, between caring for an infant and the fact that she can’t drive, she’s having a hard time taking care of her day-to-day business. She does know a foreign-born couple in the neighborhood (they apparently attend the same Mandarin-language church as the ex, but haven’t been taking his side, fortunately), but they have their own lives and there’s not too much they can do for her.

So I’m off to help. Right now, I’m working out the practical issues – transportation from here to there isn’t easy, and I need to make sure that I don’t run through my budget before the paychecks start coming in. In the meantime, I’ve spoken with her quite a bit and I’m over the fact that she was married before, but I’m still not sure what’s going to happen when we meet in person this time. I have a tendency to build these things up in my head.

Alan Robertshaw
Alan Robertshaw
5 years ago

Yesterday I had occasion to visit a business acquaintance. She has stables where she keeps horses. I went to say hello to one I’d met last time I was up there. His owner was with him.

“Oh he likes you! Would you mind leading him to the paddock?”

“Well, I’m not really good with….”

“Oh you’ll be fine”

*Gallop*

“Er, he’ll probably come back when he’s hungry”

Anyway, this is the escapee in question….

http://s1122.photobucket.com/user/Alan_Robertshaw/media/DSC_0735_zpsan0efw4w.jpg.html?filters%5Buser%5D=142504534&filters%5Brecent%5D=1&sort=1&o=0

mildlymagnificent
5 years ago

The knitting needles are being polished up.

Daughter informs me I’m going to be a granny. Yay!

Myriad
Myriad
5 years ago

Congratulations, mildlymagnificent! I’ve been told that grandbabies are a pure delight.

@Andrew I hope everything goes according to planned and you have a safe trip.

@nequam I love to see pics of your bookbinding work.

@Alan I hope you were not hurt. Horses do tend to have a mind of their own, don’t they?

I am happy to say that the last 2 days have been a little less stressful than the last 2 weeks have been. Everything seemed to go wrong at once it seemed.

Made some homemade laundry detergent from a recipe I found on line (after I took the washer apart, put the new part in and put it all back together again. Does that win me some misandry points for doing manly-man work? 😉

I hope everyone else is doing well.

ſoǝ Klǝɯɯǝɹ (@JoeKlemmer)

Apropos of nothing…
Got hit on by a 16yo girl online today. I’m 52. A little creepy and very depressing. What must this girls life be like that she has to come on to (grand)father figure? I’m not cut out to handle this kind of thing.

Just wanted to get that off my chest.

NickNameNick
NickNameNick
5 years ago

My dad’s been living in my apartment for the past few months and will, thankfully, get a break from it for a while until he comes back in May. He used to live inbetween the homes of his friends up in NorCal and his girlfriend’s place in SoCal – but they had a falling out with the earlier and he’s been looking for a place since then.

It’s been difficult because I like having the place to myself and, with him and his stuff there, it’s become more constricting. I try to be accommodating as best as I can but it makes me weary as I’ve let him have my bed (due to his back problems) while I’m barely able to get sleep on the couch. It doesn’t help he’s incredibly picky about the place he wants to move into – he refuses to consider any place that requires a year lease, for example – that leaves me feeling a bit disgruntled.

Alan Robertshaw
Alan Robertshaw
5 years ago

@ Myriad

Nope, just a little embarrassed. I do have a few bruises where he’d been banging his head into me previously, but that’s a sign of affection apparently.

He’s been cooped up for a while with a poorly leg, which has now been sorted, so maybe he just wanted a bit of a frolic?

contrapangloss
5 years ago

Alan, as a person who formerly did a lot of work with horses and been missing my goofball…

Yep. He’ll be back. Hoses are usually a little frisky after long stall hauls. My sister got clipped once by the sweetest little filly (seriously, the horse was usually an absolute dear who’d put up with everything including getting people overalls put over her front legs).

Same deal for her, she was being taken for her first walk after being stall bound by an abscess, and she just wanted to GO!

It’s good to hear mostly good news from the thread! Sympathy a for the online weirdness with the kiddo…

I just got done with the first big burn day for my fire class, and I have decided to never buy a couch.

Paradoxical Intention
5 years ago

I’m attempting to do an April art challenge to motivate myself to draw more, and I’m participating in a fun tarot game on tumblr called Tarotocolypse.

I’m still looking for work though, and it’s been almost a year since I graduated college. : /

It’s also inhumanely hot here, and that doesn’t help my depression or stress at all.

