Categories
alpha males antifeminism crackpottery creepy drama kings empathy deficit entitled babies men who should not ever be with women ever misogyny pig ignorance playing the victim post contains jokes post contains sarcasm PUA rape culture reactionary bullshit red pill rhymes with roosh

DEFCOCK 1: Pickup guru Roosh V warns men of ROVING WITCH MOBS and VAGINA-SHAPED MUSHROOM CLOUDS

I couldn't find a nuclear cloud in the shape of a vagina, but here's a regular cloud that looks like a kitty.
I couldn’t find a mushroom cloud shaped like a vagina, so here’s a regular cloud that looks like a kitty.

ATTENTION, MEN OF THE WORLD! More specifically, straight men. Even more specifically, straight men who are gigantic woman-hating douchebags.

Your boy Roosh Valizadeh, pickup guru and rape legalization advocate, would like to warn you about the impending end of the world, at least in terms of you being able to get into women’s pants.

Inspired by the DEFCON system used by the US Military to rate the level of military threat — DEFCON 5 means “chill out, we’ve got this” and DEFCON 1 means “holy crap we’re all gonna die” — Roosh has come up with what he calls the DEFCOCK system — get it? get it? — in order to give dudes “objective and standardized information” on how dude-friendly different countries are.

In countries currently at DEFCOCK 5 — that is, which have what he thinks as the healthiest environment for men — (straight, cis) men benefit from

Completely normal male-female relations in a patriarchal society that believes in a binary gender system of man and woman. Homosexuality is persecuted. Casual sex is difficult (if not impossible). 

Countries at DEFCOCK 5 include Iran, Saudi Arabia and Pakistan. Strangely. Roosh has not himself decided to move to any of these countries.

He then works his way down the list. There’s DEFCOCK 4, which he claims characterizes countries like Russia, Turkey, and Colombia, and in which

Divorce rates may be high, but there is a low threat of divorce rape. A mixture of provider and clown game is needed.

There’s DEFCOCK 3 (Poland, Estonia, Brazil), in which

Women have gained masculine traits and delay monogamy to launch a meaningless office career while experimenting with over 25 local and foreign penises to understand how their vaginas respond to various bad boy stimuli. … 

Huh. I didn’t look up numbers for Estonia and Brazil, but in Poland, according to one recent survey, the average number of lifetime sexual partners is 4.5. Not 45, not 25, 4.5.

And DEFCOCK 2 (England, Scandinavia, the good old US of A), in which

Non-heterosexual lifestyles are promoted as superior and major efforts are undertaken to destroy traditional marriage. Campaigns are launched to shame and criminalize consensual sex and masculine behavior such as flirting and bodybuilding. Divorce rape is common, with likelihood of imprisonment for missing alimony payments. Provider game is useless on beautiful women. Clown game is required for all men wanting to get laid.

Yeah, I’m pretty sure that roughly 0.00000% of that is actually true.

There’s only one level scarier than DEFCOCK 2 and that’s, you guessed it, DEFCOCK 1.

Severe threat of imprisonment for men displaying heterosexual or masculine behaviors. Roaming witch mobs actively surveil and monitor men who hint at having normal levels of testosterone.

ROAMING WITCH MOBS!

Women are elevated to goddess status while straight men appointed as their sexual servants through both legal action and media shaming.

GOVERNMENT MANDATED SEXUAL SERVITUDE!

Unsafe to live, fornicate, marry, or procreate; males must immediately vacate area for their own personal safety, both physical and mental

While Roosh notes that we haven’t yet reached DEFCOCK 1 anywhere on planet earth, he suspects that Toronto may be the first to go, and as soon as 2023.

Yep, that’s right: in less than a decade, Toronto males will literally be running from ROAMING WITCH MOBS intent on testing their T levels.

