So A Voice for Men’s Top Chef August Løvenskiolds — McLøven to you and me — is back with more recipes for hungry Men Going Their Own Way. Having previously shared his recipes for such adventurous dishes as overcooked chicken breasts and Velveeta-smothered cauliflowers, McLøven today takes on a mainstay of fine cuisine: Jello.
Yes, that’s right. He’s teaching his readers how to make Jello. Oh, but not just plain Jello: it’s got a little bit of fruit juice in it, and an assortment of artificial sweeteners. Oh, and one of his recipes also has cream cheese and almonds in it, like those sophisticated Jello mold desserts you may remember from the 1970s. Apparently “Going Your Own Way” means “Going The Way Your Grandma Went When She Prepared Desserts for Church Functions.”
I eagerly await McLøven’s recipes for toast and a glass of water.
But more interesting than McLøven’s recipes is the reason he decided to focus on Jello: Because it gave him an excuse to make rape jokes.
After harking back to “the sugary, gelatin-based, mom-made desserts” that middle-aged Men Going Their Own Way may recall from their youth, he moves right on to the rapey, er, “humor.” He starts by fondly remembering the
rapey “jello shots” (flavored gelatin prepared with vodka instead of some of the water) [that] became all the rage in the club scene that is normalized by rape culture. Add the smiling evil genius Bill Cosby as the advertizing face of Jello(tm) brand gelatin and you get the clear view of the extent to which gelatin desserts are proof that the patriarchy hates and oppresses all women through all time.
See, it’s funny because rape!
Naturally, McLøven’s readers contributed some rape jokes of their own.
It’s a good thing that A Voice for Men is the leading website for the Men’s Human Rights Movement, because without knowing of AVFM’s deep commitment to human rights advocacy you might just assume that this was a bunch of assholes reveling in the suffering of women, or something.
Oh, and while I’m talking about AVFM: The flagship Men’s Human Rights advocacy site is in the final days of a two-week (!!) fund drive. With the end of the fundraiser a little less than 2 1/2 days away, here’s what they’ve raised so far:
Continuing to report on AVfM’s funding will probably motivate all the dudebros there to donate if only to stick it to you.
Although, it might be worth it to have Elam have a stroke from the anger at being indebted to you.
Rapril? Oh such wit! Such rapacious humour! I shall have it be known that my crocodile tears are much more akin sulphuric acid than watery vinegar, however.As a succubus I remain, faithfully yours.
I’m glad you said that these were supposed to be jokes because I don’t think I would have known that these comments were humorous.
So, basically, he chose Jello because he associates it with oppressing women because of two things: 1) some men are rapists and drug their dates; 2) Bill Cosby did ads for Jello, but I think he was more into pudding.
I really just associate Jello with being in the hospital and unable to eat real food.
*facepalm*
No, spiking drinks and taking advantage of intoxicated women are what’re normalised by rape culture, not clubs themselves. Clubs are just… Clubs. Jesus, it’s like if I tried to explain calculus – I might get some of the words correct, but they’d be in the wrong order and I still wouldn’t know what the flying fuck I was talking about.
When I think of MRA humor, a combination of chemically digested cow hooves and artificial sweeteners comes naturally to mind.
That joke aside, even Jell-O brand gelatin dessert doesn’t deserve this.
More gruesome than the article is the idea of putting shrimp, tomatoes and peas in what looks like lime jello. euuu…
I’m a little disappointed that he followed up the chicken with what appear to be some edible recipes.
@tanya, I agree, that looks very barfalicious >:P
http://blogs.publishersweekly.com/blogs/PWxyz/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/microwave-cooking-for-one.jpg
I found the recipe for the cauliflower “stoup” to be…interesting. I wouldn’t really call it soup or stew, more like pretend mac and cheese.
I really liked the way that he started off the post like this:
and then proceeded to post a recipe that consists of half a head of cauliflower, a small amount of cream and almost half a block of Velveeta, for a single serving!
He’s 1 for 3 there. It’s definitely inexpensive. I’ll eat Velveeta from time to time, but it’s not fine cuisine and I have no illusions about its nutritional content. I mean, they can’t even call it cheese. It’s “pasteurized cheese product.” Not exactly health food.