And they’re still working on the kitchen at my house. The cabinets are all mounted and the like, but my cousin’s putting on the countertops and will install the sink hopefully tonight. I’m tired of trying to wash dishes with the hose. : /

Myriad
Myriad
5 years ago

@Alan. Oh good. Yeah, horses can be a little enthusiastic with their affection. Hope the bruises heal quickly.

Dan Kasteray
Dan Kasteray
5 years ago

Well, on a light hearted, irreverent note; here’s a nod to a thread a while back about MGTOW’s cooking.

In this video a man going his own way shows you how to bake a super manly fudge pie.

Falconer
5 years ago

My new computer got here! Yay! After UPS lost the first one! Boo!

Windows won’t recognize my monitor! Boo! Calls it a Generic Non-PnP Monitor and insists its drivers are up to date when i try to get it to update! Also there are no Windows 8 drivers for my monitor! Yay!

contrapangloss
5 years ago

Also, been avoiding Facebook because a dude I hardly know sent me some messages and apparently wouldn’t be averse to a relationship, but I’m very averse to a relationship, especially with someone I hardly know, and especially a relationship of that kind.

I’ve said “thanks, but no thanks” nicely, but he still seems to be holding out hope…

… Which is a bad idea, because not going to happen.

I’ve considered just all out saying “Look, it’s literally me and not you. I’m ace. It’s not going to happen, and if you legit want to be friends and not have this whole relationship that could have been spectre looming over you, we can do that… But back off a bit for now, please?”

… But I’ve only really admitted I’m ace to my folks, my sister, and my two closest friends (as far as folks who know me in person), and that just seems like way too personal information to give to someone whose judgement I already question.

I’m not really worried about any social repercussions, and if this dude is going to be holding a torch out in the rain, he’d be better off knowing he should just go back to his place because all he’s going to accomplish is getting soaking wet, but…

… It doesn’t really feel like someone I’ve only met 2 times in real space and who I barely know really deserves that level of personal information.

So, yeah. To nip firmly in the bud with a never going to happen because ace, or to nip firmly in the bud with just a “this is not a happening thing. Ever.”

I’m glad I missed all of this in high school, but trying to figure this stuff out at 22 is not a picnic.

🙁

On the bright side, fire-1 is really, really fun! We burned things and it was fun. And we talked about not dying, and what to look for to avoid backdraft and flashover, and we watched rollovers in a safe environment and it’s so gorgeous.

It’s like a mini-orange aurora dancing just above a really thin cloud layer, and the smoke just flows and it’s beautiful.

Also, hot. My PPE did a very good job, but hot. Hot-hot.

suffrajitsu
suffrajitsu
5 years ago

Back to school with spring quarter! I didn’t do as well last term as I would’ve liked, but I’m actually pretty happy with my schedule and courses this time around and am keeping up with my work quite well.

I was having a rough time at the beginning of my first year in college, and I found that the free individual counseling my school offers was actually really helpful. I’m looking into joining group counseling. I was interested in the Women’s Group but it turned out to conflict with class, and since one of the things I’d been hoping to work on was getting better at opening up to people I signed up to be screened for the Building Social Confidence group.

My Camp NaNoWriMo project is also going well. I wish my cabin would talk a bit more, though.

Andrew Johnston
5 years ago

@suffrajitsu: They’re never very chatty in Camp NNWM. It’s always easier to get a conversation going if you have geography in common, or at least that’s what I’ve found.

Speaking of which, I’m trying to sell my books on my own again. I won’t post links because that seems on the spammy side, so I’ll just say that they’re pay-what-you-choose (including zero, I won’t be offended) and you can find them on my blog. I wouldn’t have gone back to this, but the agent search is…not as bad as last time, but still not great.

Sissy
Sissy
5 years ago

*waves* Hello! Sorry that I haven’t posted in a while. Turns out that I’ve been busy looking for a job.

And now it turns out that I have an interview this Wednesday afternoon. I’m so nervous about this. Just trying to calm my nerves and hoping that I don’t sound like a giant mess when I answer questions.

jaygee
jaygee
5 years ago

Today is the first day of my Spring Break. I work as a Transitional Kindergarten teacher and it’s my first year teaching. I’ve been having some sleep issues with waking up too early, but without the stress of work for a week, I should do better. My anxiety that first started with this job is subsiding for the most part.

