NOTE: All these suggestions also apply to MGTOWs and incels, especially incels. And pretty much everyone else I write about on this blog.
Our old friend Roosh Valizadeh has chosen today — which, in case you’ve forgotten, is APRIL FIRST, wink wink nudge nudge — to announce that he’s buying an island off the coast of Belize, upon which he will build a new island nation called Rooshland.
In addition to “free and fast internet connections” and no income tax, Roosh promises the men who purchase land on his island that they will be able to enjoy
a rotating population of sluts provided by the government … but violent rape is not allowed so you will have to provide these sluts with the tingles they require for leg opening.
And “if your game level is too low,” Roosh adds, you can always get them drunk.
This is all very hilarious — by which I mean creepy as fuck — coming from a man who once confessed — no April Fool’s joke this time — that while in Iceland he had, er, “sex” with a woman so drunk that “[i]n America, having sex with her would have been rape, since she legally couldn’t give her consent.”
While the “free government sluts” proposal is, to say the least, problematic, I don’t think it would be a bad idea for Roosh to go live on an island far away from the rest of us, and take some of his fans with him. I just think he’s picked the wrong island.
Here are some better suggestions.
1) Bouvet Island
Bouvet Island, a lovely hunk of ice and rock in the South Atlantic Ocean, is perfect for anyone seeking to be “free from the feminist West,” as it is literally the most remote island in the world, some 1100 miles off the coast of Antarctica and 1600 miles southwest of South Africa. Granted, it’s a tad chilly, with a mean temperature just below freezing, and 93% of its land is covered with a glacier, but, hey, you’ll never run out of ice for your drinks!
2) Clipperton Island
Clipperton island is a miniscule uninhabited atoll in the Pacific Ocean with a rich history. Wait, did I say uninhabited? That’s not quite accurate. It has crabs. And rats.
Damn Interesting sums up some of the reasons why this would be a perfect island for the likes of Roosh:
The tiny, ring-shaped atoll lying 1,000 kilometres off the southwest coast of Mexico is covered in hard, pointy coral and a prodigious number of nasty little crabs. The wet season from May to October brings incessant and torrential rain, and for the rest of the year the island reeks of ammonia. The Pacific Ocean batters the island from all sides, picking away at the scab of land that rises abruptly from the seabed. A few coconut palms are virtually the only thing that the island boasts in the way of vegetation. Oh, and the sea all around is full of sharks.
And while there’s not a lot of land to speak of, even by atoll standards, the island does form a ring around a lovely freshwater lagoon. Well, ok, I’m using the words “lovely” and “freshwater” rather loosely.
3) Snake Island
Ilha da Queimada Grande, 93 miles from São Paulo Brazil, is decidedly not uninhabited. But what it is inhabited by is snakes. Like, a lot of snakes. A lot of very mean snakes. As Atlas Obscura notes:
Researchers estimate that on the island live between one and five snakes per square meter. … [This] might not be so terrible if the snakes were, say, 2 inches long and nonvenomous. The snakes on Queimada Grande, however, are a unique species of pit viper, the golden lancehead. The lancehead genus of snakes is responsible for 90% of Brazilian snakebite-related fatalities. The golden lanceheads that occupy Snake Island grow to well over half a meter long, and they possess a powerful fast-acting poison that melts the flesh around their bites. Golden lanceheads are so dangerous that, with the exception of some scientific outfits, the Brazilian Navy has expressly forbidden anyone from landing on the island.
Frankly, the Brazilian Navy sounds like a bunch of wimps. Stock up on Snake Bite Kits and you’ll be fine. [NOTE: By “you’ll be fine” I of course mean “holy crap there’s no way you’ll be fine.”]
4) Ball’s Pyramid
Undoubtedly the coolest-looking island on this list, and possibly the coolest-looking island in the world, Ball’s Pyramid, located several hundred miles off the coast of Eastern Australia, has only one real drawback: You’ll be falling into the ocean, like, constantly.
But this “drawback” could actually generate some revenue for Roosh and his subjects in Rooshland, in that I would probably pay a few dollars to watch a live feed of them constantly falling into the Ocean.
So, Roosh, please consider starting your country on one of these islands. Like, tomorrow.
And if there are any MGTOWs reading this post, consider this a challenge: Move onto one of these islands before Roosh does! There is literally no better way to show you’re serious about Going Your Own Way.
How about the Antipodes?
“The Antipodes are a group of volcanic islands south of New Zealand. The cold climate and harsh winds make the islands too harsh a place to live. It is known for numerous shipwrecks and deaths, some from trying to survive on the islands, despite supplies being left there in castaway huts, as seen in the photograph. Two people died by shipwreck there as recently as 1999.” – from the Mental Floss website.
Are there any islands out there that are purported to be haunted? Apart from Island of the Dolls.
I would totes watch a reality show that was full of libertarians and Rooshvians AND grumpy ghosts.
However, my picks from David’s list would be Bouvet Island and Snake Island. XD
sunnysombrera-The Antipodes sounds awesome! I think Roosh will love it there. >:-)
Ball’s Pyramid just has to have Skullcrusher Mountain on it
Anthrax Island
@weirwoodtreehugger
Yes, Little Diomede is inhabited and used to support a Marine Base during the cold war. My father was seconded from the Air Force there during the Korean War, his Polish was close enough to Russian that he could shout interesting things at the Russian Troops in Big Diomede.