Bomb shelters can’t save you, fellas, so stay away from any place rated DEFCOCK 2, as it could easily slide into DEFCOCK 1 territory. Roosh’s advice:

find a city that is either in DEFCOCK 4 or just recently slipped to DEFCOCK 3, because once a decline accelerates, it may happen too quickly for you to leave before you wake up and see a nuclear cloud in the shape of a vagina right outside your window.

A NUCLEAR CLOUD IN THE SHAPE OF A VAGINA.

Now I am become Death, the destroyer of boners.

Subscribe
Notify of
guest

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

122 Comments
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
Chinatown Genevieve (@merrymagdalen)

I missed something. What the hell is “divorce rape”? WHY AM I NOT UP ON ALL THE TYPES OF RAPES?

Professor Rhyyt
Professor Rhyyt
5 years ago

Sweden reaches DEFCOCK 1 every good thursday with roaming witch mobs. And we start them off young with candy.

alaisvex
alaisvex
5 years ago

Anti-bodybuilding? I wonder what My Feminist Friend Katie (MFFK) would say about my bodybuilding friends or my own weight-lifting habits. Am I allowed to have those friends and that hobby, oh Feminist Friend Katie?

Lady Mondegreen
Lady Mondegreen
5 years ago

I have read the comments on this ‘article’ and one of them is quite telling of their collective ignorance – jared thompson “This article worried me, in that the DEFCOCK3/4 places are mostly not politically stable and have low wages, so not a place to live for most men.”

I’m a terrible person. I’m imagining jared’s furrowed brow and the confused look on his face as he arrives at this brilliant insight.

Yeah, I think that if Roosh actually went to a DEFCOCK 5 country he’d probably lose his head (the one on his shoulders, that is. Not the one he thinks with).

I dunno. He might like it. Right now he’s a conman paying the bills by selling recycled misogyny to a bunch of disaffected losers who’ve bought his line. He isn’t successful in any meaningful sense of the word–and you know he wants to be, because success is part of his idea of “manhood.”

He’s an authoritarian personality. He could adapt to submitting to the rules of the imams or whoever. He’d still have a whole class of people–women–beneath him.

In a “DEFCOCK 5” country he’d get a certain amount of authority right off the bat, unearned, simply by virtue of being male. And he’d probably have a fairly easy time getting a wife, and he’d have almost total control over her.

Ashishi
Ashishi
5 years ago

He’s so unbelievably oblivious! How can he not see that his defcock 5 is defpussy 1 and vice versa. I mean, I know he hates women but I’m always surprised by it.

Banana Jackie Cake, the Best Jackie and Cake! Yum! (^v^)
Banana Jackie Cake, the Best Jackie and Cake! Yum! (^v^)
5 years ago

I’ll join the witch mob as long as we get to do all those cool drugs and shit with our vaginas like old school witches do.

Also, will I need Canadian citizenship?

Bina
Bina
5 years ago

Heh…Don’t Bang Toronto:

1. Women there like to eat! At all hours! Sometimes even before they go drinking, meaning (a) well-lined stomachs, and (b) no beer goggles thick enough to make Roosh and his shitty hair look halfway good!

2. Women there are good friends and rescue each other from Roosh! And the “fat” ones are the best protective friends of all!

3. Women there are cool. Too cool for Roosh. And they know it, too.

4. Did I mention they like to eat? Yeah. And it’s good insulation against the likes of Roosh.

5. Women there don’t make eye contact with Roosh. Which is a good defence against that creepy basilisk glare of his. (I’m told a red string around the wrist also helps to ward off the Evil Eye.)

6. See #2. How dare those evil fat chicks play Mother Hen to their vulnerable friends?

7. Ethnic diversity makes Rooshie’s racist boner sad. And TO haz it.

8. Average looking women are polite and take pity on Roosh, and he doesn’t like that. Meanwhile, the cute ones put him in his place. He doesn’t like THAT, either.

9. Oh noes, there are other PUAs in TO! And as a result, the ladies there are vaccinated against the likes of Roosh! (Bitter, party of one?)