I get to spend the next week hanging out with my S.O. and dog. We don’t quite have everything planned out yet, but I know I want to get out of town, even if just for a day trip. So far we went grocery shopping and visited the dog park. I’ve spent a lot of the day reading interesting things online, like a somewhat lengthy article on the history of condom making: http://www.slate.com/articles/health_and_science/science/2015/04/latex_condoms_are_the_worst_why_after_all_these_years_don_t_we_have_a_better.html

toujoursgai
5 years ago

Job finding/privacy-regaining/anxiety-reducing/bruise-healing vibes for everyone.

I’m getting a little frustrated. I’ve decided to pursue grad school and the first application is due on the 15th. I’m almost done with it, except for some technical questions. Last week I emailed the person designated by the website for such questions and…no response. There’s no phone number listed for this person, and I’m getting antsy because the application is due so soon. I’ve decided that on Monday I’m going to call the number listed on the website, even thought it’s not the officially designated “Call this person for technical questions” number, just to see if I can connect with someone who can help me.

Also, I’m like 80% sure I won’t even get accepted by any of the programs I’m applying for, but I’ve decided to just try. Why not?

baroncognito
5 years ago

So, every year I go to the San Diego Comic Con International, and I get webcomic artists to draw sketches for me. I have a sketch book that I bought six years ago and wrote a prompt atop every page.

The prompts range widely in content from “Maxine was attempting to get the band back together, or so she told the officer” and “Standing there, package in hand, Lou wonder if it had been worth all the effort” to “Aha! A challenge!” or “Bouncy, Bouncy, Boucy!”

But this books is nearly full. It’s got maybe twenty pages left, so this is probably the last SDCCI it’ll see use in. I’ve already purchased a new sketch book, but I’m not sure how to progress with this.

I have a couple options:

1) Write 200 new prompts

2) Use the exact same prompts again

3) Use a selection of the previous prompts and some new prompts

4) Take the pictures, print them out, affix them to the new sketch book and have webcomic people write new prompts for the pictures.

5) Take the pictures, upload them to the internet and get internet denizens to write the new prompts.

6) Take the pictures, burn them in a summoning circle, get denizens of the plane of chaos to write new prompts.

7) Randomly generate new prompts with some sort of random prompt generator.

8) Fill my pockets with chicken fat and pretend to be a dumpling for the rest of my life.

Josh Hayes
Josh Hayes
5 years ago

Newcomer here. This looks fascinating and possibly useful in my work (I teach high school: you’d be amazed – or wait, no, maybe you wouldn’t – at the level of casual misogyny in “today’s youth”.).

I read through the last few entries, and there’s a term I’m hoping someone can define for me: what are “red pillers” or the like? I assume it has something to do with the (execrable, IMO) “Matrix” films? It might be a worthwhile entry in the glossary page, I’m thinking.

Anyway, happy to be here, although I expect to largely lurk. Cheers, all!

Paradoxical Intention
5 years ago

So…apparently an AVfM writer tried to go to kickstarter to make an antifeminist gaming website?

Don’t worry, it didn’t get funded.

This is a snippet from the description:

It is a response to Gamergate, but not trying to directly attack feminists or corrupt journalists, as much as trying to come up with a nonfeminist alternative to thinking about geek culture. Anime blogger and author on A Voice for Men, Rachael Lefler came up with the idea for Bokutachi, which is intended to be a website for geek culture and gaming journalism that is neutral and free from dishonesty and bullying language.

Pfffft~

Yeah right. Because AVfM is totes known for being “neutral” and “free from dishonesty and bullying language”.

Paradoxical Intention
5 years ago

baroncognito | April 4, 2015 at 11:27 pm
3) Use a selection of the previous prompts and some new prompts

This seems like the best option to me. If an artist has already done the prompt, you can encourage them to move to another page if they want, while still getting new artists to do their sketches on the old prompts.

Dvärghundspossen
5 years ago

Josh:

I read through the last few entries, and there’s a term I’m hoping someone can define for me: what are “red pillers” or the like? I assume it has something to do with the (execrable, IMO) “Matrix” films? It might be a worthwhile entry in the glossary page, I’m thinking.

Yep, it’s a Matrix reference. MRA:s believe that we’re all brainwashed by feminists, so we can’t really see how oppressed men really are and how the world really works. If you manage to see through the feminist lies and discover the actual oppression of men and tyranny of women, you have “taken the red pill”.

Dvärghundspossen
5 years ago

My current research scholarship is out by October this year. I have applied for a two-year-job at another university, but I don’t know if I will get it. My former supervisor has some insight in the process, and said my application is among the top five. He said that at this point, “I can’t say that you’ll probably get the job… neither can I say that it’s improbable”. I was like “so you’re saying that me getting the job is in some kind of logical vacuum?”. Right now I’m just holding my thumbs… or crossing my fingers, as you’d say in the states.

baroncognito
5 years ago

Your link doesn’t seem to work.