@sunny
<a href="http://gothamist.com/2014/10/16/photos_north_brother_island.php#photo-1"North Brother Island. Actually, that’s a really good choice, despite being in NYC – ghosts or no ghosts, it’s a dangerous quarantine zone, about as safe as sticking your face in a blender and illegal to visit without a permit (and you can’t get a permit unless you’re a photographer or own a ghost-hunting reality show).
Argh, fucked up my HTML. Take two.
North Brother Island. Actually, that’s a really good choice, despite being in NYC – ghosts or no ghosts, it’s a dangerous quarantine zone, about as safe as sticking your face in a blender and illegal to visit without a permit (and you can’t get a permit unless you’re a photographer or own a ghost-hunting reality show).
Oh! I don’t think anybody’s mentioned Battleship Island yet! All of the above applies to this one as well, aside from the NYC bit.
Yeah, those aren’t going to go over too well in Men-Galting-Their-Own-Way-Ville.
One does wonder what the economy of the island would consist of, with all of those indispensible members of society living there. E-books? Tourism?
@sunnysombrera
There’s Poveglia Island in Venice, which has a grisly history as a quarantine station for plague victims in the 19th century. Later, it had a mental hospital run by a sadistic doctor. It’s said to be haunted by the ghosts of patients, who eventually drove the doctor to throw himself off the bell tower.
Not technically an island, but how about the Chernobyl Exclusion Zone? It’s full of radioactive wolves and alpha particles. PUA paradise!
A lot of those islands are bird breeding sites. So how about they just move to the mid-pacific garbage patch?
@kirbywarp
Thanks, I didn’t notice this gem. Anyway, these imported goods have to be paid for somehow, which brings us back to sleazy pickup manuals.
“the Chernobyl Exclusion Zone?”
A friend fancies a trip there. In trying to get me to tag along she’s pointed that, as I now live in Cornwall, I’d actually be experiencing *lower* radiation levels.
[In the UN list of radiological hazards “living in Cornwall” is a separate category!]
I think skybison wins the thread with their suggestion 🙂
I vote for Bouvet Island. Don’t forget that it is suspected that it is subject to secret Nuclear Launch tests.
Has anyone been on Fundies Say the Darnedest Things (fstdt.com) today and seen the Roosh Defcock system?
I am speechless.
“1) Bouvet Island”
…and if that won’t make a man of you, nothing will.
“4) Ball’s Pyramid”
Used to be part of Mordor. ‘Ware the Orcs.
@Scarlettathena:
Who knew that the US has people campaigning to make flirting, bodybuilding, and consensual sex illegal… I must really not get out much.
What an oddly constructed and strangely specific sentence. Is there a “buy 24, get 1 free” deal down at the local Penis Shop?
It’s funny because according to Roosh, “foreign” means “not the right skin color for the country you reside in.”
Gotta love the closing statement.
“We have gathered the top scientific minds to find new and innovative ways to protect our country. Our enemies want us dead; and these men and women are the ones who will save our hide and bring the goddamn fight to them! It’s been one year of funding and development; let’s see what you’ve got!”
“I’ve created a nuclear bomb that blows up into the shape of a vagina.”
“… what?”
“A nuclear bomb, sir, that blows up in the shape of a vagina! See, it’s got little side rockets for the Fallopian tubes and everything!”
“… SEARGENT!”
“Sir yes sir!”
“Give this man a goddamn medal.”
“Yes sir!”
“Sometimes I can’t take how goddamn proud I am to serve this country. We’re in DEFCOCK 1 now, people, give yourselves a goddamn round of applause!”
Of course there is R’lyeh, but the PUAs might bring down the property values…
“Ph’nglui mglw’nafh Roosh R’lyeh wgah’nagl fhtagn.”
@kirbywarp “Who knew that the US has people campaigning to make flirting, bodybuilding, and consensual sex illegal… I must really not get out much.”
They want to ban flirting? Seriously? Are they following orders from the mikado?
@Kirbywarp – that first one you quoted struck me too on various levels. Women’s office jobs are “meaningless”?! In what sense? Are men’s office jobs meaningless too? My job brings me money, contact with colleagues and students, a sense of accomplishment.
I also learned the term “divorce rape”. Which I guess in really alimony and child support. Also “provider game” and “clown game”. I shudder to think what that latter one is.
@Kirbywarp 2 – also good dialogue! I like the part about the fallopian tubes.
There are also sea mounts, which are almost-islands. Just build a substructure up to sea level, and plop Pen Island on top. No soil, vegetation or fresh water, just a bunch of Randian Ubermenschen making civilization out of thin (hot) air.
Do they realize how much we would miss them if they went away?
I don’t know whether I should post a picture of Pennywise, The Joker or John Wayne Gacy. All of them would fit.
Actually, the thing that really skeeves me off is “tribal game,” which according to Roosh is one of two necessary games in a DEFCOCK 5 (super patriarchal) society. The other two seem pretty basic; “provider game” means flashing your (supposed) wealth around, “clown game” means pretending to have a likable personality. But what the flying fuck is “tribal game?”
“Tribal game” sounds suspiciously like arranged marriages and honor killings.
Honestly, I don’t know what’s stopping Roosh from moving to Iran and Saudia Arabia, since he reveres gender apartheid so much. I mean, other than the teensy problem of getting regular head-kickings from the religious police for minor “vice” infractions, like standing in the wrong queue at the shops. There’s zero chance of ever running game there.
He’s such a miserable, airless little fungus. He wants a society where woman are bound by sharia law, but not men, and he’s spent his entire life tantrumming about the fact that it doesn’t exist.
To paraphrase Joshua from War Games, Roosh’s game is a very strange one, and the only winning option is not to play.