10. Last call is at a perfectly reasonable hour. Meaning, Roosh can’t make any inroads. (See #1, esp. beer goggles.) Oh yeah, and late night food! Curses, foiled AGAIN!

11. Toronto women aren’t stupid. They’ve seen and heard it all, and they can smell your shit from a mile off. (Poor Roosh. Maybe if he learned to wipe his ass…)

12. Oh noes, you have to spend money there. Well, duh — what exactly did YOU think makes the local economy go ’round? Rents are fucking high there, asshole.

13. Oh noes, it has suburbs. Someone please inform Roosh that ALL cities have suburbs. And that people like to come in from there on the weekends to catch whatever’s going on.

14. Good-looking guys are thick on the ground. Which really wrecks it for sub-par types like Roosh. And those that are not so hot looking have actually worked to build a real personality, which is strangely well appreciated there, where rude-but-flashy types are dime a dozen. “Game” doesn’t count as such, and the bullshit detectors are well honed; see #9.

15. Wow, Roosh really is bitter. I lived in TO for two years, and I didn’t see any of those beaten-down dudes he claims are all you find there (no doubt thanks to all us harpies). On the contrary, I met a lot of cute and seriously fun ones. That’s what he’s really sniping at, no doubt.

Damn, that was funny as hell.

Paradoxical Intention
5 years ago

suffrajitsu | April 3, 2015 at 3:41 pm
@Paradoxical Intention: I thought PUAs were all about the subservient East Asian/Southeast Asian waifus that exist in their imaginations. That’s the impression I got from all their whining about “Western women.” You’re telling me their creepy Asian sex doll fetishes AREN’T proof they’re not racist, too?!? :O

Oh no, they’re still racist for all their “Yellow Fever” and fetishizing bullshit. Roosh was just also complaining that there are Asian and Indian people in Toronto as well. (Though he says the Asian girls aren’t “that bad since they adopted a white manner of appearance […]”.

7. Too many Asian and Indian girls

I think legal immigration is a great thing because it allows people from third world countries to lift their station and have a go at a first world lifestyle, but if you like white girls, a place like Toronto just won’t do. At any bar at least 30% of the female clientele will be filled with minority races that don’t appeal to discriminating men like myself. While the Asian girls weren’t that bad since they adopted a white manner of appearance, the Indian girls were absolutely not attractive.

Bam.

For someone whose not white, but rather white-passing, he sure is pissy when he feels he has to creep on non-white girls. :/

Bina | April 3, 2015 at 8:48 pm
9. Oh noes, there are other PUAs in TO! And as a result, the ladies there are vaccinated against the likes of Roosh! (Bitter, party of one?)

What I found hilarious (read: Gross as fuck) about that bullet point on his listicle was the fact that he didn’t blame the PUAs for ruining it for him, he blamed the women.

On Thursday night I went to Madison Avenue Pub where I got to see at least 50 of them approach every woman in the bar. As much as I want to hate on them for increasing the girls’ bitch shields, I now understand why they do it: they have to. The best game in Toronto is not being an interesting man but just approaching a million girls with your freezeouts and spin moves and negs until you find the horny girl who wants to fuck.

“Damn it, TO women! Stop being so astute and let my shitty manipulation tactics work on you! Stop making me work for it! Having a personality is too much hard work!”

Paradoxical Intention
5 years ago

For someone whose* not white, but rather white-passing, he sure is pissy when he feels he has to creep on non-white girls. :/

*who’s

Goddamnit.

Bina
Bina
5 years ago

What I found hilarious (read: Gross as fuck) about that bullet point on his listicle was the fact that he didn’t blame the PUAs for ruining it for him, he blamed the women.

Yippers.

And what really makes it hilarious above all is how he missed the REAL elephant in the room: not the women, not the other PUAs, but men with actual personalities. TO is full of those, which is why the women can afford to shoot down all these negging beggars.