I do like the sound of that. There are certain prompts that could be fun to see drawn again.

You can see a selection of them here: http://imgur.com/a/SRtH9

Zolnier
Zolnier
5 years ago

Um here’s the opening of something I’m writing:

https://writer.bighugelabs.com/share/1951838

baroncognito
5 years ago

Almost tragically harmless?

Zolnier
Zolnier
5 years ago

Harmless to an extent that you might wonder how they’d survive in the wild. I should probably revise that.

NicolaLuna
NicolaLuna
5 years ago

Yesterday I did a 9 hour tattoo session on my arm. I’m having a full sleeve, from inner wrist to armpit and from outer wrist to just below my neck. I got the linework done and a little colour but it’ll probably take another 2 sessions of 9 hours.

But I didn’t flinch once. Even when he was going over my elbows or armpits. Feel like a total warrior today.

baroncognito
5 years ago

Props NicolaLuna. I couldn’t even keep my arm still long enough for a BCG. I have a one inch scar on my shoulder because I didn’t want to sit still for a needle. (I was 4 at the time, but I still hate needles)

That said, what do you do for 9 hours while someone is jabbing you with pointy stuff?

autosoma
5 years ago

We’ve now got Cookie Butter in England – totally awesome.

On less awesome note, I’ve lost my mojo. A month ago my wife lost her job due to the vile behaviour of an inappropriate boss, late night texts and phone calls, looking down her cleavage and up her skirt and as she would not participate in his behaviour,she was sacked for too much time off (the fact that she had broken her arm falling off our daughters skateboard and the surgery needed was conveniently bypassed). As she works in Financial Services IT, this man was the straw that broke her back and she want to quit her career.

So after two years of being a Stay At Home Parent, I’m now in the situation of having to find a job to support my wife and the children financially, whereas I’ve become used to supporting them all as a home maker. Plus I was a software engineer and my skills are two years out of date.

So I’m feeling down and I just needed to say that. My first few job interviews have been quite humiliating, because I’m rusty and the naive arrogance of the young men interviewing me has been tiresom.

Just needed to say that to get it out of my system – thanks

PussyPowerTantrum
PussyPowerTantrum
5 years ago

@Andrew I hope everything works out for you! That sounds scary and exhilarating.

@Alan That’s a beautiful beast, if an awkward introduction. Maybe the second time will go better?

Riding horses is one of those things I want to try and there’s actually a stable not far from where I live, I’m just working up the courage to find out how much it costs, arrange transport etc.

@mildlymagnificent SQUEE! CONGRATS!

@Joe That is disturbing. 🙁 I’ve heard about how abused children can start expecting and even initiating abuse, looking for “safety” with an older “protector” and so on.

@Nick Awww, that’s a hard situation to be thrust into. I hope you can both find living arrangements that suit the two of you. Have you considered setting a deadline? Maybe that’ll spur him to accept less-than-perfect situations, because let’s face it, no place will be perfect.

@ParadoxicalIntention I was wondering about that game! If it’s not too much trouble, could you give me the exact title? Doing a copy-and-paste search pulls up your post as literally the only result, while searching for Tumblr tarot game pulls up tarot art and stuff. I’m such a n00b 🙁

@Falconer New computer, that’s exciting! I’m thinking of refurbishing my 4-year-old laptop before I start heavy-duty work on my dissertation, inserting a SSD and installing Win 8.

@contrapangloss I’d block him. He is not owed sensitive personal information about you, and if he can’t take a polite hint he deserves to be hit with the clue-by-four. Talk about wilful ignorance and entitlement. Always enjoying your posts about firefighting training , btw.

Speaking of kicking creepy guys to the curb, I’ve ended my correspondence with the feminist-ranting, suicide-threatening incel dude. I honestly wish him well, but I’m not his family or therapist and have no obligation to stick around someone who can’t or won’t treat me decently. It was time for us both to move on. Thanks so much for everyone who helped me see that.

Zolnier
Zolnier
5 years ago

@autosoma

My parents have also been in a complicated employment situation for the last year or two, though in less evil circumstances. My Dad was barred from his job for over six months due to two consecutive seizures (it was an industrial job, he’s fine now) and soon after the refinery shut down. He does have a new job lined up. Meanwhile, my mother had to move away from her job with my dad, meaning she has a lot of stressful telecommuting now and basically has to spend half a month away from home every couple of months, which is pretty hard on my sister, she’s ten.