Also, David, did you notice that he took a dig at you in the Jello recipe?
Apparently a single blog post now counts as a massive freakout.
@zyvlyn
Maybe they should try writing fake death threats to themselves? The claim from their corner is that it works great for raising funds after all.
Agreed, katz, I have no idea what to overcook for dinner now!
David has great freak outs in my opinion. Very commentable, well researched, humorous, full of great pictures, etc.
Maybe it’s celery Jello?
http://clickamericana.com/topics/food-drink/jell-o-salad-gelatin-celery-mixed-vegetable-flavors-1964
I mean, not that that would be any more appetizing. But I’d rather think about celery Jello than the notion that feminists just whine about rape because we’re a bunch of whiners. Disgusting.
suffrajitsu, I really don’t see how she’s going to eat all that.
Maybe the full title is “Microwave Cooking for One Giant Family Who All Like Different Foods”
Is that jello mold filled with tiger shrimp and cherry tomatoes, or are my eyes deceiving me?
Maybe it’s a book by The Queen and she’s having a banquet.
And GREEN OLIVES? Or maybe CAPERS? AIYEE!
Maybe it’s supposed to the third person definite article for snooty people? When one comes to dinner, one expects to be served nothing by the finest in microwave cuisine!
Oh dear god, shrimp in jello…
That’s almost more horrifying than the last aspic I had to try.
Yargh.
To everyone who asked: http://www.amazon.com/Microwave-Cooking-One-Marie-Smith/dp/1565546660 Apparently she was actually married with children in college, but learned “microwave cooking for one” because her husband often left her alone when he went on business trips, which might even be more depressing than the title. (Not quite as depressing as MGTOWs, but close.)
The book includes such recipes as microwave roast, microwave steak, and microwave cereal. Cracked has a hilarious article on it: http://www.cracked.com/blog/9-recipes-from-saddest-cookbook-ever-tested/
Huh. At first glance, I thought the green jello had fruit at the top, and was just weirded out by the shrimp at the bottom. They looked like strawberries and mangoes!
Seconding Scarlettathena; I didn’t get that there was supposed to be a joke either. Apparently the cauliflower and velveeta recipe also had random rape references.
I just finished reading that recipe on AVfM it was hard not to laugh lol. So much unintentional humor in it. What I don’t understand though is why is Elam trying to have this small MGTOW cooking niche now? Didn’t he turn a lot of them away with his Roosh interview? Roosh took shots at MGTOW. Paul apparently is more desperate than ever for an audience. At this rate it’s only a matter of time before Elam brings in Mystery or Nick Savoy.
“Whatever you do, make it so spicy that any delicate, easily triggered feminists in the vicinity flee in terror from both the intense, rapey flavor and the reality that you don’t need them for anything any longer. ”
I’m reminded of the MGTOW comic where the sexbot replaces the strawfeminist, where it was said all she was good for was sex. So, does this mean this guy’s admitting to having sex with the cauliflower?
I’m sure you’ve all seen these, but while we are on rapie jello, how bout red cabbage flavored deep red jello?
http://www.candyboots.com/wwcards/rosyperfection.html
Although unrelated to this, I just noticed an incredibly disgusting article on ROK citing that had Lubitz learned “game” this would have never happened. ROK, Roosh V, and Matt Forne, and douchebag Mike Cernovich’s site are quite possibly the WORST sites on the net right now. VERY dangerous for young men.
Rape jokes aren’t ever funny, but most of the time I can spot where the punchline is supposed to be. This is not the case here, where the whole ‘joke’ appears to be the fact that they mentioned rape. It’s like watching little kids yell “BUTT!” and then giggle to themselves for saying a naughty word, except that it’s completely terrible.
Damn you MRAs!!! Why’d you have to ruin Jello for me?
@kirbywarp
Wow. I didn’t read to the end of the recipe and now I’m kind of glad I didn’t.
You know, it’s odd how much these guys talk about rape, thinking it’s going to get a rise out of us.