Doctors, lawyers, politicians from all three levels of gummint, artists, writers, musicians…you can find all of those there with ease. And what has Roosh got to recommend him? Some shitty self-published books on “banging”, which he probably hasn’t done for realz anywhere. And greasy hair, and his own unwiped ass. No wonder he’s bitter.

suffrajitsu
suffrajitsu
5 years ago

@ParadoxicalIntention: oh, I know that PUAs and MRAs, and *especially* PUAs and MRAs when they’re fetishizing Asian women, are racist, believe me 😛 I get that #notallmen who are attracted to Asian women are necessarily basing their fetishes on creepy colonialist/orientalist stereotypes–lots of people have certain physical preferences–but holy shit, does the Internet make it hard to believe sometimes.

There used to be a Tumblr called Creepy White Guys documenting racist ways people would hit on Asian women online, but I can’t seem to find it anymore.

I’ve considered giving online dating a try, but the fact that Asian women get the most messages on dating sites, combined with the fact that women already get tons of unsolicited dick pics and harassment, has made me reconsider.

Paradoxical Intention
5 years ago

suffrajitsu | April 4, 2015 at 12:48 am
I’ve considered giving online dating a try, but the fact that Asian women get the most messages on dating sites, combined with the fact that women already get tons of unsolicited dick pics and harassment, has made me reconsider.

I don’t blame you. Not one bit.

The other night, my uncle was watching some car show on television, and two ads came on one right after the other for dating sites (that I swear were owned by the same company. They were strikingly similar.) that were based around race. One for Russian girls (called like AnastasiaDate.com or something), one for Asian girls. It was so gross. And you can tell these sites catered to straight white dudes. There were stereotypes fucking galore. Pale Asian woman on a background of bamboo, tall blond Russian girl on silk sheets. *shudders*

I don’t mind dating sites for farmers, or for other professionals, or for religious groups, or in general, but not for the fetishization of a race of people for the benefit of straight white cis dudes thereof. That’s fucking gross.

Quartzok-43
Quartzok-43
5 years ago

“GOVERNMENT MANDATED SEXUAL SERVITUDE!”

What he and plenty of misogynistic, ex male feminist, neck-bearded virgin douchebags want for hot women under 24 (24 and more is considered way too old).

bluecat
bluecat
5 years ago

He knows rather less about the Arabian Peninsula than he thinks. Based on 6 years living there, I’d say there is a lot of casual sex (mainly between men, admittedly, a certain amount with quadrupeds, and a good deal of more or less covert prostitution) and quite a lot of rape, especially of servants.

Falconer
5 years ago

@Quartzok-43: Can the virgin shaming, please.

Paradoxical Intention
5 years ago

@Quartozok-43 Seconding Falconer. Can the virgin shaming.

And who said these douchebags were ex-male feminists? There’s a far greater chance that they weren’t even feminists in the first place.

Spindrift
Spindrift
5 years ago

Are “ex-male feminists” men who used to be feminists or feminists who used to be men?

weirwoodtreehugger
5 years ago

Or ferrets in a David suit who used to be men?

Falconer
5 years ago

@WWTH: There’s just no way to know.

Dvärghundspossen
5 years ago

*lol* I’m a Swede, and although I guess Sweden is a fairly feminist country compared to many others, women don’t really get alimony here. I believe that it’s technically legally possible, but it pretty much never happens. You get a divorce, you’re on your own when it comes to supporting yourself. Plus, shared custody is the norm.

thomathy
thomathy
5 years ago

Toronto? And it won’t happen sooner than 2023? Is there any chance that the Roosh V types will be proactive and leave before that?

I can imagine a Toronto free of them. In my dreams, my home is perfect.

thomathy
thomathy
5 years ago

Also, why does he hate gay men so much? Not that bigotry is surprising from him, but still …oh well, I won’t waste my time thinking about the apparent inconsistency in that one bit of bigotry.