Hope things improve for you.

PussyPowerTantrum
PussyPowerTantrum
5 years ago

@autosoma Ugh, that is a horrible situation. See, this shows what’s so wrong with seeing gender issues as a man versus woman thing. When MRAs go on and on with their sexual violence apologism I wonder if they even consider that every time a woman is hurt by sexism, the men and boys who love her and depend on her are also hurt. I’m betting not, because that would require actually giving a crap about men and boys who aren’t sexual predators.

Have you thought about suing this guy? Depending on the quality of the evidence you might be able to find a lawyer willing to work on a contingency basis. There’s no way this guy confined this vile behavior to your wife, and he’ll just keep on doing it if he’s not checked.

NicolaLuna
NicolaLuna
5 years ago

@baroncognito

I mostly just chatted to the tattooist, ate chocolate and read a book. We stopped every couple of hours for a cigarette break too so it wasn’t relentless.

I’m totally terrified of medical type needles. Blood tests and injections make me faint 90% of the time and cry 100% of the time. But for some reason tattoos don’t bother me. I’m a little addicted to them (this is my 12th one) so when the needles start their work it feels like scratching an itch.

NicolaLuna
NicolaLuna
5 years ago

@PussyPowerTantrum
I’m so glad you stopped talking to ranty incel dude. I was thinking about that the other day and hoping he wasn’t going to freak out about you enforcing boundaries.

lith
lith
5 years ago

@Josh:

what are “red pillers” or the like?

As has been said it’s about realising the truth of women controlling everything, possibly by bending spoons with their minds or something.

The problem is that women hide their secret cabal power by only taking low paying jobs that men don’t want to do, and refusing pay rises so as to appear at a disadvantage to men. They also be all tricksy and ensure they’re not elected for government so that they can make men do what they want, through means entirely unknown to non women.

So it’s really hard to see the truth, because it’s so completely contradicted by the facts.

sunnysombrera
5 years ago

So my parents have been pushing me very very hard to quit my job, and my manager has said I have this week to prove to everyone (including me) that I can run the course, or try a different job. Manager didn’t say that in a negative way btw, she just acknowledges the importance of keeping peace with family and how I’ve been working there for a while but progression has been slow. She is extremely supportive of me in general.

I’m not particularly anxious because I know I’ll be ok whatever happens, but I really really fucking want this to work and get back on the business development program. SO MUCH. I’ve been hindered from day one by an incredibly strong and overbearing “can’t do it” attitude, which has been like a black hole sucking out all my hope and joy and personality, even. I’ve carried that kind of thing for as long as I can remember, with it adapting itself to whatever I try to achieve, and I’ve had enough. I’ve outgrown it now. I’m not far off 30 and I need and deserve to have a good career for myself and not let this fucker and its negative looping tape bully me any more.

So the plan for this week is to work really hard, play the system to my advantage, and have a zero tolerance policy towards all the depressing thoughts in my head. It’s Easter Sunday, and it’s time for a new life.

I WILL DO THIS.

lith
lith
5 years ago

@sunnysombrera:

Yay, do it!

autosoma
5 years ago

@Zolnier
I feel for your parents situation and I hope that things settle and become better.

@PussyPowerTantrum
What galls me about the MRA, MGTOW and gamergitters is that they have little conceptual understanding outside of their shallow worlds. You wouldn’t be amazed, but the amount of times I’m told to “man up” makes me sick. We looked into the legal option but as my wife was a self employed consultant with only six months work for her employer little can be done also my preferred option for dealing with the entitled dipshit would have got me into a lot of trouble.

You are very right that they don’t understand that their apologism affects more people than just their immediate target.

Alan Robertshaw
Alan Robertshaw
5 years ago

@ Sunnysombrera

Your doubts are just a manifestation of Kruger-Dunning syndrome. The fact you think you think you’re not good enough is manifest evidence that you are in fact very good.

So of course you can do it. Go for it!

PussyPowerTantrum
PussyPowerTantrum
5 years ago

@NicolaLuna Tattoos sound like they take a lot of patience and (pain) endurance, so I have admiration for people who can sit through big jobs–both the artist and the client. That’s an interesting sensation, that it’s like scratching an itch. I remember LBT wrote somewhere that it was like the needle sewed the pieces of their soul together.

Incel guy doesn’t have many options to blow up, fortunately. My only point of contact with him was through a fansite where we used the messaging system to communicate. I sent my last message explaining why it was the last, then backed up our messages and deleted my site account. I was only using it for the last few years to message him anyway.