It’s like a parent telling a small child to stop using a naughty word, and the kid just keeps saying it to annoy them. What a bratty tactic.
Wow, only $7,800! How’s Paul Elam going to afford his dry chicken breast and jello banquets?
@frances: ditto. Snork Junior only just discovered that he loves strawberry jello, I will not let McLoven put me off making it for him.
So there’s good news, then: all the MGTOWs and MRAs and PUAs are going to die of malnutrition on their own island. Good riddance, boys.
That’s supposed to be limited to little kids?
…oh….
@2-D Man
Naw, naw, you can do it as an adult too. XD Don’t worry, no matter what age you’re at it will still be funnier than anything an MRA says (well, intentionally funnier. They can be pretty hilarious when they think they’re being serious.)
So essentially, MGTOW cuisine consists of normal recipes with the word “rapey” sprinkled throughout.
“Say, do I detect a hint of slut-shaming in this casserole?”
“Yes! Also two hours of angry muttering about custody payments, even though I don’t have kids.”
“Mm! Bitter!”
Uh, dude? This feminist isn’t delicate or easily triggered, and likes food so spicy that it will burn out your whine-hole forever. And I don’t care if you “need” me or not. Far’s I’m concerned, you all can join Roosh & Co. on the Island of Misfit Boys. Go. Shoo. You won’t be missed.
And honestly, with the quality of the “recipes” AVFM has posted so far, I think they should change their name to A Voice For Men Who Can’t Cook For Shit.
Ooh, the weird, wobbly world of jello salad molds! Has anyone linked to Lilek’s yet?
And, aren’t jokes supposed to be funny and have a punchline? Not just repeating a word or phrase that you think makes a group of people mad or upset?
@sparky
Well, it’s very much in line with standard right-wing “Humour” (“F****t f****t f****t!” and “N****r n****r n****r!” aka the two most common right-wing “Jokes”).
Grenades and pincushions look more appetizing than all of this.
Whatever you do, make it so spicy that any delicate, easily triggered feminists in the vicinity flee in terror from both the intense, rapey flavor and the reality that you don’t need them for anything any longer.
What I find amusing is that he thinks being able to cook for him self is some sort of act of liberation from women instead of being a basic skill that every self sufficient adult should know.
@frances
I know, why do the misogynists have to go and ruin everything?
Lileks himself turned out to be an angry misogynist. It’s a shame, because his website is funny.
Lileks comes off sounding very bitter even though he was extraordinarily lucky (and privileged) in how his career turned out. :shrug:
Oh … gah … those ARE vegetables (looks like cherry tomatoes and peas to me) up top, not strawberries and blueberries. I’ve been punked!
I hope the flavor is celery and not lime–ugh ugh ugh ugh.
correcty fairy:
Gah! I did not know that.
Dammit, why do people have to turn out to be asshole misogynists?
Any chance we could just point them here?
Maybe the one they’re talking about feeding is Paul Bunyan.
In the Velveeta and cauliflower “recipe,” the author recommends using cream rather than half and half or milk because because the latter two contain sugar. I find this a little confusing, because the next ingredient is Velveeta, WHICH CONTAINS MILK, YOU NINCOMPOOP! Leave it to the AVFM to endorse Atkins as the manliest man diet of all mantime, and then post recipes with sugar.
And now, please enjoy some gross recipes from the 70s: http://www.candyboots.com/wwcards.html
Toujoursgai, I really wish my mom had discovered veg flavored Jello (wierd as *that* sounds) when I was a kid.
Forty years later, I still can’t eat lime Jello because she traumatized me with her Jello salad concoction in which she used beef bouillon. BEEF BOUILLON people! In lime Jello!!
Okay, seriously, the tiger-shrimp-with-lime-Jell-o doesn’t actually sound bad. Think of shrimp, then add a dash of lime*. That actually sounds good. Now throw a whole shit-ton of sugar onto it and the human brain will react like it’s the best thing ever. Seriously, as unappetizing as it seems, this picture is something that would actually be fairly tasty. The biggest problem is that the amount of sugar in the Jell-o is obacene.
*I know, it’s more than a dash, but bear with me here.