The experience filled with admiration for abuse survivors, because mine was objectively a very easy relationship to end yet it still wasn’t easy to do so. Our lives weren’t entangled and our relationship went no deeper than an online friendship (albeit a confessional sort) and I still wondered if he’d be okay, whether he might hurt himself, wouldn’t he need me. Then I remembered the words from the community here and of my friends who had been abused, and I realized, wait, this was traumatic bonding and it was designed, consciously or not, to be hard to break. These emotional ties were meant to get me to accept treatment that I was too damned smart and too damned strong to take, using my own empathy and compassion against me. Anger at that realization gave me the boost to get the hell out and not look back.

Now if this had been a meatspace connection, if we were in a romantic or familial relationship, if I had people I loved and trusted saying he’s not so bad and I should give him a chance, if I relied on him economically, if I had children who loved him, if I feared physical violence or other reprisal, if I suffered from PTSD or depression from prolonged abuse, if I had been isolated from friends and family who would have supported me–any one of those situations would have raised the difficulty level, some of them exponentially. And yet there are people who brave these incredible hurdles to get out, and sadly there are people who are unable to, or are stopped trying to leave.

PussyPowerTantrum
PussyPowerTantrum
5 years ago

No, Accidental Premature Posting Mammoth! (Is that a thing?)

@autosoma

also my preferred option for dealing with the entitled dipshit would have got me into a lot of trouble.

I’m glad you didn’t, not that I would have blamed you. Unfair as it is, you’re right there isn’t much legal recourse against him while the law against battery is quite clear.

Ironically, it seems your reaction is at least partly conditioned by patriarchy in seeing sexual misdeeds against members of the family as deserving violent reprisal. That’s no indictment against you or to say the impulse is evil, I have a similar conditioning and I sympathize at a visceral level. (Though my experience as a woman in patriarchy is different from yours as a man, of course, to say nothing of male/female biological differences.) It’s just a way of looking at our assumptions from the outside, rattling the bars a little if you will.

In fact, you mentioned that this guy’s shenanigans were just the straw that broke the camel’s back and it sounds like there was a lot more crap that your wife had to deal with. Neither finance nor IT are known to be bastions of gender equality, and years of microaggression and harassment can wear down a soul. Maybe it was the right time for her to get out, horrible and unfair as it is. And they say the dearth of women in STEM fields is because “girls suck at math.”

the amount of times I’m told to “man up” makes me sick.

If I had to find an example of organized misandry it would be this phrase. It’s a way to abuse and police men who don’t fit the mold. Though I make no excuses for incel dude’s behavior, I did see that it was legitimately painful for him to be judged by this incredibly restrictive measure and be found worthless. Then he joined the enemy rather than turn away from it and that’s his choice, but his actions did come from a place of pain. I suspect the same is true of many manospherians.

Bluecollarnerd
5 years ago

Just started a new job refurbishing a power plant cooling tower, 60 hour weeks with some nice perks and awesome engineering. Just working my ass off and letting my savings account swell up.

autosoma
5 years ago

@PowerPussyTantrum
I’ve been trying very hard to get over my conditioning’s, and I agree with your points, there does need to be a better system . The microagressions and harassment have been quite tough on her and there are many occasions where I don’t know what to do to be supportive, it’s a challenge.

I do feel for Incel Dude, but having known a number, it’s sad he fell into that trap. What annoys me most about “man-up” and its like is that the sayers of it offer nothing other than a vague high level concept that doesn’t work in the real world.

Bad_dog
Bad_dog
5 years ago

Hi all! Jumping out of lurkdom to well wish everyone managing difficulties and high fives to those celebrating good happenings.

I recently decided to give online dating a last try. Any advice on surviving online dating as a non-conventionally attractive woman with your self esteem intact? As well I started going to the gym again so hooray for extra energy, the good feels and confidence that comes from it. I went from barely being able to run 1k in January to running 4k as of yesterday.

Zolnier
Zolnier
5 years ago

@autosoma

Thanks, things are looking up though, after ten years living remote it’s pretty nice to be closer to where the action is.

@PowerPussyTantrum.

I have to admit I kind of was that guy at one point. Though I just endlessly badgered someone in the midst of a depressive state. Not excusable of course and something I regret.

Also incel sounds like it should be the name of a computer company.

Once I’ve written some more stuff does anyone mind if I drop another link?

Zolnier
Zolnier
5 years ago

Oh and autosma, is there no possible legal recourse your wife can take?

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